The ideas that pop into my head to fill these pages are usually quite random. During the week it’s pretty straightforward – read the sports pages; distill down what I think the Commentariat might like; publish – but the weekend is supposed to feel different, especially in the offseason. And that’s where the struggle to come up with topics & discussion comes from.
Plus, it doesn’t help that we are in the midst of an apocalypse, all of our own making. There are no movies to go see. Hell – at this point I might actually pay to watch “The King of Staten Island”, just because it’s new content.
It honestly looks kind of good – or have I been cooped up for too long?
So, as we lurch forward to what BC calls “Phase Three of the Provincial Restart”, if transmission rates remain low or in decline, people can begin travelling throughout B.C.. Which is good, because there are some breweries I have to go support.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
You know what? There’s nothing I can recommend. Besides, I think we’ve proven quite capable of entertaining ourselves.
But, for those of you who love/hate Twitter, here you go,
https://twitter.com/ozskier/status/1269303582882295808
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojlNfpsiljk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6A1mSh0DB8&feature=emb_logo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=246DWkIFib0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nvEp_B_GVY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl-pjb7y3y0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTm5zue_h94
“I masturbate fully naked. Don’t like it? Then go to a different Starbucks.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZX5gN1yevM
Hopefully this ruins part of someone’s childhood.
Or maybe puts them in a new direction.
TAKE IT HOME
https://hitrecord.org/records/1826344
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U61AD057ZxM
I’ve arrived safely in San Diego for my first night away from home since March. It’s nice to be here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRA5S59KjwY
Why do you hate your family?
I made her moan way more than her husband, so no surprise.
Until Low Commander finds you, and sacrifices you to Boltman!
CAUTION LOW OVERHEAD:
https://hitrecord.org/records/1660898
https://hitrecord.org/records/1616658
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlwvKxAMM8s
“We can’t stop here. This is collusion country.”
Should be Bill Barr and Lady Justice.
Yes.
Time for a possible “dude”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHS3qJdxefY
Smells like half!
If you don’t know, you haven’t owned it.
Kids can’t light it.
I must have the wrong definition of foxhole.
Look under #2.
The “Made In China” label makes this a much darker joke.
Indeed.
Don’t forget the sequel, Brick discovers spanking.
This open thread is going to make up the bulk of next week’s Eventual Balls Thoughts…
I watched an entire NASCAR race today.
Now going to get slaughtered (figuratively, literally) in Call of Duty: FUCK YEAH AMURICA by my daughter.
Overall, any day where no one dies that you know is a good day. So today is a good day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4UqMyldS7Q
I learned that the judge recused himself and the defendant pled guilty but mentally ill, and was sentenced to life without parole. But lest we forget.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vN_PEmeKb0
This will forever be funny.
Speaking of classics.
Oh dear.
I would totally eat that. Just like urmom.
Yeah.
Fine, he’s next after that.
I gotta do everything around here apparently.
You think god will give me any bonus points for rim jobbing his son?
At least enough points to offset the abortions? Does it make a difference if he climaxes?
[Joseph pounds the plus one button continuously]
That’s right; I listened to the whole thing once again.
This is a dick joke…..
Just checking in while I sautéed mushrooms and onions I’m going to have as a side tonight. Oven is preheating for asparagus and potatoes now. Mrs is bathing blaxito and then I got a wagyu strip loin I’m throwing on. This may be the best single meal I’ve prepared since the kid was born — and I ran a solid prime rib for 9 last Christmas.
Ice? GOD DAMN IT!
Eh, never mind; do it how you like it.
It’s a hundred here. Room temp is 83.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: What is it, your anniversary or something?
BLAXABBATH: No, it was yours. Yesterday.
RTD: Oh, boy.
I think it was a placenta deal that is fashionable these days.
The tomatoes are particularly good.
Hey! I know two of those names!
You’re a Robert Bloch fan too?!?
I wonder if those people are their financial counselors .
http://www.nationalchamps.net/Helmet_Project/index.htm
I’m watching Superb Owl III and if they had the right foresight they would show the orginal commercials. There’s got to be a Marlboro Man and a Hamms commercial in there. Don’t deny us our history!
https://oct.co/essays/hamms-review
Dagger stabbing; much less arterial squirting and mess than regular table knives. Try one today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-HFbNhTTKQ
https://youtube.com/watch?v=NR1Uu8PagSw
Everywhere in the U.S. is seeing increased rates and we still have a week from the first round of protests to go.
