I’m the last guy to advocate for the Cowboys in any way whatsoever but two tripping penalties in one game? NFL refs are so far up the Pats ass that they can spell doodenum, dawadenum, dawdnum, doudenum properly on the first try. Let’s go to…
Fallout:
-The Bengals have had enough of rook qb Ryan Finley’s less than average shenanigans and have opted to return to Andy Dalton’s average shenanigans. Neither one of these fellas will be under center week 1 of the 2020 season.
-The running back equivalent of ‘dirty clothes stuffed in a garbage bag at the laundromat’, Kelen Ballage, is still the starter for the Fins. He’s approaching Adrian Murrell levels of awfulness. “Who’s Adrian Murell?”, you might ask? My reply would be, “Exactly”.
-I mean, it’s finally over for Jason Garrett at the end of this year, right? The Cowburps have all kinds of talent on both sides of the ball and yet are sitting at 6-5. Jerrah’s post-game comments centered around the word ‘frustrating’. He only said it about a dozen times or so.
-In “Maybe If He’d Shown Us This We Wouldn’t Be Tanking” news, Ryan Tannehill is on an 11/3 TD/Int tear along with three rushing scores. And them Titans are 4-1 and have as much momentum going forward as a 240 pound (ah, I’m taking the over here) Derrick Henry with a ten yard running start.
TO THE GAME!
Ravens/Rams:
As far as front offices/GM’s are concerned, the vast majority of praise/derision is focused around the draft. But sometimes, identifying a problem and acting to solve that problem in a meaningful way occurs. That’s the case with both these teams. Both identified that the missing piece for the defense was a cb. Most times this issue would be ‘solved’ by the elevation of a practice squad scrub or a free agent signing but that’s not the case here. Since the respective trades for Jalen Ramsey (L.A.) and Marcus Peters (Baltimore) just before week seven, these squadoos are 1 and 2 in scoring defense. Now, will the Rams D be able to handle LAMAR! and the bitchin’ running game that averages more yards per game than any team since Walter Payton’s ’77 Bears? I dunno.
Let’s watch and find out.
STOP IT, HE’S ALREADY DEAD!
Is LAMAR! really Quicksilver? It’s like everyone else is moving an order of magnitude slower than he is.
“Lamar, what is best in life?”
Lamar: “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the Patriots fans.”
What kind of weirdo puts their taco down? HARF HARF HARF no more taco.
BALLS! Search term: “taco holder”
Man, Rams sure got their dick caught in a zipper tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BlHdTi2DI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2unasWwTe9s
The fucking Wire comment, I know my city is in the hole right now, but FUCK we are way more than that. Eat shit you slobbering dickhead.
What did our Dear Leader tweet now?
Fuck that cunt.
Look, I used to live outside Baltimore, and no it’s not
Sorry bud, I’m from Baltimore. Work there every day, was born there. I admit it’s in a shit spiral right now, but again, there are bright spots.
If I’m being honest, about 80% of my disdain for it comes from the fact that my dad was an O’s fan and the other 20% is that time I stayed at the Lord Baltimore Hotel in college for a convention and could only afford chinese food from down the road since I was broke after the cost of the room and they charged me more to make that call from the room than I paid for the food.
Ugh, the Orioles are a tough space right now. And that sucks about the chinese food. Where did you go to college?
A shitty community college up in Northeast before I transferred up to Northern Michigan University and never came back.
And yes, I realize Cecil County can’t technically be considered outside of Baltimore, but I’ve lived in parts of Michigan that have been further than that from a fucking Walmart.
“Shit spiral, Rand. It goes around and around…“
“But you never get out of Baltimore, right Mr Lahey?”
“That’s right, Randy. Not until you graduate Baltimore and make it to con college.”
I hear the food is good!
I hear they have top quality telephones.
That was Finland in the 00’s, is there an abundance of pickled fish in Baltimore too?
I’d like to know which skinny motherfucker came up with this “one pound of turkey per person” guideline. I want MOAR TURKEY!
There are 5 members of House LemonJello – we have an 18 lb turkey thawing. There will be no leftovers by Saturday.
Attaboy!
/slaps LemonJello on the ass, HARD
// waits for it to stop jiggling
/// waits
/// decides to just go on talking anyway
I’m expecting 5 adults and 2 kids, and I’m going with a 15 lb bird, with a 5 lb breast on the side. Then I like to hit up the grocery store on Friday for cheap leftover birds.
