JV NFL Saturday – Finally Meaning MOAR

Dunno if you were with us last weekend, but it was pretty dire from an entertainment perspective.  And Lesser Footy is on another interminable international break.  Thank fuck the footy g-ds have blessed us with some tasty matchups this 12 October.

Oklahoma (-10.5) v. Texas @ Cotton Bowl, Dallas, TX (Noon, Fox)

Ah the good old Red River SHOOTOUT, where one can’t possibly ever set the o/u high enough.  Unless Hippo tries to bet it, which he ain’t.  Winner takes yuuuuuuuge lead in the Big Twaaaaalve race, and the spot for bitching about Notre Fucking Dame getting in the playoff ahead of ’em.  Boomer Sooner.

Mississippi State (-6.5) at Tennessee (Noon, SECN)

Man alive, my long ded granddaddy (that’s the nicest person I ever met, not the raycess one) would have hated to see his beloved Vols laid this low, where one watches much like how one watches a gruesome traffic accident.

Alabama (-17) at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)

Finally, a team that MIGHT make Roll Damn Tide at least have to try.  But I still don’t expect much in terms of breaking a sweat.  The likes of Jimbo Fisher ain’t gonna beat Nick Saban, especially when he has lesser talent on hand.

Michigan State (+10.5) at Wisconsin (3:30, BTN)

God, I can’t even remember how long it has been since I previewed a BTN game.  The league generally sucks and/or is uncompetitive, but gets outsized teevee coverage.  Sparty has been iffy so far, but this seems like the kind of matchup that they win, and fall back into anonymity afterward.

Washington State (-1.0) at Arizona State (3:30, PAC-12)

0-2 Wazzu is favoured in the desert, against a ranked opponent.  Look, everybody knows Herm Edwards is eventually reverting to the mean.  Sooner rather than later.  Plus, I thought they avoided daytime games in AZ, due to not wanting folks to die out there?

Texas Tech (+11.0) at Baylor (4:00, FS1)

This line is ridiculous, unless BayBay really started to pay-pay again.  Heavily.  Or there was a massacre on the Guns Up!! campus.  I try not to watch the news that much.

Iowa State (-10.0) at West By God Virginia (4:00, ESPN)

Again, that spread.  On the road?  No.  Just no.  Maybe WCS will get happy daytime whiskey for a change?

Ole Miss (+12.5) at Missouri (7:00, ESPN2)

One of those quasi-random matchups that I have a funny feeling will entertain.  My track record ain’t great in this genre (as in most).

Florida (+13.5) at LSU (8:00, ESPN)

Finally, the good stuff.  I really like contests like this, under the lights in an insane place, with strength against strength.  In this instance, you are talking about LSU’s prolific passing game against Florida’s lockdown pass defense.  Methinks people are still lending too much weight to how bad UF looked in their opener, but it seems like every game with Miami turns into a mutual diarrhea fest.  This team can play, in that fundamentally sound Dan Mullen way.

Utah (-15.0) at Oregon State (8:00, PAC-12)

Will Team Secular Big Love be a little hard on the (Niiiiiiiiiice) Beavers?  Vegas sure thinks so.  I think I disagree.

Wyoming (+3.5) at San Diego State (10:30, CBSSN)

Coming down off the swamp-based sugar high, there is this little Mountain West tweaker matchup.  These teams both REALLY want to run, and control time of possession.  Each has a Power-5 scalp to their resume, so I think it merits one’s attention.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

Wow, I guess Georgia saw the run up the middle coming.

Horatio Cornblower

“My kicker is 8/9 from inside the 50 this year, but fuck that guy, amirite?” Will Muschamp

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a few colleges that have one of those guys, usually an strength & conditioning assistant.

It’s something I think about every time I get an additional fee bill for my son’s semester at UConn.

Horatio Cornblower

At UConn it would be worth it to have someone pull Edsall off the sidelines during the game and let someone who gives a shit call plays.

scotchnaut

The Chiefs have three guys for that job.

Horatio Cornblower

5 for the post-game at Golden Corral

Gratliff

I think it’s time to rewatch The League. Can never get enough fantasy football, awful human beings, and 9/11 heroes.

Unsurprised

herodotus450

Parker White CAN lose.

Horatio Cornblower

South Carolina is going to shank the fuck out of this FG, I can feel it.

Horatio Cornblower

Brb, running out to buy lottery tickets.

Horatio Cornblower

“I’ve been betting on the cocks to cover for years!”
-Buddy after a few drinks, probably.

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t fault Fromm for that one. Hit him right in the hands.

herodotus450

Football talking guy: “What’s the harm (in trying a long-ass field goal as time expires)?”
Alabammy fans: “Nothing, never seen that backfire on anyone.”

