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Your Wednesday Evening “Dollar Dollar Bills, Y’All” Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Numbers: today’s news brought to you by the numbers 16, 21, and 84, and the numbers they received from their associated teams.

  • Zeke got PAID!
    • A six-year extension worth $90 million.
    • Taking into account the two years he had left on his rookie deal, it’s $103 million over eight years, with $50 million guaranteed.
  • Jared Goff got PAIDER!
    • A four-year extension worth $134 million, with $110 million guaranteed.
      • The guarantee gives him the most money for a QB, beating the deal Carson Wentz signed in June by $2.1 million.
  • Antonio Brown got FINED!
    • The Raiders chose not to waive his “unexcused absences”, and have levied fines totaling $53,950 against their now-helmeted WR.
      • Mike Mayock making a clearly lisped statement about team discipline being clear to show “these are fines pursuant to the NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement and the team’s ‘club discipline schedule’.”
    • Brown had a subtle response:

Finally, the final number of the day is 17.

  • That’s the number of AAF players PFT found were still active on NFL rosters as of Tuesday.
    • Eight are on the 53-man roster of a team, and nine are on various practice rosters.

Apropos of nothing, here’s a little ditty for Seamus & his dating travails.

Just as an FYI, litre_cola & I had a fun little exchange yesterday making fun of a random HuffPo article in advance of the October 21 Canadian federal election.

It’s a choice between various STDs or Lyme Disease from the Green Party.

Tonight’s sports:

  • U.S. Open Tennis:
    • Men’s and women’s quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Twins at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / MLBN
    • Rockies at Dodgers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • Women’s College Volleyball:
    • Minnesota at Texas – 8:00PM | FS1

You’d think with the NFL opening tomorrow, networks would want to get eyes on their programming tonight. NOPE!

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yeah right

So I draft my first 8 rounds in the DFO fantasy league and the second I step away to secure the building and drive home I draft Kurt Cousins?

Shit ain’t funny man!

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Unsurprised

That depends on where you stand. 😀

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ALXMAC

The last few years I’ve always gone RB, RB for the 1st 2 rounds and this year I had the 3rd pick. I picked Zeke and Gordon not realizing that Gordon was in a contract dispute that at this point means he won’t play for anyone until week 10.

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Senor Weaselo

You don’t like that?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I will miss the opener tomorrow and all night games this year.

However I will proffer my jokes:

usually when a Khalil is on top of Aaron Rodgers that much, TMZ will pay seven figures for a video

I don’t know which skinny white males get buried more in Chicago: Bears kickers or Gacy’s victims

3
WCS

All I’ve done today was nurse a horrible hangover, and go talk in front of Freshman for close to three hours. Somehow, I’ve managed to watch three movies with Yaphet Kotto in them: Alien, The Running Man, and now Warning Sign. This was not a conscious decision, but, I’m not complaining.

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Brick Meathook

Watch Blue Collar (1978), with Richard Pryor, Harvey Keitel, and Yaphet Kotto. It’s about union workers at a Detroit car assembly plant. Made at the height of Richard Pryor’s comedy fame (and with his cocaine addiction at full strength) at first it seems like a comedy movie – – – until you remember that it was made by Paul Schrader, who does not make comedy movies, not at all. It turns dark and keeps getting darker. The scenes of 1970s Detroit and inside the old assembly lines are amazing. This movie is somewhat hard to find but it’s out there.

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Brick Meathook

I took my own advice and just watched Blue Collar. Damn that’s a great movie, extremely well made, Paul Schrader at his finest, which means it’s an exploration of the bleakness of existence. And Richard Pryor is intense, with some funny parts in the beginning and then he becomes ever less funny thereafter. Highly recommended, as good as I remember it. It’s on Amazon Prime.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m a tad concerned that time zones may keep me from the liveblog since I’ll have to play catch up on the game tomorrow. Still think Eastern time can suck it though.

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

It must have been freezing in that studio.

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ALXMAC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYkbTyHXwbs

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Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

HOT TAEK– Don’t trust the B in apartament 23 was good

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Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Dirt Giants won, I got to do roll call, and someone on the Dirt Cowboys threw me a ball during BP. It was a good day.

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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ALXMAC

True story: a dot matrix quality jpeg of that redheaded doctor was the first nudie I ever downloaded over the internet. It was back in the BBS days.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rotate the image 90 degrees and swap him out for Markie Post in the same pose

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ALXMAC

He kinda looks like Harry though. MAGIC!!

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Brick Meathook

He looks like Fran Tarkenton. That’s Incredible!

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ALXMAC

I like this short guy from Argentina. He’s feisty:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKuAl1QvuI8

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ALXMAC

Why is this US Open quarterfinal being played at damn near midnight eastern time? Did all the previous games tonight go 5 sets?

