Good morning Gen Pop!
Welcome back.
Hope everybody is staying strong and keeping healthy.
Not sure if it’s the same everywhere but my little community of El Segundo has decided to use this lock down as an opportunity to get in shape. While fantastic on the surface it’s turned into a goddamn obstacle course when I’m going to and from work. These dipshits are literally jogging in the middle of fucking Main St. The inside lanes are lost to bicycles and basically all goddamn traffic rules no longer apply. I watched this dumb motherfucking dad ride his bicycle right through a stop sign WITH HIS 3 FUCKING KIDS riding along right behind him as I was driving down a street where I had no stop sign.
I’m glad you fucking yokels are trying to do something positive but motherfucker the rules still fucking apply!
Maybe dad is getting tired of being cooped up with his ugly ass kids and is trying to remove a couple of them from the picture.
Alright. That actually makes sense then.
Sunday Gravy is going to stay “on theme” as our insane world keeps on doing whatever the fuck it’s doing. We, once again, are going to cook with what we have on hand.
While that banner photo up there may not be as sexy as some of my “food porn” photos I thought it would work in this instance.
The bag of beans and the package of bacon were some of the items we found during the first week of our current insanity.
Basic inspiration was from the bag-o-beans. I usually don’t work too much with small white beans although I’ve fucked around with Navy beans in the past. Yes, they actually are different beans.
The menu came to mind fully formed as soon as my brain paired the white beans with the package of bacon. Then throw in some onion? Maybe a mirepoix, some garlic (which I was finally able to find SHIT YES) a little stock and some spices?
See where I’m going with this?
I’m going right fucking here with this.
Damn skippy!
C’mon. Most of you know you’ve fucked around with this before. This shit was a lunch time staple in the right family as I was growing up. In fact my older brothers and I all loved this so much that we basically raced each other to the cupboard when the right parents bought some at the store.
Buncha fucking savages we were.
Actually for some stupid reason I had a craving for this a few months ago and made a can of this my dinner of choice for a Saturday night.
It’s not quite as incredible as I remembered.
We can do better than that and we can make this shit from scratch!
And that’s just what we’re going to do today.
Know what would go good with this?
How ’bout some gatdamn cornbread? Not just any cornbread, nuh-uh. How bout some jalapeno cheddar cornbread that has some of our homemade pickled jalapenos in it?
There it is. Now I think I’ve got your attention.
This one is going to be super fucking easy and I’m going to drop a shitload of photos to walk you through the process.
Every damn one of you can make this and since you just so happen to have plenty of time on your hands?
Let’s do this fucker.
Bean with Bacon Soup!
recipe greatly inspired by Simplyrecipes.com
1 pound small dry white beans, soaked overnight – navy beans or great northern beans would work too
6 slices of bacon, cut into small bits plus 2 more slices to cook later for a garnish
1 large onion diced
2 celery stalks diced
1 large carrot diced
4 cloves garlic minced (real motherfucking fresh garlic! – see!)
6 cups chicken stock, store-bought is fine
2 bay leaves
1/2 tablespoon of dried thyme
Salt and pepper to taste. It’s going to be about 2 teaspoons of salt here
3 tablespoons of tomato paste
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
Get yourself ready for a cascade of photos, a cavalcade. A goddamn cornucopia!
The day prior to serving go ahead and start soaking your beans. Make sure there’s plenty of water to cover.
Here’s an interesting item: I really hadn’t bothered with pre-soaking beans at all until just a year or so ago. It doesn’t really change the cooking time or the texture all that much so why bother right?
Well, it does have another effect.
We’re all adults (HA!) here and we’re all familiar with the known side effect cooking with beans can have. Pre-soaking absolutely makes your batch-o-beans substantially less flatulent. So if that’s a concern then heed the advice. If you’re just going to cook this at home and have no issues with “letting a few fly” then you won’t need to pre-soak.
Next day your soaked beans will look thusly.
First thing we’re going to do is chop up our mirepoix, the bacon and the garlic.
Grab an onion.
Now chop that bastard up. The beans don’t take more than an hour or so and that means we need a pretty fine dice.
That will do.
Next get your celery.
Now, since celery is a bit more fibrous, we’re going to want an even smaller dice.
OK then.
Now wash and peel that carrot. Since the carrot is by far the denser of the 3 veggies that constitute a mirepoix we’re going to want to get seriously fine here.
Nicely done.
Combine the chopped veggies.
Since you’ve already got your cutting board and knife handy, go ahead and mince your fresh garlic. Place the minced garlic in a bowl for later use.
Next we’re going to chop up our first 6 slices of bacon.
You eagle-eyed readers may have noticed a quite important safety tip right there. Look at the photos of the veggies.
Chopped up on a wooden cutting board but that bacon?
