Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

T’was a long weekend as far as the footballing was concerned so let’s check on the-

Fallout-

-Out for the year are D-Jax and Preston Williams.

-Out for the year for other reasons is one Jermaine Whitehead. Having missed several tackles during the game, he tried to tackle some folks on twitter and, uh, it did not go well.

-In related news, Freddie Kitchens breathed a sigh of relief when his key card to the Browns facility worked earlier this morning. Team GM John Dorsey later commented, “Fred did a great job-in the whirlpool, keeping his head above water”.

-Seguing to another struggling coach-Dan Quinn ‘shook up’ his coaching staff. No one was fired but several assistants were looking for their new seats on the Atlanta Hindenburg.

-The Dolphins’ Kalen Ballage is out there playing 3D chess while the rest of us are trying to guess heads or tails. The guy managed to get Kenyan Drake traded and then follows it up by spiking new rb starter Mark Walton’s energy drink to the tune of a four game suspension. Dude has read his Sun Tzu.

TO THE GAMES!

Cowboys/Giants:

Oh boy. As a Giants fan that knows that Dallas hasn’t lost to my team for three years now, it ain’t look good. The Giants have trouble defending between the sideline and the numbers and that’s where DAK! shines. He leads all qb’s in completion %, yards per attempt and passer rating on attempts to that spot. Cooper will go off. Engram will get about 72.4 yards. (it’s his average vs. the ‘Boys) Zeke will run for 100+. Daniel Jones will fumble at least once. It is written.

Get at it.

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Brick Meathook

The Giants will fuck this up.

King Hippo

This will be like the 3rd time this weekend the score went to 23-18

hippofant

Lol that camera on Zeke.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Woof woof.

Gratliff

Is Saquon wearing the Nelly bandaid style eye black?

Gratliff

Who’s the best historical comparison for Prescott? Marc Bulger?

King Hippo

There’s a stats article I read, averages out 4 rating metrics. Best overall score this season? Good old chopped ham-head!

King Hippo

To me, he’s like if Russell Wilson and Drew Brees had a baby. Not the BEST of both test tube dads, but some combo.

Senor Weaselo

Jay Cutler? Canned ham is like canned tuna, right?

Horatio Cornblower

Nailed it

Downfield Matriculator

Joe Ferguson.

Played with best RB of his generation, never did screw all with it.

Horatio Cornblower

To be fair Ferguson probably spent most of his time trying to figure out ways to hide from OJ rather than trying to learn the playbook.

Sharkbait

GALLUPDOWN!

King Hippo

that were some Globetrotters shit!

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit Gallup.

Col. Duke LaCross

Prescott had the best tuck and run since Jame Gumb.

Horatio Cornblower

Man, if there was a banner for ‘creepy’…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I missed most of this game. Did I miss much? Gut instinct says “no”.

Gratliff

CAT

Horatio Cornblower

So does the scoreboard

WCS

Jay Cutler made a surprise appearance.

Gratliff

Dak Prescott: Game Manager

King Hippo

DAL using two backs is pretty good coaching

Horatio Cornblower

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Hmm, yes, a fine coaching it is too. Almost as fine as the dinner Brill and I shall enjoy with some of our college chums after this tilt has been completed.

King Hippo

really hope “row the boat” guy can beat the Paedos

Horatio Cornblower

Hey guys, does anyone know why there’s a one point difference in this game? Did the Giants kicker hit an upright maybe?

Man, I’d wish they’d tell us.

Brick Meathook

Booger never shuts up yet you still know nothing about the game. “Tess” is just as useless. Next year ESPN should drop some plentiful Disney Dollars and hire Kevin Harlan and Tony Romo for MNF.

litre_cola

This would be fantastic.

Horatio Cornblower

Tessitore is really good at boxing but yeah, that has not carried over to football.

Gratliff

I’d back the fuck off Hernandez too. That motherfucker is large.

Senor Weaselo

I know, and all that dead weight hanging around!

Sharkbait

Also, pretty sure the unsportsmanlike was for the Dallas defender shoving the referee

Horatio Cornblower

They said it was taunting.

Fronkenshteen

I wonder if Ajayi returns to Miami now that Walton pissed hot?

Gratliff

If he has two hands, Eagles need a slot receiver

Sharkbait

Did Saquon just try the Dirty Dancing move with a Dallas defender, and then high five at the end?

Horatio Cornblower

“There’s a fight going on” hollers an announcer who has clearly never seen an actual fight.

Gratliff

Yeah, fuck you, Parabolic Mic!

Horatio Cornblower

It knows what it did.

Gratliff

DANIEL JONES COMPLETED A PASS GET THAT MAN A RESTRUCTURED CONTRACT

Sharkbait

Great field position. How will the Giants fuck this one up

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

herodotus450

Also, maybe I just never noticed it before, but there’s little arrows to collapse comment threads. Is this the annual “back-end automatic update that sort’ve breaks DFO and we all ironically (mostly) overreact” day?
/Copies “This is great” to clipboard just in case.

King Hippo

GLORIOUS NEWS, HIPPO FIGURE OUT THE UNSTICKING

Horatio Cornblower

Go for it you pussies.

Especially after that garbage play on 3rd and 4

Horatio Cornblower

What is a sticky comment thread, and why won’t it go away?

King Hippo

I tried to unstick

litre_cola

Too much hot cheesecake action?

WCS

Is the site being taken over by Skynet? What is happening?

Gratliff

Roger Goodell’s camo appears to have broken it

Sharkbait

Damnit Roger!

WCS

Dammit, now he’s an internet disgrace, too!

Brick Meathook

.

Brick Meathook

.

litre_cola

Cowboys are going to win by 2 tds easily.
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Brick Meathook

Name a good NFL quarterback named Jones, ever. You can’t.

Horatio Cornblower

I was watching whilst away from the computer so forgive me if someone already said this, but no matter how this game ends the most amazing thing we’ll see is that an unarmed black cat was surrounded by a bunch of New York cops and somehow wasn’t shot to death.

Senor Weaselo

+1 chokehold

Sharkbait

Jersey state troopers have some restraint apparently

Horatio Cornblower

Another joke shot down by facts like an unarmed minority motorist at a Texas traffic stop.

King Hippo

I know that, at least in North Cakalaky, you need a 4-year degree at least (to be a trooper), and they ARE usually better.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s been my experience in CT as well. State Troopers are generally, (although we’ve had some glaring exceptions), pretty professional. Local cops ran the gamut from professional to “holy shit how does anyone trust you with anything more lethal than Play-Doh?”

Gratliff

It’s sort of like the way left and right don’t adequately explain politics. You have skilled-unskilled, but also “dedicated to maintaining peace and justice” to “if his dad wanted to live through that stop and frisk, he shouldn’t have worn pants with a waistband”

WCS

Did everyone leave?

/rips massive fart

Sharkbait

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Gratliff

jesus fuck

Sharkbait

Some insightful monday night mic there ESPN

litre_cola

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herodotus450
Sharkbait

Need moar Engram next drive Gmen

WCS
Sharkbait

So there are now payday loan apps?

Unsurprised

The only way this could be more perfectly American is if it’s a reservation-based payday loan company.

King Hippo

helps the repo man track you

litre_cola

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Unsurprised

Stop posting hardcore porn

Unsurprised

Nuts. Yesterday was the anniversary of this:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Still need to get around to skipping the second half of S3 of Dexter and watching the John Lithgow season

Spur

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Sharkbait

Hey! No more shitty halftime music!

SonOfSpam

Man, the Giants played such a great first half they’re only losing by a little!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Woot Woot Dallas lead

Gratliff

thanks, I hate it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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