Soooo. As a recent convert to soccer I’m quite grateful that the enormous “nothing sporty to watch” gulf between March Madness and exhibition NFL action has been considerably shortened. This here is one of the last days we can eyeball some girlies and guys and make witty or crude (why not both?) observations about them. So off we go, To The Games!
England/Sweden:
Lucy Bronze vs. Stina Blackstenius-this is what the game boils down to. Destiny would seem to favor the Angleterrian’s Bronze (I mean, it’s right there for the taking ) but I’m on the side of the brave Sverge youngster that had the courage to have two esses in her name but did not place them alongside each other. Win or lose, “Ole Blackie’ is headed back to her job as a tutor at Hogwarts because what else could she do? England adopted a new mascot after the game against the Americans and Miss(ed) Opportunities will be cheering loudly from the sidelines. “COME FOR THE CURVACEOUS BUTTOCKS! STAY FOR THE SWEATY NIPPLES! The game starts at 11am EST.
What’s next. Ahhhh….
Argentina/Chile:
I watched a brief ‘history of Chile’ vid on the youtube so I could make up a cheeky joke but guess what? Nothing stuck. Might have to get tested for dementia. (or is that re-tested? Not sure… ) Several typers have been throwing shade in Messi’s direction but I’ve not seen him enough to care/understand. As stated previously, if I ain’t know much about the teams involved I’ll go underdog so I’m hoping manager Rueda cooks up some award-winning Chile. (the secret ingredient is a touch of nutmeg, dark chocolate, instant coffee, a rind of parmesan, an infant’s baby toe, a splash of Guinness, a puppy’s eyeball, a jigger of rhino spit, a pinch of dryer lint, a half dram of knee sweat, etc., etc.,) I could go on but I won’t.
Also out there is tennis, golf, beesball and your very own adventures-should you wish to share.
Just have at it. It’s all yours.
[…] I often mention “inspiration” for a dish on this here Sunday Gravy thing and my inspiration for the side dish came from here. […]
That guy in the background will never be reported missing.
Didn’t know Scotchnaut had a sister.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN.
Decilitre is enjoying Nancy Boy- Placebo while playing with his trucks. Enigma wrapped in a riddle that boy.
Weed cookies are not too strong, thank Bleergh.
Is Stina Blackstenius why all these racists are upset on Twitter about the new Little Mermaid?
Is it The Little Mermaid…BLACKED!
/asking FOAR a Trestman
Megan Kelly KNOWS mermaids are white.
all of a sudden, Afrikan Euros tickets just got way cheaper
Was BurundiMaster finally busted for their predatory pricing practices?
TeamApartheid done fucked whiny baby Salah and pals’ shit up!
they actually put one of their honkies on! Scary looking fucker, too
Is the score 6 to 9? Because I’ve got one incredibly hilarious joke I’m gonna unload on everyone.
NOOOOICE!
/ducks
Don’t matter what bird you pick. Our internet friendship is over. I thought I knew yew.
[sheds a single tear]
I didn’t even get to the part where I prefer my ribeyes between medium and medium-well…
You know how you let a steak rest so that all the juices stay inside and when you cut it (no matter how long you let it rest) a shit-ton of juices spill out? I just did two ribeyes and sliced them up and let them rest in their juices and everything was reabsorbed. I learned it from this silly fella. Watch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02tRxM_1VsE
I just rub each bite back in the juices with me fork
A fork? Well, la di da. I had no idea you were the king of England. Where I come from we snort our ribeyes thru our nostrils and we like it that way because that’s the way it’s always been done.
You guys still wearin onions on yer belts?
It was the fashion at the time
Goddamnit, even the role of Big Jim Slade has been whitewashed now?
We are not really talking about steak are we?
Buddy got perma-suspended for the following tweet in reply to a joke about Matt Damon being a racist in Good Will hunting:
https://mobile.twitter.com/BuddyHalftime69/status/1140823886784806912
It was deemed a ‘credible threat’ upon appeal and my account is gone. Well it was a fun 4 weeks!
