It’s been a great run, hasn’t it? We’ve seen plenty of favourites fall, plenty of lousy squads win and seen a few heavyweight battles that didn’t disappoint. And now we get a tussle between an 8-3 team and a 9-2 squadoo. It isn’t a ‘sexy’ matchup but it should deliver on the ‘tightly-contested game’ front. But First!
Fallout:
-Oh boy. Little Nicky Foles and his 4 year 88 million contract (50! million guaranteed) are holding a clipboard the rest of the year. Depending on when he is released his cap hit will be either ‘stunning’ or ‘incomprehensible’. Because you asked, Minshew’s salary of $678,000 represents .27% of the Jags total spend.
-Insufferable fans/media folks prompted TB12 to say “We’re not 2-10. We’re 10-2”. Insane jackwads, all of them.
-Dalton gets the win! The competent-est of game managing qb’s gave life to a moribund unit and a W was delivered for the first time this year. Cincy fans should realize that they should use these last few games to say ‘farewell’ because he’ll not be around next year. This’ll be the last time he wears stripes unless he has plans to model his post-football career after Kellen Winslow Jr. or Aaron Hernandez.
TO THE GAME!
Vikes/Seahawks:
Seattle is a gaudy 9-2 and has only out-scored their oppos by 29 total points. They’ve had but one win by more than one score. You can run on them, you can pass on them, so what’s the difference? An MVP candidate that will finish second behind Lamar!, that’s who. Qb Wilson leads all tossers in passes over 20+ yards and he should get some more ‘chunk’ plays from Metcalf and Gordon because Minny has already given up over 40 of them. As for the running game, if Carson puts the ball on the turf early he’ll be turfed in favour of Penney. On t’udder side, Dalvin’s combined yards from scrimmage is second behind only McCaffrey.
Relax and enjoy. Or don’t. It’s your call.
By the beard of Zeus! Does Booger get paid by the word?
Remember when you missed the highlights of the Sunday football games twenty-five years ago and there was no media out there to show you the results? The ESPN Monday Night Football Halftime Show remembers…
Christ, between the CBS/Fox postgame, the NBC SNF pregame, the SNF halftime, the MNF pregame, the MNF halftime, the NFL Network, and the fucking internet, I now suffer from highlight exhaustion and overexposure..
The Scotchnaut Gazette will NOT be reporting on this night’s Islanders game.
You must be so the opposite of proud.
How long do you think it will take to create a company that makes weighted ping pong balls, and get in good enough with Gary Bettman to become the league’s sole supplier of said balls? No more than six months, surely.
Champion
Caucasian:
“She’s Got Angela Davis’ Eyes.”
-Kim Carnes, after The Revolution
Better than “She’s got Marty Feldman eyes”…
That wasn’t necessary.
You forgot this one!
I need to get in on this “buyout” gravy train:
New Mexico: Head coach Bob Davie’s buyout is around $840,000, per his contract, paid in monthly installments through 2021 and subject to offset. But athletic director Eddie Nuñez hinted a different buyout may be worked out.
Booger needs to dial it down from ‘entire family dies in plane crash’ to ‘sister-in-law forgets where she parked her car’.
I’m not watching tonight, has DK Metcalf scored the 8 touchdowns I need from him?
he made it to the 1!!
Clowney nailed Delvin. Delvin fell back on the hit
i ate too many potatoes
“You da ho.”
-Idaho
Herm apparently wants HUE JACKSON as his new offensive coordinator!
too much sun will fry the brain
“DON’T FUMBLE!”
-A Penney For Chris Carson’s Thoughts
CT Brain Scans cost more than a Penny
BANANACAKESception!!
Did he spike that volleyball in the end zone?
I love how Wilson made sure the Nords got the ball.
I think all these fake meats being introduced is to slowly get the proles ready for the introduction of soylent.
ppl, the other other white meat!
From The Athletic:
Head coach Chris Petersen will step down after the bowl game, and defensive coordinator Jimmy Lake will take over as head coach, the school announced. Petersen will transition into an advisory role in the athletic department. Petersen finishes with a career record of 146-38 at Washington and Boise State. There will be no buyout owed by Petersen, a spokesperson tells Caple, because he’s leaving after the season and it’s not for another coaching job. The compensation for his new role at UW has yet to be determined.
Until USC pays for the buyout…
this would be awfully duplicitous for a guy like Petersen.
Is BLEERGH napping? This is odd.
The thought of Chris Petersen with USC backing to buy any player they want should make the entire CFB scared
this Chris Peterson fellow sure seems like he would be a big hit at USC!
Why the fuck would they waste a challenge to make it THIRD AND ONE??
Why would anyone believe the US Government could keep a massive conspiracy under wraps?
Here’s the USS Des Moines. It was the first ship with auto-loading 8”/55 guns, but the entire crew used old-fashioned shoelaces.
Ok, if the Denver Broncos were playing the Vikings and the coach said, “AQIB TALIB, you’re going to be getting big dose of Ham all day”, would that be an HR problem?
Maybe. But greeting him with “Aloha Snackbar” will get you a reprimand.
I’mma rip that chain off – Two of the Good Ones
Chris Petersen should return to Boise. Just to prove a point.
“That’s a hard NO! over here.”
-Oklahoma
he get the sack from UW?
quit
WOW. Maybe he takes a year off, suspect he’d still be in high demand.
He’s going to SC
WOW, that’s pretty cold-blooded. Why would they let him coach the Bowl?
Cuz they’re idiots?
Urban Liar
New SC president doesn’t want Urban
Plus, SC has wanted Peterson for a long time. From when Carroll quit.
LA news this morning was anticipating Helton firing. It’s only a matter of time.
New USC coach
Best words to hear at the dealership when you are getting the car some maintenance, “yeah that’s covered by warranty”
but the other kind of oil change you asked for wasn’t
“Huh? What? No.”
-Warren T, mechanic
Does anyone know her name? I am interested in perusing her body of work.
If I’m not mistaken, her name is ‘google image search’.
I did and got the wiki entry for bikini, but the second time found out she is Jessica Davies
Jessica Davies
(Hat tip to Unsurprised)
Folks
Two questions:
Is Lamar Jackson ELITE?
Is every Seahawks fan the kind of person you just want to slap?
Please show all of your work.
1) No. Avg 137 passing yds past 2 games.
2) Yes. (Me)
I was told there would be no math.
These aren’t just any old shoe laces. They’re high tech.
pics or GTFO!!
Are they some of those self tying shoe laces I’ve been hearing about?
call me when velcro comes back
Good thing no concussion for Carson, he just had his bell rung!
the hit split him into multiple personalities and 5 out of 8 of them do not have a concussion yet
#MajorityRules
Nanobubbles
rooting for the seaHAWKS….
Ok, screw the CHOX but that’s awesome
found a funny:
(my favorite things voice)
black beans and chickpeas and pinto and kidney
fava, garbanzo, with lima or jelly
red, soy, navy, and refried with cheese
these are a few of my favorite beans
https://youtu.be/R8CfPBaHM7w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8CfPBaHM7w
Some dumbass just accepted a job offer this afternoon to begin next Monday.
Does that dumbass get to go to the company holiday party?
We’ll see. The manager already mentioned something about the extra day off everyone else will have.
Well congrats anyway!
Is it you? Are you the job-starting dumbass? If so, congrat-u-fucking-lations!
Thanks
Will that dumbass stop posting sexy gifs of girlycakes? I hope not.
I’m sure I’ll find a way to continue.
Nice going dumbass!
But you’re young, and you’ve got your health. Why do you want a job?
Money can be exchanged for goods or services
Explain.
Did the dumbass mention that his religion forbids teh wearing of pants in teh office?
Not yet.
Woooo! WOOOOO!
Wow, somebody watched some SeaTruther film over the break. That was clinical.
Dalvindown!
/needed that badly
“Can’t put my finger on it but there’s just something I like about C.J. Ham.”
-A. Reid
“$88 million? That would buy, like, a brazillian double wide trailers or even 2 brazillian single-wides! And the meth! Lord all the meth you would want!”
-Duval County residents, en masse
Out like a light.
Those 0s look weird.
-racist 1’s
I feel like an outlier by still buying a “live” Christmas tree when I talk to people. Like, do people still make their kids put up a tree made up of the same shit that I use to scratch my hemroids without taking off my pants?
Fake trees are much nicer now
K-Hip reminded me of this one time at a charity fund raiser golf tournament. Two dudes who saw each other every year at this tournament. None of this was a joke. It was just matter of fact.
“How is [wife’s name]?”
“Oh, we got divorced.”
“Tough to hear that. Is that number 4?”
“Five”
C-Hox with Canadian onesies
https://mobile.twitter.com/sinow/status/1201645270196510721
#Flagged
-@LesterPearson
This was the first time in my life I ever bought a pair of shoe laces. I even had to ask “where do you go to buy shoe laces?” Ironically, I bought them at a shoe store.
You’re the reason “Aglets R Us” went bankrupt.
Wow, you got +8 for that? On this site that’s a blockbuster hit.
This is about the time when the ex-wife would look at me and ask “my God, aren’t you tired of FITBAW by now” and I would look at her like she was from outer space.
Any other response is better than loud laughter. According to a monograph I read uh, recently.
Related, I can remember my oldest daughter resisting bedtime, at around 4 years old. She was all like “But I want to watch foooootball. I want to watch football with YOU.” That was some damned fine observation and analysis, knowing what might work!
/and once in awhile, she would make it through a handful of plays!
As a bartender back in the day I had control of the tv and when the female wait staff would ask the same question my reply was, “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for us to watch football for hours and hours on end with no relief in sight? It’s a goddamn chore sometimes but we do it. You don’t realize the sacrifice we make on a weekly basis. You turn off your shows if you get bored but we somehow find a way to power on through. You should admire our resolve”.
/made all the servers and customers laugh
//not my greatest moment but it’s in the top 10
oh, that’s GOOD. Just admire the strength of our commitment!
I bought new shoelaces today and I am so stoked. I also ate some pumpkin pie.
Whoa! New shoelaces?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p47fEXGabaY
I need 35 points from Cook in one league, and 67 From Lockett in another.
It could happen!
Welp, looks like I’m finally gonna have to do it. Move to Canada, track down Scotchnaut, wake up early, and secretly replace his newspaper every morning with my own, with a fake sprots section, to hide the state of the NHL
East MetropolitanAtlantic. I’ll need a good disguise, though, maybe something in “hobo” will work…“Have you considered something from Walmart’s “Fashion Forward” line of bindles?”
-definitely not that guy scotchnaut
The Red Wings goal differential of -53 is more the twice the next team’s #. I heard thru the grapevine that Mike Babcock is available.
An Irishman? It’s just crazy enough to work.
A dirty Irishman working? Now I’ve heard everything!
Also fun fact: Babcock got fired before his replacement in Detroit, Blashill, who’s still there. Same amount of Cups, too.
Or number of Cups, I don’t fucking know.