Your “I’m Just Here For The Dolphin Slaughter” NFL Football Open Thread

Perusing team stats it’s remarkable how playing the Fins skews pretty much everything from ‘good’ to ‘wowzers!’. Average rushing yards, sacks, pressures, passes defended-it just goes on and on. You’d think that players on teams that have Miami on their sked towards the end of the season might have to pay out a part of their individual bonuses to the Fins, especially dudes on the Pats, Bills and Jets.

TO THE GAMES!

Titans/Falcons:

Good news for Matt, Julio and Calvin-the Tennessee secondary is giving up passes to outside receivers at a 75% clip. Yeah, that’s right, three of every four passes is successful.

Pats/Bills:

Dare we dream the dream? I’ve got faith that Josh can escape pressure from the ends with those wheels of his but that Pats secondary of Jones, McCourty and Gilmore is a crack unit. Not helping matters is that Bills wr’s have eight dropped passes already-good for third in the league. I think the Buffalo front seven can hold up their end of the bargain and force Brady to quicken his throws and he might not get much help from Edelman, who has some chest/ribs thing going on.

Chiefs/Lions:

Do you have T.J. Hockenson Buyers Remorse? It’s a real condition that might just be cured by playing from behind the entire game to K.C. Catching just one pass for more than eight yards will shatter his previous two week’s combined output.

Raiders/Colts:

A player prop to consider? How about Brissett throwing for less/more than 221.5. He tossed more than 300 last week but is a very tentative guy usually and has no T.Y. this week. What to do, what to do…

Chargers/Fins:

All (most) of L.A.’s skill guys are off today-wr Williams, rb Jackson, te’s Henry and Green among them. Is your fantasy team all banged up like mine and you’re looking for a spot starter at the flex? You could do worse than Dontrelle Inman.

Potato Skins/Giants:

These guys should be able to score at will on each other, just not on the ground. I’m throwing rook wr McLaurin in there today because Janoris Jenkins is giving up a 140 QB rating to the guy he covers.

Browns/Ravens:

When does Baker, Baker The Touchdown Maker come out of hiding? Betcha Jarvis Landry is re-thinking his open-arms approach to OBJ joining the team. He’s averaging less than 60 yards receiving per game.

Panthers/Texans:

The Carolina D is allowing a paltry 189 yards through the air so far this year. Deshaun should murderkill that number this week.

Do your blurst!

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Horatio Cornblower

Only in Brooklyn
/Brooklyn burns to the ground
Well, shit.

Fronkenshteen

Oooh! What’d burfict do?

ArmedandHammered

He Vontazed a bro.

ArmedandHammered

Didn’t see it, my wife decided now us the time to vacuum in front of the TV.

ArmedandHammered

Her OCD is kicking in, she saw some pet hair and started cleaning.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I just hope you have pets.

ArmedandHammered

Yep, rabbits.

Gratliff

Too early. Should Keenum’s team for the next 5 years or so imho

Mr. Ayo

Continuity is very important!

Gatoraids

Giants drinking from that Jones town kookaid

LemonJello

DWAYNE HASKINS ERA BEGINS?

Mr. Ayo

It’s true. Beards interfere with their masks. Mustaches only.

ArmedandHammered

And that.

bk109

Same reason why the armed forces are so strict with the grooming standards for non-spec ops types. It’s not just to break your will to live and/or to question authority, but also because it interferes with masks AND can actually lead to skin issues

Viva La Tabula Raza

When I was in the Navy, we could still have beards up till 1 Jan 1985. And we used these Oxygen Breathing Apparatuses. You could use the OBA with a beard, but you had to keep it neatly trimmed, no neckbeards, that would fuck up the seal around your face.
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ArmedandHammered

I think he means he is required to shave, may consider beards a hazard in a burning building.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s all fun and games in a burning building until your beard catches on fire.

ArmedandHammered

You just have to save him then.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d have already been terminated. I haven’t shaved in nearly three months. My Rick Grimes beard started early this year.

entropy

It’s not a hazard, the other firefighters all just hate the smell of burnt hair.

Sharkbait

I’ve noticed that when my regular fantasy teams are shit, my DFS lineups tend to be in the green. Does this happen to anyone else?

Gratliff

OBJ gonna spend the rest of that dude’s career explaining how easily he would have caught that

herodotus450

Redo Zone is showing an injured player down on hte field. Pretty much sums up these games so far.

Sharkbait

My opponent in my money league has Rogers and Pats D getting all his points. I dislike this.