Last Monday I went and had blood drawn at the local Quest diagnostics, located within a nearby Walmart. There weren’t many people there, but there were some. The Quest place seemed to be taking all the proper and necessary precautions.
Today I have feeling very light headed, almost like buzzed on booze, without imbibing. Also very fatigued. No fever, though, or any other symptoms listed on the web. I hope I feel better in the morning, otherwise I am going to go get tested. I’m supposed to go visit my octogenarian parents this weekend.
The ’82 Brew Crew downs the ’66 Orioles, 11-4. Robin Yount went 5-for-5 with a pair of homers (3, 4) and six RBI, and Moose Haas (W, 2-1) hit a two run double, posted 6 1/3 innings for the win, and also posted several GIFs that confounded the Orioles. Wait, wrong Moose on that last one. I think.
The Brewers will take on the 2012 Giants in the next round, with the ’67 Red Sox and 2017 Astros the other matchup in the Jack Buck Region.
Goddmanit. ’94 Expos battled back from a 3-1 series deficit, had a 2-1 lead in game seven, and coughed up four runs in the 7th to lose 5-2. The 1929 Philadelphia Athletics advance to take on the ’82 Cardinals.
Gorman fucking Thomas!
Thomas was a huge stud for the Brewers in round 1, and not bad in round 2 either.
Watched him in 1982…hit a home run at Angels Stadium…in a playoff game.
I hated Gorman Thomas for many years.
Shane Mack drives in two runs with a pair of doubles, and Scott Erickson (W, 2-1) strikes out seven in seven innings as the ’91 Twins edge past the ’54 Indians. Only one game seven left to play.
And finally, Round 2 is complete. The ’61 Yankees dispatch the 1912 Red Sox, 11-2, thanks to a Bill Skowron grand slam in the 4th and a seven-run rally in the 7th. The Yankees now have three squads in the Sweet Sixteen; the Dodgers and As have two each.
The software provides some cheesy crowd noises, my favorite of which has to be the guy who yells “NO WAY! NO WAY!” when the visiting team does something good. He chimed in when Skowron hit that grand slam at Fenway, and he started to sound a little like Tawmmy from Quinzee. “NO FACKIN’ WAY! THAT DOES NAWT COUNT! IT’S NAWT FAI-UH!”
One of my neighbors is just going nuts on the phone over her husband’s whereabouts. It sounds like their marriage is blowing up into a million pieces. It breaks my heart.
That’s tragic.
What’s she look like?
Does she work at a restaurant or pot shop?
– Zombie tWBS
Hotel receptionist works too.
But they have to live alone!
Covers were often misleading back in the Silver Age. In the actual issue, what Batman says is “Supergirl, you’re making us all rock-hard.”
Comfort her with your dick.
RTD is married.
Use mine.
So hungover I want to play in tratfic. I only had 2 btls of wine. I don’t deserve this one.
Have another bottle and the hangover will go away.
Take a Tylenol, lie down in a dark room, and next time pick a better year.
About to pour hot liquid into a glass dish; pray for my soft, fleshy outer covering.
I’ll say it up here: I think the ’81 Dodgers were a better team than the ’88 Dodgers. That iconic home run gives the 88 team fame, but up and down the lineup, the ’81 Dodgers were legends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0toCMwEBwLo
Kirk Gibson was a Detroit Tiger that only became a Dodger legend because of that one home run.
He had less than no chill. But 1988 was pretty fucking magical.
Fun fact:
Both Gibson and Hershiser batted 1.000 in the 88 World Series.
And Orel got twice as many hits. People forget that.
He’s always Oral to me.
They still needed the Yankees to implode first.
True, but that was a powerful Yankee team that imploded!
The 88 Dodgers were all pitching. Their offense sucked but it didn’t really matter. Not an aesthetically pleasing team to watch but their pitching staff was incredible.
Ginger Ale and Root Beer are neither ales nor beers, discuss.
I would drink ginger beer. Root ale, not so much.
Ginger beer is awesome
Massachusetts is starting to re-open. I desperately need a haircut, however I’m still not sold on getting one just yet. Though I will go and support local businesses*
*Breweries
Some More of Brick Meathook’s Library
This section doesn’t have a theme but there’s some interesting stuff here. It is a little religious, though:
There’s Touching Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh, some Vietnamese Buddhist guy. I was given this in college by the office director of a big Episcopal cathedral that I was filming a project in. She got mad at me for setting up my camera in a very sacred and unauthorized place and threatened to kick me out. I bought her flowers the next day and had them delivered to her office and that tigress was putty in my hands after that. At the end of the project I fucked her and she gave me this book. I’ve never read it.
