Sweet mother of mercy, we get that fabled extra hour of sleep tonight.  It fucks the Lesser Footy schedule up for a bit, though.  England doesn’t change its clocks quite yet.

Weaselo is right.  NEXT week.

There are only 5 matches on Saturday, and you sure as shit ain’t setting the alarm for Man City’s 5 or 6 goal smashing of visiting Aston Villa (7:30, NBCSN).  Everton’s visit to the Original Trash Birds gets the network coverage at 10:00 (NBCSN), and it’s a huge fixture for the Toffees.  Jilted fans are ready to write off last week’s good performance as a one-off, making a second win on the trot essential for Marco Silva.  Centre back/massive unit Yerry Mina is doubtful for this matchup, and with Spurs up next, I expect Silva to play it safe.  We shall see.  Everton are currently 15th in the wacky table, one point – and one place – ahead of Brighton.  Must.  Win.

Moose Hornets/Cherries and West Ham/Team Knifey are your NBC Gold alternatives.  Watford have been vile shite, but the other three are virtual schizophrenics, so you could see some interesting shit.

The spotlight dance (12:30, NBC) looks rather flaccid.  Until you re-check the table, and are gobsmacked to see hosts Burnley in 8th position.  Chelski are in 4th, and I could have sworn they were “in turmoil.”  So yeah, this merits flipping back and forth from JV action.

Wolves return from a midweek jaunt to pleasant Slovakia (The Atlantic has a great article about the weird atmosphere due to a racism punishment for the home supporters), away to Barcodes Sunday morning (10:00, NBCSN).  As always, count the teeth at any Newcastle home match.  Fun and educational.  Wolves, despite my predictions of DOOM! are smashing the Europa League, but linger in the bottom half of the table.  Barcodes are the second safest bet (after Watford) to go down.

The schedule gets really irritating with THREE 12:30 kickoffs cutting into precious RedZone time.  Spurs go to Anfield to get beaten by the Shite on NBCSN, while United have a tricky test at Norwich (Gold) and Arsenal host the always annoying Uncle Woy Crystal Palace (also Gold).  Fuck me, at least put a second match on early, would ya?

We will be in November next week, and the leaves should start changing colour in earnest.  Harbingers of death always make me feel better.

Before I go on to JV, here is the text from my league website about the win Orange Slices & Cocaine ripped back from the abyss of MNF garbage time, thanks to manually checking the Bearistocrats! D/ST scoring:

Week 7 – I had to make a manual adjustment to correct the scoring for the Bears defense. The website originally miscalculated the offensive and special teams points allowed as 34 rather than 36, due to their incorrect subtraction of two points for the New Orleans safety. Since the safety occurred on a special teams play (blocked punt), not a defensive play, the two points should be charged against the Bears. This reduces the Bears’ score to 7 and changed the result of the game to a victory for Brad.

Yeah, 2-5, bitches!!  Always.  Be.  Completionist.

Wisconsin (+14.5) at THEEEE Ohio State (Noon, Fox)

Man, this looked like a cool matchup…before Bucky Badger shat itself against 30.5-point underdog Illinois.  That’s a side coached by the late-stage hobo version of Lovie Smith, no less.  B1G remains a one-team league, every bit as much as the ACC.

Oklahoma (-23.5) at Kansas State (Noon, ABC)

Oh, boy howdy, do I ever get upset vibes here.  Unded Bill Snyder may be re-retired, but his name is still on the stadium and his vampiric presence remains.  Plus, Boomer Sooner seems to almost always lose a WTF game once a season.  Double plus, the foreshadowing of the overturned Sooner Schooner last weekend.

Mississippi State (+10.5) at Texas A&M (Noon, SECN)

A “stay above water” matchup amongst two unexpectedly bad teams.  Though with one coached by a fucker named Jimbo, and another by a 400-pound former Paedo State assistant?  Maybe we should have seen it coming.

Auburn (+10.5) at LSU (3:30, CBS)

War Damn Eagle is the latest in a long line of pretenders hoping to catch Ed Orgeron’s bunch napping.  #1 Bama looms in two weeks, and I suspect it will remain #1 v. #2.  That shit is fun.

Texas (-1) at TCU (3:30, Fox)

This looks like a banana skin for Steer Fuckers South, coming off a near-home loss to Kansas (late FG saved them, 50-48 – YES, that’s the real score).  But sadly, the line already reflects the danger.  Blood FOAR the Bloodeyes’ GOD!!

Arkansas (+31.5) at Alabama (7:00, ESPN)

Putting this on national TV, in primetime…is just fucking mean.

Notre Dame (+1) at Michigan (7:30, ABC)

Holy shit, how fraudulent must the Irish be, to be underdogs (however slight) to a sinking ship like Lesser Harbs’ Michigan?  Anyway, bet the mortgage on ND, as the teevee fucks want them in the playoffs again.  As they will be when Steer Fuckers North lose (perhaps to K State, as noted above).

California (+21) at Utah (10:00, FS1)

The first of two mildly intriguing tweaker games, this is waaaaayyyyy too many points for Team Secular Big Love to be giving.  And it’s not like the Golden Shower Bears are that bad.  They just don’t produce a lot of offense, down to third string QB and all.

Washington State (+14) at Oregon (10:30, ESPN)

But here is the cake-taker, as I expect Mike Leach to go on a full pirate raid and win outright in Eugene.  Quack Attack got really lucky to beat Washington last week, and they will feel their job is done (and they 99.99% are certain to be in the PAC-12 title match, but I think it will still be with two losses).

***

Balls’ La Liga Minute

This weekend we were supposed to get the first Clásico  in Spain.  However, as I mentioned to you last time, events in Catalonia have forced the game to be postponed to December 18, 2019.  It looks like it will stay there, despite a lawsuit being filed by La Liga against the Spanish football federation arguing that the league should have been the one to make the decision as to when the game would be played as opposed to the individual teams agreeing amongst themselves.

It doesn’t matter because the court’s decision won’t happen until after the game is played and La Liga didn’t ask for an injunction.  However, they filed anyway so as to secure themselves the right to make that decision in the future.  I’m not sure how good of a legal strategy that is and I would love to hear what the DFO Lawyerati have to say about that.

In the meantime, Barcelona, despite all their problems at the beginning of the year, are in first place.

Stay tuned next week for an exciting Team Hippo Probably Bets On tale from Litre_cola that has all the corruption and graft that you’ve come to expect from foreign countries and are now getting used to here in the States.

See you next week!