Your “It’s Not The Sharks You Have To Worry About” Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Summer finally arrived in Vancouver.

But thanks to the rain earlier this week, most of the beaches – including Ambleside,

near my house – are closed due to elevated e.coli counts. While it’s fun to blame it on the rain

and the associated runoff of animal fæces,  in the case of Ambleside it also has to do with the decision 50 years ago to locate a primary sewage treatment plant ajdacent to the park & up-inlet from the beach – ensuring water flow from the plant goes right past the area & out to sea.

You’ll be pleased to know that that decision was made because they lobbied the federal government to expropriate land from the local Indian Reserve so they didn’t have to purchase it privately. It’s Reason #34 that the local First Nations population might have difficulty trusting any branch of Canadian government.

Enjoy your swim, everyone!


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Nationals at Atlanta – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLS:
    • Orlando City SC vs. New York Red Bulls – 7:30PM | FS1
    • Seattle Sounders vs. Portland Timbers – 9:30PM | FS1 / TSN2
  • Premier League Lacrosse:
    • All-Star Game – 8:00PM | Sportsnet360

Almost all training camps kick into full gear this week, so we’ve got that going for us.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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UnsurprisedMr. AyotheeWeeBabySeamusBrick MeathookMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Ok google, play Tour de France

Queen – Bicycle Race video started up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

In solidarity with DonT, here’s a honkey explainer of the Puerto Rico sitch:

https://twitter.com/oppsyirwin/status/1152968581862346752?s=19

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have not been paying close attention, and after looking into it some more….. well fuck…..

Horatio Cornblower

I bought a bottle of pre-mixed margaritas yesterday because it was hot, and because it was cheaper and faster than buying tequila, cointreau, and triple sec. The bottle is almost gone and I was getting concerned that I was hammering these things down like they were water so I looked at the bottle. 19 proof. I’m hammering these things down like they were water because they are water.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Beer margaritas are the best:

Tequila (your choice)
Beer (your choice)
Can of frozen lime juice concentrate
Blender with ice

Put frozen lime juice concentrate into blender with ice. Fill the empty lime juice can with tequila then pour it in the blender. Fill the empty lime juice can with beer then pour it in the blender. Blend to desired consistency. Serve.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You put the beer in the coconut and mix it all around.

Yeah, fuck it. It got stuck in my head and now it’s in yours.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Obligatory:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I did that yesterday. Hoping to do it again tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

Thanks for the visual, Karen Carpenter.

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY THAT’S MY LINE!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

-Michael irvin

rockingdog
rockingdog
Spur
Spur

The Shiner Bock reserve has been depleted. Night Folks, maybe Friday I”ll check in? Preseason starts in 2 weeks. I’m getting my Giants/Eli/Duke jokes ready now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Plenty of off-season content to entertain you 7 days a week!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This was filmed in London (England), which is at a latitude slightly north of Calgary, AB. Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) is at the same latitude as the Panama Canal. Yet the prostitutes are the same.

Spur
Spur

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Come get your daily dose of the herp.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Might as well. It’s not like you can get it twice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But watch out for Hep C.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She could offer me full blown AIDs and I’m jumping at it like Magic for a rebound.

Horatio Cornblower

Makes sense, since Magic’s not really worried about catching it twice.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Pretty sure he had more than one rebound.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, tried the fold and cut method. Good tip.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Damn it. Redshirt’s book mention has me watching Batman Begins now, which is a great movie up through the police finding Falcone ties to the spotlight.

Also, Tom Wilkinson looks just like an old boss I had. It’s eerie.

Spur
Spur

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You have our attention

Spur
Spur

last beer.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The hero beer.

Spur
Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

I cal this gif “Curious Tits”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Is she supposed to be a cop?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes. It was originally a spinoff of Bad Boys 2 with Gabrielle Union as her DEA agent character and Jessica Alba was her partner. Now they’re LAPD.

🤷‍♂️

ballsofsteelandfury

Badge on hip says “stripper cop”

Spur
Spur

Come out with your Pasties on!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stripper Cop is the bestest kind of cop.

