Greetings, fellow shut-ins.  We like to use the term ‘shut-ins’ around here to mock our propensity for staying indoors on our various devices while talking about football, lesser football, boobs, butts, and why Trump sucks, but in truth these days we are all, with the rest of the world, literal shut-ins.  And it sucks.  While it’s nice that the air over India is now so clear that Sarah Palin can now see the Taj Mahal from her house, the rest of us would likely gleefully murder a hobo for a chance to have a burger while sitting in a bar.

Some of us likely have.

But cheer up, for you have made it to DFO’s High Holy Day of the Off-Season, the NFL entry draft, held from the glorious location of…Roger Goodell’s basement?  What the hell?  This sucks.

There is, of course, potential for high comedy.  ESPN reported last night that new Slurs coach Ron Rivera will have his wife and children helping with his white board.  Roger Goodell’s family might appear at the basement stairs and boo him, and if they did that I would actually forgive him for quite a bit of his dickishness.  There is no chance that the Vikings aren’t going to fuck this up somehow; they can’t even get to a podium on time when they’re in the same room, and now we’re going to add computers and phones?  Mike Brown is on the phone as we speak, furiously demanding to know why his dis with 500 free hours of AOL time isn’t working.  High comedy indeed, although sadly the Bears don’t have any picks tonight, so we do lose that laugh.

So sit back, grab the beverages and/or pills of your choice, and get ready to mock me, your friends, Goodell, your team, and life in general.

It’s the 2020 NFL Draft!!

 

1. Cincinnati Bengals 

Record: 2-14

Top Needs:  QB, OL, LB, TE, WR

The pick:  Joe Burrows, QB, LSU.  No change from Version 1.0, nor should there be.  The Bengals need a QB, Joe Burrows appears to be head-and-shoulders the best QB in the draft, even Mike Brown can’t fuck this up.

/Mike Brown trades the pick for cash considerations

Goddammit!

PK pick:  Burrows

2. Washington Redacteds

Record: 3-13

Top Needs:  OL, TE, WR, CB, edge rusher

The pick: Ohio State DE Chase Young.  No change.  The New York Post, which has never been known to sensationalize anything, and others have lately taken to reporting that teams are showing much more interest in trading up to get this pick.  The consensus seems to be that Washington isn’t interested in moving the pick unless they can swing a deal like the Dutch getting Manhattan for $24 from a bunch of reds…ah, shit.

Anyhoo, I don’t think anyone’s going to come up with enough to get Snyder to give up on a shot at Young, especially now that Ditka’s not around.

PK pick:  Young

3. Detroit Lions

Record: 3-12-1

Top Needs:  CB, DL, OL, RB, WR

The pick:  The Ohio State CB Jeffrey Okudah, but probably at 5, not at 3.  Unchanged from Version 1.0.  I think that it may be more likely that this pick gets traded, (and thus maybe more chance that Washington gets seriously in the mix), because apparently people are way down on Tua because of his injury history and therefore Herbert is likely considered the only top QB prospect left after Burrows.  Frankly Herbert reminds me too much of Joey Harrington to make me comfortable trading up to get him but a) I’m an idiot, and b) QBs rule the NFL and will always be drafted too high.  So I’m sticking with the Lions taking Okudah, but probably at 5 or 6 depending on which of Miami or San Diego is willing to give up more.

PK pick:  trades pick to Miami, which takes Herbert, Lions take Okudah at 5.  He’s far from the only one who thinks this will happen, and I’m one of them.

4. New York Football Giants

Record: 4-12

Top Needs: OT, edge rusher, S, WR, TE

The pick:

Iowa OL Tristan Wirfs.  No change.  A lot of people are slotting Isaiah Simmons here, and I can’t blame them.  The Giants defense was a dumpster fire last year, and Simmons would help them immediately.  He’d be a safe and solid pick, so that rules him out for Gettleman. Wirfs remains the top-rated O-lineman at Walter Football, (although apparently that’s because the guy doing the rating thinks he’ll come off first, but that 3 other guys are better prospects), and I’m sticking with my theory that if you spent your last two top picks on a RB and a QB, and your offensive line is questionable at best, your first order of business is addressing that line.

