Before we move on to the coming week, I’d just like to reflect again on CBS’ decision to pay Tony Romo SEVENTEEN MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS per season to sit beside Jim Nantz while he says “Uh huh” and “Ooh” approximately 37 times per game. Somehow, this man
has turned into the best broadcast analyst since Troy Aikman gave up around 2009 because Joe Buck drove him insane. He has managed in football retirement to earn the same salary he did while getting beat up on the field. Plus he doesn’t have to listen to a crazed owner screaming “YEE-HAW!” at the start of every game day.
For that, and the fact get got to bang in-her-prime Jessica Simpson
I have to tip my hat to the man.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Canucks at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Capitals at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Kings at Vegas – 10:30PM | NBCSN
- NBA:
- Lakers at Pelicans – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- Wizards at Warriors – 8:30PM | Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- Colorado at Stanford – 6:00PM | ESPNU
- MLS:
- Los Angeles FC vs. Inter Miami CF – 5:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
- Portland Timbers vs. Minnesota United – 7:30PM | FS1 / TSN5
- XFL Football:
- DC Defenders at Tampa Bay Vipers – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
Enjoy your evening.
Why did Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s split?? Was it amicable???
They were Evangelical Christians (not that there’s anything wrong with that) who maintained THEIR religious beliefs in a for-profit workplace (that’s wrong) so Carl Jr. and Hardee split up because they couldn’t agree on who should suck who’s dick (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
So was it East Coast/ West Coast for how they decided it? I mean ChickFila (sp?) has taken over
It was TOP vs BOTTOM which the distribution network interpreted as East vs West.
You all laughed when I started talking about how awesome my bidet is, but as you stroll the aisles of Costco musing about how on earth they managed to completely sell out of ALL the toilet paper, I hope my laugher haunts your dreams.
I was broke
Didn’t realize that a bidet means no wiping; I will stay with my motto of “Cheap beer; expensive toilet paper” for now.
Nah, just a lot less. A roll lasts 3x as long these days.
Ha ha I only use baby wipes. Greatest invention ever and they’re cheap. Carry travel packs with me.
Carry them with you like, everywhere? I carry the “Hobo’s shower” with me when I’m traveling.
The travel packs fit in the pocket of any man of action.
I cannot understand why bidets aren’t standard issue. Mind blowing.
If you fell and you got shit on your arm and someone handed you some paper towel to clean it, would you be satisfied with that?
It’s not my joke but I can’t remember where I heard it.
This is worth binging.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEY3Q43aE_c
He had a good run
Uh oh.
So much for Bloomberg’s campaign
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9FzVhw8_bY
He definitely never made the trains run on time.
Asking Mayor Pete why he’d drop out right before Super Tuesday.
Now he has time to Stick It In The Pooper Tuesday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znh_dgS-lnM
Jesus Christ. 60 Minutes did a fucking get-to-know-him interview with the war criminal SEAL that scared his unit so much they used to sabotage his sights to make sure he didn’t take pot shots at kids
Fuck.
What are the odds he replaces Pence on Trump’s ticket?
Mike Wallace is spinning in his grave.
Navy Seals used to scrub the marine growth off our hull before my submarine went on patrol. Those guys are fags, not that there’s anything wrong with that as long as you don’t execute people.
You’re saying Navy Seals used to loofah your stretch marks?
We would kick nuts and bolts over the side on their heads. The Seals couldn’t do shit about it either. If they tried to climb up on the sub’s deck it was the “repel boarders “ alarm and the topside watch could have shot them (we were fully loaded with nuclear weapons at that point). They couldn’t wait for us ashore either, because when they were finished we cast off lines and left for a 40 day patrol.
Yeah, Navy Seals. They don’t tell those stories, now do they.
I like the idea of firing a nuke at a Seal.
I also have a bumper sticker that says “Nuke a gay whale for Jesus”
Do you have any other Navy stories involving lots of seamen?
Oh, I got stories.
Don’t the Friends earn $17 million a year just in royalties?
This should be Bernie Bros to the Warren camp at this point.
Why should we listen to the one who can’t come in higher than fourth?
Cuz Idiotic-ness!
And with Pete and Steyer out of the way, we’re talking a hold-off Klobes for third here!
