Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

On these cool, crisp afternoons I like to do a bit of driving. I’m not by any means a ‘fall colours’ kinda guy but I when I do notice the foliage I’m reminded that it’s pleasant enough to look at. I spent a part of the day raking leaves and cleaning the caulking in the bathroom. I buy a hard bristle toothbrush because it really gets into all the tiny crevices. I don’t stop until everything is done. Sometimes it takes hours…

I passed by a few carparks, those little oases where folks on long distance journeys can pull over and get a little shuteye. If they only knew what I’ve done at some of those places, how very close they were to some of my greatest adventures. But I had a certain other place in mind. There’s a huge truck stop by the name of Gus’s that sits right at the spot where this highway splits to the east and to the north. It’s been around forever, longer than I can remember. My dad took me here for ham and eggs (sunnyside with a large glass of milk and a double order of toast to wipe up the yolks) when I was a kid. The place is huge-tons of tables inside and acres and acres of parking outside.

There’s a thriving but small black market economy here-drivers sell goods that are only available in other provinces, dealers know that there’s business to be had on what would otherwise be a slow Sunday night, and sexual favours are of course available. This was my angle tonight.

As I sat with my coffee I waited on the offers and it didn’t take long. A meaningful stare here and there gets the ball rolling quickly. The first was by a sharply dressed guy that stuck out like a sore thumb,

-need any coke?

-naw, looking for something else

-guy or girl?

-surprise me

The boy was young, really young and he was nervous as hell. I bought him a Pepsi and told him what I wanted. He just nodded and looked back at his ‘caretaker’. I told him I pay well and

-maybe we could chat a bit

-sure, he replied

I mean, what else was he going to say? It eventually came out that he’d been on the streets for a week. Kicked out of school, kicked out of the house by his stepmother, he was from three provinces away. The knife clipped to my hip felt warm as he talked-I had no idea why he was unloading on me. Just had to get it out, I guess.

-sorry if I talked too much

-no worries

-I don’t know why but you remind me of my dad

The cold, electrical energy crackled down my spine. My mind went temporarily blank. My hands trembled a bit. Nothing was going right and it wouldn’t go right. I knew immediately.

-you okay?

-yeah, let’s get this done with. Come out to my car

-Uh, I have to do it in the bathroom. That’s what he says

-I’ll pay double-tell your guy that’s just my thing

We got out to the car and I started up the car and squealed out of the parking lot.

-what the fuck! I’m in so much trouble

-I’m getting you out of trouble

I saw some headlights behind us but they eventually faded. I drove back towards my town and then beyond it. I drove for six hours, the kid sleeping most of the way. I dropped him near a youth hostel in a larger city after getting some money out of an ATM.

-take this, get a room and get a job-don’t do that shit again

He just nodded his head and got out. I called work and said I wouldn’t be in until noon and began to drive back. It’s rare for me, but some plans go awry but that’s okay, I guess. I’ll just have to focus a bit more next time out.

TO THE GAME!

Colts/Chiefs:

I guessing Patrick Mahomes and his Flying Circus run away with this.*

*code for “I didn’t bother to do any homework for this one, it was a long drive”

Have at it, wastrels!

 

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King Hippo

let’s see if Old Man not-Rivers still has the yips

Unsurprised

Has Kyler even thrown the fucking ball or is he just a glorified RB?

King Hippo
Old School Zero

=THISGUY(MACK,MACK,TRUCKING THE DEFENSE)

WCS

Cpt. Andrew Luck looks at this performance from the Clots offensive line and has flashbacks to Antietam.

hippofant

I’m opening these all in a different tab, half-suspicious/half-hoping they’re actually porn GIFs.

Unsurprised

Not with the lady present.

hippofant

I am half-relieved/half-disappointed.

Doktor Zymm

Why not a pass when going for it on 4th? Everyone and their Teddy Ruxpin speaking bear tries to run it

hippofant

Did one of the officials place bets on the Colts or something?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or the Chiefs, on this drive.

Fronkenshteen

Game. Blouses.

Sharkbait

KC…bad?

WCS

A WILD ANDY REID PLAYCALL EMERGES

WhyEaglesWhy

Legit surprised there was no flag on that 4th down.

Col. Duke LaCross

What a tackle!

Dunstan

Someone below mentioned that KSK has a Wiki page, so I checked it out and apparently KSK was founded by “unsanctioned sports bloggers.” Is there another kind? Have the DFO Braintrust been sanctioned by, I don’t know, the sports blog pope or whoever does such things?

Old School Zero

The sports blog pope took me out to the boathouse and blessed my butthole.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Co-sponsored by BLEERGH and DOINK.

Brocky

I put a table on that wiki page.

So fucking proud of myself

Viva La Tabula Raza

Buffalo Bills fans revere your legacy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It means it was founded by North Koreans, back before they were cut off from international trade.