There’s a first edition of Winged Victory by Moss Hart, that belonged to my uncle, who was a writer. That’s not religious but it’s kinda cool.
Look, it’s a miniature Bible, just like the other shelf! I like to bring this with me when I fly. I always sit in the first row in first class, so all the coach passengers can see me when they’re boarding. I wrap rosary beads around my left hand and read this Bible intently, looking as nervous as possible.
Or, during the flight, I like to read the Bible while ordering endless complimentary drinks. After each scotch is delivered I say to flight attendant, calmly and beatifically, “Thank you. May Christ be with you” then I slam down the scotch and order another one “in Christ our Savior’s name.”
The smallest book there is a 1941 U.S. Army pocket New Testament. These were privately printed and distributed (no tax dollars) and were available only in chapels to whoever wanted one. Bought it on eBay:
I guess you didn’t have to read it unless you wanted to be promoted.
Once again, I’ll read a paragraph from any book here over the phone to you for a fee that, when you consider the value, is actually quite reasonable.
Do you have a study with an Eames chair?
If yes, I would like to rent out said study for a week so that I may partake of your generous library. Your attendance is not required during said rental period.
This is my study. No one is allowed in here except my housekeeper and various tradesmen for repair work, but they have to be blindfolded and escorted by my chief of staff, who also must be blindfolded. The housekeeper does not need to be blindfolded because she is already blind.
Wow. That’s a lot fancier than my setup.
Oh, sorry. I thought “study” was slang for “pornographic viewing area”.
I only required a simple yes or no response.
In this case, “No” would have sufficed.
It’s funny. I have the exact copy of one of the books on this shelf. I bet $20 no one will guess it.
MLA Handbook
Nope
Team Player
Nope and now I’ve noticed I have TWO of these books!
Is it the two spiral bound booklets?
Robert’s and Read This
Applied Mathematics
Nope
Well it’s definitely not the Holy Bible.
This is a true statement
I’ve got two exact copies of a book you don’t have.
Do you have special tongs for your two Bibles to keep from burning your hands?
I have five anal sex books that NO ONE has.
This should both be the banner and your personal slogan.
Robert’s Rules and Old Man and the Sea
Robert’s Rules is correct. The other is “Read this…”
If I had 16 more guesses I would have got it easily
Dude, we weren’t done guessing!
Nonetheless, I won. Me:1 Brick: Nothing
Well, considering he has the same books I do, who is the real winner here?
Look, we’re both ahead of Brick so we both win.
I’m busy reading my Bibles.
God bless you and your burning hands.
Not surprisingly, Leviticus 26:12, Deuteronomy 5:33 and Micah 6:8 are all scratched out.
Too soon?
Leviticus 15.1-32 are inspirational, particularly Leviticus 15.16
Heh that reminds me a letter I once read–wait, are you B.M. from the October 1979 issue?
You keep all of the books you haven’t read in very good order. Dusted and none leaning.
On my Presidential shelf (Sunday Gravy post) I’ve read all the books pictured in their entirety, except for Churchill, where I would read sections that interested me, because he’s just so ponderous. I’ve read half of it.
In the photo above, I’ve only read two of the books pictured in their entirety: Catch 22 (several times) and The Old Man and the Sea (in high school). I’ve never read either of the actual books pictured. Some of these are sentimental possessions from my late father. The rest are reference books to be read where needed, and the only Shakespeare play I’ve read in its entirety is Macbeth, also in high school. I guess I read the whole photo book, but it’s a picture book; it actually really belongs in a different section.
This shelf is kind of a wildcard.
Sure, sure…… they are dusted.
Cubs fans will have more fake baseball to cheer for, as the 1907 squad triumphed over the ’67 Cards, 3-1. Ed Reulbach (W, 3-1) allowed just four hits and a walk in eight innings and struck out nine, and Chick Fraser pitched a scoreless 9th for the save (4). They advance to take on the ’98 Yanks in the Sweet Sixteen.
Fox Sports Ohio is replaying all four games of the 1990 World Series. As a Reds fan who sees great Ohio teams gets ignored and less respect than Rodney Dangerfield (RIP Ken Riley and Go Fuck Yourself with a Rusty Metal Rake NFL Hall of Fame), it’d never stop being funny listening to the announcers disbelief of the upset 4-game sweep in action.