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Mr. Ayo

Prime time! It’s great over here on the best coast.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Agreed. Eastern time can suck it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

There was a hailstorm in Queens, according to Madre Weaselo.

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WCS

Today is my birthday. Not 30 minutes after I got home from teaching, what does Lil’er WCS give me as a present? Playing the cats’ litterbox! I just spent an hour sifting through tossed litter and cat waste cleaning that up, while wifey gave them a decon bath.

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ALXMAC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eOUzS8il-E

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

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Don T

When the Saints played the Packers in that insane opening game years ago, I was at a school parent’s meeting. (Public school, opened with a prayer claro I did not stand OF COURSE). After most of the meeting was done, about 8 PM, a mother stood and started “As an educator…”
Vámonos loud enough, and out!
Brees drove like 90 yards in 40 seconds at the end. Insane game.

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Don T

I forgot what day it was and stumbled into plans for tomorrow evening. I’m not above [blip] “text from my kiid, ay she’s sick” to weasel outta shit that gets tedious about 8ish PM. Maybe tantrum exit is the way to go.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC

Never knew that Jessie was a Gators fan.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentlemen

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I saw our friend Lacey today.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Enjoy your post wax exfoliating

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Brick Meathook

She moved to West Hollywood.

1
Sharkbait

Think of all the pills he could buy with that

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Well, not that many.”

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m generally not in favoUr of drawing and quartering but I’m willing to make an exception for ol’ Marty here.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That always seemed like overkill, but I am with you here.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

A king in Germany? Looks like somebody forgot about a little something I like to call The Treaty of Versailles.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Was not expecting to see the naked Eagles’ O-line on the way to updating my roster. What a time to be alive. *unzips*

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SonOfSpam

Which one did you finish on?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The center.

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SonOfSpam

No one asked you, Aaron Rodgers.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

You know how sometimes you have nothing to say, but you see a blank space on the screen so you start typing words and hope something coherent shows up?

(I’m applying for a NY Times columnist job)

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Gratliff

Did someone delouse the bed?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

You already failed.

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Fronkenshteen

So how good is miles sanders anyway? Good enough to make Jordan Howard instantly obsolete? That trade proposal to the bolts has me freaked out.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

tWBS’ Biltmore Orioles are a whopping 3 games ahead of the Tigers for Not Last Place in baseball. Don’t listen to his lies about the Orioles being soooo bad!

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Gratliff

How I’m coping with Brexit:
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rockingdog

thats a cute rocking dog!

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Fronkenshteen

Daaaaaaaawwwwwwww! That’s a good looking pooch.

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SonOfSpam

HOOSA GOOD PUPPY??? YOU ARE!!!

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Brick Meathook

Your pup looks like my nephew’s dog when he was a pup.

He’s an old timer now. His BFF is the neighborhood cat (who lives in five different houses like a good cat should) and is also an old timer now. They used to chase each other but now they are inseparable and walk together everywhere. They’re both not long for this world but they’ve got their memories and each other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdSjQKNHvaQ

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Gratliff

He’s a german shepherd (or Alsatian to keep it Brexity). Actual brother of the one we got last year. She ended up being a lot lighter as she got bigger, but nothing quite that extreme. Do you know what the mix is? It’s a funny body for what looks like a pure shepherd head. We have a cat as well (about 8 years old) that my older shepherd won’t leave the fuck alone. It currently hates us almost as much as it hates the dogs.

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Brick Meathook

No idea. He was found as a puppy street dog, 14 years ago.

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Gratliff

That whole video is beautiful. I have zero armor for anything pet related, so shit like this always hits in me in the feels.

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Horatio Cornblower

You’re pissing on the floor and hoping you’re cute enough to be forgiven?

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Gratliff

At one point, he pissed on the floor while still drinking. It’s very impressive.

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Mr. Ayo

I’ll swap by first round pick for two boops.

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Unsurprised

Are we still 100% sure about this “No images in the banner quote” rule?

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...

You, dumb, an absolute goddamned fool: Joking about Biden’s brain liquefying and dripping from his face is problematic and distracts from real issues with his candidacy

Me, smart, just levitating from my brilliance:comment image

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Gratliff

It’s alright, Joe. I messed up the surgery bit in Dead Space 2 the first time, too.

2
Brick Meathook

Can someone explain to me why anybody in the United States gives a shit whether Britain stays or goes in the E.U.? I’m serious, I don’t get it. And no, I don’t ever read/watch/listen to anything about it either so my opinion is gloriously uninformed and completely my own.

If anyone wants to explain it to me I’m open to it, but I gotta warn you that I’m not going to read past your 25th word.

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herodotus450

Easier for us to trade with Europe if they’re one (mostly) unified whole? And just stability in general for the whole region. Also, I have no idea.

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Gratliff

You have no what?