PK Pick:  Wirfs

5. Miami Dolphins

The pick:  Oregon QB Justin Herbert.  No change.  I do think that they make this pick at 2, 3, or 4, because I think Tua is going to fall off from original projections due to his injuries, and that Miami is going to feel that they’ll need to ensure they stay well ahead of the equally QB-needy Chargers.  Neither team has a front office that is going to land anything on the moon, but the Dolphins can probably at least get the rocket to the launch pad before it falls over, while Spanos and his ilk will build something out of Legos and then drop it on the way to the hauler.

PK Pick:  Herbert, but at 3, with the Lions taking Okudah here.  As mentioned I do think this is the most likely possibility.

6. San Diego Chargers, Because Fuck You, That’s Why

Record: 5-11

Top Needs:  QB, OT, LB, edge rusher, TE

The pick: Clemson LB Isaiah Simmons.  Change from Version 1.0!  And so begins V2.0’s descent into madness. Still a chance that the innate stupidity of the Chargers leads them to take the oft-injured Tua to replace the oft-on-paternity-leave Rivers, and no one really believes that anyone, let alone Anthony Lynn, is “all in” on Tyrod Taylor as an NFL quarterback.  Similarly, it’s quite possible that teams are lying about the sudden concern over Tua’s health and are just shit-talking him in the hopes that he’ll be available at 6, or wherever, and they can pick him without giving up too much.  I just don’t think, however, that at 6 you can ignore hip, ankle, and wrist injuries on a QB, and you really can’t or at least shouldn’t, when you need a LB and Simmons is sitting here with all sorts of promise.

Unrelated:   Hell yes; meh; yes; no; god no; wtf Lance Alworth did not die for that!

PK Pick:  Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia.  Definite possibility, but I’m going with the theory that you don’t take a top offensive tackle over a top LB when your tackle really won’t have much to block for.

Low Commander’s Take:

[iNTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL FLIES OPEN]

BOLTMAN: DEATH TO THE HERETICS! DEATH TO THE SPANOS CLAN! DEATH TO LACK OF HUMANS NEARBY FOR BOLTMAN TO CAUSE DEATH TO! DO YOU WORTHLESS MORTALS KNOW THE REAL REASON THE DRAFT ISN’T BEING HELD IN LAS VEGAS THIS YEAR?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[FIRES VOLLEYS OF HUMAN REMAINS FROM T-SHIRT CANNON AS THE PORTAL CLOSES]

7.  Carolina Panthers 

Record:5-11 

Top Needs:  DL, CB, edge rusher, OL, LB

The pick: Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn.  Change from V1.0.  The Panthers need a D-lineman and the best one available just fell into their laps.  Brown is apparently getting some grief for a less-than-impressive combine, but to me too many teams get excited about good combine performances out of nowhere, and not enough are willing to overlook someone either having one bad day or just being better on the field playing than he is running drills.  Brown is still the top-rated tackle, (Walter Football even seems to think he had a better combine than others), so if he’s still available, (there’s some thought that the Giants or Lions might take him if they trade down to 5 or 6), I can’t see the Panthers letting him go, especially if Simmons is off the board.

PK Pick:  Brown.

8. Arizona Cardinals

Record: 5-10-1

Top Needs:  OL, edge rusher, DL, TE, DB

The pick: Alabama OT Jedrik Willis.  Change from V1.0.  I had the Cardinals taking Becton here, a massive human being who had an impressive combine, impressive enough that there was a lot of thought that the Giants might take him over Wirfs.  Becton, however, then went out and apparently tested positive for something, and while apparently it isn’t considered too big a deal, (so it was marijuana, right?), if you’re the Cardinals and in a position to take one of two relatively equal prospects, and one of them tested positive and the other didn’t, well, take the one who didn’t.  Also, marijuana should be legal, especially for football players, UFC fighters, boxers, and the DFO clubhouse.

