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Beerguyrob

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I think today has marked the first “real” day back from the depth of the COVID-19 scare.

Sure, there were a whole bunch of people in Tulsa ignoring black history in their quest to suckle at the teat of a sentient orange-hued McDonald’s patty.

And there were other problems in the world that, let’s face it, deserve plenty of attention because they are between nuclear powers that combined have 2.5 billion people

But hodge that – there’s sports! There was English footy, and German footy, plus the AFL & rugby SuperLeague. It was a morning to behold.

Oh sure, the Phillies might die, and the Tampa Bay Lightning got airborne MRSA, but that’s cause they’re quitters! I’m sure once the weekend is over everything will be fine…

When contacted, the NBA Commissioner released the following statement:

Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • NASCAR XFINITY Series:
    • Unhinged 300 – 5:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
      • The Unhinged 300 from Talladega Superspeedway in Alabama.
      • Fun fact: Until 1998, it was a 500-kilometer (310 mi) event, the longest race on the NASCAR Busch Series schedule.
        • In 1998, fans complained about the use of kilometers, which was seen as a European custom. Management changed the race to a 300-mile (480 km) event from 1998–2001. The change shortened the race distance by just four laps.
        • In 2002 it was returned to a 502 km / 312 mile race, to coincide with the race sponsor’s 3-12 ad slogan, before returning to a 300-mile race in 2015.
  • UFC Fight Night:
    • Blaydes vs. Volkov: From Las Vegas | ESPN / TSN
      • Prelims: 5:00PM
      • Main Card: 8:00PM
  • ABC: The Last Dance
    • Episode 9 – 8:00PM
    • Episode 10 – 9:00PM
  • Australian Football League:
    • Gold Coast Suns vs. Adelaide Crows – 11:00 PM | FS1
    • Essendon vs. Melbourne – 1:30 AM | ESPN2 / TSN4
  • Super Rugby Aotearoa:
    • Hurricanes vs. Crusaders – 11:30 PM | ESPN2 / TSN2

The viewing evening starts with left turns & ends with toilets flushing the wrong way.

HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Latest youtube wormhole I’ve fallen down. British Aviation history!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kuDb9h_b9M&t=2s

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, who wants to pick my next cocktail?

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Mr. Ayo

Freezer vodka.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

tWBS would know that’s not how I roll

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Make it strong.

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Horatio Cornblower

Margarita.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You monster

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DACHSHUND!

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WCS

Just went and picked up our pizza. Evidently, Vocelli’s screwed up, and gave us a free pie. Shit, fellas, free pizza.
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Unsurprised

.

I forgot that gif got fucked up.

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SonOfSpam

Big story about how K-Pop fans and Gen Z kids signed up for all the online tickets and made the campaign think there was SO MUCH interest in the rally, they set up that outdoor stage and whatnot. The idea for it was some 51 year old lady who was a Buttjudge campaign volunteer. Gen X and Gen Z, working together to make the world less Boomer.

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Gratliff

K-Pop fans are fucking crazy

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have you seen some of those K-Pop girls (and boys)? They’re not crazy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Season 3 of Mad TV with the Bill Cosby rape sketch. How the hell did it take so long for this shit to really land?

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Unsurprised

Because he was America’s TV dad

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Brick Meathook

Racism.

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Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

Ooooh Japanese.

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Brick Meathook

I think that’s Greek

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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litre_cola

I bo longer have a dvd player and my wife is younger than me and has never seen Singles. It is not available on Netflix etc due to the WKRP licensing issues. How do I rectify this???

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is there a porn parody version?

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SonOfSpam

Schwingles.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

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SonOfSpam

That video told a STORY, man.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Triples

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Brick Meathook

Act it out for her, line by line.

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herodotus450

no choice but to describe every episode, line by line

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Mr. Ayo

I happen to have both of those. Send her over and I’ll take care of things.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Make sure and park your van at a legitimate address this time.

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King Hippo

Perhaps the best movie soundtrack EVAR, and a very solid movie. When I was younger, I felt I vaguely resembled an uglier version of Campbell Scott’s character.

/like said character, I also had the intense hots for Kyra Sedgwick

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Brick Meathook

I like jerkin’ off to that movie
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Col. Duke LaCross

Never gets old!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Curtis Blaydes vs Alexander Volkov?

MMA got some video game ass names.

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herodotus450

Thought that was an ECHL hockey game matchup for a second

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Horatio Cornblower

Good fight. Blaydes gassed at the end but managed to stagger through the last 5 minutes.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

ATTENTION

I have switched to mezcal old fashioneds

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

P!nk with the burn of the night.

https://twitter.com/Pink/status/1274495280348639233

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why did I start reading the comments? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voUMQrLy_uY

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Beerguyrob

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Yeah that’s the stuff.

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Horatio Cornblower

Outstanding.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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Beerguyrob

For a point of comparison, here are 19,000 at the BOK for Metallica.
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litre_cola

As per twitter, apparently the Wiggles sold that place out.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I am starting a new movement called Black Lives Make Batter for all non-PoCs who have been made horny by black women and men (thinking of you Zymm).

