Your Saturday Evening “It Looks Bad If We Leave Them There” Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

We are well into summer now, and I want to vent about something: lost tourists.

Now, I don’t want to complain about the driving type of lost tourist. That’s honest, and at least they are trying to follow a map.

No, I want to complain about the type of lost tourist that comes from being willfully ignorant. This type can be either foreign or domestic. They’re the type that arrives at a park an hour before sunset, in sandals, looks at the map, sees a four-hour return-trip hike listed on the park guide, and still decides to go out because “well, we drove all the way here”.

Over the Canada Day weekend, over a dozen people needed to be rescued from normally average hikes because they were unprepared for being in the wilderness – sandals; no water; obesity – or started too late in the day & couldn’t judge time correctly. Since then, it hasn’t really stopped. As I type this, they are hunting Grouse Mountain

for some jagoff who started the Grind late by skipping the closed gate. (The Grouse Grind is a popular hike up the mountain.

It is 2830 steps, a 1.8 mile vertical climb, and takes you from the base (900-feet) up to the 2800-foot mark of the mountain. From there you either take the Skyride gondola down to the parking lot, or hike another trail down, because the Grind is only one-way.) It should take a reasonably healthy person about an hour to complete the ascent. Sometimes, because the trail is quite crowded during the peak daylight hours, people will try & delay their ascent until later in the evening. If he didn’t know the mountain, he likely made a wrong turn onto one of the secondary trails that criss-cross the mountain, but that doesn’t matter to the 15-20 volunteers who are out looking for his sorry ass right now. If they don’t find him tonight, I get to wake up to the dogs barking at the sound of helicopters.

I take this a bit personally because, aside from it being a general pain in the ass, I lost a friend on the Grind 20 years ago. We spent three days digging for his body, only to be pulled off the mountain because the conditions kept worsening. They only found him after the thaw. And it was a pointless death, because the trail was marked “avalanche danger” before they started. But he was visiting from back east and they drove all the way there…

I haven’t hiked it since.

If you know someone planning outdoor adventures this summer, please quiz them on their preparedness. Because their dumb ass is likely not prepared for what they are planning.

**end rant**


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Nationals at Atlanta – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Blue Jays at Tigers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Marlins at Dodgers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • CFL:
    • Lions vs. Roughriders – 10:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
  • Fútbol:
    • Liga MX:
      • Club América vs. Monterrey – 7:55PM | UNI
      • Necaxa vs. Cruz Azul – 9:55PM | UNI
    • International Champions Cup Soccer:
      • Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – 8:00PM | ESPN2
    • MLS:
      • Whitecaps FC vs. San Jose – 10:00PM | TSN
  • Pugilism:
    • UFC Fight Night: Dos Anjos vs. Edwards: From San Antonio
      • Prelims – 6:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
      • Main Card – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • PBC Fight Night:
      • Plant-Lee (super middleweights) – 7:00PM | FOX
  • Autos:
    • IndyCar Racing: Iowa 300 – 7:00PM | NBCSN

Just be that cautious voice in a friend’s ear.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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UnsurprisedtheeWeeBabySeamusBrick Meathooknomonkeyfunballsofsteelandfury Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There Will Be Blood is such a great movie.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I like Westworld, I liked season 2, and the season 3 trailer looks neat.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s a picture of the moon I took one crystal clear afternoon this past March with a semi-shitty telephoto lens.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

BTW, I added those dots and numbers in post. They weren’t in the original photo.

Please proceed.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Liar. The moon hoax will finally be revealed!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I used to shoot the moon (so to speak) quite a bit myself.
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Redshirt

So I can either wake up early and mow the yard while the heat index is tolerable, or sleep in and mow in the afternoon while the sun is trying to kill me like I’m Mario playing on World 2 in Super Mario Bros. 3.

Any comments?

ballsofsteelandfury

You are forgetting the third option: sleep in and NOT mow the yard.

Just sayin’…

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Mow the yard at high noon, and when you’re done reward yourself with a single cold Budweiser beer in a 12oz can. There’s nothing better. I would trade places with you tomorrow, and I live at the beach in California. Remember to stay hydrated before and after.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Mow it in the middle of the night. The neighbors will understand. If they’re smart, they’ll be doing it then, too.

Redshirt

Highest rated comment on Star Trek: Picard trailer (too good not to share):

I thought Jonathan Frakes was going to appear at the end and say “It was all a hoax. None of it was true. We made it up.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The YouTube recommendation algorithm does indeed seem like it was designed by Satan because … Wow. Wow.

Anyway, the Picard trailer looks cool. I couldn’t give less of a shit about Discovery because I don’t care what happens before TOS or TNG/DS9/Voyager. I want to know what happens after the latter. This is exactly what I want, although without too much fanservice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s a cheese shop up the street that has all sorts of other delicious shit. I’m currently eating some castlevania* olives that are fan fucking tastic.

*Note: may be a slightly different name

SonOfSpam

Do they have any runny Camembert?

ballsofsteelandfury

AND NOW, the exciting conclusion to Balls’ Day of Random Errands:

I did end up going back to upgrade the phone. I ended up getting the One Plus 7 Pro. I’m happy with the purchase. The special offer to trade in my old phone hinged on me fixing a crack and that was $200 by itself and it stopped making financial sense to get a S10 half off when for an extra $100 I could get the phone I wanted.

