Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

I looked down at my battered cardboard suitcase and smiled. My larger-than-average pocketknife (his name is ‘Buck’) was nestled inside his sheath which was wrapped inside some underclothes. I could do better than this but it’s more important to blend in. Mother had passed in ’26 and left me a surprising amount of money ($15,000) that I put into that roaring stock market. I doubled my money and then tripled that afterwards. I listened to the nay-sayers and pulled most of my money out in the summer of ’29 and now it’s 1932 and I’m sitting real pretty. No need for a job but what to do?

Well, first things first. I headed to the dining car at the front of the train and bought a half loaf of bread, a slab of ham and a pat of butter and went back to my seat. I’d heard about these ‘Hoovervilles’ popping up all over the US and I couldn’t turn down the opportunity. The train from Toronto to DC should take almost two days but I’ve got plenty of time to do what needs to be done.

-Joshua! Don’t bother that man!

The voice sounded distant and it broke my reverie. A boy with sallow cheeks and sunken eyeballs was staring at my meal on the seat beside me.

iripped off a big piece of bread and ham and passed it to him. He smiled but didn’t say a word.

-You didn’t have to do that, mister. Joshua can be such a nuisance sometimes.

-It’s nothing at all ma’am. It’s more than I can eat anyhow.

The woman in the plain dress and bonnet thanked me. She must be from the country. Why she was headed to the States, who knows.

The train finally pulled into Union Station. I gathered my things and took a taxi to The Mayflower Hotel. My thought was that if it was good enough for Coolidge’s inaugural ball, it’s good enough for me. The room was comfortable and the smell of freshly-cut flowers filled the air.

The next day I headed out to the Anacostia Flats where approximately 43,000 folks had assembled a community, the pathetic hovels consisting of bits of brick, wood, sheet metal and whatever else kept the rain out and the despair in. The plan was to pretend to be a reporter, to say that I was going to report their story in a sympathetic manner. They should be paid their war bonus now, in ’32 and not have wait another thirteen years.

I scouted the periphery, seeing veterans of WW1 and their wives, children and various hangers-on milling about. After all, what was there to do? Late in the afternoon my eyes fell upon a one-armed man that looked promising from a distance. I identified myself as a reporter from The Milwaukee Caller.

-That’s one of them Communist papers ain’t it?

-No it’s not really like that. I just want to hear your side of the story. All I read is that this place is filled with radical agitators that want to overthrow the government.

-Hah! That’s rich. What’s it’s filled with is men and women and little ones that have fallen on hard times and just want to get back up again.

He led me to his shambling hovel and I’m glad he missed my sharp intake of breath when I realized he was living alone. Things were falling into place.

-I was with the First Division-we were called The Big Red One.

-You saw some action?

-Not nearly as much as the Frenchies we fought beside but more than enough.

He poured some coffee from a battered and bruised urn. It was watery and acrid-tasting at the same time. He saw my face as I sipped.

-The water has been through these coffee grinds a few times-best that I can do.

-Tell me about-I gestured to his arm-how you lost it.

-They say you don’t hear the shell that puts you under but I heard mine. Got hit with a ton of shrapnel-last thing I saw was the bone sticking out my arm. Woke up in hospital with just the left one. I came back and all I could get was a janitor job. The principal figured out I couldn’t keep up even though I came in on Saturdays and even Sundays after church.

-You still go? To church?

-Not anymore now. Our military chaplain kept telling us that God had a plan but from what I saw there was nothing, no plan, just men dying in horrible ways every damn day. After I lost my job I made my way here, hoping that something can come of our demands.

-My heart jumped as he brought his old rifle out from under his bed. He still had the bayonet attached.

-Don’t worry, it’s not loaded. But I’m bringing it to the march tomorrow.

-I tried to keep calm.

-Can I see it?

-Sure. He handed it over.

-Do you think maybe with the bayonet on, it might rile some folks? There’s talk of some army guys might be watching you march.

-Yeah, I guess you’re right.

-I can take it off for you if you like.

-Sure. He bent away from me at the waist to grab a pamphlet-

-Have you read-

-The knife went into his side and he flailed a bit. I turned him and sunk it deep above his pelvis and ripped up to his rib cage. Parts of him were coming out and he tried to hold it in for a bit and then his eyes rolled back into his head. Bubbling saliva came out of the corners of his mouth as he began his passing.

