Oh, sure Adrian Peterson has yakked a bit about getting back at the old club but there’s other stuff out there about all the lovely times he had in Minny. Cousins and Keenum ain’t care about the false meta-narrative supposedly hanging over this tilt. I guess the air has to be filled with something. Hey, let’s do some news snippets!
-Drew Brees says he’s ready to go! Okay, if I was a qb I’d want to pad my stats vs. the Cards but why doesn’t he do Bridgewater a solid and let him have at it? Teddy would have more ammo when he’s negotiating his next contract with the Saints or someone else. It’s a dumb game and Drew would get an extra 2 weeks to heal. Coach Payton better make the right call here.
-The Trade Winds are howling and speculation abounds. Plenty of players have been whispered about, including Kenyan Drake, A.J. Green, X. Howard, Janoris Jenkins, Josh Norman, Robby Anderson, Alec Ogletree, (please!) and Trent Williams and on and on. Of course a small percentage of these guys will get moved but whatever.
-Related to above: Don’t it rankle you when a national paper gets something dead wrong about a player on your team? One of the lists included the Giants Markus Golden, who is 1.) on a cheap one year ‘prove it’ deal and 2.) the only guy currently getting pressure from the outside on the Giants D. I could go deeper on how this makes no flippin’ sense but I’m not here to bore the stuffing out of you… intentionally.
-Sam Darnold’s toe is doing just fine apparently. Asked how it’s progressing, Darnold replied, “Really good! He’s ready to go to market and I’m putting a shopping list together and everything!”
TO THE GAME!
Potato Skins/Vikes:
Peterson says he’s good to go despite having a Raggedy Andy ankle that features a regular and high sprain. You best get ready for Wendel BretFavre, I mean ‘Smallwood’ doing some quality relief work ’cause Thompson is out. On the Vikes side, Thielen is out so my pick for TD vulture goes to….. Olabisi Johnson, Mr. 7th Rounder out of Colorado State. Much has been made of Kirk Cousins’ recent excellent play over the last three weeks. Those in the know simply nod their heads, knowing he’ll crash back to earth soon because he’s Kirk Cousins. Yeah, it won’t happen tonight but it’s happening as surely as the sun rubs its ballsack on all those countries as it rises in the east.
Go forth and type!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e983jzVBsvw
I always, ALWAYS read that as “Furry Road”
PornHub search request: “furry road”
Rule 34’s definitely going to have that.
BALLS!
Fuck yeah
Maybe I will just change my FF team name to Soiled Gimp Collar
Imagine all the spit and pubic hair that comes FREE with your replacement pizza!
This commercial always confuses me. It seems the people are entirely surprised by the pizza delivery. Does Domino’s just RANDOMLY choose a time to deliver you a free pizza replacement?
I imagine close to the same amount as your normal pizza.
Too bad we won’t get to hear/see Mister Winkles’ halftime talk.
holy shit, Paul Richardson is still playing
He and Fernando Rodney live at the same 55+ community
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Pf8BkFLBRw
Nothing better than watching painfully white QBs lead their teams to dueling FGs.
found a funny:
I’m NOT CRYING:
the FUEL TANKS
are LEAKING
on this
SEX MACHINE
The purple and white helmets with the purple and yellow uniforms is kinda triggering me.
COLOR SCHEME PLEASE.
Midway, based on the untold story.
Like, the version where the US loses? Because I’m pretty sure everyone knows how Midway ends.
the untold story of TRUE LOVE!
Cant wait to see Midway from the viewpoint of the transgender Inuit P-51 fighter pilot.
The US Navy didn’t fly P-51s. They couldn’t do carrier takeoffs.
you think that will stop the marketing team?
…..
no
🙁
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFX-qfYbHKg
Does anyone have any Pornhub search terms for me?
something with BLOOD, find us a new fetish!
Jesus fuck do not do that.
soiled gimp collar, then
I’m not taking any more of Hippo’s suggestions. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you. Fool me three times, shoot me in the head because I don’t deserve to live.
hey, you ask me tp be a sick fuck, BY GOD I WILL DAE IT
I should look up “shoulder fetish” just for you…
I never figured how to get good results
“Fool me nine times, what, am I Native American?”