Then, I went home and celebrated by taking a three hour nap.

EPILOGUE: RTD was correct if he guessed the Shell station on Colorado and San Gabriel. Good carwash, but expensive gas. If you’re in the neighborhood, I suggest driving a quarter mile east on Colorado to the Union 76 in front of Target.

This has been another exciting episode of Balls’ Day of Random Errands!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We bought plants today at the home depot. I don’t want to go back there until these plants are dead.

Redshirt

I had ice cream and a vanilla malt. I did things too.

SonOfSpam

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

At least I didn’t make an ass of myself at the picnic where no one I knew made it or seemed to even intend to make it. I wanted to bring leftovers back but had an excuse not to besides being a fat fuck who doesn’t need extra anything.

I went out and walked around some and wrote some stuff and I figure I’ll go watch karaoke again tonight. New Belgium has an Agua Fresca beer that’s really good I tried last night (yet another non-fuckup) but if I do go I’m gonna go with a chocolate stout or something.

Gee. Just think. This is me being positive after a few good weeks and seeing my therapist again.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Therapists are worth the money every time.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Now I’m watching an old Johnny Carson Tonight Show on the other old rerun channel. Guests are Ricardo Montalban, some Alaskan Eskimos, and Uri Geller. I think it’s about 1975, based on what Carson is wearing. I think Uri Geller gets called a fraud after the break. That’s good TV.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s classic TV.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I cut the cord and just have Netflix and Amazon Prime and MY ANTENNA!

The digital air channels are great. It’s like a time machine.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

All the commercials are for lawyers with class action law suits.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Or they’re two minute long-form commercials for charities who want you to send money so this dog/cat/refugee won’t die.

ballsofsteelandfury

I too cut the cord. The digital antenna channels are indeed awesome. There are shows on there that I’d forgotten that I watched back in the day.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Plus if you keep clicking up you get all the Korean and Chinese and Vietnamese channels. They’re not plotting an Asian Revolution in California, because they hate each other. They really hate each other. But I like ’em all.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rich Corinthian Leather?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Greg Hardy, with 6 fights, and only 1 conviction…
/hat tip Monty Python

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus, sorry to hear about your friend. As a fat guy, I overestimate my hiking time. Safety never takes a vacation.

Horatio Cornblower

Who wants to help me start a GoFundMe to get Dan “The Hangman” Hooker to change his nickname to Dan “Craig James Killed 5” Hooker(s)?

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s scarier? One ten foot hooker, or 10 five inch hookers?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I know what this is. But I’m curious how the photo was taken. Like from where?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh nevermind. I just figured it out. After the third stage detachment.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

No, it was taken from a thing called a lunar module.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So it was already orbiting when this was shot?

theeWeeBabySeamus

But thats what I meant before. That was the third stage and the module took the photo. Or am I missing something?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The top picture is the front of the command module, orbiting the moon and docking with the lunar module. The third stage is long gone.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, how many stages did the Saturn V have? I am obviously forgetting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ok nevermind. I get what you’re saying.
This was taken during redocking.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The top photo was taken at 14 or 21:
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That picture is very intentionally drawn that way.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Blah blah blah, when are we gonna get to the barbecue spare ribs?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Horatio Cornblower

17-6? I see the Ravens still can’t beat the Patrio…wait, what?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!!! Stop enjoying my misery so much. I already have enough people doing that.

rockingdog
rockingdog

last funny:
Karen is not a name. It’s a rank you earn… that’s why you’ve never seen a baby named Karen.

herodotus450
herodotus450

At some point they all change their name from Kitty to Karen.

SonOfSpam

After they tour the facility and pick up slack.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit. Now Imma be listening to Cake all night again.
You guys are jerks.

SonOfSpam

You knew that before you married us.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah. I shoulda stuck to my guns and gotten the pre-nup.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve never seen a baby driving a white Chrysler LeBaron.

rockingdog
rockingdog
SonOfSpam

According to Twitter, Natalie Portman will be playing the first female Thor.

Surely the fanboy community will react completely reasonably. (MOAR LIEK THWHORE)

Redshirt

They were making fun about it in the ST: Picard trailer comments. Between the mysterious female stranger that shows up on Picard’s doorsteps, the female admiral that Picard talked to and the fan favorite who shows up at the end to drop some sass, they were joking that the future is woke.

But I am looking forward to this. At least lets not give Jane cancer that gets worse every time she turns into Thor. That’s like giving Goku a virus that takes away a year of his life every time he goes Super Saiyan or up a level. You can’t enjoy it because its killing them!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I still don’t know half these new Orioles’ pitchers.
But this guy…I shit you not….is throwing 56 mph knuckleballs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Last one was 54.
But wow, he got out of the inning.

King Hippo

He was CF/2B Steve Wilkerson

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I just figured that out.
But how sad is that?

King Hippo

If he’s a knuckleballer, should have had him go the last 4+ innings. They ain’t get tired like actual ppl.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I backed up the dvr. They weren’t even knucklers. Just very slow fastballs that barely got to the plate.