-I slipped out of Hooverville under cover of the night and made my way back to the hotel using as many side streets as I could. There was no need but old habits are good habits.

-I slept almost the entire way back home to Canada.

TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Packers:

Oh, this could have been a glorious shootout and might still be if Moore can be 65% as effective as The Mahomes. Tyreek has been phenomenal on very few opportunities the past two weeks. On 8 catches he’s got 3 TD’s and 154 yards receiving.

Do your thing.

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King Hippo

Seriously, he’s TOTES HIGH!! Mahomes-y WOO

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well I hope he brought enough for everybody.

Gratliff

Nats immediately become the only likeable Washington team

Doktor Zymm

Didn’t that happen the exact moment they were established?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
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Gratliff

/booing intensifies

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahahaha

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re all right, D.C.

Doktor Zymm

I miss all those articles about how Trump staffers couldn’t get a date

Mr. Ayo

Chat at Nats Park is now "Lock Him Up."

— Thomas Boswell (@ThomasBoswellWP) October 28, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gratliff

Decidedly fewer people chanting in the lower levels. No war but class war.

Covalent Blonde

So lovely!

yeah right

It’s goddamn glorious it is!

Brick Meathook

They were actually booing the crippled veterans that were with Trump.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, he threw that one on a rope, huh?

Covalent Blonde

My favourite part of this story is that Moore’s kids feel the same way I do about seeing their father in at QB

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moore or less……

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Gots to be careful of the Thagomiser.

Covalent Blonde

I now live in a forest. Can anyone give me advice as to when it is that I will stop being terrified by the sound of pine cones hitting my roof?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When you moved in?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also; fucking squirrels.

Doktor Zymm

I have no idea if that ‘fucking’ is meant as an adjective or a verb here

Covalent Blonde

INORITE?!! I have been in Tahoe for two weeks now. I have an A frame. It sounds like grenades are rolling down my roof every forty minutes.

Also, spiders. I now just have a dedicated “spider plate” for escorting them outside

Doktor Zymm

Spiders are good! They eat the other, bad insects!

Covalent Blonde

Spiders are awesome. Not so much a problem with the spiders as I am the tremendous frequency in which woodland creatures, arachnids included, are moving into my place!

Viva La Tabula Raza

My guess would be that happens when Bigfoot or some other supernatural arboreal creature starts beating down your front door.

Doktor Zymm

You’ll get used to it, like all noises. I would be more terrified of fires. Other fun pine cone sounds: http://rangerrik.com/2017/09/03/the-sound-of-pinecones-popping-in-the-san-francisco-heat/

Covalent Blonde

Ugh! You are in the East Bay or the Peninsula, right? I am supposed to drive home to Marin in two days and the Carcenas is on fire! The power outages are obnoxious!

Doktor Zymm

I’m in Fremont, we haven’t had any outages (luckily), but yeah, North Bay is rough. I was supposed to be up in Santa Rosa most of today but that fire got going pretty bad, and all of Marin is no power right now (no idea for how long, Red Flag warning is supposed to stop tomorrow morning). Also, apparently there’s a new fire and they’re evacing Martinez??

Covalent Blonde

YUp! Lafayette is ablaze, too. My place in Marin is without power until Monday at the earliest, but the high wind warnings restart Tuesday again!

Doktor Zymm

Aw man, best of luck with that 🙁 It was really hazy/kinda smoke smelling when I was out earlier today, hope it’s under control soon

Wakezilla

That’s nothing. Wait until the racoons come.

King Hippo

Opiates help.

/my standard advice is set a fire or a series of fires but that probably is a bad forest idea

Brick Meathook

You’ll lose your fear of pine cones when you run into your first bear.

King Hippo

Tyreek Hill, such perseverance!

litre_cola

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Doktor Zymm

I like how pointy the caucasians mascot’s ears are

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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There is a fold in the shirt; if you order it looks like the one above.

Doktor Zymm

This one is a much more realistic depiction of an Armenian

Viva La Tabula Raza

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King Hippo

this is also great

Viva La Tabula Raza

I had that t-shirt for some number of years, but it wore out.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s like Mr Spock is the mascot.