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herodotus450

Idea, about why we should care about Britain. I just thought of the rest of it right now and am not a licensed geo-politician.

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Gratliff

Now that’s a solid efficient American sentence

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Gratliff

For me, it’s empathy for a populace getting fucked over by a bunch of old xenophobes. Otherwise, just dismay at the global trend of shittiness.

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ballsofsteelandfury

No-deal Brexit –> Scotland independence –> Catalan independence –> Basque independence –> less regional tensions –> less deaths.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I also like UK Trump getting slapped around by UK Congress.

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Brick Meathook

So then “No-deal Brexit -> less deaths.” Does that mean you’re PRO No-deal Brexit?

(I don’t even know what “No-deal Brexit” means)

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ballsofsteelandfury

I actually think this is a win win situation from our standpoint. If they leave, less deaths and more self- determination. If they don’t, no food shortages and medicine shortages equals less deaths.

The interesting part to me is that we could, in our lifetimes, be witnessing the disintegration of two world powers (UK and USSR).

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Brick Meathook

Be careful what you wish for.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, I know. We’re probably next…

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Brick Meathook

I don’t believe the U.S. is next, not even remotely close.

I don’t get your first paragraph. Both outcomes equal less deaths worldwide. I don’t get it. Britain is a tiny insignificant country now. The only world influence they have is music and fashion.

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ballsofsteelandfury

What I meant by that first paragraph is that I’m not rooting for any particular outcome as they both have positives associated with them.

I actually think China could implode next, but that’s just a weird feeling I got while traveling to Beijing and Shanghai and not based on any rational thought.

Britain is still head of the Commonwealth Of Nations, which encompasses all the former colonies, so it has influence there. Maybe our Canadian friends could weigh in on that. Technically, the Queen is their Queen. It’s a weird dynamic.

True, it’s not a world power like it used to be, but it’s not exactly a “shithole country” either.

1
Brick Meathook

If Britain leaves the E.U., who gets Canada?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

¡¡México!!

3
SonOfSpam

“Why not? Ya already took California.”

– Much of Orange County

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ballsofsteelandfury

Very true. I do think it’s hilarious that the average Orange County resident (obviously not you) 1) doesn’t know it all used to be part of México/Spain, and 2) can’t pronounce the street names in the cities they live in because they’re in Spanish.

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Unsurprised

I can’t wait for Buddy’s glorious return.

1
Unsurprised

There’s also the possibility of a 32-county Ireland.

1
Senor Weaselo

Alternately, more nationalism -> WWIII -> we all die. So that’s actually a pro-Brexit thing.

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Unsurprised

Because the governments get along but I’m pretty confident that many if not most Americans hate the English.

0
Gratliff

I know I’ve skipped the last few years of fantasy football, but why is Doug Pederson on my fantasy roster?

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Fronkenshteen

They added Head Coaches as a roster option on ESPN fantasy football, which is preposterous. So I reversed the scoring. Now you want to pick a HC you think will be soundly beaten. Brian Flores went first.

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Gratliff

Time to treat coach Doug like I would have active player Doug

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Unsurprised

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Gratliff

Fuck, I missed the draft, but in my defense, we got a new puppy during the draft.

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Unsurprised

Captain Bone Chews

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Horatio Cornblower

You clearly won the draft.

2
Gratliff

Ah, good ol’ facebook memories to remind me of pain gone by, like this gem from 9-4-15 where I showed my family and close friends my stupid internet football brain:

Sam Bradford and Matt Sanchez. There’s zero chance Tim Tebow isn’t starting by week 4. Jesus Christ. Literally. It’ll be a great chance for him to raise money to start a chain of artisan foreskin restaurants, or whatever the fuck it is he does outside of football. It’s Peete, Detmer, Hoying all over again, and no Jim Johnson to dull the pain.

It’s hard to believe we were jerking off to the thought of Chip Kelly Super Bowls before he blew up everything we actually liked about the team, and then our joy at his dismissal was immediately doused by the signing of Doug Pederson, who turned around and did the shit we expected Chip Kelly to do. The moral of this story is that I’m a dumb motherfucker, except the part about Sam Bradford being bad. He was real bad. Really the herald of futures Kirk Cousinses to come.
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litre_cola

I wors a Nnamdi Asomugha jersey for my draft this year. I am a dumb man who has also drank the Kool-aid.

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Gratliff

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rockingdog

found a funny:
“Does anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?”

ME: *from back* SHE TOUCHED THE THERMOSTAT

*all the dads start booing*

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ballsofsteelandfury

Today’s Brexit news has me all giddy.

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herodotus450

Did they finally agree to drop that “chips” nonsense?

2
Porky Prime

Zeke hasn’t been this happy since he brought a human female back to his village and a few hours later his golden God showed up.

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