Redshirt

I don’t think that’s an intentional knuckleball. I think at that speed, the ball cannot create any rotation so its being thrown with no spin.

King Hippo

I see that Birmingham’s Lesser Footy squadron is called the “Legion.” Why not just go with the MOAR culturally accurate “Night Riders?”

SonOfSpam

“Group Ticket Specials – Bring The Whole Klan!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Chris Davis is currently batting .191. He’s gotten 38 hits so far this season. Which was more than I thought actually.
But so far, that averages out to about $55,575 per hit.

Hell I coulda fucking done THAT!!!!!!

SonOfSpam

1) Horrible story about your buddy, and I’m sorry for your loss. You are absolutely right to be annoyed at that kind of carelessness.
2) Greg Hardy fights on ESPN in about an hour. I’m rooting for his opponent, whoever he/she is.
3) I hope Pacqueeow loses, but really, can’t bring myself to care.
4) Borat voice My wife leaves for Baltimore tomorrow for work stuff. It’s only like four days, but I still get bummed. Good or pathetic?
5) Apropos of nothing, I really hope the Dems don’t fuck up the Mueller questioning this week.

King Hippo

Weird, I was always really, REALLY happy when my wife went on a bidness trip.

Divorce was completely coincidental, I guess.

nomonkeyfun

Has tWBS left Charm city yet? If not, I hope there aren’t any flash forwards in his tales of love (lost).

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m watching The Six Million Dollar Man on COZI-TV, the old rerun network. Steve’s best friend has been replaced by a robot impostor with bionic strength; hilarity then ensues. Guest star Lloyd Bochner.

Redshirt

Holy schnikes, the Reds won a one run game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Counterpoint: The Orioles have scored six runs thru 7 innings.
And are still down by 10 runs.

Redshirt

Did it happen in one inning or did they decided to spread it out of multiple frames?

theeWeeBabySeamus

They put up a five spot in the 3rd to tie it up.
Then gave up 8 in the 4th.

I love this team.

King Hippo

the Devil had to take a shit, missed the bottom of the 7th. Que lastima.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

Horatio Cornblower

Watching the UFC fights and a guy named Ben Rothwell is fighting.

My Brother: “Did they say Ben Rothlisberger?”

Me: “Obviously not; this fight’s not in a bathroom stall or with a drunk coed.”

Redshirt

…something something ground and pound…

Redshirt

https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/20/us/police-department-heat-wave-stop-crime-trnd/index.html

Yes, because the one thing criminals are known for is being obediant and respectful to the police.

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL!

Redshirt

Yay! Josh VanMeter hit that ball roughly 130 VanMeters.

King Hippo

surprised y’all didn’t go with Raisel for 2 innings

Redshirt

I’m surprised we didn’t bypass the bullpen and put a position player in for relief.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Richard Branson may be a billionaire but he seems like a borderline retard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Borderline?

herodotus450
herodotus450

But isn’t he married to Katy Perry?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Is he? I guess she’ll marry any old British lunatic.

I love women who makes poor decisions. That’s my entire love life, which is vast.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m gonna go sit over there and say nothing now.

King Hippo

#OtherRetard

theeWeeBabySeamus

After four innings, the Baltimore Orioles have already given up 13 runs. In the top half of the fifth, the Red Sox leadoff batter doubles. Now I gotta look at Mookie Betts likely get an RBI single.

COME ON MAN!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Update….wild pitch moves runner to 3rd.
Jeebus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But the RBI single still happened after that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now 15.
Still nobody down in Boston’s half of the fifth.

theeWeeBabySeamus

16

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that that banner image is aimed at me?
Hmmmmmmm…..
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I think it’s time to steal Riga and Lambeau and move to my isolated island in the South Pacific.

Redshirt

(me before watching the Star Trek: Picard trailer)

“I’m a fan of Star Trek, and Patrick Stewart, but I don’t know if I’m going to spend money to watch one show.

(me after watching the Star Trek: Picard trailer)

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When i was in Cape Town the first time, a friend of mine that I’d met in Mocambique (no this is not a hookup story, though she was fine as hell, and is probably anti-vaxx now) and I set off to climb Table Mountain. She wanted to blaze our own trail but I *insisted* on doing one of the “tourist” trails. Very glad I did, because that climb up is no joke.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’d be the American tourist guy from In Bruges

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

A fuckin elephant?

herodotus450
herodotus450

The Grind right now:
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yeah right

When younger I actually helped teach a college class on hiking and outdoors shit.
The first thing the students got, a full week before their first hike was a list of supplies and how to dress.
If you haven’t hiked before do it yourself is not the way to go.

My biggest claim was climbing Mt. Whitney.

Sorry about your friend beerguy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A friend of mine that climbed Mt. Whitney encountered someone on the way down who, had they not passed him and absorbed them into their group, quite possibly could have died.

Redshirt

My uncle hiked the Appalachian Trail solo. An experienced hiker saw his city yokel ass and purposely joined him so he wouldn’t die on the trail.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Who would have died? Your friend or the guy coming down?