I’m sad that the Democratic campaign is losing its Benetton diversity. We’ve already lost the colored guy, the Chinaman, and now the homo-sexual. We’re just left with a couple of broads, two old Hebes and Joe Biden. I embrace diversity and hate racism of any type, even against races that I don’t like.
Call me old fashioned but I like racism against people I don’t like.
Or, more accurately, call me an Evangelical Christian.
I don’t like orange-colored simps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIf-0wYzzjI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frTYcaOTRKo
These fucking interviews
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFcRZQ92GSk
Crystal Meth.
It’s a helluva drug.
Seriously, Philly is scaring me.
Shut up Gratliff.
Wednesday could be for the division lead
Yup, Anaheim v ColorAdo.
Oh wait, you meant….never mind.
So looks like the novel virus is some crazy nature correcting shit. Overall fatality rate of 2%, scaling only with increased age. 8% from 70-80, 15% for 80+. Not a single fatality under 10 years old, which is really strange for these sorts of illnesses. It might get real ugly, all the same. All four cases tonight, including another death, are out of the same nursing home.
“Okay, Boomers.” -Millenial Labs
Hey, maybe it’ll hit Congress and we’ll finally get out of the Darkest Timeline!
God, I wish
A hockey puck doing about 80mph into the knee doesn’t feel too good according to Siegenthaler, or whatever the fuck his name is. He’s one of my guys, but seeing someone limp while trying to skate is funny.
Go back to Switzerland, you suck.
Blue Jackets with a stormin comeback against the Canucks, tied at 3. Will be quite humourous if they finish above both New York and Florida.
Wow. Was 3-1 last i checked. Canucks need Markstrom very badly apparently.
Chaser
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9q3fMUuEEU
Race for the White House: LBJ vs. Goldwater? I think CNN has run out of good Presidential Races.
We don’t need an hour to discuss how LBJ won because he was a bully who used the death of JFK and the Civil Rights Act who faced a Republican extremist to win.
“Used the Civil Rights Act”????
There would be no Civil Rights without Lyndon Johnson. The Civil Rights and Voting Rights acts of the 1950s and 60s only passed because Senate Majority Leader and later President Johnson made them pass, despite intense opposition from his fellow Senators of “the Solid South.” Johnson did this not for any political angling but because civil rights was a lifelong dream. JFK didn’t do shit and probably never would have.
Lyndon Johnson was the force behind the U.S. manned space program as well. JFK only made some speeches.
Now you can understand why Johnson had Kennedy killed.
I wrote a paper back in college arguing that LBJ was a good president because he was so obsessed with being remembered as a great president and was willing to do anything to make it happen. The general idea was that he was a scumbag whose ego greatly benefited the country. Sometimes, what you need more than anything is a sociopathic narcissist willing to shatter his entire party into pieces if they don’t do what he says. Although, sometimes that gets you Trump. Ah well, nevertheless
He should’ve said “I’m not running in 1968, but Jumbo is” and then spent the whole year with his dick out. Big Dick vs. Tricky Dick. Johnson with a 50 state sweep.
And Redshirt, I’m not picking on you. It’s just that two days in a row you made comments about two topics that are right in my wheelhouse.
Someone didn’t wear a pink shirt last Thursday
LOL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2svOtXaD3gg
ADRIAN!?!?!?!?!?!
Ooooh….PBR Bullriding is on.
Is it wrong to root for the bull?
The one thing that makes bullfighting acceptable is that the bull wins from time to time
I completely agree, and yet I’m gonna enjoy some rib-eyes tomorrow.
I guess…my steaks weren’t tormented before being killed? I guess?
But yeah, I’m Team Bull when it comes to the “fighting”
Also good when you get Ron Artest in bull form
Where’s mah money? You got mah money?
Look closely. That bull doesn’t gore the guy with his horns, he flings him like a rag doll with his nose.
After the gif cuts, however, the bull probably spears that moron like a cocktail olive.
The adrenaline can’t make it taste good compared to normal but they still do sell the meat after, which I get in context but in reality seems like the worst meat to buy for a bunch of reasons
Hehe….Bull won that one. And the idiot who voluntarily got on him actually is trying to look surprised that the bull stomped his ass.
LOL, this guy’s not even wearing a cowboy hat. He’s got a goalie mask on.
NO SHIT!!!!!
Tactical error. Everyone knows cowboy hats grant +2 wrangling
I think that’s a new safety requirement after too many riders had their faces smashed into the back of the bull. Don’t really see how that would help but then, I don’t see why anyone would hop on the back of a pissed off bull either.