About the craziest I get with leftovers is turkey chili. None of this “oh, what can I do, I’ll have to make … (searches internet) turkey samosas!” nonsense.
*Seven Nation Army intensifies*
Ravens v Niners Superb Owl?
Except that Darth Grumblelord is already coming up with some fucking plan to contain Lamar.
Is there a dormant volcano under Gillette Stadium that’s due to erupt?
PURPLE CAMO PANTS FOR EVERYONE!
Yes, but purple camo jorts are so much more baltimore
Only Jerry Jones would go out and vaguely threaten his division-leading team 2/3 of the way through the season
Here’s the local Disneyland:
That is one fancy bowling alley.
Good news, everyone! I’ve just finished building my invention, the Future Newspaper Printer; it prints news, from the future! Let’s give it a go.
(Insert printing noises.)
Ok let’s see, “Lamar Jackson suffers career ending injury, Patriots stage 100 point 4th quarter comeback to win AFC CG and have been awarded the Super Bowl by default.”
Uh oh, looks I’ve set it for “Darkest Timeline,” let’s just–(more printing noises)–there’s another one: “Patriots acquire time travel technology from drunk fan, retrieve young Tom Brady from past and sign him to a lifetime contr” (machine smashing noises) oh look at that it’s broken.
Can you tell me how Brexit turns out? Please tell me mop head PM, and Cheeto Pres get hit by a meteor while watching a Cowboys v Manchester United game in Foxboro!
Other headline: Trump Declares Himself President For Life; Mitch McConnell “Concerned but Willing To Proceed”
At least there wasn’t any headlines about Charlemango’s 3rd term as Presidente 4 Lyfe.
Chalemango, is that a French Pornstar?
One who already has been paid hush money.
Not even the KGB would keep those tapes. Operation “Golden Shower” was deemed nightmare fuel and ensured a trip to the Gulag if ever mentioned again.
YOU SHUT YOUR DUMPSTER WHORE MOUTH!
This LAMAR! feller is prettay good at the quartered backing, no?
Is there a soldier sleeping next to you?
I, but there’s a bunch of homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk down there a ways.
Better not tell Scotchy your whereabouts…
He sees them when they’re sleeping. He knows when they’re awake…
Hey. I just sent in a background check authorization form for a job, which seems encouraging. I also set up a couple of phone interviews for next week. Things seem to be looking up.
Excellent! If called for a reference, how many drugs should I say you do? A lot? I’ll say a lot.
So long as you say I still get the job done, say I’m Tony Montana for all I care.
“Tony Montana? Didn’t he play for the 49ers?”
-some hipster, probably
Gud luck!
Fuck yeah
“What happened Booger?”
“I couldn’t stop picking my nose in third grade and that’s how I got my name.”
“Uh, I was talking about that 4th down run.”
“Sorry about that. I didn’t hear you, I was picking my nose.”
“…”
THE LEEGAH HAHHTES US! NO ONE DENIES THIS!|
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/28164329/source-cowboys-told-tripping-penalties-called
“THOSE GOLLDURNED SUMBITCHES ARE OUT TO GET MY GOTTDAMMED STARS!!! YEEEHAAAwwwwwww! I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!1!!!”
Guys, I don’t think RAMMMMMMIT is going back to the Superest of Bowls.
Haha! Jokes on them! I don’t have any friends.
No way man, I’m not reading your coaster; I’m checking her out in the toilet on the hidden webcam.
Why does Newcastle have French on their coasters?
Actually, who cares. Newcastle sucks unless you’re in 1990 and have no other choices.
He’s in Quebec.
Ah. That explains the frogginess.
Wow Rams. Super Bowl to Toilet Bowl in the blink of an eye.
Man, those crowd shots…I haven’t seen this much purple since the last time one of Adrian Peterson’s kids mooned me.
Also would have accepted since the Houston 500.
Stupid question: why are the bears ranked above the eagles in current wild card standings?
Obviously i understand there’s a 3 way tie at 5-6, but wouldn’t Philadelphia’s win over the bears and their better conference record than the Panthers give them the lead?
I think when there are more than two teams involved it goes straight to conference record.
