Eventual Balls Thoughts turns 18 today! You know what that means! We’re Barely Legal!
I would normally embed a picture here, but there is absolutely nothing I can embed that won’t get me in trouble. I recommend using Incognito Mode to find a suitable image you would associate with such a momentous occasion.
What were you doing when you were 18?
I was starting my senior year in high school. The SATs were done and all I had to do was submit my applications for college. Once they were submitted, the rest of the year was cake. I took advantage and did things I had never done before in high school like participating in the senior play
I’m no thespian, but let’s just say the part of horny Brazilian sailor was made for me.
Thinking back, I realize that I really did senior year right. I realized that the pressure of getting to college was off, so I could really enjoy my last year of high school. That meant asking out any girl I wanted, enjoying liquid lunches on the regular, and taking fun classes that interested me.
It was good preparation for college.
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The Week in DFO
Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:
Soaking my beans, breaking out the boomstick, sautéing the trinity, mire poix… I still maintain there is NO sexier series of posts on DFO than Sunday Gravy.
monty this seems strange to me
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Augsburg/Koln is BORING!
scotchnaut
Did tWBS take over your body?
Balls
[reaches for freezer vodka]
Nope. Nothing to see here.
scotchnaut
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Let’s explore Brick Meathook’s Library
This is my Presidential/Prime Minister shelf, with God thrown in for good measure and to impress people:
Brick
Also, not surprised that the LBJ contingent is bigger and thicker than the others.
herodotus450
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Phase 1 was giving out miniature American flags.
Phase 2 is getting serious about The Flag Code (and, but coincidentally, The Hanky Code) and making any misuse of the flag punishable by hard labor. American Flag tank top? Improper use of Flaggantry, 10 months. American Flag on your Belgian beer can? 45 months.
herodotus450
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Some More of Brick Meathook’s Library
This section doesn’t have a theme but there’s some interesting stuff here. It is a little religious, though:
Brick
It’s funny. I have the exact copy of one of the books on this shelf. I bet $20 no one will guess it.
Balls
Applied Mathematics
Mr. Ayo
Nope.
Balls
Well it’s definitely not the Holy Bible.
Mr. Ayo
This is a true statement
Balls
I’ve got two exact copies of a book you don’t have.
Brick
I have five anal sex books that NO ONE has.
Balls
This should both be the banner and your personal slogan.
Mr. Ayo
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One of my neighbors is just going nuts on the phone over her husband’s whereabouts. It sounds like their marriage is blowing up into a million pieces. It breaks my heart.
RTD
That’s tragic.
What’s she look like?
Dunstan
Does she work at a restaurant or pot shop?
– Zombie tWBS
Balls
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Don’t forget the sequel, Brick discovers spanking.
Mr. Ayo
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Just remember…if your boss ever figures out how effective you are from working from home, its an easy jump to the realization that some peon working from home in Mumbai could do the same, for a shit-ton less money.
God bless capitalism…
JustStopDude
Luckily, I work for a government agency so if that were to happen it would be kinda embarrassing for them…
Balls
We’re long past government agencies feeling any shame or embarrassment.
monty this seems strange to me
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Casual Fridays are getting a little out of control at Import Tuxedo Emporium.
LemonJello
You can’t go in to work unclothed like that. Come on, put a mask on, we’re in a pandemic here!
montyu this seems strange to me
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TikTok Apologizes After Inadvertently Giving Platform To Thousands Of Theater Kids https://t.co/XSbNrqBvPW pic.twitter.com/taJK8cAiqm
— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 8, 2020
Gratliff
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More of Brick Meathook’s Library
Brick
Man, I remember holding that Nat Geo cover up with one hand.
SonOfSpam
Really? I have never once thought of that cover in sexual terms until just now, and now it kind of frightens me. I’ll bet Viva La Tabula Raza has, though; she’s probably got a bush like the Amazon-fucking-rainforest.
Brick
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“Here’s your mom’s dildo, Adolf!”
LemonJello
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Pretty cool seeing the bootlickers crying about the “Cops” TV show cancellation.
Also amazing that there are still people watching that crap 30 years later.
SonOfSpam
I went to high school with a guy who got arrested on Cops. He got pulled over for speeding, and you could see the coke crusted around his nostrils. They found a large quantity of powder in his car.He squealed on the guys who sold him the coke and only did a few months in jail. He was always an asshole, no one was surprised that he dropped the dime to get himself out of trouble.
Gumbygirl
I didn’t realize you went to high school with Tim Allen.
Horatio
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Found a funny:
ME [opening a card from the boss that says ‘get better soon’]: but i’m not sick, sir
BOSS: no, you’re just terrible at this job
rockindog
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I think it’s awesome that those guys named their band in tribute to the woman who birthed Rob Ryan.
RTD
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So probably not entirely coincidental that the Panthers crew removing the Richardson statue was kind enough to put the removal rope at about 3/5 of the way up.
Downfield Matriculator
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Welp, my mother was finally fired from her job due to her FMLA running out due to COVID-19. Thankfully, her surgery is scheduled for early July, so all I need is for her to get in and out before the 2nd wave hits and clogs up the hospitals again.
She knew she would be let go; she was just waiting for them to bite the bullet and get it over with. She was a good employee, but they needed to replace her. But she is still saying busy. In one day, she successfully applied for Unemployment and her Medical Marijuana Card (because she no longer needs to take any drug tests for work).