Covalent Blonde

I like that. I like everything about that.

King Hippo

The Chi**** Baby Humans are in Bojack Season 6. But it honours your HERITAGE!!

Doktor Zymm

This GB team seems pretty par for the course, but KC has gotten significantly shittier and less fun to watch since last year

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are missing the thing that makes them that way. But he is spicing up the insurance commercials.

litre_cola

He was out I reckon.

Covalent Blonde

Fucking proper pretty!

Covalent Blonde

Alas, not quite as pretty in it’s reception

Covalent Blonde

Hey, real quick, I have been away for a pretty long time now, but since when the fuck did NASCAR have playoffs? What has happened here?

litre_cola

I think Balls would be able to answer that.

Doktor Zymm

Their viewership is all starting to die off, so could be they’ve implemented it as a last gasp to maintain their status as super popular?

Mr. Ayo

2004. And it’s been tweaked almost every year since to the point that it would take a week of blog posts to explain the current format.

Covalent Blonde

Excellent to know that i have just been tragically un-observant for the past 15 years. Cool. Cool.

Doktor Zymm

So maybe this is old news to everyone else, but I just started reading my first carl hiaasen book and it’s good. It’s very good.

King Hippo

where should one start?

Doktor Zymm

I’m sort of randomly starting with the first book in the Skink series based off recommendations from an NPR list

King Hippo

Skink series of 7 ordered!!

Doktor Zymm

I also want to learn to fish now, let me know if you have the same reaction

King Hippo

Will do!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Just avoid the ones he wrote for the YA audience.

King Hippo

yeah, I don’t need to be on THAT watchlist

Doktor Zymm

A small amount of research reveals that one of those is titled ‘Scat’. I presume that’s not at all about what I immediately assume.

hippofant

Be bop ba bop diddly bop bop ba woooooo

King Hippo

Wow, Horatio – did you know Springer played baseball at UConn? I didn’t even know y’all had a team.

Redshirt

“Look at all these people who came to watch me see a baseball game!” – Trump

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— Blair Walsh

King Hippo

just kick the FG and avoid the shutout

Redshirt

Your argument is invalid.

King Hippo

Must be a day ending in “y”

litre_cola

Matt Moore is not very good at throwing which seems to be a key to being a quarterback.

Doktor Zymm

He’s not a real QB, he just plays one on TV

theeWeeBabySeamus

Say what now?

– L. Jackson

King Hippo

It’s tough to get a Hardman down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

*snicker*

Covalent Blonde

Lemme try…

Doktor Zymm

If ranking tech companies by evilness, where would you put AirBnB?

hippofant

Wellllll, they’re not building AI killer drones for the US military yet sooooooo

Doktor Zymm

I’m thinking they’re probably not in the top 5

hippofant

I mean, they’re not even close I think. There are companies like https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NSO_Group and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palantir_Technologies#Controversies which are maybe more evil companies that use tech than tech companies that are evil.

Covalent Blonde

7.2/10 for evil. Mostly for having to listen to people swoon over how eccentric their bullshit is.

Wakezilla

More like the second level of hell evil. Though I am sure they’ll pick it up soon

Petronel

That was one of the more inevitable commercial placements I’ve seen. (of course it was splitscreened)

Wakezilla

Took Toddlerzilla to a Halloween event today. When taking a picture of her and her two friends there, I made a face and a funny noise to get the kids to laugh. In the picture, you see the two friends laughing while Toddlerzilla is rolling her eyes.

I didn’t realize this started at age 3.

Covalent Blonde

I’m impressed that it starts so early! I definitely would have thought those same muscles developed with adolescence.

Doktor Zymm

That’s a proud moment!

rockingdog
Doktor Zymm

I got to play with a room full of cats yesterday. There was also tea. It was glorious.

King Hippo

Lucky! And here I was happy that both of mine let me pet them concurrently last night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Plus, I bet you didn’t get any tea.

King Hippo

fuck no!

Doktor Zymm

Should you ever somehow end up in SF: https://www.kitteasf.com/

Covalent Blonde

I have had a few friends go there and said it was amazing!

Doktor Zymm

I concur!

King Hippo

God, I would need a season pass.