Or does it go to the first tiebreaker applicable for all the tied teams, IE carolina didn’t play either of the other 2 teams, so the first tiebreaker, head to head record, wouldn’t be used.
I guess it just wouldn’t make sense to me as a fan, If my team has tie breakers over the other two teams, the fact they’re tied with each other shouldn’t matter.
Or am I misunderstanding this?
Conference Record trumps all in a 3 way tie.
Oooh 3 way.
Christmas Vacation is on! Moving over there…
You serious, balls?
Fuck yeah. The Ravens got this.
Beverly D’Angelo looks AMAZING in that white silky top…
What’s better: her chest or her sexy overbite?
Yes
This is the restaurant I’m in right now:
Is it called, “Don’t Eat Here”?
I remember this place, The Gate to Hell – Mitch Mcconnell
“Sir, how would you like your lamprey prepared?”
“Game Over”
– G. Easterbrook, writing on his notebook.
YAY! TD for Hollywood!
*STD for Hollywood.
I just turned it on. Everybody is wearing their jammies!
Aquaticism episode is on! Switching now.
-Adrian Peterson
This game’s choice in jersey colors.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqkXkowfFcs
Lamar just did what Dak needed to do. RUN! Get the defense to pick a poison
Oh, Ravens are going to beat the shit out of the Lambs. I may have to switch the channel and see if there is a Bob’s Burgers rerun on…
Im hoping for a big game from Hollywood Brown
The Rams unis are very topical as in they remind of this news story from yesterday.
https://people.com/human-interest/doctor-saves-mans-life-sucking-urine-from-bladder-mid-flight-emergency/
PAC 12, Conference of Champions!
LOOK AT ALL THE PURPLE YOU GUYS!!
I love that shade! – Kate Spade
– Tyreek Hill’s kid’s mother, trying to get the NFL to actually do something about child abuse for once.
Bezos: “They just don’t hate us enough.”
Marketing Weasel: “Why don’t we completely bastardize that song. It goes ‘you, you, you?”
Marketing Weasel #2: Searches the internet. “It was in a movie called Blew Brothers or something.”
Bezos: “That’s the one, now hire someone to completely fuck that song up! Suck the soul out of it.”
Marketing Weasel #3: Finishes sucking the brains out of a newborn. “Yes, master.”
Yes, i watched the Godfather all day. Tomorrow am doing Michael Mann day
Last of the Mohicans
Heat
Collateral
Heat is quite possibly my all-time favorite movie. It’s not a perfect film, but I just goddamned love it so much.
Godfather 2 ruled this trilogy, which in turn rules all trilogies. Hands fucking down.
Ayn Rand’s desiccated corpse would like a word.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJkrCBZNL6c
Somebody thought enough to take the entire week off! Nicely done!
am “working from home” these next few days . I just pause when i have my standing meetings
Smart. I wish I could do that…
Still love his first feature mostest.
Excellent choice, sir
“Blue collar Baltimore” do your research, we’re not blue collar, more like blood red collar.
I’m watching the MNF pre-game show and they just showed an overhead shot of the Coli. It’s mostly empty with a bunch of black and purple spots.
This gone be U.G.L.Y.
The NFL needs to get the fuck out of LA…
Oh Apollonia if only
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAgB3qxvRkU
This is the only Appolonia I know:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwl8ZxliHIQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9r9Qc_ZoOY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQQdA2aat2k
Last Dragon soundtrack also had a lost gem from Stevie Wonder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OCN_OEZUuE
Folks
LOL
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EKMXUo2WoAEyN61?format=jpg&name=small
I’m predicting 40 percent Ravens jerseys at the Coli tonight.
Oh, Bengals. Its always ends up good when you drunk dial your ex that you broke up with three weeks ago.
If only it were that endearing. “Yer trade bait, meat”, goes Mike Brown’s text, under the effects of instant oatmeal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug1gAS9-Mn0&ab_channel=AdultSwim
Need me a big night from Mr. Kupp this evening
“Us too.” – two girls
ramms gonna rammit?
Oh boy oh boy! A Monday night game where I’m not yelling at Flacco.
There’s always impulse reactions to replays from when Flacco was there.
I admit that I loved that guy. His fall off in production was rough. Not sure what happened: either he gave up or was more injured than he ever let on. I’ve never heard anything but good things about him off the field. Humble, shy, very down to earth.