The 1990 Reds were a bubble team for this tourney. I figured I had the ’90s overrepresented as it was. Unfortunately, I probably also screwed over the ’75 squad by giving them an underseeded ’67 Red Sox in the first round, and that was it for them.
I can see that. The ’75 Reds have one of the greatest starting lineups in MLB history, but not a noticeable pitching staff. Any casual Reds fan can name all of the Great 8, but couldn’t guess a pitcher with three guesses.
So…Chick doesn’t dig the long ball?
The ’88 Dodgers advance over the 2015 Royals, 6-2. John Shelby’s grand slam (1) in the 4th off Edinson Volquez (L, 2-1) broke a 2-2 tie and was the last of the scoring. Tim Leary (W, 1-3) went 7 1/3 innings for the win.
The Dodgers are now the first franchise with two entries in the Sweet Sixteen; the Orioles, A’s, Yankees, and BoSox still have a shot at doing the same.
Jesse Tannenhill of the 1902 Pirates and Ken Holtzman of the 1973 Athletics have dueling no-hitters going through five innings. I’m sure I’ve jinxed it now.
Ginger Beaumont singles in the top of the 6th, so that’s half a jinx completed.
Tommy Leach homers in the 7th to give the Pirates the first run of the game. Sal Bando breaks up Tannenhill’s no-no in the bottom of the inning but the As fail to score.
With the no-hitter gone, Tannehill is replaced in the 8th by Ed Doheny. It proves disastrous, as the A’s get back to back RBI doubles from Ray Fosse and Bill North to take a 2-1 lead. Rollie Fingers pitches a scoreless 9th, and the As advance to take on the ’88 Dodgers in a cross-time, cross-state rivalry.
Go ’98 Yanks, because they got upset by the ’42 Monarchs in the MLB bracket.
/We do not speak about how the ’61 Yanks lost.
Can we make that Carlson image the banner. Damn thats funny
I support this initiative.
It’s so perfect.
Oh, good. That’s two Donald Trump commercials in one afternoon.
♫♪♪ Its beginning to look like an Election Year. In a damn Swing State.
With candidates left and right. Bothering me one again.
Driving me to drink myself numb ♫♪♪
“Promises Kept.*”
*wedding vows not included
Lotta praise for “Master of The Senate” earlier today, but I don’t see any way it’s title tune could be as catchy as it’s companion piece, “Master of The House.”
The Atlanta NASCAR race is called the Folds Of Honor 500 and I’m wondering who the genius was that decided to honor sexy big girls.
I thought it was a race honoring the rare chosen few that can fold a fitted sheet.
Marc Blucas’s character from Summer Catch?
Why are people trying to get the police defunded and disbanded? Isn’t that like treating an autoimmune disease by removing the white blood cells?
Cuz they’re stupid?
The budgets could do with a trimming, but complete elimination is idiocy.
No, get rid of all that faggy para-military shit and fire every cop with a sleeve tattoo.
Problem solved.
Pernamently disqualifiying all cops with sleeve tattoos may solve most of the cases of police brutality.
As for the weapons you may have a point with para-military. They can use pistols, shotguns and semi-automatic rifles but the can still have the armor and all the best defensive equipment possible. Have the National Guard on standby if they need anything else.
Either that or we’ll make then follow Zordon’s rule from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers of never escalating a fight beyond what your opponent is presenting. We all want to use the AK-47 and/or Dragonzord, but we can’t use it for just a traffic stop/Patrol Patrol.
(turns in two Man Cards and one Respect Card to the discard piles for Power Rangers reference)
It’s not that. It’s more along the lines of what they did in Camden, New Jersey.
There’s always NASCAR drivers turning left!
I still don’t understand why they couldn’t go all out on the Virtual Races? Include an actual highway that has turns and go through the mountains. If that doesn’t work, we could’ve did I-95 from Washington DC to the US/Canadian Boundary Line and included the Mario Kart powerups.
I’ve been watching virtual race rallycross because it’s now 19 drivers (including Charles Leclerc), and for some reason they let the Youtuber I watch do wacky races on GTA5 in, and he finished 8th last time out. Ahead of Leclerc.
Given the current political climate I’m a bit surprised they haven’t floated the idea of turning in a different direction.