PK Pick:  Simmons.  Sure, if her’s here, but this is the 8th pick and there are probably 3 teams that would have already taken him.  One of them surely will.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars 

Record: 6-10 

Top Needs:  CB, DL, edge rusher, OL, RB

The pick: Florida CB CJ Henderson.  Change from V1.0.  I like this pick for the Jaguars, but don’t think that they’ll make it here.  I suspect that they are going to trade out of this pick, either up in an attempt to get ahead of Carolina and draft Brown, or down because there are probably enough teams who want to move up to this level to get another player while still giving them a good shot at Henderson in the teens.  For a fun twist, the Jaguars are also supposedly looking to unload Leonard Fournette, which might sweeten the pot in any attempt they made to move up.  If that story is accurate however, the reason Fournette was butting heads with the front office was because Tom Coughlin was in it, and Coughlin’s been fired because everyone hated him.  For that reason, and because I doubt anyone’s going to be anxious to trade for a 4 year veteran RB with an $8+ million dollar cap hit, (expect maybe Dan Snyder; he’d definitely do it), this probably doesn’t affect the first round all that much.

PK Pick:  Henderson.  

10. Cleveland Browns

Record: 6-10

Top Needs:  OT, S, LB, DL, WR

The pick: Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia.  Change from V1.0.  In the last few years the Browns have traded for Odell Beckham, drafted Johnny Manziel, and watched Myles Garret smash an opposing QB over the head with a helmet, all while the owner’s company was mixed up in some federal fraud investigation.  They need offensive line help very badly, and by now you would have hoped they would have learned their lesson about risks and that they won’t take Becton, leaving Thomas from among the top-4 O-line prospects.

PK Pick:  Jedrick Willis.  I mean, they’re gonna take an OT, and if it’s not Thomas it’ll likely be Willis, and Thomas will likely be in Arizona.

11. New York Jets

Record: 7-9

Top Needs:  WR, edge rusher, OT, CB, RB

The pick: Louisville OT Mekhi Becton.  The vast majority, (it would take too long to put all the links here, just put ‘New York Jets mock draft 2020’ into a search engine and sit back), of experts, and Peter King, have the Jets taking an offensive tackle here, and the majority of those have them taking Becton here.  I’m not bright enough or informed enough to disagree.

PK Pick:  Becton.

12. Las Vegas(!) Raiders

Record: 7-9

Top Needs:  WR, CB, DL, OL, LB

The pick:  Alabama WR Henry Ruggs.  No change.  This one’s still debatable, but I saw just enough from other sources that Ruggs, in addition to being the fastest WR, is also a very good route runner with good hands, and most importantly is the receiver that Gruden wants.  Of course Gruden could very well be lying, and it would be absolutely hilarious to me if the Raiders drafted Tua here, (and not without some sense, but the fan reaction would be gloriously insane), but Pete Prisco is predicting that the Raiders will do just that, and I try to make it a point to never agree with Pete Prisco.

PK Pick:  Oklahoma WR CeeDee Lamb.  Absolutely possible.

13. San Francisco 49ers (from Indianapolis for DeForest Buckner)

Record:

Top Needs: WR, OL, DL, CB, S

The pick:  Oklahoma WR CeeDee Lamb.  No change.  There is a lot of talk about the 49ers taking Javon Kinlaw here to replace Bruckner, but I share Walter Football’s theory, (and mine, from V1.0), that you don’t trade a relatively young guy just to draft his replacement in the first round.  I feel this is especially true when your defense is already a massive strength, you have a young QB, just lost Emmanuel Sanders, and really need another WR.  I’m sticking with Lamb here, but have to admit that there is a persuasive case to be made for Kinlaw.

PK Pick:  Trades this pick to New England, who uses it to draft Tua Tagovailoa. There isn’t a chance in hell of this happening.

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Record: 7-9

Top needs: OT, RB, DL, QB, S

The pick:  South Carolina DT Javon Kinlaw.  No change.  This would be a great wild card spot for Tua, (who seems like a nice kid who deserves much better than sliding this far just because he’s well on his way to being an arthritic cripple by 26), because you could sit him behind Brady for two years and hope for lightning to strike.  But I don’t think Brady will allow it.  Also a good spot for a WR, and I thought about Jerry Jeudy here, but with today’s news that Gronkowski has come out of retirement to play with his old buddy Tom, (and leaving some sort of WWE title undefended), I think Tampa Bay would leave the offensive side alone in the first round and focus on D.  “Yeah, deez nuts!!” hollers a newly-enthusiastic Gronk.  Also a real possibility that Tampa tries to trade up from this position to get a top O-line guy, or trades down for one of the lesser O-line prospects or one of the better RBs.  But I really like Kinlaw here.