Damn right. That’s a nylon board. No wooden boards for meat. It was also chopped last to avoid cross contamination.
One of the things our current virus infected situation has done, it’s made me aware as a motherfucker about food safety and the need for clean hands. I personally promise to always wash my hands for a minimum of 20+ seconds from here on out. That lesson slapped me right in the damn face from all of this.
Get out your trusty Dutch oven and get it on the stove top over a medium heat. Bacon goes in first.
Let the bacon cook for 3-4 minutes to start rendering down some of the fat, then get that mirepoix in there. Not the garlic yet, just the onion, celery and carrot. Lower the heat to low/medium-low.
We’re going to give these a pretty serious cook down. Probably 12-15 minutes. We want the veggies cooked through here.
Like this.
NOW we can add in the garlic. We want to stir the garlic in for just a minute. Remember one of my favorite mantras? Burnt garlic is bullshit.
Now grab a strainer/colander and let’s drain those beans.
Then get them in the pot too.
Get your chicken stock and measure it up.
Six cups may seem like a lot but it’s not and I’ll show you why in a moment.
Dump the stock, the salt, pepper, bay leaves and thyme into the pot next and give a good stir.
Raise the heat back up to medium/medium-high, cover the pot with a lid and bring to a simmer. When it reaches a simmer, lower the heat to LOW, get that lid slightly ajar on there and let it simmer gently. NOW set your timer for 1 hour and simmer away.
Stir every 10-15 minutes or so.
When the hour is up, add in the tomato paste and the smoked paprika.
Remember this?
That’s the last of the tomato paste. I probably cooked 3-4 times with this tube of paste. THIS is the way to go for tomato paste, just store the unused portion in your refrigerator. Much better than wasting half a damn can whenever you use tomato paste.
Cook for 3-5 minutes more.
Know what happens next?
We’re going to use our immersion blender and blend about half of the soup which will give us a creamy texture while retaining some of the whole beans. Again, if you don’t have a stick blender ladle out 2 ladles of the soup and CAREFULLY blend in a standard blender before adding the blended contents back to the pot.
Hell yes.
Keep warm and let’s cook our last 2 slices of bacon. Cook until crispy.
Remember why?
Bacon garnish!
Psst. You? Yeah you! When the bacon finishes cooking, make sure nobody is watching and go ahead and dump the bacon grease into the soup. I won’t tell. It’ll be our secret.
Get some soup into a bowl and add some of that crumbled bacon on top.
Holy shit.
I’ll get to the description narrative in a bit because we’ve got cornbread to make.
We’ve made cornbread about a dozen or so times here. In fact we made this version of cornbread before
The one difference though?
Homemade pickled jalapenos! Find out how to make them right here.
Let’s go ahead and just straight copy/paste from that chili post I linked to up there to save you the trouble of looking for the cornbread recipe
Jalapeno Cheddar Cornbread!
1 cup Albers® White or Yellow Corn Meal *
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons of minced pickled jalapeno
A handful (roughly 1/4 cup) of extra sharp cheddar cheese.
*obviously the base of this recipe comes from the back of the box of Albers cornmeal.
The trick to cornbread assemblage is to mix the dry and wet ingredients separately.
Get your dry ingredients.
Thoroughly mix them together.
Lightly beat that egg and get it together with the oil and the milk.
Mince up your jalapenos like so.
Add the wet ingredients, the cheese and the jalapenos to the dry ingredients.
Stir gently just until mixed. Don’t overwork the batter. Get this into a lightly greased baking vessel.
Then into a preheated 400 degree oven for 20-25 minutes.
Get this out of the oven when it’s starting to brown. Let rest for 5-10 minutes before slicing.
Let’s see how well these 2 dishes play together.
Play together? These two fuckers are MADE for each other.
This soup is simple yet satisfying. It’s rich, creamy, subtle, smoky, comforting and downright delicious. It’s so damn easy to make too with just a handful of ingredients.
I also figured out a trick that Campbell’s uses for their version. Liquid smoke. I didn’t miss it but if you wanted to go for a full nostalgia effect here you could probably add about 1/4 teaspoon of liquid smoke but I thought this version was delicious as is.
That cornbread? Fuck yes. The cheese gives it a smoother texture with a bite of salt but those homemade pickled jalapenos just punch right through to your taste buds. That little burst of heat and acidity they bring is fucking fantastic here.
You can all make this.
Give it a try and report back.
Now back to your cells!
Just kidding folks.
Stay home. Stay safe. Be well.
See you next week.
PEACE!
[…] My two favorites were bean with bacon, which we have made before… […]
[…] was our bean with bacon soup from a few episodes […]
Called out a shitty commenter on a Giants blog-I’ve 52 upvotes and counting. My work on this planet is done.
