War…War Never Changes… Tuesday Open Thread

So here we are. 8 years and 199 blog posts older. Two kids, four jobs and two houses ago.

First, So I Married an Axe Murderer is an underrated film.

Second, it has been a very, very long road. Some of you were there. I believe most of you had been born. And yes, some of you are now DEED.

We’ve had births, weddings, divorces, funerals, hirings, firings, resignations, lockdowns, at least one lockup, hookups, fights about sandwiches, fights about Girl Scout Cookies, mental health crises and celebrations of recovery.

Moments of incredible pain. Moments of great joy. All shared together on these pages with people we have mostly never met, and would never have known at all but for the shared love of snark, dick jokes and sports.

What we do here at Door Flies Open is not Important. We write, and we read, and we comment.

But who we are here is important. I have had numerous people say this is the one place in their lives where they can let out those jokes only they find funny, or share things that the people in their real lives don’t understand. I write to make you laugh. Others write to share an interest. Some write to let the things that rattle around in their brains out before they chew a hole in their skull.

After the first year of the pandemic, I started taking blacksmithing classes at a local metal shop. I suck, and traditionally that means I quit because I don’t find it enjoyable to do things that I suck at. But at the end of the first class, I had a coat hook.

I could hold it in my hand and remember the cube of steel I started with and say “I made this. Without me, this would not exist.” And unusually, I was able to look past the flaws I knew were there and take legitimate pride in this tiny act of creation.

So I kept at it, and still suck, but now I can suck at much more complex and interesting things.

All of this is the long way of saying thank you for subjecting yourselves to my teen-boy-in-the-backseat-confronted-with-his-first-bra-hooks fumbling attempts at humor. From CrimeBeat! to drink reviews to Larry King, I’ve enjoyed the hell out of it.

And I encourage you all to do the same. What we do here- the writing and the commenting- is another act of small creation. It fulfills a need to be creative and to share it with people whose opinions I care about. I can’t hang my 200 blog posts up on the wall like I can that first coat hook.

And there’s a lot of stuff I would have done differently. But on the whole…it could have been worse….

NFL NEWS:

-CRIMEBEAT!: On the mean streets of Cleveland, it’s not just massage therapists who are under threat. Two Browns (starting cornerback Greg Newsome II and eighth-string DT Perrion Winfrey) were robbed outside a bar early Monday morning. The six armed assailants took jewelry and Newsome’s pickup. Or maybe just one of the players was robbed and the other was still in the bar? Weird story somewhere here. This comes days after running back Demetric Felton’s car was stolen from a parking garage. DO SOMETHING, HOMELESS GUY WHO TELLS JIMMY HASLAM WHO TO DRAFT!

-CRIMEBEAT! Part 2: Clots likely starting cornerback Isaiah Rodgers is staring down the barrel of a lifetime ban after he seems to have copped to some fairly serious gambling allegations. Word surfaced earlier this week that a Colt was under investigation for “pervasive” gambling in violation of the same NFL strictures that got Calvin Ridley banned for a year and six players various suspensions earlier this offseason. Most of the bets, which were made under a friend’s account, were low-dollar, capping out at “low four figures”. Rodgers subsequently went on Social Media and offered an unreserved mea culpa apology.

Where this gets Significant is that at least some of these bets (allegedly) involved the Colts. Rodgers played 15 games last year and 17 the year before. So at least mathematically, there’s a really good chance he bet on at least one game where he was in a position to 1. have inside knowledge and 2. directly effect the outcome of the game.

If Goodell was looking for someone to Make an Example Of, Rodgers is a pretty sweet target. He’s been in the league for a few years and was a projected starter, so he is not some Nobody. But he’s not a star and won’t really hit either the bottom line or a contender’s playoff chances if he gets The Full Pete Rose. He’s “that could be me” for the majority of current players, and so an excellent warning. If the allegations are borne out, look for him to get the firing squad.

-Damar! was out there with his helmet on for team drills for the first time today.

NON-NFL NEWS:

-Two Households, Both Alike in Shame: Apparently the two strands of professional golf that hate each other decided to shack up? I don’t care enough to tease out the details, but apparently the old rich shitburgers at the PGA and its European cousin have reached an agreement in principle with the murderous rich shitburgers who own LIV Golf to a “merger.” I use the quotes there because it sounds like the Saudi Public Investment Fund just straight-up bought the PGA, while the latter will continue to exist as a sock puppet to distract the racist shithole golf fans from the new brown overlords. Once more, I find myself wishing everyone involved in a dispute would choke on their own vomit.

Were I a federal regulator, I would probably ask LIV for all that evidence they said they had about PGA being a monopolistic behemoth, and maybe how combining with them doesn’t damage competition even further.

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:

JFC, another Tuesday during the NBA and NHL Finals with no games? Go watch So I Married an Axe Murderer.

QUIZ TIME:

What 90s fashion trend would you be OK with coming back into style? I kinda miss Hypercolor shirts…