Can I count those as way too many words? I mean I’ll ramble to get to the minimum because this is me. Hmm, what to say considering I’ve watched about one half of Jets football.

The Jets decided to take a page from the most successful team in New York, the Yankees. Unfortunately from them it was the part where injuries took their toll, and unlike the Yankees, Trevor Siemian is no Gio Urshela and whoever the fuck the current backup to C.J. Mosley is is no Domingo Ger—actually that’s probably a good thing for *checks ESPN* Albert McClellan. Of course that’s only half of it, the Jets are currently down to their third-string quarterback and due to injury and/or suspension, backup linebackers at all four positions. But namely in game 1 they had a 16-0 lead on the Bills, gave up a field goal, and learned that Mosley was out for the rest of the game due to a groin injury. To which I responded:

And lo and behold that was the final score. Thank goodness I was upstairs getting dressed for a wedding to play, so I missed the bedshittery. I didn’t miss the field goals that Week 1 kicker Kaare Vedvik missed, because when you have an ass-ton of cap space of course you don’t spend any to retain your All-Pro kicker and instead get Chandler Catanzaro who had the signature unexplained fire (it’s a matter for the courts) and retired, then Vedvik, and now currently Sam Ficken, who at least hasn’t fucked up yet. Not that he’s really had a pressure situation to fuck up.

Then they lost to the Browns on a pitiful Monday night game that I was fortunate to miss due to walking around Tribeca with Senorita Weaselo. Also Siemian got hit just the wrong way and his ankle died. He’s out for the year which is why Lucas Falk is playing meaningful minutes. Also I’m burying the lede here, where Sam Darnold got mononucleosis and is out indefinitely (hopefully he’ll come back right after the bye) which is why Siemian was out there against #ThePauls in the first place.

Any reasons why Darnold got mono? If you guessed “because that’s the most Jets injury you can get,” then step right up and claim your prize of absolutely nothing because let’s be honest we knew that.

So Lucas Falk was playing against the P*ts and a defense that has given up approximately nothing (even if the teams they’ve faced so far are a combined 0-9). Oh, and by the way, that game was the HIGHLIGHT of the season for the Jets. Because at least the Jets covered the spread! It ended up at -20.5 and thanks to Jamal Adams finally getting a pick-six it ended at 30-16. 14 is less than 20.5, so hooray.

This is the part where I should say what’s good with the team. Uh, Jamal Adams? I’d say Le’Veon Bell for a hot second if he had an opportunity to run with an almost balanced attack, but New England probably put about 14 in the box and then the Jets got penalized for too many men. Despite one of those men being Lucas Falk. David Fales was signed to the team as the backup to Falk against New England. At this point, fuck, Tom Tupa was going to be next on the depth chart.

What else, uh, C.J. Mosley was good before the groin injury. And Gregggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg Williams made the Pauls and P*ts games at least have a final score that looked competitive. And to our knowledge he hasn’t put any bounties on anyone.

What’s not? The secondary not named Jamal Adams, the backup linebackers but they are four backups so I can’t give them too too much flak, the entire goddamned offense which has so far been outscored by the defense 15-11. The defense has two touchdowns. The offense and special teams combined also have two touchdowns, and the special teams touchdown was a muffed punt recovered by the kicking team in the end zone, so it’s the coverage side, not the return side, Adam Gase.

So how will this team finish? Well, that doesn’t particularly matter, because they’re 0-3 and I had them at 9-7. So in theory I’d say 7-9, but let’s just say “better than the Dolphins.”

Probably.