Do Marisa Tormei and Keanu Reeves have sex at the end of “Speed”? I know that Sandra Bulloch is the female lead, but still…
Spoiler.
The Bus plays a big part……
Whoa! A three-way with Bettis? Much like Keanu, I did not see that coming.
My wife just texted me asking if I knew my blood type
Me: “A+, of course.”
It’s been 10 minutes now and she hasn’t responded. I think she might be tired of my shit.
[pours fuel on the fire] /she’s a nurse/administrator, btw
“It’s a really rare type, I’m sure you’ve never heard of it.”
Is she in the bleach isle at Costco? Essential shopping.
Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavawhatever getting divorced. No word on whether he was tomcatting around.
He threatened to get the kids vaccinated against feline leukemia.
You hate to say someone give up on a rescue animal like that.
Bingo!
– tWBS with long hair, to a client
It’s been six months since I last drank a beer on my deck while doing a crossword while bathing in sunshine. I feel good right now. Real good.
We’ve got a real beauty today as well.
Enjoy Scotchy.
Math is hard!
Oh my God I didn’t even notice that aspect of it.
See LemonJello’s (Spanish J pronunciation) gif below…… or at least that is how I took it.
*Could fan of the Hubble fix it mission tho.
Special delivery for I.C.Wiener!
“Icy weiner? You think that’s shrinkage? I wish.” – 56 mL guy
The puns just flow out of the wiener….
post.
“I’ve seen worse.”
Vienna?
“No, I’ve never been to Italy.”
“But I’ve seen the cuisine.”
“Destroy my search history.”
“Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.”
Pretty sure that is a universal understood.
The checkmarks made me curious. The boycotter is a writer for The Blaze, because of course he is, and the ghoul up top is a prominent right wing activist who looks like a more creepy version of Zach Woods in The Thick of It
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unlS-MmCvLI
I will be buying MORE. If I have to butter my whole yard so much the better. I will ship it to tWBS’ orgies, once they get going again, even if they are virtual.
Elijah Schaffer is also a Cleveland MLB and Washington NFL fan. Oddly enough, he doesn’t like this story:
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-day-the-native-americans-drove-the-kkk-out-of-town?utm_source=pocket-newtab
“Idiot – A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.” He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary
Unfortunately they are influential.
Someone needs to re-cut the scene from Tommy Boy except instead of “guarantee on the box” it changes to “Native American lady”.
You know what else comes in squeezytube form? Anchovy paste! Total umami bomb. I use scandalous quantities of it. Still no fresh garlic in Big Bear, I may have to go forage for it in the wild. And by that, I mean break in to my neighbor’s cabins and see if they have any!
Cheez Wiz and Anchovy paste….. double shot.
you were here the whole time. we saw nuthin’
Guess you’ll never let her order the pizza again….
My kids and wife don’t like tomatoes and thus it means no tomato sauce on pizza. So we basically get round cheesy garlic bread with toppings ( maybe). So it’s got to be really, really, really bad pizza before i complain about pizza.
Oh, man…..
Actually there is one place that makes a “white” pizza (not the Boston kind) that is olvive oil based that is really good.
One of my favorite things about summer is eating sliced tomatoes off the vine with salt, but…..
i love me some tomatoes, so eat them whenever i can.
Holy shit I can make a white sauce pizza. You can substitute an alfredo sauce for tomato sauce. Sausage and roasted red peppers on a white sauce pizza is fucking delightful.
[inspiration flies open]
your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to find flour and yeast.
Good luck
I’ve got em both. Yeehaw I’m fucking baking!
They do something like that but it is lighter tasting than Alfredo influenced.
This recipe looks completely delicious. Making it tomorrow night. Burnt garlic IS bullshit. Tomato paste in the toothpaste tube is LEGIT. I wish I could send mirepoix (I LOVE dicing veggies. Very relaxing. Preferably to an old Funkadelic album.) and homemade chicken stock to anyone planning to make this, as payback for all the laughs you guys provide on the open threads. Food seems to be the only way for me to tell people what they mean to me anymore, and I’m locked down.
Here’s the Meat Puppets with underrated drummer Derrick Bostrom:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=u9Ui4TvKpy4
We’re the same in that regard. I woke up this morning, took a shower and went straight to the kitchen and I’m there right now. Today’s menu is prep intensive but low and slow after that. I love my kitchen. It’s my happy place.
It’s fine.
In my head this was me ordering a bunch of items and picking them up at the local BBQ place, because delicious.
While I’m sure they liked the order, from their perspective I was probably a little too eager.
My fridge started to not keep things cold so got a new one. It was delivered to my front door on Thursday. As it’s a fucking monstrous one, I had to take all the doors off it to get it in me house. And then reassemble it once back in. Then I needed to get the old one out which meant more doors and handles to be removed. As the old fridge is also huge the front door was also taken off its hinges for the extra room.
