Are we all still alive? The first week of all this has been weird because I’ve been on Spring Break,
so I hadn’t planned on doing much anyway. All the closures have just meant that I’ve been hanging around the house generally being lazy.
Next week will be more of the same, except with a little gardening thrown in. “Zero hour” for me comes on March 30th when I’m “supposed” to return to work, even though all of the schools are “closed indefinitely”.
Thirteen people have died in total in Canada – 10 in BC, with 9 at the same senior’s facility three miles from my house. Simple solution – wash my hands. Simpler solution – don’t drive by there. Apparently, they’ve had traffic issues because of people’s morbid curiosity with wanting to “see the place”. Idiots. If we’re lucky, we escape this in a couple of months with that number staying below triple-digits.
Today’s good internet dog is this border collie who herded some baby ducks into a puddle.
a very good dog herding baby ducks into a puddle so they can frolic pic.twitter.com/SNtlF6giQE
— Jon Jones (@jonjones) March 18, 2020
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
Aside from ESPN2 running the “Ocho” programming all day, here are the highlights as chosen by me:
- WWE WrestleMania 30: 2014: From New Orleans – 7:00 PM | ESPN
- It was a quality event, noted for two highlight matches:
- Brock vs. The Undertaker
- A Daniel Bryan mini-gauntlet to the title.
- It was a quality event, noted for two highlight matches:
- Bob’s Burgers – 9:00 PM | FOX/ Global
- The family takes an unexpected road trip with Nat the limo driver.
- SOLD!
- The family takes an unexpected road trip with Nat the limo driver.
- The Walking Dead – 9:00 PM | AMC
- Michonne takes Virgil back to his mysterious island to reunite with his family. In exchange, Virgil promises weapons that could change the tide of the Whisperer War.
- Michonne’s last episode, if I read the previews correctly.
- I will say the last couple of episodes – The Whisperer’s War – have been very good. But not enough to redeem the series to the point where I will resume reviewing it.
- Michonne takes Virgil back to his mysterious island to reunite with his family. In exchange, Virgil promises weapons that could change the tide of the Whisperer War.
Hopefully, the week ahead brings you no misery. Toodles!
“Okay, you’re going to feel a slight pressure.”
At that rate, he’s never going to get away.
He’s gotta find a discarded e-scooter
Racoon Segway should be a thing.
Self-propelled garbage can.
Goddamn! Why is everyone on about Covid Eileen when we could be rewriting My Sharona???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASwge9wc-eI
This requires minimal changes
“Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
I always get it up, for the touch of the younger kind
My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-my Sharona” becomes
“Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty hands
I always get it up, for the touch of the facial kind
My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-my Corona”
That cock is pissing me off.
(see below)
Love how the boxer nails the mom…… wait, let me rephrase that.
Also boxer is an appropriate name; when they play they kind of punch with their front paws. If you are not paying attention and are of the correct height they punch you right in the nuts. Great dogs, but BEWARE.
Keep walking, pal. This is none of your concern.
Deaths in Italy surpassed deaths in China over last night btw
Yup. And Spain is up and coming. Nobody is talking about France though. Weird.
One of my coworkers just did Spring break in Spain and got back the day before the travel ban went into effect.
So good times, right?
Hey, are you awake? Well I am now.
STOP LICKING ME!!!!
I’ll take “Things tWBS has never said” for $2000, Alex.
OK, Sharkbait opens a table and I’m the only one there.
I CAN’T TAKE MY OWN FAKE MONEY.
I can join in a bit.
Flashback to my last romantic relationship.
Found a funny:
me: I’m quite vocal during sex
her: lol that’s ok
[later in bed]
me: *through megaphone* stop animal testing
Remember when all we had to
worry aboutmake fun of were mass shootings?I miss mass shootings
Much lower death rate and we could be way more self-righteous, good times
Bottle numero dos, and breaking into the bread and fancy olive oil
“First cold press” is also as far as most of my dates go.
OK. No sports and no poker. I guess it’s time to go hit the couch and watch TV. Later taters.
Getting one going now
Seamus, come back!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtoCw2iOTSc
Kitty!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QceVTChhlJM
The spinoff “Mrs. Robot” about some fat guy’s sex doll looks much less interesting.
