Your “Fantasy Semi-Finals Ahoy!” NFL Football Open Thread

Just don’t tell me your league has their final on week 17 because that’s plain silly.

TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Cincy:

As per the usual, New England has pattycakes on their sked down the stretch. (we can pretend that the Bills will give them a tussle in Patsland but, no) This will be the 10th straight year that they get a bye thru the first round of the playoffs.

Bucs/Lions:

There have been 9 wr’s that are ranked in the top 25 in fantasy that have played the Lions. As a group they average 25 points in those games. So yeah, Golloday. On tudder side Jameis is good to go vs. a Lions D that has given up a minimum of 2 passing scores in every single game this year.

Bears/Packers:

Green Bay gives up all kinds of scores to rb’s so that’s good news to David Montgomery who has been given every oppo but just. can’t. get. it. going. Poor Chicago fans-Truth Biscuit has turned things around just enough so that the front office won’t go looking for another qb in the offseason. And that means at least one more year of below average play at the qb spot while the team has a dominant D. Suckers.

Potato Skins/Eagles:

Rook McLaurin has the highest target share of any wr corps in the NFL. Sure it’s the league’s lousiest but he should do well vs. a Philly secondary that is looking almost as bad as the Bucs.

Fins/Giants:

Who cares? Actually, I do because I’m chasing last week’s Darius Slayton points. Fifth place in one (not anymore) money league will be mine!

Broncs/Chiefs:

I guess it was during the bye week that it was decided that Lindsay should get the loaf of bread. Since then he’s out-touched Freeman 72-32. You wouldn’t characterize the Chiefs D as ‘good’ but they defend the outside receivers better than anyone else in the league. Still, if you’ve got Sutton you have to play him, right?

Texans/Titans:

There were worries that rb Henry wouldn’t be able to go after he missed practices midweek but it turns out that the Titans are flirting with this ‘load management’ thingy that’s all the rage in NBAland. And who deserves a break more than Henry?

Seahawks/Panthers:

With Penny out this week, Carson can fumble to his heart’s content and not worry about being pulled. Who does he think he is, Daniel Jones? Btw, the Panthers run D is giving up an average of 5.34 yards per rush. As Bill The Cat would say, “GAK!”.

Good luck to you if you’ve made the semis. I’ve got a semi for you.

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Spur

Holiday Party has been successfully navigated. Only saw 3 issues that will have the office gossip going. I swear HR puts on these parties for job security.

One of the senior sales reps (who i swear was a lesbian) was playing ass grab with a junior customer service rep.

Gratliff

I am very hyped for a 6-10 Slurs team under Meyer giving people hope followed immediately by 4-12 and a resignation

Spur

Morning Folks

rockingdog

Morning!

bk109
King Hippo

God as my witness, I thought a turkey could fly

rockingdog

LOL
Some Galaxy Brain shit…comment image

bk109

I’m sorry, but I’ve got the ultimate proof why it’s not a -gate…
If he’d gone out with the excuse of “Record… The Bungles?! You realize they’re the Bungles,right? A team that is so shitty, the Browns kept on tripping on their own prolapsed cunts and they still stumbled ass-backwards into winning against them…” , then I’d have agreed that something was afoot, BUT no.
He just did the normal “They’re a formidable opponent with great players”-routine as always, ergo – PATS BY A BILLION 😀 (or a 2-0 after a first quarter safety)

rockingdog
Gratliff

I’ve spent 90% of my Disney+ viewing on trailers for 90’s Disney and Marvel cartoon openings
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y63i2NR9-LE

Redshirt

What…the…fuck…am…I…watching…on…FOX?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If it isn’t someone in a red hat saying something nice about a minority group without the phrase “the blacks” then I’m not going to be surprised.

Unsurprised

So, the P*ts

litre_cola

Footy has never made me feel so old as today with Manures kids and now the prepubescent sub for the Gunners

Horatio Cornblower

SOKRATIS MENTION!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfduUFF_i1A
/obligatory

King Hippo

penno to SPAL!!!