Doktor Zymm

If I lived closer I would figure out a way to work there

rockingdog

meeeee yaoooo

Covalent Blonde

Can’t wait to see the updated, “Best smelling parking lots in America,” addition to the KC visitors bureau

Doktor Zymm

“Worth going out of your way to park here, 5 stars, do not miss”

litre_cola

There is a lot of commercials nowadays for adult diapers, and air fresheners. Are we all just pissing ourselves and masking the smell now?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Wakezilla

Trumps golden showers fetish made everyone stop caring

King Hippo

Now that the kids are out of the house, I can leave the door open and watch RedZone while I piss.

theeWeeBabySeamus

#Livingthedream

Covalent Blonde

I should have known! I would have sent you celebratory flowers!

Covalent Blonde

I mean… I know I am.

Game Time Decision

Bleergh likes the penalty taking away the TD

King Hippo

praise be!

Doktor Zymm

We should petition the government to move Flag Day to the fall and make it a religious holiday for the mighty Bleergh

King Hippo

COVALENT AND DOK ARE HERE, BECHTEL TEST PASSED!!!

hippofant

But they’re talking about men playing sports.

King Hippo

We’ll get into Moon Goddess talk at the half.

litre_cola

Petronel was here today too. We gets all teh football ladies.

Doktor Zymm

Good evening folks, how goes the footballings?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t ask Baker Mayfield that question.

Doktor Zymm

He’s already lasted longer than most Browns QBs, do you think he’ll get out before it’s too late or will he get arrested for something in the offseason?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Covalent Blonde

Oof. I’m afraid you will be losing that TO, skinny Kool-Aid man.

rockingdog
King Hippo

Jesus Christ, how did he make that throw and how did he make that catch??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

nicely played, FUCK ME that is the third damned game DONKS WOO!!! have lost in similar fashion this season

litre_cola

I remember this show, it was great!

King Hippo

hey, a DB hit someone without a ridiculous personal foul called!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Betcha Mahomes-y had two pills before kickoff, too. WE IS SOUL BRUTHAS!

/raises fist

//FUCK YOU, I voted FOAR Obama 4x

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Wait; you are only dead on the inside!”

-MAGAesta.

Brick Meathook

Fun Montréal Fact (notice how I spelled it like a Frenchie?):

The NBC-TV station here is from Burlington, Vermont. The local news breaks are like watching cable access.

Covalent Blonde

For reasons beyond me my local breaks are from Reno and it’s like a 90-second trip in a tie machine to the early 90’s with a smalltown high school video toaster

rockingdog

found a funny:
me: I have to let the chicken rest before cutting it or the juices will go everywhere
trick or treaters: we’ll come back

theeWeeBabySeamus

So if Jimmy Graham and Damien Williams die in the next five minutes. and James Connor has a career game tomorrow, I can still close in on Brocky and keep my 1 loss record intact.

So you’re saying there’s a chance!!!!

King Hippo

#FirstPlaceHippo

theeWeeBabySeamus

grumble grumble. Meh, it was a good four week run for me. Had to end sometime.

litre_cola

I did nae adjust my roster and left Adams in there. Do T will beat me by less than a replacement would have been. I deserve it for being drunk all weekend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did you ever get into the Ethiopian party?
Go trade weed for food.

litre_cola

I made another thc cookie bar but I do not think it is that type of party. I did not go down the hall. If it was the family from Ghana I would have as I have pushed their truck out of the snow numerous times. The Ethiopians are new to the building and I do not have that rapport with them yet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Icebreaker? No?

litre_cola

Too many people, I will help out when the snow falls. If they are new to the country I will be out there helping them! Plus I am really hungover.

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACT – I routinely set my money league rosters weeks/months in advance, in case I get hit by a bus.

rockingdog

LOL
49ers dropped half 100 on these guys….

https://twitter.com/NFL_Memes/status/1188609937930366976

Covalent Blonde

The radio call of the game involved the relentless use of the term “fifty-burger,” which I am ashamed to say I have never heard before, but now look forward to using relentlessly

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“LI-bubulae!”

-Caracalla

King Hippo

had the Tomsulas wanted 60, they easily could have so done

King Hippo

Carrie Underwood, I do believe you’ve met my mute button?