Unsurprised

It’s a shame Rapey’s head didn’t come off like a crawfish’s at a boil
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King Hippo

that DPI bails out the safety

Mr. Ayo

BLEE’RGH is feasting tonight.

King Hippo

You had Andy at “feast”

WCS

3rd and 28? NFL BLITZ!

Brocky

Brocky’s month of macabre continues

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King Hippo

Reminder – there is eactly ONE good team in the NFL. Otherwise…hey, GREAT parity.

WhyEaglesWhy

Give be both ends of a TY TD!

Fronkenshteen

Come on Hines. Sneaky TD here.

King Hippo

there was a good article in The Athletic this week, about how much shit Brissett gave Hines (when the latter was just a freshman at NC State)

Doktor Zymm

Do you think his parents are sad he doesn’t play for the Steelers?

King Hippo

Because I had the Humps in Loser pool (despite a bad feeling), I bet $39 ML on them. Almost 5-to-1!

Col. Duke LaCross

I added their coach in DFO ball like an idiot because the fish were on a bye.

King Hippo

I had already used the ‘Dacteds (AND Jest), so almost anyone else I considered also lost. Except RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! (which woud have been pure dumb luck at the end)

Brocky

Someone say… odds?

https://youtu.be/msDuNZyYAIQ

Unsurprised
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, why won’t Brocky’s video show up when I refresh, but yours did? Internet mystery!

Gratliff

Shortened urls won’t work

Gratliff

I found out a little while ago thatone of my coworkers grew up next to the Steiner brothers and she thought that was sort of interesting but not “Gratliff buries her in wrestling trivia for 2 weeks despite the fact that she has never actually seen the Steiners wrestle” interesting, and she was wrong.

King Hippo

VERY good run. So patient.

Sharkbait

Bad OPI is bad.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Even though he was a career Steeler, I kinda like Troy Polamolou’s (sp?) commercial presence. Kinda like I used to not hate Manning before he went all in on Progressive ads.

King Hippo

The new iPhone!! Even MOAR dumb shit to break!

Unsurprised

Siri, show me the Giants season.
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Doktor Zymm

Was Chance the Snapper the aborted attempt of a staffer to fulfill Trump’s moat dilly-o?

Viva La Tabula Raza

In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

WhyEaglesWhy

The Flag God is fucking greedy.

Doktor Zymm

I heard a thing on NPR recently about a guy who cut his own hand off because he was bored and thought learning how to cope with only one hand would be interesting. I kinda get it, but I’m not going to do that, mostly because I can’t commit.

Unsurprised

I thought the furry who froze his hands in dry ice until the needed to be amputated so he could have paws was stupid, but this is somehow worse.

King Hippo

Rikki – at least you don’t need to watch the AFC title match now. If the fucking HUMPS can control the line of scrimmage like this, imagine what Grumblelord’s Death Star will do.

Viva La Tabula Raza
King Hippo
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think I’m from an earlier generation than you, but I’m still curious as to why the leader of Black Flag has been noticeably absent from the conversation during this current administration. I remember him being quite visible during GWB’s reign. Maybe he finally reached multi-miliionaire status and is good with how things are now, what with the tax cuts and such.

hippofant

“He looks even MORE injured this time than last time. Hmm. Wow.”

King Hippo

it’s almost LIEK if a fat guy steps on an ankle that’s already taped up, it don’t feel so good. WEIRD, eh?

Doktor Zymm

I can confirm this, oddly enough

King Hippo

and I will take your word for it. After all, you a DOKTOR.

Unsurprised

I see Richie Incognito is still a giant piece of shit.
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King Hippo

He deserves another chance. See, unlike Burfict, this here is a WHITE MAN.

King Hippo

Is everyone getting Herr Fuhrer ads, or is that just lucky folk like me in a “battleground” state?

Brocky

I got one on Yahoo sports. Fuck

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think they are wasting their ad money down here in Texas, unless they think they’re going to flip the big cities.

Redshirt

I’m getting it too. Its enlightening that he ends it with “Trump’s a tough guy”.

King Hippo

all-in on authoritarianism

Viva La Tabula Raza

Since he is actually a gigantic vagina, that’s pretty , uh, I can’t think of the word.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc

King Hippo

he SO WANTED to serve his country, y’all, probably would have been a 5-star general. But those galdurned bone spurs ,, smgdh.

Sharkbait

Nope. It’s everywhere.

Fuck trump

King Hippo

Silver lining – it says to me that he really believes his own bullshit about having only lost the popular vote because of electoral maths strategy.

Brick Meathook

I got them in L.A. today and we never get presidential TV ads.

I’m voting for him because the ads make a lot of sense and I haven’t heard anything different.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m voting for him because the ads make a lot of sense and I haven’t heard anything different and he hates minorities as much as I do.

—Flyover country

Col. Duke LaCross

Just saw one in Utah! Even W. Bush had an 80% approval rating here AT THE END!

