Your Hobo-Free Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Killing is hard. It takes a toll-not only on the prey but also on the perpetrator. And that’s why there’s a one week moratorium on the slicin’ and dicin’.

I hope your various fantasy endeavors went well for you. I’m sure they went well for me.*

*check comments in previous threads for verification

TO THE GAME!

Bills/Steelers:

Over the last two weeks Duck Dodgers has the league’s best qb rating from a clean pocket! Who does he think he is, Gardner Minshew? On tudder side the Walking Carnival of Misfires-Josh Allen-makes a turnover worthy play 5% of the time he drops back to pass, which is more than two times the league average. Perhaps it has something to do with his penchant for throwing the ball 20 yards downfield (3rd most in the league) and his league-last efficiency rating when doing so. I called him ‘the most gifted high school qb in the NFL’ a few weeks ago because he still seems to be of the mind that if he tosses it up there someone will just go and get it. But yeah, this is the big leagues and these pros don’t have a job because daddy is the coach. (Steve Belichick excluded) The Pitt D is gonna have a laugh or two at old Josh’s expense because they bring pressure to the qb in 2.5 seconds or less 30% of the time and that’s a league-best mark. And it’s gonna leave a mark.

Say what your brain commands you to say, no matter how silly it be.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

BLEERGH breaks out his whetstone.

Gratliff

Threw a flag in my living room on that one. Jesus.

King Hippo

Surprised they didn’t jump offside, just to save Duck’s feelings.

King Hippo

Duck can turn it over again!

King Hippo

39 has to be pissed off, was in perfect position for the pick already

Brick Meathook

Well that happened.

Sharkbait

LESSER FOOTY CELEBRATION

Mr. Ayo

Quack! Quack! Quack!

King Hippo

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Mr. Ayo

Fun fact*.

The last play in this game occurred 30 minutes ago.

King Hippo

it’s quite the time warp, for not even being on acid

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wasn’t someone earlier going to get their anus bleached instead of watching the game? Any after-action reports?

Doktor Zymm

As long as they don’t also sun their anus they’re probably ok

Gratliff

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King Hippo

I do hate when I get the timing wrong on sleepy time cold meds

King Hippo

GLORIOUS DRAW LURKS IN THE WINGS

Sharkbait

Yaaaaaas! We want a tie!

Doktor Zymm

yup, this checks out

King Hippo

unfortunately, Duck seems to be out of his forward pass allotment

Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo
Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I’m usually of the opinion that the night game ends too early on the West Coast, but I might legit be happy to go to sleep at 8:30 tonight

Viva La Tabula Raza

So as P*ts fan, want to see BUF lose. As PIT hater (irrational variety), want to see BUF win. At this point, will load up the bowl and the scotch glass and let the gods sort this shit out.

King Hippo

The P*ts and Yinzers are both really hateable. It warms my black heart that fans of one still hate the other faction.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, I’ve hated the Steelers since 1970s, if only because of all their SBs and Terry Bradshaw’s dumb ass.

King Hippo

Bradshaw is basically the ugly, Southern version of Dreamboat

Brick Meathook

Which proves you don’t need brains to win a Super Bowl.

King Hippo

or be President/Fuhrer, but it is preferred

Doktor Zymm

So is it lose-lose or win-win? Or does it depend on what scotch you’re drinking?

Sharkbait

Agree on all counts. Except sub out scotch for wine. Hopefully you’ve got a nice single malt

Viva La Tabula Raza

Had a half-bottle of a nice red blend earlier, Menage a Trois IIRC.
I’ve decided that my palate is just not sophisticated enough to appreciate the nuances of the various single malts, and I am quite happy with a decent blend.

Sharkbait

You do you. If it tastes good, that’s all that matters

Horatio Cornblower

Not a fan of blends but I’m with you on not being able to figure out the difference between various price-points of single malts. I generally like them but I’ve had $15 drinks and $75 drinks and thought that the first one was good and that the second tasted like soap.

Someday I hope to have a third Scotch.

Charge of the Light Brigade

He punched Allen directly in the balls.

Sharkbait

Roethlisberger looks like someone Scotchy has his eye on

Horatio Cornblower

If not Scotchy, certainly Law & Order SVU.

King Hippo

a Balls search term from Cris – no way can he see him coming

Charge of the Light Brigade

Every sphincter I have puckers every time Allen drops back to pass.

