Your “Does This Look Rushed? Because It Is” Monday Night Football Open Thread

No time to talk!

Fallout:

-Vontaze Burfict will be given the rest of the season off to not think about what he did to Jack Doyle. Somebody cue up Shirley Bassey’s History Repeating.

-The lesser-known (outside of the Rockies area) Chubb, Brad, is gone for the year.

-The even lesser-known (not to me) Ryan Connelly, rook lb for the Giants is gone as well after posting an 8 tackle, 1 interception and 1 sack stat line. Goddamnit!

-Josh Allen is in concussion protocol and will likely be back in three weeks after the Bills lose to the Titans, then take a bye, and end up with a more Buffalo-like 3-2 record.

-Unfrozen Caveman QB Darnold has been cleared to start throwing the old rock again. No word on whether spears are allowed just yet.

-Hey, if you invested in Bruce Arian’s O in the form of wr’s Godwin and/or Evans, congrats! You’ve got the 3rd and 4th highest scoring wideouts in fantasy.

TO THE GAME!

Cincy/Pitt:

Qb Dalton is rather spotlight averse. He’s lost his last four Monday Nighters, has never won on Sunday night and, well, there is that 0-4 mark on his reputation as far as playoff games are concerned. His counterpart Mason Rudolph is a bit of an unknown quantity but early reviews indicate that he’s not good at the deep ball or intermediate routes but that short checkdown pass is in his wheelhouse. I see plenty of handoffs so you fellas out there that are depending on heretofore incredibly shitty James Conner to win you your fantasy matchup just might have lucked into something.

Go get ’em!

 

 

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC
ALXMAC
Senor Weaselo

So somehow Maestro and I were against each other in DFOball, didn’t talk smack to each other, and between the two of us four starters met or exceeded projections. The two of us combined had 3.5 more points than the guy who had the most points. So nobody really wins.

ALXMAC

DUDE. I’m 0-4 in part b/c I drafted Melvin Gordon in the 3rd round.

Unsurprised

A reminder that Scotchy seems to have been playing with his hobo toys for a while.

https://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught#155715

Unsurprised

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blaxabbath

That was a good one.

Unsurprised

Is that your handywork?

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Me and Sir Paul feel the same way. See y’all Thursday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMM_LNcNV-E

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, Juul is going to be the modern analog for R.J. Reynolds?

WCS

Good ol’ Bungholes.
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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo
Viva La Tabula Raza

Sorry, but the Orange Wotsit line kills me.
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WCS

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Affirmative.

Unsurprised

She looks better as an alien.

LemonJello

Stop! Stop! The Bengals are already dead!
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herodotus450

Tyler Eifert still alive? “Ooops Eiferted” still a viable fantasy team name?

herodotus450

Times like these I’m glad there’s a republican in the while house, maybe these bengals will go extinct sooner rather than later.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Careful out there Scotchy, you might run into this guy. Have I posted this before? Probably.
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Col. Duke LaCross

Saw that movie premiere at Sundance and met Rutger Hauer. I don’t think he was acting in that movie.

Unsurprised

Fat Humps about to get even fatter. Pot’s now legal-ish in Indianapolis

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Car-boat sales also projected to rise

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow, this is devolving into Bengal-esque levels of incompetence so quickly that I am getting dizzy.

Sharkbait

Round 167 of “Bengals or Booze”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Perhaps. Alcohol also contributing to this effect.

Redshirt

Yeah, to hell with this.

Mr. Ayo

WTH kind of coverage was that?

Redshirt

Bengals Radio Theory #1: CB thought it was zone coverage.
Bengals Radio Theory #2: CB and S were covering each other.

herodotus450

Speaking of baseball, the Tigers finished with a 47-114 record, a full six games behind tWBS’ Oreoles, and six games ahead of the all time record of 120 losses. Their season was so bad their record doesn’t even add up to 162 games.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I tuned in to this game tonight with the vague desire of seeing Cincinnati be the less-sucking of these two sucking teams. Feeling a bit disappointed in that desire being destroyed.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Really. Why should anyone buy a video shooter game when the 2nd Amendment allows you to just go out and do it for reals?

Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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Redshirt

I don’t understand that theory. I played Nintendo, and I didn’t go out eating mushrooms or blowing up strangers walls looking for hearts.

Redshirt

Ah, misunderstood.

herodotus450

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Gratliff

You run faster with a knife. Everyone knows that!

Redshirt

I don’t know if Bray Wyatt is describing Hell in a Cell or tonight’s football game.

Dunstan

Wildcat TD! Everybody drink a Labatt’s Wildcat!

No, just kidding. Nobody should ever drink those.

Unsurprised

I forgot how good Lagunitas Brown Shugga is. ?