Here’s to you, Toni Braxton and Noemie Lenoir.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m pretty sure that’s already a Pornhub Category…

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well then time for my backup, fecund the police

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SonOfSpam

Shut up and take my money.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

So, if they detonate a nuclear bomb in the area, where does the fallout go?
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Mr. Ayo

Northeast as far I as I can tell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfR_HWMzgyc

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Downhill, no doubt.

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Unsurprised

Wasn’t this the plot of the last M:I movie?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Bret Hart vs. Will Sasso on Mad TV is one of the funniest things I remember from middle school and this might be the first time I’ve seen it since it first aired. I see a bunch of people angry at the big wet idiot president on TV, but why would anyone do that to themselves, MAGA zombies included? I’m guilty of tracking the idiocy, but I do everything in my power to avoid suffering the voice of that man.

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Mr. Ayo

Mad TV is why I’m still madly in love with Alex Borstein.

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Gratliff

In a few months, this series will be gifified and memed into oblivion like all the rest, but for now I can just enjoy rewatching it and seeing shit I forgot I enjoyed as a kid.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

This stupid fucking country is just giving up and letting the virus plateau because the plateau is below the peak. I can’t wait until this shithole is isolated because the only countries where the virus exists is this one, the UK, and Brazil; all countries that have states existing simply to cripple and destroy their populations anyway.

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Unsurprised

Of course, it’s not like anyone or any institution has any legitimacy left anyway, so they can’t do anything about it. The media that once propagated the fucking nonsense that masks might be more dangerous than wearing nothing and has been equivocating and pushing this whole “MUH ECONOMY” bullshit that even the Democrats got onboard back in April so now that states are reopening even though instances are rising or never fell significantly in states like California, Oregon, and Washington (notoriously deep red states). So fuck everything. We’re all going to die because we’re stupid and we deserve this.

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Brick Meathook

Have you ever considered that maybe all of this is your fault?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Women’s MMA fight temp stopped for a low knee to the cooch.

Didn’t know the fight could be stopped for that.

Oh, now I see. The knee got stuck.

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Mr. Ayo

Nothing better than seeing the better joke being made right after.

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SonOfSpam

Nah, because I should’ve somehow added “unstuck knee sound effect” to it.

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Mr. Ayo

I didn’t say “best”, I said “better”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Oh wow, that UFC chick just took a serious knee to her balls.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oreos or ovaries?

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know what’s going to explode first, me or that stupid fucking car when it runs over a rabbit.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The following people are going to be in VERY big trouble for RSVP’ing and then not showing up.

Lennay Kekua
Lennay Kekuua
Lennai Kekua
Lenay Kekua
etc.

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SonOfSpam

I RSVP’d as Dixie Normous and got a personal message from the Veep.

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Brick Meathook

I RSVP’d as Hugh G. Rection and got a tax break.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Imagine if you’d gone as Hugh G. Koch.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Banner this man.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy fuck, 13th was an amazingly well done movie that was hard to watch. Recommend viewing with time for a palate cleanser.

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SonOfSpam

Is that about the 13th Amendment, and about we we’ve done certain people dirty for 400 years or so? Or is that the biopic about Jason and Camp Crystal Lake?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

God dammit Rickon. Did you not learn after last time?

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SonOfSpam

This is good.

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Horatio Cornblower

Awesome

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What will make you more likely to watch it? Yes or Neither?

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SonOfSpam

One is probably really well-done and difficult to watch, and the other is about black people.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Honest answer is it’s about mass incarceration and weaponization of the criminal justice system against american communities of color. I had no idea (READ: totally forgot) that the 13th amendment had an explicit carve out for servitude as punishment for criminal conviction.

Also, fuck ALEC.

2
SonOfSpam

Yeah, when a honky says “there’s no systemic racism” it’s like, bitch, the whole deck is stacked so fucking thoroughly against equality that it’s gonna take an entire societal overhaul to even think about getting things to “pretty unfair”

But the great thing about being a white male is we don’t even have to think about it should we choose not to.

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Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

Some talented SOBs right there.

Kinda unfair that the one with the huge hog also gets to be the one who can see.

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herodotus450

But Mr. Trump, why can’t we just make a law against flag burning?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSANTRnEBgg

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Dunstan

I have a margarita. Fish tacos will be ready soon. Trump is having a shitty night.

Life is good, but I’m a little worried about how 2020 is going to take its revenge tomorrow.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, I thought you meant…….

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SonOfSpam

The fish tacos contain sodium benzoate

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, thousands of people worldwide will die of coronavirus, for a start.

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Dunstan

*stares blankly*
*remembers that it’s good to feign concern for the welfare of other humans*

Oh, yeah. Right, of course.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brad Parscale’s spirits this evening (artist’s conception).
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SonOfSpam

oh he fired

SO fired

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s The Cheeto; should he just double down on it?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now I’m confused [see DonT’s post below].