King Hippo

every pass is either GREAT or HORRIFYING. What a fan experience it must be.

Charge of the Light Brigade

Probably need to get some blood pressure meds.

Doktor Zymm

Thank Eostre for homeostasis!

Gratliff

TOMB RAIDERDOWN

Doktor Zymm

I went to see the Tomb Raider movie on opening night. There was a big group of us, but luckily I was seated near my likeminded friend and we both were laughing uncontrollably by the end of the first five minutes

Gratliff

Is this the old one or the one that no one watched last year?

Doktor Zymm

Old one

hippofant

That was the one where suddenly Lara and the villain are in like Tron and racing up this glass pyramid to grab the artifact hovering at the top, right?

I remember nothing about that movie except that scene.

Mr. Ayo

Time to circle the wagons boys!

Brick Meathook

I think the Pittsburgh Steelers should be renamed the Pittsburgh Biotech Researchers.

And the Bills should be renamed the Buffalo Buffaloes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In pursuit of squaring the Idiocracy circle, the Bills should be called the Buffalo Wild Wings. Fuck You, I’m Eating.

Sharkbait

John Brown really hung up well there on that DPI

Doktor Zymm

Has Balls used DPI as a Porn search term yet?

Doktor Zymm

Pittsburgh has weird traditions

King Hippo

BLEEDING KANSAS SUDDEN CHANGE

Horatio Cornblower

This must be the most over-covered song in the history of time, but this girl can fucking sing, and also the acoustics in empty crack-house stairwells are apparently amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zEqWw4IQWA

Yes, I do find this game boring, why do you ask?

herodotus450

I think that video was only made and posted to lure Epstein out of hiding with that title.

King Hippo

yeah, I’m confused anytime I see “beautiful young girl” lead in, and is nae Redtube

Unsurprised

Similar to Mistborn pointing out Rick and Skip Bayless are related, for the lawyers: who’s the haughtier dipshit, Frank or GREGGGGGG Easterbook?

yeah right

Alright, alright this shit is crazy…
So Low Commander, Rikki Tikki Deadly and yeah right go BACK to the brewery!

I know, right?

And then and then Low Commander goes up to the bartender and says…

Good fun hanging with you two wonderful human beings as always.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So which Watt is the bigger asshole? I don’t see enough Stiller fitbaw to give an objective opinion.

King Hippo

YES

BC Dick

I’d bet TJ is the bigger asshole. They both seem like guys everyone loves on the football field cause they’re great athletes and play hard and are really good, but no one wants to hang out with them after practice.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Andy R. is pissed that they didn’t ask HIM to do that ketchup on rib ad instead of Mahomes.

King Hippo

ketchup really is just a terrible, over-sweet BBQ sauce

Sharkbait

Fact. But yet I’ve made my own BBQ sauce, which calls for ketchup

Horatio Cornblower

Ketchup belongs on all variations of fried potatoes and nothing else.

This is not up for debate.

BC Dick

Eggs. Hot sauce and ketchup are the tops on eggs of all kinds.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m actually with you on the hot sauce. I also love throwing a decent salsa into some scrambled eggs.

King Hippo

just salt, MAYBE a dash of pepper if they’s fancy

/prepares to fight Horatio

//holy shit he’d beat me senseless

Horatio Cornblower

Nah, you’re good.

I’d let you tap out.

King Hippo

eventually, you seemingly need an actual quartered back

King Hippo

the older one gets, the more one appreciates really comfy socks

Doktor Zymm

I’ve appreciated comfy socks ever since my first visit to S Korea

King Hippo

well, u smarter than us, being a DOKTOR and all (smh)

Doktor Zymm

Also, S Korea is like sock Valhalla

King Hippo

hmmmm, tell us MOAR. We could use a nice story.

Doktor Zymm

It’s where I got my first pair of fuzzy socks, and I still have them and they have an adorable animal on them and they are much better than American fuzzy socks, and the socks lived happily ever after!

King Hippo

I am totes gonna ask amazon fer Korean socks now

Mistborn Impossible

It’s all they talk about all over Asia, the socks you can find in S Korea

Sharkbait

Having a kid does change you. It’s 1030, I’m in New York, and I’m not at a bar. This is weird

Horatio Cornblower

Take the kid to the bar. Ours was about two weeks old and in his car seat on a bar table.

Let me tell you, those babies are chick magnets. They also attract cops.