— David Cross
“Ultimate tailgate total value”
Fucking go for it.
antidisestablishmentarianism
PAID DLC
If anything needed to be turned into an hour long Netflix it was Mass Effect. Shame they stopped making them after the second one.
I LIKED THREE THE MOST I DON’T CARE WHAT THE INTERNET SAYS
OF COURSE, Smallwood has nowhere to go.
/Price is Right losing horn
Perfect symmetry – my money league team is against Captain Dingleberry, but starting the Minny D/ST. In DFO-ball, I have Dingleberry, ALXMAC has the Vikes.
Who else is drunk and eating fried chicken?
pills and shame pizza!
We would also have accepted that.
Nope.
Heading to Costco.
Hopefully for fried chicken and beer
May as well get some waffles, too
Headache and dark chocolate!
OK with the chocolate, saving the headache until tomorrow.
chocolate (especially dark) is high on my migraine list
Hm shit, maybe that’s something I need to pay more attention to.
Red wine and weed.
Can’t deal with tannins, but appreciate where you’re coming from.
Pupusas the size of a basketball and beer over here.
Got a toothache. Chili and an indica gummy.
go get the pliers, and MAKE US A FUN STORY
I can’t wait to cut that motherfucker
Demi Lovato, looking at her upper arm
maybe that should go on the Balls porn search list. Sexy cutting
No. No it shouldn’t.
No one needs to see that. Blood is not sexy.
SEZ YEEEEWWWW!! – Scotchnaut, Moose Taint, ON
Yeah, am gonna watch the Rockets/Bucks game. I dont want to miss when Harden and Russell fight over the ball
What was that, like a 15-step drop???
I thought AD wasn’t playing?
If you could bother to read what I wrote in the intro that’d be great.
You’re wandering off. Sometimes I wonder if that Hippo worm is burrowing in your skull.
no way, he’s got kids to beat!
Folks
Oh look, it’s Posts Sexy Pictures Man
Save us Posts Sexy Pictures Man!
October is Joe Buck Month
I want Joe Buck hung on a meathook and devoured by honey badgers. Cause he is a piece of fuck.
There was a time when I would have agreed with you. But I’ve softened, and I no longer wish to see Joe Buck boiled in oil until his skin sloughed off. I’d just rather see him never broadcast a single second of a sporting event ever again.
He’s been pretty much unbearable during the based ball post-season, but his run on Brockmire makes up for a lot for me.
I listened to him on PMT this week and his self deprecating humoUr was great. I no longer hate him broadcasting football, I hate Troy way more, but he is a Cowboy so that is to be expected.
Aikman is fine as an announcer, but it’s only a matter of time before the CTE turns him into Pheel.
Someone give Erin Andrews a sandwich
Agreed. Whoever convinced women that skin and bones are attractive needs to be dragged out into the street and shot.
Yes! Preach!
No. Just no.
Whatever is rare is attractive.
When food was scarce, reubenesque women were attractive.
Now that food is plenty but time is scarce, skinny women who can spend all their time working out but not working are attractive.
Feminine beauty standards are fucked.
Gimme curves, all day long
I just like healthy and normal.
Not skinny that I can play the xylophone on your bones.
Not so fat that your features blur together that I need them labeled to know what everything is.
And for God’s sake, no plastic surgery enough that makes you look like you have more plastic that Barbie and your skin looks like its about to fail.
Oh sure, we can’t say Washington’s name because its insensitive to Ingenious Persons, but the people the Minnesota team’s named after who went around Number 6’ing them gets a free pass!
My phone died today so I had to go to the apple store and get a new one. The time loss ended up costing me the oppotrunity to go jewlry shopping for the Mrs for our upcoming anniversary. Anyways — any tips for jewelry buying?
Haggle Brick Meathook style. Those prices are never what the sticker price is.
Yeah — what is proper haggling here?
Offer them half the list price, let them talk you up to 75% max. If they say no then thank them and walk away. See what happens.
Wow — that’s some serious markup. I feel like a sucker already!
Buy her a jet ski instead
“Dalvin Cook leads the league in rushing. I’m going to talk to him about how good he his. I’m hoping this passes as an interview.”
-Erin Andrews
Wait, I just saw a Skittles commercial showing a rastaman milking a giraffe, and skittles came out, and then he ate them, and then he laughed.
WHAT THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHIT IS GOING ON?