Unsurprised

He’s still at 87% job approval among Republicans. NEVER been below 84%

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fucking cult.

hippofant

As a Canadian, I’m pretty baffled, because Trump has literally done nothing for four years. He’s picked a lot of fights annnd basically gotten no legislation passed. No trade deals have actually been renegotiated. No walls have been built. No enemies cowered into submission. Idgi.

hippofant

Oh. I guess Bret Kavanaugh got onto SCOTUS. Though any Republican President could have done that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, another Republican probably would have said “fuck this rapist creep, I’ll nominate someone clean”.

hippofant

Well, I mean, if you’re pro-racist creeps, Trump gets some credit for being willing to stand up for racist creeps, you know?

Col. Duke LaCross

The legislation he did get passed, that insane tax cut, is something we’re gonna be paying for for decades.

Gratliff

Mitch jacking furiously to the social programs we’ll have to cut to balance the budget

Redshirt

Rikki’s right. Republican Party is now a cult. If you question Dear Leader, you are banished and your career is over.

Unsurprised

He’s given them everything they ever wanted.

Gratliff

JFC burn this Trump commercial

hippofant

BTW, USMCA still isn’t ratified and the border wall still isn’t built.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but he took photos with Kim Jong Un not once, but twice! Or thrice, I don’t really remember how many meaningless photo ops they did.

Sharkbait

This.

Gratliff

Do not understand why people won’t take wrestling seriously
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WhyEaglesWhy

We’ve secretly replaced this guy’s Icy Hot with lye. Let’s see if he notices!

Sharkbait

Mrs. Sharkbait started humming the Ice Giants goal song out of the blue. They played last night. On the road.

Her transformation is nearly complete.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, is she going to be an Autobot or a Decepticon?

Game Time Decision

She’s going to be a Go-bot

King Hippo

Hmmmm, Third Reich certainly seems to have shown the world how one beats the Chefs. At least without their good WRs.

yeah right

Frank Reich looks like a disgraced former gym teacher who now owns an unsuccessful landscaping company.

Brick Meathook

I would totally watch a Hell in a Cell match if I even knew what it was.

Doktor Zymm

I’m assuming it has something to do with evil mitochondria

Viva La Tabula Raza

People underestimate the dangers presented by amoebae. Those things breed like bunny rabbits, but differently.

hippofant

This is eukaryoticist.

Brocky

How fucking nerdy is it that the first thing i thought of was the game parasite eve?

Gratliff

Impressively, but now I know how deep I can go on squaresoft shit here

Brocky

… i would say chrono trigger, but that’s supposedly a classic

Gratliff

I used to use translation patches on ROMs of Square games that weren’t brought stateside. I once made a Squaresoft fan website entirely with HTML and used to have a Square-centric ezboard back in the late 90’s. My nerd runs deep.

Brocky

Damn. Thats good hustle

Redshirt

Mick Foley says the same exact thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aK9mNayugs

Brocky

For the record, this was a hell in a cell, 20 years ago wwe hit gold and they’ve been trying to recreate its hype

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Redshirt

In their defense, that gold was made from Mick Foley’s broken body. You could also make the argument that it resulted in increased wrestling stunts that ended in the tragic death of Owen Hart.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I asked you which Washington team was down 8-3 in the bottom of the sixth with the bases loaded and nobody out, and then drove in a run by sacrifice fly but had the runner on second get himself caught in a rundown, you’d guess the [Redacteds], right?

You’d be wrong, though. It’s the Nationals.

Doktor Zymm

No way would the Redacteds be down by only 5 anywhere near the second half of a game

Redshirt

In our defense, the ‘Dacted would be stupid enough to show up to a NFL game ready to play baseball.

Redshirt

A Hell in a Cell match just ended in a DQ. How?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A Dairy Queen? I’d have to assume Andy Reid was involved, somehow.

Brocky

The fact that that was tonight, and i just don’t care. Speaks volumes about wwe right now

Redshirt

I cancelled my Network Subscription after they squashed Kofi. They confirmed it with this PPV, and that’s before the main event happened.

Gatoraids

DQ should also be the way the Miami Washington game will end next week

Gratliff

Gonna have the newest team from like Alabama or something come in and score on both teams at the same time

Gratliff

I submit this pic of a very confused X-Pac
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Brocky

Was that receiver’s foot down?

Lets call an expert:
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Brocky

I fucking posted this 5 minutes ago

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, this is pretty interesting. Maybe I will hold off on that last rail until it’s over. But not holding off on the herb or the booze.

Sharkbait

Legit have no idea if that was a pick or not

Doktor Zymm

Nope

Brocky

If that happened to trubisky, he’d get blamed for it

Brick Meathook
Unsurprised

This reminds me of playing Barry Sanders in Tecmo Bowl
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Unsurprised

Who’s the defensive coordinator? Rob Ryan?