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m getting vertigo.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I may have to use this photograph as my Christmas Card. Assuming that my side loses the War on Christmas, that is.
–

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SonOfSpam

The fact that they had to cancel the outdoor speeches because no one was there is the maraschino cherry on this ballsweat sundae.

3
Gumbygirl

I just watched the ABC evening news. They kept calling it a “massive” rally, and only showed tight shots on Trump, instead of panning the arena. I’m sick of this shit

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, that’s some primo bullshit.

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SonOfSpam

“Here’s the bad part: When you do testing to that extent, you’re gonna find more people, you’re gonna find more cases. So I said to my people, ‘slow the testing down please!’” — Trump

Here’s Trump downplaying the coronavirus as “sniffles”

“The stage was higher than this one … I’m weather leather-bottom shoes … it was like an ice-skating rink” — Trump whines at length about the media pointing out the obvious and noting that he had a hard time walking down a ramp last weekend at West Point

“We ought to come up with legislation that if you burn the American flag you go to jail for one year … if somebody wants to burn the American flag and stomp on it, but just burn it, they go to jail for one year” — Trump

Trump claims that if Biden gets elected, “money itself will be worthless”

So the Tulsa speech is going well.

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Horatio Cornblower

My wife is watching and howling with laughter.

If that’s the effect His Trumpiness is going for, he’s fucking nailing it like it was a porn star who needs $130,000.

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SonOfSpam

Yeah but Stormy made her money much more quickly. Very bigly and strongly quick.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also he referred to coronavirus as the “Kung Flu”. Cause things like that are totally gonna expand his base of support.

1
SonOfSpam

He has zero new voters from 2016.

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herodotus450

We ought to come up with legislation that if you burn the American flag you go to jail for one year

We need another Vietnam–thin out their ranks a little.

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, like they’ll go this time.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Speech? I’d characterize it more as a “late-stage syphilitic rant.”

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herodotus450

When the recount is finished and I’m finally sworn in as Secretary General of The World in Perpetuity, I will lock Bill Raftery and Gerry Rafferty in a room and not let them out until they come to a consensus on ONE spelling/pronounciation of their name. They will then be generously given lifetime appointments at the Tijuana Labor Camps.

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SonOfSpam

Bill Raftery in the prison shower: “And the KISS!”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Gerry Rafferty will end up stuck in the middle of Baker Street.

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SonOfSpam

Jim Kiick’d the bucket.

Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka drinking survivor champagne.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’re finally watching 13th and let me tell you, I need every cocktail I’m making and drinking

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

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WCS

BIG BOTTOM

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SonOfSpam

“Good night Springton, there will be no encore.”

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Viva La Tabula Raza

“The attendance goes to 11,000.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

That broad couldn’t hit the broad side of a board.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

For the last time, all my GFs in NYC had black hair. That’s not me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Request answered

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R6WIbx8ysE

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

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scotchnaut

“I asked for an angle!”

-Pythagoras

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE MUSIC VIDEO OF THIS SONG.
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaWsVHv5dGc

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litre_cola

Edmonton, Alberta ladies and gentlemen.

2
herodotus450

Nascar fans: object to the use of Kommie Meters (Km) in their race.
Also Nascar fans: Yo how many Liters are in that engine?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You want to get shot with a 9mm you fucking commie?

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Brick Meathook

Hitler used the metric system.

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scotchnaut

Counterpoint:

The Metric System used Hitler. Prove me wrong.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Joseph Stalin

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His last metric point was a 7.65mm chambered Walther PPK.

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Brick Meathook

Hitler is a hero because he killed Hitler, and he gave his life doing so.

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scotchnaut

If only more fascists were as brave as he was…

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Mr. Ayo

But he wouldn’t be if he did it way earlier.

Makes you think.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I am at a bar drinking by myself, not in an engine thanks.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

NEWS FLASH: Essendon v Melbourne has been postponed due to an Essendon player testing positive for COVID-19. More details on the AFL Beat on Tuesday.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GODDAMNIT! And I was having such a perfect evening.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Oi, he hooked himself a big one there!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

When I grow up, I’m going to buy me a Japanese toilet.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gumbygirl

Tonight on Svengoolie: Boris Karloff in the Man with Nine Lives.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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We can be social and lose a few….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Seat belts are important. People forget that.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

And helmets!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Specially ass helmets.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ThurberHerder

And lose my chance to be thrown clear? Count me out

2
Gratliff

Well this is the headline of the day for sure

STRIP CLUB OUTBREAK: A COVID-19 outbreak has been confirmed at Cruisin’ Chubbys Gentlemen's Club in Wisconsin Dells, health officials report. https://t.co/AT5mIFH2bL

— NBC15 News (@nbc15_madison) June 20, 2020

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Mr. Ayo

I hope the owner’s name is Chubby.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Y’all can take away my 17 year-old stripper girlfriend’s pole when you tear it away from her K-Y Jellied hands!

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