#TasteTehRainbow
I don’t think he was milking it.
You’re gonna buy SKittles, that’s what’s going on.
Shortest book in the world: “Raising a Happy, Well Adjusted Child”, but Adrian Peterson
I’m not sure what I’m goign to die of, but I bet somehow there are going to be boobs involved.
Chad Greenway: “I came from a small town, and as a jock meathead, I got tired of kicking the shit out of the same people.”
These guys made Drew’s shitty local commercial of the week! They’ve been haunting the dreams of Yinzers for 20 years:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyOFXC1Pn2A
JESUS FUCK ALMIGHTY KILL THEM WITH FIRE AND ACID BEFORE THEY SPREAD!
HERE COMES ANOTHER FREE KICK RIGHT AT THE EDGE OF THE BOX
Know what the best part of being a parent is? Yeah, me neither.
Fucked if I know
I mean, having 3, you’d figure one would at least be a drug dealer who slipped me some bonus pills and non-sequential, unmarked $20s. But noooooooooo
Mine aren’t old enough to sling drugs, but one of them better figure out how to make money real fast. Seeing as how they have Italian and Sicilian roots, I expect them to achieve great things.
Joe Buck admits he has a small mind. There is a slight stirring in my pants.
I started playing Civilization V for the first time. Three turns in a hellmouth opened up next to my city and demons are roaming the map. Is that a good thing?
sounds like our current Timeline
Miss the fall from heaven mod from civ 4 for that action
Did a 4-man 3-player draft for this game. Ended up with Diggs, McLaurin, & Founding Fathers (for whom I am predicting a yuuuge night). Welp, off to drive drunk college kids around till 3:00.
At! At! (dyslexic goodbye)
I have let various fantasy prognosticators talk me into starting Darrell Henderson this week, solely because it’s Bungles’ run D.
Good call. Bengals are traveling half the world away and the Rams are going to want to win this thing for Whitworth. Local sports columnist predicted a 30-0 shutout loss.
and you don’t even get it over with at 9am, so can have the rest of the day
My wife and kids bought me a new xbox since my old one shit the bed. damn them for being nice
they just want to be there to see your new one break
Fuck a duck, can Alianza Petrolera at least come good for Hippo??
57% possession, 5-nil advantage on concerns. SCORE YOU PRICKS
How many concussions did Doug Williams take? He looked awful Trent Green out there.
It’s like these franchises are part of some excrement sharing commune. It’s the Human Centipede Bowl.
Cousins is my bye week QB in DFO-ball, picked up solely for this matchup. He will start the Dingleberry-ing tonight, and they probably won’t throw a pass in the 2nd half.
You shut your whore mouth.
Me (Cleese) when I go too Convervative on DFO and piss at least one of you off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KniUNdVZvH4
“Oh no! K-K-K-Ken’s c-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me!”
When I’m elected Evil Overlord for Life, that movie will be added to the list for Mandatory Annual Viewing.
It happens a couple Thursdays a year. My week has been so awful that I have been looking forward to a game tonight for pure escapism. I do not car about either team but for FF. Plus fuck Dan Snyder with a rusty screwdriver.
Life is indeed a giant sack of bleeding shit. Now, FITBAW!!
I am Human Scum and proud of it!
good on ya, imaginary buddy-guy!
Katie Hill did Nazi that tattoo coming + lesbian.
Oh, this isn’t Pornhub?
Sorry
dadgum millenials ,, smgdh
I just googled that shit and I feel stupider for having done so.
I googled earlier this afternoon, hoped for WAY sexier.
Not sure if this is still okay to say in 2019, but my heterosexuality just took a direct hit.
Don’t worry, I am too comfortably numb to be triggered.
McLaurin tonight vs. Vikes or Ridley vs. Seattle? Talk to me!
McLaurin over Ridley is my Shoe-in pick of the week
Isn’t Matt Ryan gimpy? Matt Schaub is next in-line!
I am home with the three Fozz Spawn and one of their friends. My wife is at at “trunk show”, which I know is gonna cost me money. There is no beer in the house, only bourbon. Welp, the friend is gonna see what full bourble looks like.
Is the “trunk show” code for a male strip club?
Sound like something you should research…
Only non circumcised gentlemen.
There’s a “Black Forest” joke in here somewhere but I don’t want to sound like a redneck.