Covalent Blonde

But, why is Joan Jett here? Ms. Jett, do you need oney?

King Hippo

too much drugs is NEVAR enough!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“You must be thinking of someone else.”

-Ricky Byrd

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Blurry-Clear-Blurry-Clear-Blurry-Clear

THAT ASS IS SOME SORT OF VOODOO OPTOMETRIST!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Covalent Blonde

Watching the Nats have their shark thing is unnerving as a Sharks fan. I have inadvertently become a huge Nats fan purely through the number of fans in shark costumes.

King Hippo

I really had no clue the Dirt 500s were so evil (before the last week). Plus, my college drinking buddy is an architect in DC now, and a Nats fan. GO NATIONAL LEAGUE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t care who wins. Just want Turner to do well.
I mean he already earned the whole country free tacos!!!!!

King Hippo

and I will only watch during FITBAW commercials obvs

rockingdog

gooooo Sharks!!!!
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP
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Covalent Blonde

Now that’s a baby shark!

For fuck’s sake it is a hard year to rock the teal!

King Hippo

Also, CHRIST that was some good hobo-knifin!

King Hippo

Accidentally flipped to rugby for a few minutes earlier today, and it makes less sense to me than supply side economics.

Wakezilla

Nah man, rugby is so easy to follow. Just don’t tackle high and don’t pass it forward. That’s all you need to know

WCS

When do we get the Scotchy-Tomsula-Wolfman Rob crossover?

Gratliff

Everybody all tuckered out after 7 hours of Redzone
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theeWeeBabySeamus

D’awwwwwwww

Gratliff

There also may have been 20 minutes of “sprinting side by side through the flooded farm field next door before being dragged back in and thrown in a shower” as well

theeWeeBabySeamus

Were you the dragger or the draggee? They look big enough to do some draggin’ if they worked together.

Gratliff

You definitely have to put them on anti-pull harnesses if they’re together, and even then, be fairly strong. They’re ridiculously strong with just one pulling. The boy somehow failed to keep them in the yard, and in an effort to avoid getting in trouble (he wouldn’t have, but that’s how he is), attempted to chase them down through the recently tilled and flooded field. It was not very effective. When I heard him yelling at them, I went to the door and called them in and they came running back home, soaked and muddy, much like my son, who was very upset at how easily I got them to come home.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, you are the dog hollerer.

Covalent Blonde

PS: That’s a spectacularly cute story

Gratliff

It’s a very thin line between cute and dumb.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lil’ Gratliff: Daaaaaaad….I coulda done it.
Gratliff: Shut up and get your ass in here. The Flyers are on in 10 minutes.

Gratliff

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee. Well-played, Sir.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

god damn good dogs.

Game Time Decision

The couch needs to be charged as well?

King Hippo

You’re with me, leather! – Grat’s dog (hopefully post-bath)

ballsofsteelandfury

LOVE today’s historical hobo story!

Gratliff

Did the Islanders already give up on Brooklyn and/or vice versa?

Redshirt

Where’s the World Series Game 5 Open Thread?

BWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

Unsurprised

Oh. I misread it as Cheeks.

Spoiler
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ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome

Viva La Tabula Raza

As I was out walking on a corner one day,
I spied an old hobo, in a doorway he lay.
His face was all grounded in the cold sidewalk floor
And I guess he’d been there for the whole night or more.
Only a hobo, but one more is gone
Leavin’ nobody to sing his sad song
Leavin’ nobody to carry him home
Only a hobo, but one more is gone
A blanket of newspaper covered his head,
As the curb was his pillow, the street was his bed.
One look at his face showed the hard road he’d come
And a fistful of coins showed the money he bummed.
Only a hobo, but one more is gone
Leavin’ nobody to sing his sad song
Leavin’ nobody to carry him home
Only a hobo, but one more is gone
Does it take much of a man to see his whole life go down,
To look up on the world from a hole in the ground,
To wait for your future like a horse that’s gone lame,
To lie in the gutter and die with no name?
Only a hobo, but one more is gone
Leavin’ nobody to sing his sad song
Leavin’ nobody to carry him home
Only a hobo, but one more is gone
Songwriters: Bob Dylan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du0EsLz0IyU

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