Unsurprised

Couldn’t happen to a better franchise

Horatio Cornblower

Oh my god if South Carolina ran that back I would never have stopped laughing.

Horatio Cornblower

Try the FG for fuck’s sake

scotchnaut

“Hey! Who stole my beer?”

-Kirby S., two minutes later

herodotus450

Or maybe the cocks know they’ll just get another pick-6 and wanted to get back on defense.

herodotus450

Even if SCar makes the kick, there’s still 40 seconds left and Georgia only needs a fg to tie.

herodotus450

So they can call holding even if the ball’s in the air?

scotchnaut

“Sure. [shrugs shoulders] Why not?”

-Refs during a Pats game

Horatio Cornblower

Georgia with the ol’ “fling it in the air and hope for the PI” play, and it pays off.

Horatio Cornblower

Isn’t Jake Fromm a top QB prospect for this year? Because saying that “it’s never a good sign for Georgia when Fromm has to throw a lot” would seem to indicate otherwise.

Horatio Cornblower

Somewhere Elway’s ears are burning.

So he flicks his tail towards them to chase away the flies.

litre_cola

Georgia, Oklahoma will eventually win as this is the timeline we live in.

scotchnaut

The ref in the Okie/Tex game just don’t like them Dukes of Hazard boys.

Horatio Cornblower

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herodotus450

A side from the Sounth striking quick, overextending themselves, only for their downfall to come through Georgia?

Horatio Cornblower

Banner this man. And by that I mean give him a white flag and send him to Appomattox.

litre_cola

Bahahaha Georgia this is delicious.

yeah right

I’ve had an epiphany. My entire life I’ve drank milk. Every day basically. I’ve been doing more and more research into climate change and root causes and more and more the dairy industry keeps coming up. That’s why I did the Sunday Gravy episode with the Beyond meat.

I’m going to stop drinking milk. I’ll still cook with it but I can drink water instead.

Sharkbait

Or booze. That’s being eco-friendly!

yeah right

That’s some quality rationale.

Unsurprised

Dairy and meat, both. Also, turns out the ocean is running out of fish.

What a time to be alive!

Horatio Cornblower

Bulldogs gonna bulldog

scotchnaut

Back in the day when vids were still a thing, this one was a real shitkicker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXqPjx94YMg

scotchnaut

LAMBDOWN!

Spur

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scotchnaut

TERTAS TERDAWN!

scotchnaut

Gus genuinely loves cream cheese on a whole wheat bagel first thing in the morning. He’s an incredibly inclusive fella.

scotchnaut

If I could imagine real hard, I’m making bacon and eggs for Jenny Taft. She says, “where’s the hash browns? Today’s my carb day.” I laugh and cut up some potatoes, realizing that she’s trying to establish dominance in this relationship. I’ll bide my time, for now…

herodotus450

Jenny: “I know I said I’d try anything, honey, but this…”
Scotchy: “C’mon, we did your thing last week, just hold the bindle and try to look sad.”

scotchnaut

“Jenny’s odds are not looking good.”

-Hippo, after checking the line

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did I hallucinate and early morning EPL post?

Wakezilla

“Lesser Footy is on another interminable international break. Thank the lesser footy Gods”

Fixed that for you.

From a Man United fan.

Here’s hoping Ole realizes that trying to be a poor man’s Mourinho is stupid and ineffective and that he remembers he had success running a 4-3-3 when he was the interim.

Voiceover: He didn’t.

Sharkbait

Spurs wont make me irrationally angry this weekend. I’ll take it.

litre_cola

Denmark gol. Irish get lucky.

scotchnaut

What’s the clover/under?

Spur

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scotchnaut

“End of fence isn’t properly stained. Would not bang with Bob Vila’s hammer. 2.5/10”.

-Jimmy Carter

Horatio Cornblower

But he would lust after her in his heart.

herodotus450

Consecutive timeouts should be a capital offense, or at least count as an unsprotsmanlike penalty

herodotus450

Didn’t know they even had partial points on the IQ test.

theeWeeBabySeamus

a buck-fifteen Canadian

litre_cola

Anyone know what the line was before Okie Texas started?

litre_cola

I didn’t look. My apologies for sheer stupidity.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Okie was -10.5?
Wow I read the lines wrong I guess. Glad I didn’t bet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, I just went and checked. I totally read that one wrong.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Texas -10 I think.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why does the name “Rodrigo Blankenship” make me laugh?

scotchnaut

Because you’re high?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t I wish.

litre_cola

Inlaws, wife and kid went out for an hour walk. I am high now and enjoying the peace.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well that attempt was about 20 yards short.
And 20 yards to the right.

Fuck UGa, what is your problem today?