“This Tweet is unavailable” does sound like much of a credible threat to me…
“Look if you’re still here in five years and we’re still spray painting the n-word in Roxbury every weekend, I’ll fucking kill you.”
There’s your credible threat according to the doofs at Twitter
Never change.
you just keep bring the credible threats HERE, by gum!
I got banned for making a similar threat, although to anyone with more than a 3rd grade reading comprehension ability it was clearly a joke.
I just made a new account.
tWBS got perma-suspended from twitter too.
By himself.
I thought doughnuts were credible treats.
This Sousa / Evans match at Wimbledon is a blast. I haven’t seen such a protracted battle for supremacy between the English and the Portuguese since the 16th century when both their navies kept building bigger and bigger ships so they could transport more, uh, allspice*.
*according both countries’ maritime museums.
“Thanks for checking us out, Rikki.”
-Wikipedia
“This is all the spice you brought back from the West Indies? I should have you drawn and quartered!”
“No no, see uhh, I thought you said ‘bring back allspice,’ so I did. This is allspice. It’s new.”
Shoulda had “Old Bay”.
(also peppercorns were big in Portugal back then btw….I actually wrote a book about it…no shit)
I was big into peppercorns back in the day too
/She looks younger than I remember… oh well, it’s probbaly not problematic
/could overcome that problem
(lol, over come)
So, I’ve been binge-ing Kim’s Convenience on Netflix and I just told one of my best friends to give me “the deets” for his father’s funeral.
I blame Shannon.
She is the funniest woman on television right now and I will fight* anyone who says otherwise.
*at Nintendo
I am neither a gun nut, nor an advocate for completely banning guns. Or at least I wasn’t.
But this shit is fucking ridiculous. The first six months of 2019….only six months…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States_in_2019
“If you ban guns, the bad guys will still get them and commit crimes. After all, murder is illegal and people still do it. It’s a mental health problem! But no, we’re not going to fund mental health programs. And by the way we’re making abortion illegal, that way no one will do it!”
I totally agree with this. Have been saying it for years.
Can we put this “69 Nice” thing to bed? It’s more tired than Terry Fox on the day that he ended his run.
No.
-That’s what she said.
NOT!!
– The 90s
You need to give attempted rapist Brett Kavanaugh his proper credit for that “that’s what she said” quote.
#metoo joke didn’t work; apologies.
I know about her. When she sits around the house, she really sits around the house!
No
Nice!
Messi just got a red card!
Of course I switched games and missed this. That being said the African Euros game is real good.
We gots crazy fights at the Arg-CHI game…
In a display of solidarity with our Southern California constituent, I spent most of the morning standing in one of my doorways.
#doorwaysstrong
This morning reminds me of the one sunny summer Sunday when I woke up passed-out on the roof of an old building in Washington D.C.
That was you? My neighbors and I were wondering how you got up there.
The Secret Service has some questions for you.
Nah, that’s the beauty of that era. They didn’t.
How different would the world be now if Oswald had fallen asleep in the book depository in Dallas?
Hmmmmmmm…….
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/amazon-founder-bezos-divorce-final-005540961.html
DIBBBSIES!!
Everyone watching Messi or Salah? Who’s got action? NEED ROOTING INTEREST!
I had Arg Chi on but switched.
Have you ever had a day when you woke up and thought, wow yesterday sucked.
And then as today went on you realize, I didn’t think it was possible but wow today sucks moar??????
And for some reason, AMC is running “Footloose” right now.
That doesn’t help.
“Yes.”
– Residents of Ridgecrest, CA
Most Musical Arbitrary Memory Ever? It’s Timmy Thomas-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFU-FJzPE80
Found some of BC Dick’s strong THC butter. Thought that I didn’t have any left. Kid and wife are asleep, time to make cookies.