Somewhat related note, these new uniforms  are hideous, and whoever thought these were a better idea than reverting to the classic Bucco Bruce Creamsicles needs to be dragged out and shot.

PK Pick:  Kinlaw.  No expressed opinion on the uniforms.

15. Denver Broncos

Record: 7-9

Top needs: WR, OL, CB, LB, S

The pick: Alabama WR Jerry Jeudy.  No change.  I tried to find a way to get Hippo one of the top O-line prospects but I just don’t see it happening unless the Broncos find a way to move considerably higher.  Most experts also have the Broncos taking any one of the three top WRs here, although there’s a couple of delusional types who think/hope they’ll take one of the top defensive prospects will fall this far, which almost certainly won’t happen.  I stand by my position that if you add Jeudy, (or Lamb, or Ruggs), to Sutton and Lock, then look for a second-tier O-line prospect like Austin Jackson at 35, you’ve had a pretty good draft.  Unless it turns out they both suck, in which case you didn’t.

PK Pick:  Jeudy

16. Atlanta Falcons

Record: 7-9

Top needs: DB, LB, edge rusher, OL, RB

The pick: LSU DE K’Lavon Chaisson.  Change from V1.0.  The good folks at The Falcholic had this pick going to either CJ Henderson, my original choice, or Chaisson.  Since I’ve sent Henderson to Jacksonville in V2.0, that leaves Chaisson the clear decision, which makes me happy, because he had the much cooler name, but also sad, because now I can’t give him to the Cowboys.  In all honesty, the kid’s probably better off in Atlanta.  Atlanta also apparently really wants Javon Kinlaw and might be one of those mock-draft-wrecking teams that puts together some multi-pick trade to move up past Tampa Bay to get him, which would serve Tampa Bay right for those shitty new uniforms.  Not that the Falcons have any room to talk:

PK Pick:  Chaisson.

17. Dallas Cowboys

Record: 8-8

Top needs: Edge rusher, CB, OL, WR, S
The pick: Alabama CB Trevon Diggs.  Change from V1.0.  This is me being almost certainly wrong by taking who I want them to pick rather than who they will pick if they stay here.  Pretty much no one else has Dallas making this pick.  Hell, I didn’t two weeks ago.  Ideally the Cowboys will trade out of this spot, moving up to get Kinlaw or Chaisson, or down to get someone like Epenesa, Queen, Ruiz, (I am, for the record, very much in favor of the Cowboys trading a bit down to get Ruiz, and would even accept a reach as penance for being so wrong about Travis Frederick), or Yeter-Gatos.  The Cowboys, however, don’t seem to trade draft positions much since Jimmy Johnson left, and really, why would you want to repeat his run of success?  The consensus seems to be between Henderson, (long gone), Kinlaw, (you’re dreaming), Chaisson, (would love it, but need to get in front of Atlanta to do it), or Alabama safety Xavier McKinney.  I suspect that I’m going to be wrong on this (and many others!) pick, but in today’s NFL I’d rather have a top corner, especially after Byron Jones left for Miami, than a safety who, while top-ranked, is described as “slow” and “undersized.”  So, yeah, throw in a drug problem and Dallas will trade up to get him.

PK Pick:  McKinney.  -sigh-  Yeah, probably.

Editor’s Note:  Profootball Talk is reporting this morning that Jerry Jones, who literally had to be physically restrained from drafting Johnny Manziel, will be drafting alone from his house, with no one to restrain his impulses.  I would therefore like to change my pick to the following:

And may God have mercy on our souls.

18. Miami Dolphins (from Pittsburgh for Minkah Fitzpatrick) 

Record: 5-11

Top needs: QB, OL, RB, S, edge rusher

The pick: Alabama S Xavier McKinney.  Change from V1.0.  There seems to be more talk about Miami staying put at 5 and still getting their QB, with a decent split between Tua and Herbert.  This pick seems to favor one of the second-level O-lineman, like Josh Jones from Houston, some kid named Cleveland from Boise State who’s been rocketing up draft boards, or maybe a RB.  I’m going to stick to my original position that Miami can get one of those guys at 26 and can, and should, use this one to fill a need with the top-rated safety.  Grant Delpit, the previous pick for this spot, seems to be falling into the 2-3 round for whatever reason.