I think.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, perhaps I didn’t think that through….

Spur
Spur

Do you think the cicada bros brag about who got laid the most?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Isn’t that what all the noise is about?

Spur
Spur

that’s them “hollering at bitches”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It can be two things.

Spur
Spur

What part Canada Land will be most like Texas Hill country once the planet heats up?

ballsofsteelandfury

Manitoba is my guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

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Fronkenshteen

Hate to keep making the same point, but your collective humour keeps me sane. Thanx.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s why we’re here.

Honestly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m here for my own insanity (and inanity) thankyouverymuch

Spur
Spur

I know taste vary but I highly recommend Mark Ronson’s new album.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s weird seeing snow on Mt. Hood. It’s the middle of July. Even Taos’s snow melted in summer.

Spur
Spur

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She has her mom’s everything.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Especially her feet, I hope

— Quentin Tarantino

Col. Duke LaCross

So, I got bit by a dog a week ago. Went and got it looked at the next day, and was prescribed ten days of oral (heh) antibiotics. Never missed a dose this week, and it wasn’t getting any worse, but it wasn’t getting any better either. And despite following the rules, I spent the last week on the john, shitting my eyeballs out. Then yesterday, my calf blew up to the size of a goddamn football. Off to the clinic I went, and the doc took one look and asked me why I wasn’t in the ER.

Went to the ER where they figured out that the mechanism that made my weight-loss surgery work so well a few years ago, also means I wasn’t absorbing the pills either. So now I get a week solid of daily IV treatments. Hooray for now two weeks of forced sobriety!

Goddammit. And I can’t even really feel that bad, because they’re setting me up with these IVs in a chemo clinic where people have some real problems. Kinda puts shit in perspective.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That blows. At least the dog wasn’t rabid. And, yeah, at least you’re going to be in and out of that chemo clinic.

Try some DFO humor on them. They always seem to crave comedy because everyone and everything else around them is so goddamn serious.

Redshirt

Why’d the dog bite you? You anger it or did it attack you?

Col. Duke LaCross

It was my uncle’s dog. He was pitching a tent in my grandparent’s backyard because their house was full. The pooch was running around the yard, chasing a frisbee looking happy as hell. He walked over to me and I bent down and gave him the back of the hand to sniff to know I’m friendly. What my uncle failed to inform me is that his dog might be dyslexic and interprets the back of the hand as a threat. He latched onto my calf, hard. My uncle smacked him to get him off me, I smacked my uncle for smacking the dog and started bleeding like a stuck pig.

I was just bummed because it obviously has a few issues, and I’m at the point of my life where I like all dogs more than most people.

Redshirt

Understood. It was just startled and thought you were threatening him.

The dog can live.

Spur
Spur

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Col. Duke LaCross

Who’s a good boy!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That looks like my toothbrush. Seriously
Also, it sounds like your uncle’s dog is also in need of some IV medication.
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Col. Duke LaCross

Woof.

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

Cousin brought me six cases of Shiner Bock when he visited last month. I’m down to my last two beers.
There is a tear in my beer tonight.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Holy shit. Scarlett Johansson is nearly twice her age from when she was in Lost in Translation (I’m watching it for some reason).

Spur
Spur

Fuck. i saw that in theaters.
Aging sucks.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Same here.

Redshirt

Yes. You can tell she’s aged, but only because she looked so innocent in Lost in Translation.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not gonna lie. She was hotter then.

Horatio Cornblower

We all were.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I pretty much look the same.

😐

blaxabbath

Mrs B is flying to Vancouver on Thursday (I think) to watch her friend do the Ironman in Whistler this weekend (I’ve been looking for a Vegas-area sportsbook that will let me put ten G’s on him drowning — no luck yet). I’m going to reward myself with some Raiders gear as a reward for taking care of blaxito for the weekend.

https://www.lids.com/nfl-oakland-raiders/oakland-raiders-swarovski-crystal-large-football-helmet/o-1361+t-47042670+p-14610558488+z-9-2882609684

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Spur
Spur

Rumor going around is Zeke traded to Raiders. Zeke is Sin CIty for extended period of time is trouble.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is why the personal conduct rules need to be eliminated in the next CBA negotiations.