King Hippo

wut about chick cops??

Mr. Ayo

They come pre-equipped with handcuffs!

And leather belts! And batons! And mace!

King Hippo

STOP I CAN ONLY GET SEW ERECT

Horatio Cornblower

Nice follow-through you two. Take the rest of the night off.
/Slaps asses. HARD

Sharkbait

Wife and I have done that already. Though it was at a bar where we know all the bartenders, so they don’t give a shit.

King Hippo

this is goddamned hilarious

Doktor Zymm

Gratuitous Gore will get you banned from Twitter

King Hippo

but it’s mah party and ah cry if ah want too

BC Dick

Is that a metal band?

Viva La Tabula Raza

An Inconvenient Tweet.

Doktor Zymm

SUDDEN CHANGE

Mr. Ayo

Quack Quack!

Spur

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Mistborn Impossible
Mistborn Impossible

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Horatio Cornblower

The Steelers nominee for Man of the Year is on videotape kicking another guy in the head while the latter is on the ground, but go off Rooneys.

BC Dick

He deserved it though. O linemen take pride in being a quarterbacks bouncers. I’d vote for him based on that alone.

herodotus450

Is Nickelback the band a reference to football, defensive backs?

Horatio Cornblower

Good old Art Rooney, putting community and progress ahead of championships, all while paying All-Around Good Guy Ben Rothlisberger millions.

Unravel the paradox as you have been taught.

Doktor Zymm

You’re assuming people include women when they say ‘community’

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I have to ask, although I will probably regret it, but what search term are you using?

Brick Meathook

“sad clown gay porn”

It came up in a conversation I had earlier, although I was led to believe that they wore big clown shoes, which I haven’t found yet.

Doktor Zymm

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Brick Meathook

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BC Dick

When I search shit like that I think about the murder trials I follow in the news and how they get everyone’s internet history. And if I were a part of that trial and all that was put on display my mom would be mortified beyond belief and I’d have to move and take a dead child’s identity and live in a trailer in the bush.

Brick Meathook

Well don’t get caught. Then there is no trial.

Horatio Cornblower

As an attorney I can tell you that, legally, Brick is absolutely wrong.

They’ll just try the nearest poor person they can grab instead of you.

Gatoraids

Dr Rockso CoCoCocaine

Horatio Cornblower

Goddamn Watchmen.

Now that’s how you end a season, or even a series. Which is surprising considering Damon Lindelof behind it.

Spur

we never learned who Lubeman was?

Horatio Cornblower

Spoiler Alert: No, unless I missed something.

Gatoraids

Petey. Theres a Peteypedia on the wikia that goes over some of the tangential shit

herodotus450

They could turn it into an anthology series, since alternate timelines seems like a thing that could happen in that universe. Or they could just remake other HBO shows with a blue guy as lead.

Horatio Cornblower

I had read that this season was a one-and-done, but based on the ending and the overall reception I strongly suspect there’s more to come.

Sharkbait

How the fuck ya doing?

Doktor Zymm

gut, und du?

Doktor Zymm

I want to buy someone 3 pairs of socks, build a frame around it that looks like a car, toss a sheet over everything and put a bow on the ‘hood’ and watch when they think they’re getting a car but it’s actually 3 pairs of socks

Mr. Ayo

You have Tomsula’s attention.

litre_cola

Made me laugh Ayo.

BC Dick

That’s a good plan. Maybe stretch out the socks, too. So they’re not even a consolation prize.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, at least there’s plenty of time left on the clock for more fuck-ups by both teams.

Doktor Zymm

This will undoubtedly happen

Viva La Tabula Raza

Didn’t take long at all!

litre_cola

I normally don’t like my authors badass or gutsy. How is it?

Doktor Zymm

Enjoying it, but makes me feel super-duper white

Doktor Zymm

He wrote this in 2015, so really curious to see what he’s done post-Trump

BC Dick

I have that. It’s interesting. Not my favourite but pretty good. I’ll give it to you. It actually might be one I gave to sis who gave it back for me to read.

litre_cola

Thanks.

Unsurprised

Excellent book. I love it.

Doktor Zymm

Ok, which one of you jokers greased the damn game ball?

Mr. Ayo

“grease” Sure, that’s it.

herodotus450

“game” ball, sure, that’s it.

Gratliff

jesus fuck bills

TheRevanchist

Most of just say “holy fuck”, but okay.