That’s inspiration right there.
Redshirt
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Scorpion jelly with some goats cheese on toast will pair perfectly with Otto’s brain’s liquid lunch.
Litre_cola
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Last night I made a new drink, called the Oh God What Did Trump Tweet Today.
2-3 shots of gin (didn’t measure)
Club soda
Frank’s Red Hot Sauce
Start with a tumbler. 3 ice cubes. Add gin. Add club soda to the top. Add Frank’s until it’s a Trump-orange color. Stir. Drink until the burn of the hot sauce is numbed by the gin and ice.
NOTE: Frank’s Red Hot original. NOT the Frank’s Wing Sauce, which includes butter.
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
The Hague’s War Crime Tribunal would like a moment of your time, sir.
LemonJello
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Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:
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Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. A special shout-out to Brick for posting the KCET videos about old LA on the Sexy Friday Open Thread. I absolutely love that stuff!
Have a great week!
Indeed, it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH1OZe98J5U
Big g uns….
Sometimes I try to pick what you are going to post here. I’ve only been right about feet and butts.
Hee hee hee…
so, Moose-y…give us MOAR chicks with guns!!!
Euphemism or NRA?
Maybe shoot with their feet.
My WASP nature means nothin’ with guns can be a shameful fetish. Read teh Constitution ,, libtards!!!111
My 18th birthday was the summer between high school and college. I was anxious to get on to college and out of my home town, so I won’t say it was the best time of my life or anything, but I had a good group of friends and it was a pretty fun summer.
I Dream of Jeannie (1965), “The Solid Gold Jeannie”
Unrelated, but was just listening to this. Remembered how perfect it be:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs11Bp1RkpU
I turned 18 during my sophomore year of college. It was a Friday the 13th and I had a double Nutcracker rehearsal (the only time in college we played it), then I played the R&H version of Cinderella that weekend, either three or four shows. So it wasn’t a bad weekend, just a busy one.
Wait, WTF?!? Are you a child prodigy or something? You graduated high school at 16?
Lots of humble brags smh 😀
No worries; he was still a virgin as a sophomore in college.
I just read below. This makes this comment ten times better.
HOLY SHIT, can’t believe that wasn’t a reaction post. You be all clairvoyant today. WHO TEH DONKS PICKING FIRST NEXT YEAR???
…..Left Tackle……Right Tackle……..Rinse……repeat.
Hopefully, your lips to Our Equine Lord and Saviour’s ears.
Why? You have Garrett Bolles.
I wonder if we get a tax/salary cap allowance for employing a ret….SPECIAL young man like Bolles.
There is a quote that they play all the time on the radio that fully supports this.
Question answered, raises more questions.
My only real brag could be getting a “5” on the AP calculus exam. My buddy Nadeem (nickname “Pakistani Power”) was our valedictorian, placed out of his entire freshman year at DUKE – which doesn’t give credit for passing with a “3” only got a 4.
I told him it was because of Jeebus. He said “that shit ain’t funny, man.”
I got a 3 on US History and it was worth college credit. Don’t have a clue who won World War One, Two, or Three.
teh zombies, DUH
/I took “college prep” calibre history instead of AP, because of who taught each. Mine was a fellow wolven sort even, she was cool as fuck.
Mr. Hippo could do a lot better if he would apply himself and concentrate on one task at a time.
Hey, I was a virgin way beyond that too!
The city cutoff is December 31st so I was already younger than everyone else, but then I skipped 1st grade. We all believe my penmanship greatly suffered as a result of that.
Balls, I like how up at the top you show my bookshelf posts and all the quotes are randomly mis-attributed, including your own. That is performance art at its highest.
I do appreciate the notice, though. Thank you kindly, sir.
Ha ha I just realized I was reading it wrong. I’m so hammered . . .
Monday morning? That’s just GOOD FOOKIN’ HUSTLE right there.
Thank YOU for sharing your Library. Seriously, I enjoy those posts.
I turned18 during my second semester of college, had already been drinking in bars for three years, got frequently berated by my sisters and mother for getting mediocre grades (“Oh, you think Calculus III is easy FUCK YOU *bitchy sigh*”), and all I thought of was girls, women, and whether I would die a virgin.
Sadly, I also did not complete the full conjugal act until sophomore year at university. Can’t recall if I was 19 or 20.
My insane-as-fuck high school girlfriend would…uh…give oral (especially in the backyard swimming pool, which was equal parts delightful and terrifying), but wouldn’t fuck me because she thought “it would mean too much to me (as I learned from our mutual friends).”
Turns out, I was pretty much the only man on the East Coast she did NOT fuck.
That was a big cultural clash for me, when I lived in the States in the mid-90s. Sex was a Big Thing, but oral and handies were not. That was the first time I grappled with that distinction. My complaints about it were minimal. When in Rome, etc.
From my cultural female samesies, my experience has been: “If you get yours and I don’t get mine, yer DED to me”.
18th BD, HS graduation, and my parents saying “Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.” all happened within a few weeks. I had been buying alcohol, doing lots of drugs, and bangin’ irresponsibly for over two years by then. At the time I was dating a 28 year old woman with a kid, which while in Colorado, is about as trailer trash as I could do.