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

The one thing i do more of is reading during the Summer. That will be missed if we nix Summer

Read/Reading:

FKA USA – starting to seem more plasuble by the day
Mars Trilogy – I reread these three books every couple years
Gravity’s Rainbow – never got around to reading this.

Redshirt

The last book I read was in 2005 and that was a Batman book.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hush or the one where Maxwell Lord gets his plans for incapacitating the other members of the Justice League?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Huh. I forgot he was played by the guy who was Mike Dexter in Can’t Hardly Wait on Supergirl. And he will be played by Pedro Pascal in the Wonder Woman sequel.

Spur
Spur

Redshirt

Batman: No Man’s Land. Its surprisingly good. I’m still waiting for DCAU to do a movie about it, but it might be hard to explain Huntress, Cassandra Cain (pre-Flashpoint edition) and Azreal.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/107105.Batman

Spur
Spur

Wasn’t the last Nolan movie based on No Man’s Land?

Redshirt

Inspired but not the complete story.

In NML, USA cut off access to Gotham City and declaring it not part of the country, state or county (is that an option?). It wasn’t held hostage by terrorists.

Also, it had all the rogues, plus Lex Luthor as one of the villains with a cameo or two by Superman. Plus it had all the Batfamily as of 1999 (Batman, Nightwing, Robin III, Oracle, Huntress, Azreal) with Gordon and the GCPD as an important role. It was also the introduction to Cassandra Cain as Batgirl.

If they wanted to do a No Man’s Land and do it justice, it would have to be two movies. Anything less would be completely rushed.

yeah right

I’ve read some Pynchon. The Crying of Lot 49. Haven’t read Gravity’s Rainbow though.

I try to read between 25-30 books a year. Currently reading Palahniuk Adjustment Day and just finished Far North which was really good. I’ll get back to my Southern noir soon.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I checked out four nonfiction books and one novel all at once. I need to at least finish the novel this week.

nomonkeyfun

A friend sent me Gravity’s Rainbow when I was in a psych ward a few years ago. She either wanted me to kill myself or she has a really dark sense of humor.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Homemade pasta is resting. So am I. Need to pick a beer.

yeah right

Did you do the roll flat cut with a sharp knife thing?

yeah right

I was a mad fucking scientist with the pasta attachments today.

Improvement by repetition.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m just starting with simple farfalle. Gotta drool before I can spit, or something

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

Folks. Can we fast-forward to Fall? I don’t think anyone would mind.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Summer sucks. I’m tired of sweating.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Summer rules. And luckily I’ve moved to the future site of the only livable part of the continental U.S. where it’ll be like L.A. but with longer days and nights thanks to the latitude.

Spur
Spur

You moved to Buffalo?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Buffalo isn’t even livable now.

yeah right

Well my friends that was a delicious dinner that you can read all about.

Eventually.

Fuck me that was good.

Time for some drankin’!

Fronkenshteen

Current Betting Odds – Democratic Party Primary

K. Harris – 2/1
E. Warren – 4/1
J. Biden – 9/2
B. Sanders – 9/1
P. Buttigieg – 10/1

WHO YA GOT?!

SonOfSpam

Where did you get those? Or are they an original creation?

Fronkenshteen
Fronkenshteen

I’ll take the 2-1 exacta, Warren/Harris.

yeah right

I would vote the fuck out of that ticket.

SonOfSpam

Yes, although I’d probably rather have the non-President one in a role besides Veep.

Kamala as AG, or Warren at Treasury, for example.

Veep can go to Buttjudge (just to piss off anti-gheys) or like Klochubar (just to piss off misogynists).

Redshirt

I would like this ticket as just a friend. Sorry, but I just don’t like Warren as a candidate.

If Warren wins, then the Orange Asshole will scream Socialist and Hillary 2.0.