Unsurprised

Fermentation

Recovery Whiskey

Why dont DBs and linebackers turn around to guard receivers any more

Dunstan

It’s considered pass interference now.

Unsurprised

Fucking bullshit

Sharkbait

Have my 5 week post surgery appointment tomorrow. Cross your fingers I can get out of this god damn sling

herodotus450

Sharklock: “Ayy doc why you wanna suffer me these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?”
Doctor: “…you still have to pay the copay.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

“…and the rest of Trumplandia”

herodotus450

If any of you sportsfans have ears, I recommend the “Slow Burn” podcast. It’s pretty good, and there’s a normal amount of blowjobs about halfway through.

Sharkbait

I loved the Nixon season. Haven’t listened to the Clinton one yet.

LemonJello

Well, that was…

King Hippo

He’s “Snoop Dogg” again? Wha happen to Snoop Lion??

Mr. Ayo

He forgot.

From all the wacky tabacky.

Dunstan

Focus groups didn’t like it.

Gatoraids

Name was taken on twitch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Snoop ditched it because he was worried Trump would get him confused with the CIA whistleblower “Snoop Lyin'” and have him whacked.

King Hippo

y’all hear this is the end of the line for Bojack Horseman? Can’t wait to see how soul-crushingly depressing the grand finale is.

Gatoraids

Ends up in mega church with Kurt Catmoron

Redshirt

If this team had an halfway decent offensive line, it’d be 2-1 and leading this game.

King Hippo

2020 does look like a good draft for LT, at least

Redshirt

We got more problems that LT. The whole line is blocking worse than a couch would.

King Hippo

draft good tackles, move the shitty tackles inside

Redshirt

Thanks for showing that, ESPN. Are you showing video from my first date in the 2nd half?

Sharkbait

How is Omar Epps still employed?

jjfozz

how boring is it? are we praying for an ebola outbreak?

Mr. Ayo

Avert your gaze.

ArmedandHammered

No big deal to add one more location for an Ebola outbreak to my list, I’ll place it under the oval office and Moscow Mitch’s bedroom.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ju-ju… Christ-killer or not?

—Phil Rivers and his Quiverful

Spur

Great. am changing to the news.
Later Gators.

ThurberHerder

Not sticking around for the Shazier halftime show?

Word has it that it will really be moving

Redshirt

Told ya.

Spur

Why is JuJu playing inst it Rosh HaShooShoo?

LemonJello

Spur, do you smell burnt toast?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Oh, Rosh Hashana, is it? Gut Yontif!

Spur

Is this Andy Dalton being consistent?

WCS

Thanks, Sudden Change.

Redshirt

There it is.

Spur
Spur

Dalton? comment image

Redshirt

“Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”
– Ben “Nobody” Roethisburger

ThurberHerder

“Nobody” puts “baby” in the “corner”

“baby” being a motorcycle helmet and “corner” being fuckit you get it

jjfozz

“Nobody corners baby but me.”

Brick Meathook

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ThurberHerder

John Dalton?

Spur

Changing the culture in Cincinnati means stopping the locals from throwing their unused paint and meth production by products in the Ohio River.

Redshirt

How else do you think we clean the river?

Unsurprised

I got a bit of money today at work. That’s nice.

King Hippo

spend it all on pussy and beer!

Viva La Tabula Raza

And dope!

Brick Meathook

I believe that immigration and diversity is our great strength, but do you know who really hates immigrants? Indians. They hate all the immigrants. And I’m talking about the Native American scalpin’ savage Injuns, not those little red-dot dress wearin’ cab driver Sabu motherfuckers, although they hate everybody. Hatred has no place in my heart.

Unsurprised

fuck it, Dude. I’m going drinking.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I just can’t understand why those brave warriors feel that way.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Philip%27s_War

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m concerned that the latest “leaks” that Barr was reaching out to countries like Australia and Italy regarding the Mueller probe is a deliberate attempt to muddy the waters on the mob shakedown Trump pulled on Ukraine.

herodotus450

“See, he does it to every country! No big deal.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Exactly this, yes. “Barr has been doing this publicly (if extremely quietly) the whole time with other countries; why would anyone care if they did it to Ukraine too?”

Redshirt

You really think the Trump Administration would be that smart?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They speak the language of stupidity extremely fluently, and nothing gets the eyes of the Trumpists to glaze over faster than a complex subject. So if they are under of suspicion of one crime, they expose themselves as having committed nine more, and then supporters get confused and take the easy way out and declare it as a vindication that it was all a “hoax” and a “witch hunt”.

Unsurprised

AUSTRALIA IS ONE OF THE FIVE FUCKING EYES!!!

That fucking moron.