Your “Meanwhile, Back In America” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Not very pretty, is it?

TO THE GAMES!

Seahawks/Browns:

[mumbles to self] I’m getting very tired of WordPress not recognizing ‘Seahawks’ as a word. Qb Wilson continues his trajectory towards MVP status but Cleveland might get both Ward and Williams back in the secondary. I’m not putting a lot of weight on the Browns getting blown out by the Niners last week. They’d just won a tough one vs. the Ravens and San Franny had 15 days rest.

Texans/Chiefs:

Watkins is out and Tyreek is a game-timer. If he doesn’t play (and I think there’s a lot of pressure on him to suit up) you might want to give a certain Byron Pringle a whirl because he’ll be part of 3 wide sets. After all, a Mahomes tide raises all wide receiver’s boats-or something like that.

Potato Skins/Fins:

Yowch! Maybe stream Case Keenum here? New victim, er, coach Callahan promises plenty of All Day because he’s just that unimaginative but many, many 3rd and longs will be in play today.

Eagles/Vikes:

Maybe the NFL’s passer ratings system needs some tweaking? After all Cousins is ranked 10th. He’s fumble and INT-prone and 55% of his passing yardage have come after the catch thanks to the playmakers he has. Wentz, who pretty much everyone believes is having an above average season, is ranked 19th at 94.3. That’s what numerous dropped passes will get you.

Saints/Jags:

It’s The Battle of the Capable Backup QB’s! Kudos to their respective OC’s for altering game plans to help them limit their mistakes in the form of turnovers.

Bengals/Ravens:

Have the Bengals got a prayer? Perhaps. Lamar!, when throwing past ten yards downfield has a 47% chance of tossing an uncatchable, poorly-thrown ball. That’s ungood. Cincy’s secondary has to grab some balls but that inevitably means handing it over to the neutered O.

Here’s to you and your magical digits.

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King Hippo

Tiny Hands (NFL varietal) is just so, so bad

litre_cola

My kicker, has an INT against Hippo. SMDH

King Hippo

nice 5-point swing, eh?

herodotus450

Listen to you fools, playing in a league that still has kickers.
/checks other DFO league where we have negative coaches

litre_cola

Shit! I always forget about that one.

King Hippo

WOW, Pedey

herodotus450

Marvin Lewis looks a lot thinner and whiter than usual. Must be a Sammy Sosa situation.

litre_cola

Oh for the love of God.

Gratliff

staggering incomprehensible derp

King Hippo

no Christmas FOAR Hollins

Fronkenshteen

It’s like that, y’all

King Hippo

GET HIPPO BEATIE POINTZ

litre_cola

West Coast time is fucking with me. I am already drunk and it is not noon.

litre_cola

SEN DE JOE!!!!!

Gratliff

SUDDEN CHANGE

King Hippo

1 shoulder = 2 feet fer OBJ

Fronkenshteen

You and yer fetishes

Gratliff

Eagles have more drops than pass attempts and you have to respect that hustle

litre_cola

Sounds like my college years when I experimented with LSD.

Redshirt

There it is.

Col. Duke LaCross

“The Carlos Hyde revenge game!”

Did he even play a down for the Chiefs?

Fronkenshteen

He was a 49er, no? I am confuse

litre_cola

Also a Brown?

King Hippo

#ThePauls

Redshirt

Uh…I don’t think that was Mike Brown, CBS.

Fronkenshteen

[reluctantly holster weapons and slowly back out of room]

– St. Louis Police Department

Gratliff

Bold move to leave Jeffery uncovered

Fronkenshteen

Throw the cocking thing to Lockett!

litre_cola

Throw. It. To. Ertz.

litre_cola

You see Minny Oline, if you give Cousins no time he can’t throw deep.

Gratliff

BRANDON GRAHAM
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Fronkenshteen

Beckham quit his route

Spur

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King Hippo

I’d tip her $5. So she’d like me FOAR REELZ

litre_cola

That’s better, now Cousins will hit Theilen for 80 yards, stay tuned.