SonOfSpam

(Spoiler: Assholes will scream that regardless of who the nominee is)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The republicans would call the reincarnation of Reagan Nixon a socialist if they ran as a democrat

Redshirt

My great grandfather always said he’d vote for Satan himself rather than vote for a Democrat.

Redshirt

Currently Harris is ahead, but she has to continue to build momentum. We really need to thin the herd so we can really hear the differences.

Spur
Spur

I like the line on Warren

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Harris is a mortal lock. She is who the DNC wants and she is who they will get.

She was get her ass kicked in the general short of Trump completely blowing it when the economy collapses this winter. There is no actual built in base for right wing corporate Democrats like her or Biden or Buttigieg. She trails Bernie and Biden with minorities who know she built her career on locking up minorities. And frankly, delivering a slightly less ruthless agenda than Trump isn’t worth voting for.

This is the same party that decided when W was president that the hill to die on for Hispanics is immigration – something that we are actually conservative on (for very logical economic reasons but also because of the racism among many groups lumped into that demographic term. Most of those people coming from Central America don’t even speak Spanish. They’re indigenous peoples and there’s no base for that group) instead of, oh, I don’t know, anything else to actually improve material conditions. Beto couldn’t beat Ted Cruz and he had money and charisma behind him and the most hateable man in Texas as his opponent. He’s irrelevant but it also speaks to how Harris is just as likely to not increase turnout in states that will go red for sure or could be flipped. She will win Michigan in the primary but I don’t see her winning it in the general. I have no hope for Florida or Ohio in the general.

Basically I see what Democrats have done since taking the House and extrapolating that forward based on what they say they will do, people aren’t going to care and they aren’t going to vote because it has proven the standard non-voter canard: “What difference does it make?”

Fronkenshteen

Only games I get with my bullshit package are MLS tilts on FS1. That’s bad.

The local Sheetz had Flying Dog’s “The Truth” imperial IPA (8.7%) at a reasonable price. That’s good!

SonOfSpam

The beer contains potassium benzoate.

Fronkenshteen

I suck

SonOfSpam

“That’s good!”

– J. Epstein

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have my attention.
(it’s not gay if you’re receiving)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Actual flying dogs would be scary as hell.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good thing President Trump is saving us from scary environmental regulations down here

SonOfSpam

Thanks to his leadership, I use coal instead of gasoline in my car.

It doesn’t run any more, but I feel more American.

Redshirt

“In 2016, we didn’t want to vote for the one with the vagina so we went to the other side of the taint.”

– Christopher Titus, Amerigeddon

rockingdog
rockingdog

Redshirt

You can tell on the show about the 2007 Ohio State-Michigan game that this game is haunting and will continue to haunt them for the rest of their lives. They were so emotionally spent from The Game and on so much a high, that Ohio State came in overconfident and promptly got destroyed.

That opening TD return by Ginn was probably the worst thing that could’ve happened to that team. It cemented the idea that they were the best team and they were going to march over Florida, then before they knew it, its halftime and Florida was up by three touchdowns.

Wakezilla

Just got back in from Festival Latino. It reminds me of Stampede in that you can see so many gorgeous (Latina) women in such a close proximity, that you can’t help but wonder where the hell these women are the rest of the year, cause you never seem to see them.

ballsofsteelandfury

Were they dressed as cowgirls? Cuz, yum!

Redshirt

How is it that the Jets get a song in “West Side Story” but the Sharks don’t?

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
SON: sharks are scary, daddy

DAD: no need to be scared, a lot of other things are more likely to kill you than sharks!

SON: like what?

[a long scrape is heard as vending machine slowly slides into the room]

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Baltimore Orioles beat the Boston Red Sox today 5-0.
Asher Wojciechowski, the Orioles’ starter, actually had a no hitter going thru 7 innings.

I think someone slipped some LSD into my drink. Surely that can’t be serious.

Redshirt

Yeah, my Reds of course lost 2-1. The Bengals season can’t start fast enough. Wait, what did I just type?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like Redshirt got into my LSD laced drink too!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Hey, it means the Yanks gained a game on both Tampa and Boston this weekend, so yay Orioles!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t have to outswim the shark. I just have to outswim you.