I miss Venice. But they gotz the virus now too, so non traveling.
*sigh*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI
I genuinely do enjoy this song.
Flea’s bassline is solid in that one.
Jamin
I’ve been crushing hanky pankys the last few nights. Gonna need more gin at this rate
Open a poker table
^^ yeah, what he said.
Trump not cancelling his rallies where the whole point is to gather a large crowd in a small place? Maybe the last
fourtwelve years has been a long con false flag attack to infect the nation’s most swayable with this experimental virus.(Pokes makers of Fargo)
C’mon, do something.
“Fuck off, pal.”
—Ethan and Joel Cohen
Here’s a conundrum for you…
I wish I was inebriated right now but I’m not in the mood to drink.
SEE THIS IS WHY I MISS BEING IN A STATE WHERE WEED IS LEGAL!!!!!
That is all.
I found the Nicaraguan footy game on a facebook feed…. things is gettin grim for sports.
Why do I have the feeling that Hippo probably has money riding on it?
YOu know I do!
Need me a late one from Chinandega FC!
Yeah, kinda figured that too.
Maybe they’ll liven things up with a post-game ground war with Costa Rica or Honduras.
How do you feel about Thai cockfighting?
So my mom has a small stockmarket hobby since she retired. I was telling her about how Boeing is likely an essential industry and she sold the Tencent shares she bought a couple years ago when I started working for FB and bought like 20 shares of Boeing at around 95/share. She’s planning to hold on to those for a couple years and she’s gonna make proper bank
On the bright side, she’s probably only lost about $10 Canadian by now.
That’s like a gram of hash!
They never really took a hit from the 737 Max stuff though. I think some of the crash is people using the carvillevirus as an excuse to sell thinking a bubble is about to pop
Re: Bob’s Burgers
NAT IS BACK
The creepy part of the internet is going to be hugely disappointed when they find out that Scarlett Johansson crying and saying “I don’t want to swallow” has to do with eating hot wings.
So basically all the internet that isn’t pictures of adorable animals?
I don’t want anyone to get sick or die, and I hate that people are suffering economic consequences from all of this, but now that I’m adjusted I’m actually enjoying myself quite a bit
On the other hand, Rand Paul now has Covid-19, so I’m not rooting for the virus to go home empty-handed either.
I do applaud this tiny brainless virus for having a better sense of poetic irony than most college undergraduates
Well, the virus is probably smarter than Rand Paul, if nothing else.
Since I’ve been confined to quarters after my foot surgery since mid-December, I’m in good practice for this working-from-home thing. Only thing that pisses me off is that my foot is just now getting healed enough that I can get around, and now I can’t get around. I really wanted to get out and work in the yard this weekend, and it’s been raining steadily since Friday. Fuck.
You can still go out, and if you’re using a cane that could be useful for flailing people who suck at social distancing
I think I am going to continue to carry the cane even after I am fully recovered and no longer need it.
Get one of those fun multipurpose canes, it can be a chair, a flask, a telescope, or a sword!
Sword canes are the best.
I’m sure I can get one shipped for free on Amazon Prime and have it by Tuesday if I order tonight.
So I had my old US Navy ship’s ballcap on today when I went by the grocery, Young HEB employee tells me “thank you for your service” and I said “Dude, your service here at the grocery store these last couple weeks is much more meaningful than any of my sailing around the Pacific and Indian Oceans getting drunk and banging hookers 35 years ago.” I think he got a laugh out of that.
Wait, are you my husband?
Could be, but I’m too drunk to remember.
So no poker tonight? You guys suck.
Westworld
Oh crap. I forgot about that and forgot to turn on HBO.
/frantically tries to find DirecTV’s phone number
//falls down stairs
I am in. Someone open a table
California rain is so basic
Would you prefer it be acidic?
I was thinking in the sense of ‘basic white girl’ and now I’m super amused by the idea of ‘acidic white girl’ and why anyone is measuring the PH of white girls anyway!
Having met a few acidic white girls, I’m now very very afraid.
I’m now picturing you in a bar trying to pickup ladies by asking them to put PH test strips in their mouths… ???
Ohhh, their mouths.
I mean, feel free to suggest other locations. Mouth is probably least likely to land you in the hospital
Hehehe…I’m glad YOU said that so I didn’t have to.