This house is going to reek when they wake up, maybe I should microwave some fish.
Ahem,
Nice
Nice.
Like the sex act.
Nice
Make sure to eat way more than recommended. Also, I want one.
I will bring some in 2 weeks when we are out there. Made 2 dozen.
Swell. Just swell. The uncles will be happy with those, too.
Microwave some fish sounds like a euphemism. Just saying.
Looks like Christmas Ape’s Dutch cousin won the first stage of the Tour De France.
Oddly enough, a “Dutch Cousin” is also a sex act.
“In honor of the Swedish women winning bronze, for one day only we’ll be assembling our furniture at the warehouse! and then shipping it out. As a bonus, we’ll be sending two extra screws so that you’ll still be feeling our one-of-a-kind experience.”
-Ikea
did someone order Extra Afrikan Bananacakes??
Whoa! Did some country topple a despot and institute democratic reforms?
whoa, let’s not get into crazy talk!!
I would order those, with maple syrup
I may have to demand them at IHOP, unless they wants to take that “I” down
Tomorrow, I have Atomic Dustbin 2, Murrika nil
[English striker doesn’t convert on kick to net with no goalie]
“Woo! I mean, Boooo! I’m so confused! What do I cheer for?”
-English mascot Miss(ed) Opportunities, having an existential moment
4th place, it’s what the British DO
Let’s see…
1.) U.S.A.
2.) U.S.S.R.
3.) France
4.) Britain
Yep, story checks out.
I’ve Never Said This To Anyone:
I… [tries gain some composure] I… [wipes sweat from brow] God, this is hard. [thinks here goes nothing] I’ve never had any other fried chicken aside from KFC. It’s not my fault! It’s not a thing here. Bear sausage? That’s a thing, but not fried chicken.
Dear God man!
I’ve prayed. It doesn’t work.
Look up “Korean fried chicken” in Google Maps, and drive as far as you have to to reach the nearest one.
I don’t even have to look. It’s 5 deep-fried hours.
1. Get chicken parts
2. Use fave rub* + lime juice
3. Deep fry 15 minutes
I recommend this one
You must eat more fried chicken. It’s what god would eat before being executed. I find good stuff at Jamaican and southern places, though the Jamaicans seem to only make theirs once a week. I don’t get it. Church’s is good, too. But so is KFC. and Mary browns. And anywhere else with a deep fryer. Goddamn it I need fried chicken parts.
What, uh, what Dick said. Find a Jamaican place near you and get a 4 piece.
Afrikan Bananacakes!! The Indomitable side scores 2 in the final 5′ of the half.
I really like that Kawhi is coming to the Clippers. It really balances the scales in the West nicely.
Not to mention it shuts up those yammering Lakers fans. Christ, it was getting insufferable.
I’m a lot softer on the Lakers now that they have LeBron, because I think very highly of him as a human being (particularly in comparison to Kobe Bryant).
The lowest of low bars.
Kurt Rambis agrees. He can’t see you, but he is nodding…. probably.
NEW RULE! There should be an extra sub allowed, and no extra time in 3rd place tilts.
England must be giving up. They’re playing a Carney now.
/surprised she still has all her teeth
Ilestedt is a tall drink of water…
You spelled Brannvin wrong.
I’d share a bottle of Aquavit with either, mind
Re: Scotchy’s question:
While the three tourneys end tomorrow, the club fútbol starts again in August and we’ll have plenty of club friendlies in July to tide us over.
Friendlies suck, though. I will almost be desperate enough to pay attention to MLS.
They need to give them better names, like “Grudgies” or something.
Repressed emotions?
MLS huh? Is Giorgio Chinaglia still playing?
I just occasionally bet on which city I likes better.
Uh hello? How much you been makin on the CPL?
NWSL is better
/ brushes hair back
// adjusts tie
/// picks up bullhorn
“TODAY IS NATIONAL FRIED CHICKEN DAY!”
