^{The Gatekeeper of Canton}

Welcome, my pretties, to the last weekend before the glorious return of NFL football*. It is a time of wonder & joy for all 32 teams, for each has visions of sugarplums playoffs dancing in their heads. Soon there will be four weeks** of pre-season games, wherein teams try to work out the kinks in their systems, and evaluate the new talent acquired during the offseason. Only then will they field what they consider perfection

and within a couple of weeks begin fending off rumours that they will go 0-16. Except for the Patriots. Those fuckers get a free 5-1 start.

Why, it appears the Bengals have gotten a head start on the blame shifting by enabling AJ Green to wreck his ankle at practice today. Redshirt seems to be taking everything in stride.

And Golden Tate has ensured Eli has no one tangible to throw to, after being suspended for four games in relation to a PED / fertility supplement. He is appealing, but no one cares because it’s

1. Golden Tate, and
2. A fertility drug.

^{(* – preseason hardly counts, since guys like Rodgers will play two series at most across four games)}

^{(** – until Roger forces the union to accept an 18-game schedule with two preseason games.)}

So let’s spend the evening discussing the merits of who is being inducted next week into the Hall:

• Players:
  • Tony Gonzalez,
  • Ed Reed,
  • Kevin Mawae
  • Champ Bailey
  • Ty Law
• Contributors:
  • now-former Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen
  • former Dallas Cowboys executive Gil Brandt

The enshrinement ceremony is Saturday, August 3rd. It’ll likely run six hours.

Tonight’s sports:

• CFL:
  • Roughriders vs. Lions – 7:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
    • The game is moved up because tonight is the first night of Vancouver’s annual fireworks festival. There might be 20,000 at the game, but over 400,000 downtown for the explosions.
•  MLB:
  • Astros at Cardinals – 7:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet
• Fútbol:
  • Liga MX:
    • León vs. Club América – 7:55PM | UNI
    • Cruz Azul vs. Toluca – 9:55PM | UNI
  • MLS:
    • Toronto FC vs. Cincinnati – 8:00PM | TSN4
    • Minnesota vs. Whitecaps FC – 8:00PM | TSN2
    • Portland Timbers vs. Los Angeles Galaxy – 10:30PM | FS1 / TSN4
• Fisticuffs:
  • UFC 240 – From Edmonton
    • Prelims – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
• 2019 World Rugby Pacific Nations Cup:
  • USA vs. Canada – 11:00PM | TSN

What can you say? It’s all a crapshoot.