“pH 10? Nice. Let’s get married.”
This is probably not what I should be taking from this episode, but what in god’s name is Scarlett wearing for pants?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SR5kfWXfxto
Best thing I’ve seen all week.
Just took inventory, down to 16 beers.
I have twenty bottles of wine, a nearly full handle of cheap tequila, 2 handles of blended scotch, a full handle of Bacardi Limon, half a handle of Gordon’s gin, a 10 year old handle of Everclear, a sixer of Modelo and a sixer of Shiner Bock. My guy dropped an oh zee of flower on Friday. Getting a grip on reality is not going to be an issue for me, at least not for a little while.
You could turn that aged Everclear into bootleg hand sanitizer
I might as well, since I’ve never had a sip.
My daughter’s college has closed, probably for the semester and she’s announced that she’s going to take up catfishing while she can’t leave the house anyway.
I’m doing great as a parent.
A little garlic, butter on the bbq. Delicious.
She’s gonna take so many loonies from you.
You know, I really enjoyed my empty nest while it lasted.
Life During Quarantine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jShMQw2H2cM
Best goddam rock and roll movie ever fucking filmed.
I ain’t got time for that now.
I found something new we can bet on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-ai0GGeRjs
My money is on the cheese!
Internal monologue;
Well you opened a really good bottle.
You shouldn’t drink it all you have to work tomorrow.
If I am hungover no one will know.
Pours 3rd glass.
I’m pretty sure I hate everyone I know IRL
With all this free time on my hands these days I’ve been going through these shows. They’re terrific.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCXfezz4BB8
I wish Patrice O’Neal was still alive.
that’s fucking perfect!
Holy shit. If people are this weak we deserve to die.
we are and we does
No Dr Fauci, today. What a waste of air time. Watching full grown men standing around giving each other hand elbow jobs.
Raise your hand if you have put money into a 401k or IRA since IMPOTUS was elected.
Congratulations! You are now a proud member of the Losers Investment Club!
I’m down 19% so far this year.
That’s about my hit as well.
I started in January so I have none of the upswing and all of the losses!
My 401k is basically a fantasy number as I still have 30 years before I’m done
I haven’t looked. It took over 10 years for my TSP to recover after 2008. Now I’m more than 10 years older. I am going to have to work until the day I die, unless one of my parents kick the bucket.
I’m afraid to look…
Exactly. I have no intention to look until shit gets back to normal.
We’re never going back to “normal”
Probably going into the fourth or fifth “next” new normal in the past century. Prohibition, Great Depression, December 7, 9/11, now this.
I think you forgot after the Berlin Wall fell and the Soviet Union collapsed.
That kind of got us where we are now, I think. I mean except for having to listen to Scorpions sing “Winds of Change” incessantly.
Funny thing, I didn’t hear that song until last year. I don’t know how I went that long. I remember listening to this song going “This can’t be a new song. This song practically screams “I’m from the ’80s.””
Then there’s this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MznHdJReoeo
https://twitter.com/hovverton/status/1241543227607408641?s=20
I really need to get a car because now doesn’t seem to be a good time to be using public transit.
But it turns out that I just did my taxes and I owe money again because of Obamacare, plus state taxes for being an independent contractor, so everything is fucked anyway.
Or as I like to call it: any day of the way.
Fuck it. I’m going to die of this disease forever alone and because I’m doing my job because the people of this country are too stupid and cowardly and incompetent to demand or force those with power and responsibility to the public to do theirs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPVvAlszwDQ
Most impressive of all is that I saw Bob Probert on the powerplay unit for one of those goals. That’s like if Belichick put in his current MILF in at DE for a few snaps just to show off.
I am vainly trying to edu-ma-cate myself on pandemic history, with John M. Barry’s “The Great Influenza” – Amazon just delivered it, because #NoDaysOff
/ found a funny (originally is quasi-Rasist (employee is a Chinese Man with typical language jokes) – cleaned up)
An employee calls into work and says, “I can’t work today. I’m really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I can’t work.”
The boss says, “You know something, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later, the employee calls again: “I did what you said and I feel great. You have a nice house. I’ll be at work soon. “
That’s great!
Admit it, your mind filled in the raycess Chinese guy language. Just like mines did.
An old classic; works every time.