Fronkenshteen

Yer lips to gods ears

Gratliff

Fucking let’s go, then

Gratliff

Down 3 scores? Time to make some catches!

litre_cola

Do it yourself Dakota Jesus!

clint greasewood

New Strategy. Pick up any QB off waivers going against Eagles secondary.

Gratliff

From my preview

This will be one of the rare shining moments for the Vikings as they avenge their hilarious, abysmal failure during last season’s finale in which they gifted the Bears the opportunity to lose in the Wild Card round to the Eagles in an equally, but differently, hilarious, abysmal failure. Captain Dingleberry will bust out one of his bi-annual Actually Good performances before getting back to doing everything in his power to make Vikes fans long for the days of the possible felony sexual assault boat.

King Hippo

THIS CHECKS OUT

hippofant

Guys, I’m pretty sure Stefon Diggs is faster than Rasul Douglas.

litre_cola

Holy Fuck. This is the shit kicking I knew it could be if Cousins got his shit together.

Gratliff

Yeah. That’s what I would do if I was Minnesota

Gratliff

Make fingertip catches mid-sprint on overthrown balls, I mean

litre_cola

Jesus. I like that Douggie P goes for it all the time, but 4th and 2, give the ball to Howard.

Gratliff

Gonna get all the greatest hits of Eagles bullshit today

Game Time Decision

Watching the Phi Min game in Standard Def as its some random channel. Man do I not miss SD

Wakezilla

Current mood: Not really watching football but more into going down the rabbit hole of #Nobraday

ballsofsteelandfury

Funny way to spell Asa Akira…

Wakezilla

Oh, that’s a nice sounding name that I haven’t thought about in a while

litre_cola

Is that a jewish-japanese accountant?

Redshirt

Dalton threw an unincompletion!

bk109

…Is that even allowed for a Cincy QB?!

King Hippo

Come Tuesday, I’m taking Gronk off waivers. So he stays retired.

Game Time Decision

I’ll trade you Witten for Gronk.

Game Time Decision

Gotta keep it in the booth

entropy

What, are you afraid if he comes back he’s gonna have to heal his CTE a second time?

Gatoraids

At the wash Miami game and feel clean like a bidet

Gratliff

One way to avoid Cousins overthrowing is to just run faster than he can throw

Fronkenshteen

Wow! What a catch by Lockett! Better not throw his way again.

entropy

Nothing better than hearing Eagles fans at the bar demanding phantom “offensive pass interference” calls.

litre_cola

Weird, the Eagles secondary is an issue. No one would have seen that coming after last season.

King Hippo

Guess truly ANYONE can throw it against y’all.

litre_cola

Minnesotas best high school team could torch those guys. It is a pretty easy blueprint.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Washington in field goal range? Boo! I wanted a 0-0 tie!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh, a touchdown, even.

Game Time Decision

Nice catch Diggs

King Hippo

WHEN DO CINCY LET THE RYAN MUTHAFUCKIN’ FINLEY ERA BEGIN??

Redshirt

https://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/199211290cin.htm

They’re afraid it will start like Klinglers did with this Oline protecting him.

bk109

… the Seahawks are shitting the bed against Cleveland?! For fuck’s sake, don’t they know how much money I’ve got riding on the office survivor pool?!

King Hippo

You picked a 1.5-point ROAD favourite in Survivor??

bk109

No, but like 9% of the people still in it picked Cleveland and if they win… they’re still in it. Just one of our guys took the Shithawks… I want to be the last man standing, damn it… For the power, the prestige and the 145k the survivors get to split 🙂

litre_cola

145k, jesus, did you have to put your villa on the Black Sea for payment?

bk109

First of all, my “villa” is in Sweden (next door to my in-laws). Secondly, it pays to work for a big-ass multinational where a lot of bored people (and IT guys like me) bet like… well… Hippo on a slow day 😀 Add the fact that we actually get mostly paid quite well and the 50 a pop is not a significant barrier to casuals and crazy people alike 😀

Wakezilla

It’s the Hawks. It’ll be close until the last minute

Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

¡Jesús!

litre_cola

Dakota Jesus is getting no time and is very antsy in his pantsy.

Redshirt

Kirkpatrick just broke his ankle. The Bengals rebuild begins.

King Hippo

#ForgotAboutDre