LemonJello

We don’t need the Eli tribute on the field, Daniel!

Fronkenshteen

I’m not going to recover from having J. Howard on my bench with 32.

Gratliff

So was the Eagles game just an outlier for the Falcons? Are they Actually Bad?

King Hippo

BFC has the Shitty Clippers D/ST, but Grumblelord’s service to Hippo’s Opium Den leads 23-5

Viva La Tabula Raza

Buffalo is Turnover Town today.

LemonJello

Andy Reid frantically searches for flights to Buffalo…

Fronkenshteen

[books flight to Buffalo]

– A. Reid

Sharkbait

ALLENCEPTION 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

bk109

Wow, Josh Allen REALLY is a Pats fan, ain’t he? Also congrats to all who still run with the Pats D in fantasy leagues 🙂

King Hippo

I may be dumb, but I ain’t STOOPID

Fronkenshteen

THROW TO WALLER GODDAMMIT

King Hippo

Their QB KILLED CHRIST, you cockwallets!! – Philip R., San Diego, CA

King Hippo

Mahomey just ridiculous

King Hippo

if you have him in fantasy, and aren’t 3-0? Should probably consider Seppuku

Sharkbait

GO TO ENGRAM!

King Hippo

could use some ShepardPOINTZ

King Hippo

Jones needs to run a keeper

Gratliff

Jones needs to run a keeper throw exclusively to Sterling Shephard

King Hippo

ALSO FINE

Col. Duke LaCross

That Titans wideout is a big motherfucker.

Fronkenshteen

AJ Brown would appear to be a bad motherfucker.

Mr. Ayo

He just robbed a safe on live TV and no one is doing anything!

Also, small guy ball boy.

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t work out so well for Leroy.

King Hippo

had a #ThePauls feeling today

Horatio Cornblower

You had diarrhea?

ArmedandHammered

I would have thought constipation, all effort no result.

King Hippo

Kenny Stills? DED

Fronkenshteen

LOOGIEDOWN

Horatio Cornblower

Frank Gore’s run there looked like my start in the 5K yesterday: “Hey, this feels great, I’m fast asohshitI’moldandeveryone’spassingme”

King Hippo

make a comeback, Humps

Mr. Ayo

That’s a start.

Fronkenshteen

I’m tied heavy to Parris Campbell today. A hunch.

Sharkbait

Lol buffalo

Horatio Cornblower

“Well, it’s over in Buffalo…”

Buffalo mayor as Kodak declares bankruptcy in 2012.
Also today, just now.

Gratliff

o bills

Fronkenshteen

I hate football

entropy

That Bills fan halftime wedding is looking more poorly planned with every second.

bk109

Why, she may have the over AND the bet the Pats 😀

Gatoraids

For Worse or worst

entropy

“Til the fourth quarter do us part….”

Horatio Cornblower

“In Buffalo or in health…”

entropy

Everyone in the crowd will just start laughing at “for richer,” even the officiant.

bk109

MATTHEW SLATER ladies and pervosaurs!

King Hippo

I enjoy having P*ts D/ST in DFO-ball

King Hippo

PopeDOWN! No surprise Laserface would favour him

Fronkenshteen

Marmalard would throw for 1,000 yards today if he could.

Gratliff

That’s 5 hours worth of hangtime

Horatio Cornblower

“Please God, no”

Mrs. Marmalard.

Horatio Cornblower

“Lee Smith, (who has 3 penalties already), is the only member of these Bills to have experienced a home win against the Patriots” and he pretty clearly seems inclined to keep it that way.

King Hippo

Only thing I did that was SMRT in fantasy – Joey Slye.

King Hippo

been starting him SINCE WEEK ONE

Horatio Cornblower

I’d ask what pictures does Gostkowski has of Kraft that are so awful that he can’t be cut, but given what we know about Kraft’s hobbies I’m pretty sure we can all guess.

King Hippo

in retrospect, Los Gigantes were the logical survivor pick

Bortleback

comment image

Sports are the worst

King Hippo

I saw the risk in LOLfins/Shitty Clippers, still losing all my survivor/loser pools

entropy

I was so mad about this

Bortleback

It’s fine, there’s always France 2023

Mr. Ayo

CHOSEN DOWN!

King Hippo

also godfuckingdamnit, Humps

King Hippo

why bother covering James White, Brady NEVAR throws to him. Dumb chucklefucks.

King Hippo

started him in DFO-ball