Friday I had to help out another group at work as they can’t handle their own shit so worked until 10 or so.
Saturday my neighbour and I moved 5 yards of top soil to put on our lawns. And then raked it all out.
Looking forward to doing nothing today.
Tl;dr life sucks, doing sfa today
and now the same group from Friday needs my help again. Fucking tools
Gamblor has awarded us Belarus futbol in English live.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua6soR3RNoE
Africans are allowed to play in Belarus? Weird as I see them as a very racist futbolling nation.
There is a smattering of fans because their President told them Vodka is the cure. It seems he is smarter than a certain President who thought Lysol was the answer.
Africans doing labour for whites’ amusement? Nope, nothing racist about that.
Belarus and Russia are usually so racist that they do not want Africans on their clubs. See Zenit.
Also, Vitebsk has no shirt sponsor. How many eyeballs across the world are on this game and no marketing department jumped all over it for the match?
Penalty to the Wolves! (nawt England)
Jamin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tCIeJTnwoA
The Dr. Mrs. and I spent the entire damn sketch trying to figure out where he’s located that he has open space to film in. Seems way too isolated to be LA.
He is probably chillin in San Diego
As an atheist, Sunday morning has always been prime grocery shopping time. Well, COVID has completely fucked that sideways. Suddenly, 8-11 on Sunday is the single busiest shopping time of the week, and pretty glaringly shows how stores aren’t actually limiting their in-store customers. Bunch of old men camped out near the chicken today, first to bitch about not being able to go to church to make up for all the times they were garbage humans, and secondly to get super heated about pushing for a recall of Whitmer because they’re still not allowed to use golf carts. Small sample size, sure, but it’s hard to not get anxious about the way things will shift. Still feels to me like every incumbent is in immediate danger because the voting public doesn’t know what the fuck to make of it, and isn’t smart enough as a whole to make those kinds of decisions anyway. I’m relieved that we don’t have a gubernatorial election in 2020 because people are super fucking stupid, and doing a good job doesn’t mean anything if everyone’s angry. VA and NJ have theirs in 2021, though, and that could be a litmus test. VA has that weird stipulation where you can have multiple terms, but they can’t be back to back, so I don’t know if it’ll matter how much Northam’s pissed off the state GOP.
VA made their election day into a state holiday and expanded their early voting. I think we both know what that means in terms of giving one party an advantage over the other.
MI put good shit on the ballot in 2018, with automatic voter registration and bipartisan redistricting. Very telling the one that they dragged through the courts was the redistricting one. With the GOP going full Quiet Part Loud the last few years, they’ve pretty much announced that the only way things will change is if we bypass the legislative process completely.
Worth noting that both voting reform referendums passed in a landslide, even more so than legal weed.
George Wallace; underrated comedian.
The black comedian, not the ex-governor.
He is very good at the Twitter.
I have a little bit of good news – now this is not “let’s all go to the beach and make out with coughing strangers” news, and it doesn’t *sound* good, but it actually is.
Every day – several times a day, in fact – I go to worldometers and divide the number of deaths by the number of confirmed cases of the ‘rona. When I started doing that about five weeks ago or so, it was at 3.5%. Last week it crested 7%. Over the last couple of days it has finally started coming back down.
Now that calculation is a more or less meaningless number, for a variety of reasons. But the derivative of that *is* a measure of whether our testing capacity has finally improved to the point where we can identify more cases that *aren’t* going to proceed to death. Which means we can start doing a better job combatting the spread. And that’s a good thing.
I’d be curious to see what the numbers will look like once they start to get a proper count of all the people who aren’t going into a hospital at all no matter how sick they get. A pretty horrifying thought exercise is to think about how many people, especially in areas like Detroit, are just in their house dead from it right now. Another number I’m not even sure we can track is how many people are dying either because they needed resources that were being used to treat COVID, or because they were too afraid to go anywhere because of COVID. Michigan started running into the issue last week where ER visits dropped down to nothing across the state because people are outright terrified of going near ERs. Feels like that’s a time bomb.
https://www.nbcnews.com/business/economy/firms-trump-links-or-worth-100-million-got-small-business-n1190741?fbclid=IwAR0KZiNLZQ6VxE2IbXmYFssOc1edRjvgxtIR58RGMkW_7ExBfUard50anWM
Bright spots tho.
I could listen to yeah right say “mirepoix” all day. And I may as well ‘cause we’re all just sitting here soaking our beans for the past six weeks.
I’m….
I’m actually soaking beans as we speak.
How Mormon of you!
I didn’t know you had a hot tub!
Ok. That’s funny.