Your “Perfectly Adequate, Nothing More” NFL Football Open Thread

None of these tilts strike me as that compelling but what do I know? I was dead wrong about the Thursday Nighter. AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I’LL BE WRONG AGAIN! I’m not usually that confident in my abilities but being wrong is the exception. You see, the law of averages catches up with everyone and I’ve made peace with that. The key is to surround yourself with good folks, trash the rest, and that way you limit the amount of bad decisions you make. Ta da! It really is that easy.

TO THE GAMES!

Bucs/Rams:

If you’ve got depth at the rb position you may want to fade Gurley here. I know-preposterous! But it’s apparently a thing that his usage is being monitored and the Tampa run D is legit and second only to the Pats. (because Fins and Jets)

Seahawks/Cards:

Two very bad secondaries walk into a bar… And I thought the Gmen couldn’t cover the tight end-get a load of these numbers. Arizonny has given up 131 yds, 1 TD to Hockenson, 112 and 1 TD to Andrews and 75 and 2TDs to Olsen. You will play Dissly if you can and you will play him hard!

Vikes/Bears:

“What the raging fuckballs is this start time?”, I imagine Papa Bear Halas screaming from the grave. I also imagine Vince Lombardi shouting, “Keep it down over there. I was just dreaming about beating the wife again and you interrupted!”. Those guys just do not get along. smgdh…

Jags/Broncs:

I’ve run the numbers on this one and it comes up snake eyes. Unless you’ve got some ‘stache kink going for you, there’s nothing to see here.

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Brocky

That’s better

Gratliff

This is all very boring right now and I’ve found myself getting caught up on the fashy shenanigans in San Francisco. How long until this devolves to trebuchet wars?

Doktor Zymm

wait, what?

Gratliff

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Doktor Zymm

ugh SF is dumb

Brocky

Since when the fuck do the refs favor the refs?

Doktor Zymm

I can help Arizona check out some tight ends if they want

Gatoraids

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Sharkbait

The Feast of BLEERGH being observed in Chicago

Brocky

What the hell refs

King Hippo

Kyler Murray may not have fucked Ted, but he might also not be very good

Doktor Zymm

I think we should all be proud of him for accomplishing as much as he has when he’s fighting against the obvious genetic disadvantages of being born to people who thought it was okay to name their kid ‘Kyler’

Doktor Zymm

Gurley is a much better G-Man than the entire Giants team

King Hippo

Flacco is RIGID today, y’all

Mr. Ayo

ELITE drive

Doktor Zymm

Well crap, I had a plan I was going to write down before I started drinking. I’ll have to email it to myself again, because I’m not going to stop watching football and swigging blanc de blancs now just to find a ‘pen’ and ‘paper’

Doktor Zymm

Woah, forgot Suggs was still around

Sharkbait

I guess that degree from Ball So Hard University doesn’t mean much. Gotta keep working I suppose.

Doktor Zymm

I would watch Zane Gonzales starring in a movie based on a Zane Grey novel

King Hippo

wasn’t there some “Zane diaries” type thing on Skinemax that was black soft-core porn??

Doktor Zymm

Probably? Throw that into the Zanefest too!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s safe to assume that Zanefest will be held at Billy Zane’s house, right?

Doktor Zymm

Seems reasonable, although he will be deemed inferior by the first name Zanes

Sharkbait

I dont want to root for injuries, but I want to see Cohen under center

King Hippo

oh FUCK YES

Doktor Zymm

He’s the emergency QB?? Ooooh!

Sharkbait

Yuuuup!

King Hippo

Baby Buster. 🙁

#JustATurdOutThere

Doktor Zymm

THROW IT TO ZELDA’S HUBBY

herodotus450

Francis Scott?

WCS

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King Hippo

if the Qardinals would just use David Johnson like this, they might not be so bad

Sharkbait

Truthbiscuit officially on the shelf

Doktor Zymm

He’s an elf now?

King Hippo

CAPPPPPTAAAAAAAIIIIINNNN DINGLEBERRY! AHOY!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I see that as usual, the Chiefs are accumulating a massive luck deficit during the regular season that will be collected (with interest) once the playoffs start.

Doktor Zymm

Goddamit rapey pirates, I need those sweet, sweet QB points

Brick Meathook

L’Chaim! Cohen scores!

King Hippo

today, young Lenny has become a man

Brocky

And the “chase daniel is better than trubisky” jokes are gone as soon as they started.

Brocky

..or not

Mr. Ayo

It’s not a joke when it’s true.

Sharkbait

Would you say they got…

(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

Stale?

http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=csi

King Hippo

Donks…touched….DOWN??

Mr. Ayo

Wooh!

WCS

Bob’s Burgers is back tonight, Always Sunny on Thursday!
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Sharkbait

The first episode of Sunny was great

Doktor Zymm

I do like the throwback Unis. So many stripes! Like Tiger Bears!

Gratliff

Kirk Cousins fixing to lose to Chase Daniel

Doktor Zymm

Who is Daniel and why should I chase him?

King Hippo

played rugby at university?

Doktor Zymm

Reasonable. Super pissed I missed seeing a Rugby World Cup match in Fukuoka by a day

Mr. Ayo

And Truth Biscuit is going to be Wally Piped by Mr. Daniel.

King Hippo

I checked off Team MRSA for Loser, so good thing I did pick Fuck Liouns despite the difficulty

Sharkbait

Stafford might get another shot. Looked like one second ticked off after the incompletion

Doktor Zymm

“Hail Mary Full of Grits”

King Hippo

NOOOOOOO, another Hail Mary

Sharkbait

Truthbiscuit looks like a shoulder injury. Believe me, I know shoulder injuries

Brocky

Shit, i missed the trubisky hit. Did it look bad, no jokes on this please

King Hippo

ish

Doktor Zymm

‘shaken up’

Gratliff

The scramble attempt looked very bad yes

Mr. Ayo

The fumble looked bad. The hit didn’t.

Sharkbait

Truthbiscuit ded

Mr. Ayo

El Bollo de Verdad stinks even more than Brady.

King Hippo

Bollo DED

Gratliff

I am fully prepared for the Derp Off in Chicago

Gratliff

Dig the helmets tbh

Gratliff

Fucking could have had Clowney

Gratliff

The inevitability sucking the soul out of the Lions fans is amazing

Porky Prime

There should be a Venn Diagram with Matt Barkley, Nintendo Zapper, and Elmer Fudd with “Wounded Ducks” in the center.

Brick Meathook

USC quarterbacks are a breed unto themselves

Brocky

The detroit lions are just hatable enough for me to not root for their underdog status

Sharkbait

3rd and 24? NFL BLITZ!

Sharkbait

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Porky Prime

Matt Barkley showing the accuracy and arm strength that makes him clearly a more intelligent choice as an NFL backup than Colin Kaepernick.

Gratliff

You think Kaepernick should be allowed to hate America on an NFL salary? Well I can refute that with my inconsistent list of stats, salaries, and phrenology charts.

herodotus450

Ehh Matt Barkley the commentator or Matt Barkley the planet?

Brick Meathook

Too bad Tebow’s already got a gig.

King Hippo

at leest hes not uppity and stands for Murrica not spit on troops libtard

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