You know what would be really funny, and fuck up a lot of mock drafts?  The Dolphins not going QB at 5 and then taking Tua here.  I’m not ruling it out.

PK Pick:  Iowa DE AJ Epenesa.  Certainly possible, but safety is supposedly the bigger need, and they can probably get Epenesa, or similar quality, at 26.

19. Las Vegas Raiders (from Chicago for Khalil Mack) 

Record: 7-9

Top needs: WR, CB, DL, OL, LB

The pick: Fuck it, let’s get nuts.  Alabama QB Tua Tagovailoa!  Change from V1.0.

Hear me out.  It’s no secret that Gruden isn’t exactly enamored of Derek Carr.  This is the 5th first round pick the Raiders have had in the last two years.  They’ve spent none of them on a QB.  Tua, if he can overcome the injuries, has a tremendous upside and an obvious connection with Ruggs, who I picked to the Raiders a short time ago.  High risk, high reward pick, and what better way to introduce yourself to Vegas than by gambling like a mad man?  If Tua does indeed slide I’m guessing the slide stops here.  Also there really doesn’t seem to be anyone else at 19 that fits a need so it’s either make a splash with the QB prospect that I’m otherwise gonna need to send to Green Bay, or trade out of this spot, which I would not rule out happening.

PK Pick:  LSU CB Kristian Fulton.  Defintiely possible, but Tua’s more fun.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars (from Los Angeles Rams for Jalen Ramsey)

Record:  6-10

Top needs: CB, DL, edge rusher, OL, RB

The pick:  LSU CB Kristian Fulton.  No change from V1.0.  I do reserve my right to claim credit if the Jaguars unload Fournette after I finish this, because then I think they’d go RB and take the Taylor kid out of Wisconsin or Swift out of Georgia.

PK Pick:  LSU WR Justin Jefferson.  Not really seeing it when their needs are either all defense, or a RB if the Fournette situation deteriorates even farther.

Record: 9-7
Top needs: WR, OL, LB, CB, S

The pick:  LSU WR Justin Jefferson.  No change from V1.0. Consensus is that the Eagles are going to go WR come hell or high water and that if Roseman doesn’t trade out of this position, (he’s been known to), to move up for one of the top 3-4, Jefferson will be the pick here.  It’s be a nice change of pace for Wentz, hitting a receiver in the hands and seeing the ball stay there.

PK Pick:  Ruggs.  Ruggs is not going to be here at 21.

22. Minnesota Vikings (from Buffalo for Stefon Diggs)

Record: 10-6

Top needs: CB, WR, edge rusher, OL, S

The pick: Auburn CB Noah Igbinoghene.  Change from V2.0.  I’ve been persuaded that the Vikings need to address CB more than WR, hence changing the pick from Tee Higgins, which I was never that sold on.  The top 4 CBs are off the board by now, and the remainder of the top-10 seem to be littered with issues like getting burned in big games, (Terrell), mental make-up, (Arnette, Gladney), or slow, (Dantzler).  Igbinoghene seems to have the best combination of potential and not getting burned, arrested and/or arrested for burning down an orphanage, so I’ll take a chance on the Vikings making perhaps a bit of a reach to address their biggest need.

PK Pick:  Trevon Diggs.  While I’ve seen one semi-delusional fan draft, (yes, it was the Eagles!), having Diggs fall to 53 I don’t think Minnesota is getting him even at 22.

23. New England Patriots

Record: 12-4

Top needs: QB, TE, LB, DL, WR

“Eli, Eli, lama sabacthani!?”

The skinny:  Iowa DE AJ Epenesa.  Unchanged from V1.0, but only because he’s the most popular guy being mocked to the Patriots at this spot, and because someone’s probably going to draft him around here.  Honestly, the only thing I’m sure of about with this pick is that the Patriots are going to try to move it, either in a wild-ass attempt to get Tua or Herbert if either starts to slide or, more likely, in an attempt to draft someone like Jordan Love at a lower spot.  Please note that, unlike most of the players I’m discussing here like I have any idea what I’m talking about, I have actually seen Jordan Love play a couple of times.  Most of the time he looked like he didn’t know whether to shit or wind his watch, and that is not someone you take in the first round.

