Greetings glorious Commentists. This is your Low Commander of the Super Soldiers filling in for the usual GIF miner, Blax, who I can only assume is off digging shallow graves somewhere off the I-15, only to continually find pre-existing more shallow graves. I assure you those are not covered by the health plan.
I went to see Joker this weekend with Papa Commander, as he needed to get out of the house for a good while. Before taking our seats, we visited an excellent Ale House where we split a flight and watched the first half of the Packers-Cowboys game. It’s the only NFL football I’ve seen since week 1 and while not much of a game, I was more than delighted to see not a single TV in the entire establishment showing the Heretics.
As for the show, I feel like I’ve been at odds with slow building movies lately. I love slow building character drama shows, but it seems the trend for movies lately has been an hour of that before anything remotely interesting happens in Midsommer and then ends up not being nearly culty enough and I am happy to say that the payoff here was actually worth it this time. It’s not a super hero movie, but I certainly expect super hero results from you all this week. TO THE GIFS:
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“Theballhascootiesandifyoucatchityou’regayIcalledit!!!”
Still more articulate than anything he coughed up in the MNF booth
In retrospect, audibling to ‘Lindisfarne’ was a bad idea against the Vikings.
“And here we see the worst thing Jameis Winston has ever do…Hold on, I’m getting something in my earpiece…”
“You call that a taunt?!”
– T. Owens
“No wonder these wine gloves were thrown in for free with Charlotte Jones Anderson’s WineBra purchase.”
“Okay so we got a second down and twelve coming up for the Giants here…”
– Mike Carey
“Oh I’m sorry, you have a better method for getting down the food here in London?”
– R. Incognito
–
That only works for spotted dick
“These guys play defensive back for a reason.”
– Every single play by play guy
“You see, here, we didn’t let that handoff take long enough to develop….”
-P. Shurmur
Next time we’ll run a draw play.
“Wait – it’s not as fun being the party forced to the ground, helpless to fight back against a stronger darker attacker.”
Soda Popinski prepares for his rematch against Little Mac to celebrate the 30th Anniversary release of MTPO.
Vodka Drunkinski will not let this slight be ignored, like the Red Army was wrong to be ignored by the Wehrmacht
/ROBIN GIVENS DUCKS.
“Enjoy some highlights of America’s Game of the Week, Sarcastaball!:
This is why I always say a Wentz Trade Center Tower would still be standing today.
I wasn’t expecting to see so many people at futbol game in America. [Checks earpiece.} Oh, I’m sorry this is a football game with the Chargers. Still great turn out by the home fans. [Checks earpiece again.] Oh, again I’m sorry, apparently the Chargers don’t wear orange. Christ, these Spanoi are dumbfucks. (Drums start playing ominously in the background.)
No Richie, it’s Stop, Drop, and Roll, not Stop, drop and punch. Roll
“Clearly, I misunderstood when Mr. Jones told me ‘it’ll be just like old times’ if I came back to play. He IS fucking crazy.”
These new smelling salts suck
a cut seen from the live action version of the Roadrunner
You’d think that ball was named “Child Rape” the way these Saints avoid doing anything meaningful about it.
Jameis learned a lot of new moves when he trained with Ben Roethlisberger during the offseason.
Incognito later told the referee that he was just killing a mosquito that he saw on the back of the guy’s helmet.
“Is that a four leaf clover? See it? RIGHT THERE!”
“THESE VIKINGS I CALL THOR AND THE WARRIORS THREE BECAUSE THEY’RE KILLING THE GIANTS ON THEIR HOME TURF”
Its a good thing he isn’t a tackle. Could you imagine if he was next to a Tight End on every play?
Obligatory.
“Hey, at least I didn’t fumble the handoff.”
-D. Jones
Man, I haven’t seen a Jet miss its target like that since the last wedding held in Aghanistan.
+1 Hellfire missile
“See, I can’t be a homophobe if I’m a fa—”
-R. Incognito
“Richie Incognito has been ordered to attend 1 hour of sensitivity training with Tony Dungee. The primary topic will be supporting homosexuals in your life.”
-R. Goodell
After you find them, lift with your LEGS; not your back.
“Don’t you just hate it when someone forces you to the ground against your will?”
-J. Winston
Hitler would have caught that
I’m not certain why, but I can’t stop laughing at that.
Is that chocolate or poop? Still can’t tell.
When you’re a Wentz you’re a Wentz all the way
From your first toss to Ertz til you’ve pounded the Jets all day
You know what they say, you can take the boy out of the mental institution, but if you never treat the fundamental underlying issues and keep rewarding the violent behavior at all costs then you’ll never take the racist psychopathic tendencies out of the boy.
“Hi Mom”
“Coulda been worse. Coulda been in your mouth” – R. Incognito
“Do my fingers smell like crab?”
Talk to the hand!
safety!
Safety-dance!
You can run if you want to, but there will be no where to go
Because you only have the run, since we leave no where to throw
“Shh, shh, just relax and it will be over soon, here let me play some banjo music” – R. Incognito
Jesus
Boy, you got a real purty mouth
Are you using this head? My dad is missing his.
This is what happens when the ball is actually fired from a cannon.
– 1 Reb head
“Heck, I coulda done that…pass me the juicebox willya????” – E. Manning
“I got it, I got it….never mind I don’t got it”
baseball’s unwritten rules say that the centre fielder has the call here, and obviously didn’t