Like when they made headgear mandatory for bear boxing.
Always cheer for the bull
Is Mason Saunders in it?
8 seconds is one of the most underrated horror films of the 90s.
And the worst porn movie of all time.
I sent that to you in confidence.
Mayor Pete has been sent to a farm upstate to kill old dogs for the CIA
An all-female hockey announcing team? Man, I’m glad Don Cherry isn’t alive to see this!
Women belong as sideline reporters, at least until they get fat and old.
The same pointless inanity, but now in a higher register!
They only know about “stacking the pads” during a heavy flow smh
It’s funny, because I can absolutely see Cherry saying that while his co-announcer reels in horror.
“We’re not having that here. I’m only going to let you say this kind of shit for 20 more years, then I’ll slide slowly off camera to avoid any fallout.”
Oshie taking a beating tonight.
(Seamus calls his penis “Oshie”)
Let’s see if the rat fucker can get through his concession speech without rat fucking
Holtby still hasn’t seen that shot.
Look NBCSN, if you don’t want to hear “That’s fucking right” in heavily accented English across your airwaves, maybe don’t go for a close-up on Ovechkin after he scores a goal.
Now that Buttigieg is out, the only gay Indianan left is Mike Pence.
Mike Pence’s Mom is gonna be my FF team name next season.
Doesn’t that poor woman have enough to be ashamed of?
Fair point.
I go outside to say goodbye to my family as they drive off… finally…. and I miss two Caps’ goals. Glass half full or half empty?
Yes.
Time for a refill, imo.
Wish I could. Still 2 days to go.
This is definitely a headline
If you try to stop it, Marty McSorley appears from out of nowhere and cross-checks you.
This is banner-worthy.
Agreed, although it needs the thread for context.
Context schmontex. It’s up.
“It’s obvious then, we simply pay Los Angeles to take the virus off our hands.”
/Or LA pays them for it? I don’t remember the 80s so well.
The virus just wanted better marketing opportunities.
So it will announce it’s joining the Big Ten Conference next?
The virus’s wife said it would enhance her career.
The virus’ daughter is incredibly fuckable
“I mean, I said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” -Wayne Gretzky on vaccinations
YAY THE WILD
boo the wild
Really respecting our nation’s capital.
That escalated quickly.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=gjgjoSsOvi4
Who has two thumbs and isn’t needed around here anymore?
To the freezer for a new bottle!
Let’s go, Wild. Do any people cheer for the Wild? Fuck it. Let’s go, Wild.
Found a funny:
SUPERHERO: I alienate my loved ones to protect them from danger
ME: Me too, that’s also my reason
Raptors vs nuggets seems interesting…..
Yea Romo!
Tony Romo is indeed a genius
https://youtu.be/xdM0t6gNsms
This link (which is hard to find) won’t display as a thumbnail, but it is the best of the Hitler “Downfall” parody videos: “Jessica Simpson’s Surprise Party”
Very hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdM0t6gNsms
Mr. Ayo is the best assistant I’ve ever had. I mean this sincerely and not just because we’re firing his ass on Monday. I hope I didn’t say that last part out loud.
I’ve been drinking all weekend so I’ll enjoy the day off.
By drinking, of course.
The squirting fetish was out of hand.
Okay, let’s get ready for work tomorrow.
Needs a nice Chianti to wash down.
Buttigieg is out. Looks like he’s going for VP or ’24 candidate.
Or starting quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals!!
His support among Black voters may well double by then. He’ll be able to drag all 8 of them on stage at his rallies.
Maybe he can hit the lecture circuit and tell paying audiences that he’s gay, since he likes to remind everyone of this every chance he gets. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, besides the obvious sinfulness of it of course. That just goes without saying. At least we can all come together despite our differences and agree on that.
Hey, the #88 Cincinnati car won the Auto Club 400?
Something Cincinnati won something!?
Yeah, you can say that, but she has a real-estate license.
Ivanka 2040
Romo deserves every penny. The one thing I want from my broadcast is the right answers when some dude who knows it all wants to second guess every non-homer call.
Romo is the NFL’s Walter Cronkite.
Was gonna comment on Sunday Gravy but there are 69 comments there, so I waited.
Ni………………..
I looked back and somebody jammed some fingers in to that thread.