Also the Patriots have new uniforms but until they bring back the red-and-white Pat the Patriots I don’t give a shit.

PK Pick:  49ers take Houston OT Josh Jones, which isn’t going to happen, because NE isn’t going to trade up to 13 for Tua.

Maestro’s Take: With the patron saint of Tawmmys and Sullys officially finished with New England after twenty years with the franchise, this is a brave new world us Chosen Fans are living in. I don’t know what’s going to happen. On one hand, I do believe that Grumblelord thinks he can win with Jarrett Stidham. On the other, it wouldn’t completely shock me to see him try and swing a big deal and trade up in order to grab a quarterback. There was chatter on Twitter after the Gronk trade that the Pats may choose to go after Tua – but at the end of the day, I think there’s too many needs elsewhere for them to go after another quarterback. If NE doesn’t get Epenesa – which would be a good pick – I could see them going WR with this pick. And hopefully a player not in the slot receiver vein – the team went with N’Keal Harry last year, which I thought was a decent pick at the time – but considering the turnover this roster is seeing right now, another big body able to compete in one-on-ones with the secondary seems to be a big need to me.

I propose they draft a literal grizzly bear.

24. New Orleans Saints

Record: 13-3

Top needs: LB, OL, S, CB, QB

The pick:  LSU LB Patrick Queen.  No change from V1.0  Just like the “hometown kid, wrecking ball linebacker who happens to address the Saints most pressing need gets to play in the SuperDome” story too much to change it.  Oklahoma’s Kenneth Murray has been moving up some boards and gets a fair amount of play at this pick.  Sticking with Queen though.

I do sort of like this spot for Jordan Love.  Drew Brees is clearly on the downside of his career, and you could sit Love behind him for 1-2 seasons and try to get him to “become more consistent”, if we’re being polite, or “goddammit, get his shit together and stop throwing every third pass to the other team” if we’re just being realistic.  High risk, high reward.  If the Saints draft Love I will award myself 1/2 credit.

No one will care.

PK Pick:  AJ Terrell, CB Clemson.  I can see it.  He’s highly rated but was last seen getting third-degree burns from LSU in the title game, which I think maybe drops him to Day 2.

Record: 10-6

Top needs: CB, WR, edge rusher, OL, S

The pick:  Tee Higgins, WR, Clemson.  Change, sort of, from V1.0.  So Higgins still goes to Minnesota, but we flip where they draft a CB and where they draft a WR.  Most others have them doing the opposite, taking a WR like Jefferson first, then a CB like TCU’s Jeff Gladney.  Given Minnesota’s churn and burn of CBs last year they might be well served taking CBs at 22 and 26 but I don’t see them doing that, especially because every CB after Igbinoghene seems to come with a giant red warning light.  No, I think if the Vikings got a CB at 22 they’ll go WR here, and Higgins is the highest rated one I have left, although Brandon Aiyuk out of ASU has reportedly been shooting up boards and could go here as well.

PK Pick:  Higgins.  Frankly most mocks that I saw have Higgins going here, and the internet is never wrong.

26. Miami Dolphins (via Texans for Laremy Tunsil)

Record: 5-11

Top needs: QB, OL, RB, S, edge rusher

The pick: Josh Jones, OT, Houston.   Change from V1.0.  I’m not seeing any real talk about any RBs going in the first round, (so naturally two will), and if Miami did take a QB at 5 they may as well get someone to protect him at some point in the first round.  Realistically Miami is not going to have both the 18th and 26th pick, because Detroit or Washington or New York is going to make them give that up so that they can stay in front of the Chargers and draft that QB.  If I had to guess, and I do, this is probably the pick they lose.  But if they don’t I say they take Jones here.  And if they did lose this pick they’ll probably take Jones at 18.

PK Pick:  Austin Jackson, OT, USC.  Tomato, tomahto.  Jones was rated a little higher than Jackson but played against inferior competition, (like UConn), so either could go here.