//// sets down bullhorn
///// runs out front door
Popeyes?
Church’s?
Pioneer?
Zaxby’s
Probably gonna go Popeyes but Original Recipe ain’t too shabby. The closest Church’s is next to the stadium and that’s a bit too far.
What? No Bojangles fans in the audience?
It’s funny cause I actually have about 4 lbs of chicken thighs that I was trying to figure out what to do with.
However, I also have a cholesterol report that says I should probably consume less trans fats.
Given the choice and cost is not an issue I’ll go Willie Mae’s Scotch House in New Orleans.
Hippo, this Man City Rodri acquisition: your take?
I need to look it up!
gonna be a competitive as fuck midfield, fo sho. Feel kind of bad for Atleti, it’s all coming undone
If The Broom is healthy will he still start?
perhaps they move him back to his original LB role? I dunno. Maybe it’s just that they plan to ration his minutes.
I had Sverge 1-nil in the bronze match, apparently that is somehow worth 173 pts with the current scoreline
#BananacakesYall
Super Eagles! Indomitable Lions!! WHO YA GOT??
/am angry at my NGA for not playing Everton prospect Henry Onyekuru, I wanted to see him, plus he needs caps so we can get his work permit settled (and what a bunch of racist shite that is from the UK)
Super is really great but indomitable? That means unbeatable-I’m surprised that there are odds being given.
5 added minutes seems excessive for a meaningless fixture.
But soccer is dying before our very eyes. Is there anything else happening tourney-wise before EPL cranks up?
Nigeria v. Cameroon about to kick off, should be excellent. Then Egypt/TeamApartheid in 3p Afrikan Euros action.
But no tourneys after these are done. Right?
is rite
Rind of parmesan is a secret gateway directly to umami.
I have mine frozen to make a soup base at a later date. Tell me how you use them good sir!
[muscles yeah right aside]
“PUT IT IN YOUR BOLOGNESE SAU….”
[is clubbed in the head by a heavy (yet affordable) cast iron frying pan]
/ jumps on Scotchy’s back
In minestrone or pasta fagioli! Make a broth with some kombu and mushrooms! For the love of God man just don’t throw it away!
[covers yeah right’s mouth]
“CHOP IT UP INTO SMALL PIECES AND PUT IT INTO YOUR MID-LEVEL OLIVE OIL”
[yeah right applies meat tenderizer to kneecap]
“Son of a bitch! You carry these kitchen items on you at all times? Who does that?”
/ ties Scotchy’s shoelaces together
“Make a roux of equal parts flour and butter then add in 1 cup of half and half and throw in the rind until melted. Add some black pepper and nutmeg and serve with fresh pasta.”
/ takes pizza cutter from back pocket and cackles maniacally
I’m fucking dying over here. This cracked me up.
This was just good kommenting.
[backs away slowly, looks side-to-side]
“Umm… put it in trail mix? Maybe poach it gently in artichoke hearts broth? Slice it length-wise and put it on my dog’s head?”
Rind of Parmesan is what I’d name my brothel.
Grind of Parmesan is a good name for a nightclub on the Jersey Shore.
Mind of Parmesan is Gene Parmesan’s memoir
Kind of Parmesan is a documentary about the counterfeit cheese trade. I’m here all week, folks.
Krikey! That’s a good strikey.
I am happy with Sverge’s hunger FOAR bronze
What just happened?
Momentum stalled by handball.
SO MUCH happened while I took a piss.
-R. Kelly
The Pony Tail Patrol strikes!
Don’t think I’ve seen this Rolfo girl before. FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT!
An English player is chewing gum. I hope she has enough for everyone.
I hope it gets stuck in her hair, so we’re treated to a madcap sequence of home remedies for getting it out.
–
I think you just described several of the secret ingredients in mole.
I thought moles were a secret ingredient.