/VAR checking it because FML

King Hippo

stands, 1-nil HT lead and HAIL GAMBLOR!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

“Promising start here to the second half by the Gunners…”

In that we’re nearly nine minutes in and they haven’t given up 2 more goals, yes, yes it is.

Redshirt

Looks like Chefs-Horsies will be slightly Hoth-like today.

litre_cola

Bought Mrs. Cola an AJ Green jersey but in true Bengals fashion it came waaay too small.

King Hippo

almost enough to get me to a sports bar, but me head is killing me

Horatio Cornblower

No satellite dish on your underground bunker?

King Hippo

nae, am the last weirdo cable subscriber

/RedZone will do

bk109
Gratliff

There exists a scenario where the Eagles can lose to Dallas next week and still win the NFC East, and that’s the level of chaos I’m rooting for right now

bk109

or you can root for the Clapper snapping and truck-bombing his last game 😀
YOU FIRE ME?! YOU FIRE ME?! WELL, I ATOMIZE YOU! MWAHA*clap*clap*clap*BOOM*

Horatio Cornblower

Garrett has made $30 million over the last 6 years being continuously employed in a job that he clearly isn’t qualified for. He isn’t truck bombing anything; he’s clapping his hands over his money pool and cackling like a loon.comment image

Gratliff

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Well, Dallas is going to screw up that hope, because there’s no way that flaming train of animal waste is going to beat Philly in Philly. Or LA today. Or possibly win again before next September.

Redshirt

I support this plan, as Dallas has a Point Differential of +67 and Philly is -4.

Viva La Tabula Raza

More songs about photo bugs. Original thread too far down for me to hunt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XedDyR0opow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGuPfCD9kdk

Redshirt

The race for the 1st Overall Pick just became red hot as the 2nd place prize has left the building.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/ncaafb/chase-young-plans-to-return-to-ohio-state-not-enter-2020-nfl-draft/ar-AAK8GY7?ocid=spartanntp

herodotus450

Joe Burrow is gonna move to Nashville and open a recording studio if he gets drafted by any Ohio team.
http://www.clashmusic.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_feature/public/legacy/files/jack_white_11.jpg?itok=ZIdgzw5h

Redshirt

This also screws over Cincinnati. If Cincy falls to #2, now the NY Giants can trade the #1 to another QB-needy team for a King’s ransom, leaving Cincy empty handed.

herodotus450

…leaving Cincy empty handed.

Poor Redshirt. Poor, poor Redshirt, thinking any amount and/or type of draft pick could do anything for the Bungles.

Redshirt

Its my delusion and I’ll deluse if I want to!

litre_cola

It snows there regularily, so how many people live there to fuck up traffic?

Horatio Cornblower

Just watched the first half of Arsenal’s “game” and am seriously questioning what reason there is to watch the second half. I’ve seen better defense than that from the French in 1940.

Also the kids finally got up so I think we’re off to get a Xmas tree.

This year I think we’ll go with a nice elm.

litre_cola

The 1st paragraph sounds like you are a Mighty Whitey fan.

Horatio Cornblower

Because of you I root for them to not get relegated from whatever lesser division they currently occupy.

litre_cola

We are dire. In a playoff spot but Scott Parker may be fired. His tactics are deplorable.

Gratliff

Apparently, I posted this 6 years ago, and it’s very funny to me now.

5 picks in a shutout loss in a lost season. Eli’s career may be nearing its end at this rate.

Eli was 18/31 for 156 and 5 INTs against Seattle, but would win the last 2 games of the season to prolong the pain.

King Hippo

How many babies would Steve Smith punch to get out of western Mizzou?

bk109

Fuck it, time of death – ~DeBOOM’s second goal… I’m switching to watch Phil “JEEEEEEEEEM? ” Simms and the gang in studio…

King Hippo

You really are a masochist, eh?

/speaking of, does the wife agree that 1-1 was a fair result today, or does she have that typical condescending attitude all United supporters ‘ave to Everton? 😀

bk109

Edit; Ah, I misunderstood what she meant- MANURE had to score twice for Everton to hope for a bloody Draw…

litre_cola

She is right. Me thinks could have been 2-2 Manures kids played the last 20 tough.

King Hippo

eh, DCL out-worked De Gea to create that OG, and United’s goal was kind of fluky. FAIR FOOKIN RESULT.

King Hippo

SLAYER bruh

rockingdog

AJ brown

Fronkenshteen

Jesus that’s tough. Brown has the highest ceiling with Henry balky(?), Drake has the safest floor, since it SEEMS like he has total control of teh AZ backfield, but Slayton has MIA at home and is the apple of eli’s eye. I’d go Brown since Fuller V is back for HOU and TEN might be playing from behind.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Since we’re all openly flouting the “nobody cares about your fantasy team” maxim, my playoff matchup is currently projected to be within .05 points. Darnold and Bell already went so I’ll be puckered most of the day.

Horatio Cornblower

Darnold is on a fantasy team?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

2 QB league. Also he’s been very good lately as long as you don’t need him to win IRL

King Hippo

BroomGASM in Northern Ontario??

King Hippo

2 of Slayton (wind), Gallup (Dak! injury, though he will play), Sutton (snow)? Leaning Gallup in both leagues, spilitting the Slayton/Sutton baby.

Fronkenshteen

Gallup all day if we’re sure Ramsey will shadow Amari. Does Lock have snow game experience? Not sure where he played colleged ball.

King Hippo

Mizzou…so maybe? I am just wary to bench Sutton completely and have it fuck me. I did go BloodSugarFitzMagic over Lock.

Fronkenshteen

Feel goodlier story: Raheem Mustard or Devante Parker?

litre_cola

Parker having a great season with that shitpile is impressive.

yeah right

Raheem Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick.

Fronkenshteen

Oh I meant season story. Parker was as good as labeled a bust, and Mustard slugged it out on special teams for years, and came out on top of a committee which formed the most violently efficient running game in the league. Also, the Will Lutz story just keeps getting better. I think he’s second only to J. Tucker, who is the reason Lutz isn’t a Raven today.

Gatoraids

rolling with both, just hope parker doesnt retrigger protocol

Gratliff

“In a word: Cold”
comment image

Gratliff

Also, fuck are you doing, Donks guy?

Unsurprised

He’s high and/or on mushrooms

bk109

Yah, ’twas a beauty … also just for a clarification – there’s no mercy rule in football (as part of the latest rule updates), right? … It’s a matter of booze choice, lol 😀

litre_cola

Oh Arsenal. Terrible at the back.

Fronkenshteen

SHAMBOLIC!!!
comment image

Gratliff

lol Steve Smith’s face when they cut to him just getting buried in snow. This is not the retirement he was looking for.

litre_cola

Non ppr Ekeler v Laird…

Fronkenshteen

Oof. Has anyone watched Laird play?

litre_cola

I have Jacobs and MCCaf but this is my flex.

King Hippo

I am not risking Jacobs. Playing Laird over him. He could get 2 carries.

King Hippo

EKELER, emphatically. PPR is all that saves Laird, Ekeler can score every time he touches the ball.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I need Ekeler to score 30 again, so prob bench him

Gratliff

I have a visceral hatred for the Mahomes diamond commercial

litre_cola

Just got to the pub and already 1 nil

King Hippo

The Broom for Scotchy!

litre_cola

Have to wait 20 mins for a beer because I live in a nanny province.

King Hippo

Canadia Jeebus!

bk109

Heh… our suckage… is second to none 😀 0-1 Kevin DaBOOM

King Hippo

Gooners React Reasonably

PLEASE let us have Ancelotti

bk109

Meh, I’m resigned my self to the headline stating that somehow and some way Hue “3-36 in CLE” Jackson made the jump to proper footy coachin’ … and he’s our new guy XD

King Hippo

I’d pay to see that, him or Marvin Lewis

Fronkenshteen

Thoughts on Patrick Laird?
Put another way: Patrick Laird, Devonta Freeperson, Lats Murray, Zach Pascal, Deebo
Pick 2 for FLEX

Also, anyone touching Lockett with a 10 foot pole today?

King Hippo

Deebo! for sure. I am rolling with Laird in DFO-ball because I don’t trust what OAK s gonna do (if Jacobs was scratched, I’d play TheAndre Washington over Laird, though)

Fronkenshteen

Would you prefer Zach Pascal if Hilton doesn’t go?

King Hippo

to Deebo, no. To Laird…possibly. Flip a coin.

King Hippo

Pascal fucked me earlier in the season, so I may be biased!

Fronkenshteen

Me too. He had a weird 3 week swoon weeks 10-12. He’s been solid the last 2, but when your floor is zero….

Fronkenshteen

Yup. That’s where I’m at.

It’s Laird.

rockingdog

Fantasy Football Question:
Should I start WR A.J. Brown (vs. Houston) or Tyler Lockett (vs. Carolina)?

yeah right

Lockett hasn’t done shit since the injury. Benched him since week 10

Redshirt

If Paul Brown Stadium isn’t playing this every time the Patriots take the field or make the play, then what are we doing here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHo43B6nu60

Redshirt
herodotus450

Was expecting The Police

bk109

Low hanging fruit? Sure.. but fuck it, if I can’t horribly murder you and stage it to look as a string of grizzly industrial/home accidents for disrespecting Mah Pahts, then I might as well join you 😀

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs

Viva La Tabula Raza

Here, let another P*ts fan pile on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZTInlXMHl4

Dunstan

I feel a more direct approach is warranted:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg2oR91_r5I

Redshirt
Gatoraids

Got a Mostert vs deedee Westbrook Dilemma I like Mostert but the coach did come out saying he had no choice but to play him as lead back this Wednesday which means instead he’ll morph into David Johnson and get 5 carries 7 yds

Gatoraids

Yeah thats the way im rolling now with DEEEEDEEEEE coming of a injury and chance he gets double covered whole time with Chark out.

bk109

Afternoon ya loons… How’re you this fine (checks liquor cabinet) single malt day?

litre_cola

Well, been up since 430 as Decilitre deemed it wakeup time. Considering going to the pub for City Gunners if only to have 2 hours without a 2 year old.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m considering getting drunk for that game too, but that’s because of Arsenal.

bk109

I’m already drankin’ ’cause of that game 😀 It also doesn’t help that my wife’s cheerfully reminding me how much we suck against “inferior” (as if anyone’s inferior to this squad) opponents, so against a good team XD

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta admire the balls on any ManUre fan shit-talking another team this season.

bk109

She’s hawt, the mother of my children and extra hawt when she laughs maniacally in my face 😀 … also, we’re palming off the kids to the in-laws next door for tonight ,lol

Game Time Decision

I’m in a league with playoffs in week 17. Each playoff round is 2 weeks(aggregate of the weeks) It’s also 10 people, ppr and idp with a stupid deep bench. Scores of 200+ are not uncommon. Yes it’s stupid

herodotus450

Sounds a like the League of Extraordinary Sillsanity from a few years ago. Points for 1st downs? Yup. Negative points for missed FGs? Yup.

litre_cola
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was a lot of work for a single joke.

litre_cola

She is sexy though.

Unsurprised

Growing up poor, yeah, I’ve done this IRL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m currently in a 31 point hole (he had Lamar Jackson) and I’m forecast to lose by almost fifty points. I do not belong in this semifinal.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently Marcus Peters got fined for drinking a beer with fans after his game-sealing interception.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll stand by ye.” – Gronk

Redshirt

So you film your upcoming opponent: “We have to do a full investigation and let the process play out.”
But you celebrate with your fans: “Bring out the gallows!”

Unsurprised

No Fun League

litre_cola

HIPPOOOOOOOOOO GOLLLLLLLLL

litre_cola

De Gea hurt his hammy. Hipp haz chance?

litre_cola

This week has been a patchwork job for me. Juju, Chark, Penny out. One more win and I am in the money. Starting Garapopopopolo ove A-Aron. Picked up Slayton and the white rb from Miami…. Dire.

Fronkenshteen

Team Laird! The last donut in the box.

litre_cola

Ummm Hippo, your starting formation is, interesting?

litre_cola

You missed a bananacakes game in Italy… but enough about my bet failing when the team WAS UP 3-0.

Let’s get to the Wakezilla Hippo derby.

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