27. Seattle Seahawks

Record: 11-5

Top needs: Edge rusher, OL, DL, S, RB

The pick: Pedo State DE Yetur Gross-Matos.  No change, primarily because I’m going with the crowd here and just putting down a name while waiting for Seattle to trade down from this spot.

PK Pick:  Gross-Matos, but also thinks Seattle will look to trade down.

28. Baltimore Ravens

Record: 14-2

Top needs: LB, OL, WR, edge rusher, DL

The pick: Oklahoma LB Kenneth Murray.  No change, as I just haven’t seen anything that persuades me that Baltimore is going to be better served by drafting anyone else.  There’s some noise about a WR like Mims, or Epenesa if he’s still available, (word is he had a “discouraging” combine and might fall), but if the Ravens biggest need is indeed LB, and Murray is indeed still available the Ravens would be stupid not to take him.  And whatever you might thank about the Ravens, historically, (and by that I mean “according to my vague recollections”), they have been very good at the draft.

PK Pick:  Murray.   By the way, King makes millions to write about football and has pretty much the same picks I, a guy who is paid in “atta boy” comments, do.

Record: 9-7

Top needs: Edge rusher, DL, OL, CB, RB

The pick: Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU.  Change from V1.0.  Gladney was one of those CBs that was getting dinged for a bad attitude/mental make-up, which in the NFL could range from “potential serial killer” to “once had an independent thought”, with the latter considered worse than the former.  That said I don’t know anything at all about Jeff, but nearly every mock draft I saw, at least the ones focusing on the Titans, (so that could be more wishful thinking than anything else), has Gladney going here and I am a follower at heart and not a leader, so that’s good enough for me.

PK Pick:  Isaiah Wilson, OT, Georgia.  Most others see Wilson going in the second round, for reasons best summed up here.

30. Green Bay Packers 

Record: 13-3

Top needs: TE, WR, OL, LB, CB

The pick: Ezra Cleveland, OT, Boise State.  Change from V1.0.  I am secretly hoping that the Packers take Jordan Love here, because that would be goddamn hilarious.  But, every year there’s one guy who comes out of nowhere late and shoots up draft boards.  Cleveland, from what I can tell, was thought of as a late-2nd, early 3rd round guy a month ago, then had an excellent combine and when I combed through all the draft stuff over the last couple of days, (shamelessly seeking “atta-boys”),he now seems like this year’s “Most Likely To Get A Combine Boost.”  Sure, what the hell, why not.  Plus, look at him:  

Tell me that guy doesn’t scream “GREEN BAY!!”  And with that pick, of course:

PK Pick:  Michael Pittman, WR, USC.   While I’m not sure Peter’s right about Wilson, (even he admits everyone else has him as a second-rounder), the Packers going WR seems more likely than Cleveland, but then I couldn’t make my “Pale Wisconsinite” joke.

/sneaks in Brandon Aiyuk, WR ASU claims credit and hopes no one’s paying attention.

31. San Francisco 49ers

Record: 13-3

Top needs: WR, OL, DL, CB, S

The pick:  DT Ross Blacklock, TCU.  After they traded Buckner and got a top WR prospect to bolster their offense it might make sense to fill Buckner’s spot here.  Although everything I’m reading suggests that they’ll look to trade down out of this spot and try to make this or a similar pick in the mid-2nd round.

PK Pick: traded this pick to Dallas and then has Dallas draft Michigan C Cesar Ruiz.  I don’t think this will happen but will go on record as saying that I very much hope PK gets this one right.  Also saw some things about the 49ers just straight-up taking Ruiz here, which would hurt me deeply.

Record: 12-4

Top needs: CB, OL, LB, RB, TE

The pick:  Damon Arnette, CB, Ohio State.  Change from V1.0.  Arnette is considered a top talent, as near as I can tell maybe second only to Okunah, but there are apparently major questions about his character.  Shocking, I know, in an Urban Meyer recruit.  If there’s one person who doesn’t give a shit about character and is willing to employ just truly terrible people if it means two more wins a season, it’s Andy Reid.  And yes, pretty much everyone else in the NFL, but Reid seems to stand out even there.  Arnette’s slide, justified or not, ends here.

And so does this goddamn mock draft.  Somebody get me a beer!

PK Pick:  Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU