NFL Notes:
- Following Edmonton’s lead, Washington will go by the nom de plume “Football Team” until they decide on a new name & logo.
- And, starting tomorrow, they will begin the process of “retiring all [*Redacted] s branding from team properties,” including FedEx Field and [*Redacted] s Park.
- They hope to be entirely rid of it on physical and digital spaces in the next 50 days, by the Sept. 13 regular-season opener against the Philadelphia Eagles.
- It’s no Kraken!
- And, starting tomorrow, they will begin the process of “retiring all [*Redacted] s branding from team properties,” including FedEx Field and [*Redacted] s Park.
- Antonio Brown, as expected, has walked back his retirement announcement, instead choosing to demand the league decide his fate RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
- “The fact that you refuse to provide a deadline and the reason for the fact you won’t resolve your investigations is completely unacceptable,” Brown wrote on Instagram. “I demand you provide me clarity on this situation immediately if you really care about my wellbeing. My legal team continues to ask and you provide no answers.”
- “[I] Need an update so I can talk to these teams properly, they’re waiting on you @nfl let’s get this thing moving! We’ve got history to make!! #Himmothy.”
- “The fact that you refuse to provide a deadline and the reason for the fact you won’t resolve your investigations is completely unacceptable,” Brown wrote on Instagram. “I demand you provide me clarity on this situation immediately if you really care about my wellbeing. My legal team continues to ask and you provide no answers.”
- No terms released, but ESPN says Mike Zimmer has agreed to a contract extension with the Vikings.
- It makes sense, considering Zimmer is the third-winningest head coach in team history, with a record of 57-38-1 (.599), and has taken the Vikings to the postseason in three of the past six years (2015, 2017 and 2019).
- Bud Grant is, obviously, the king, with a record of 168-108-5. Dennis Green is second at 101-70-0.
- It makes sense, considering Zimmer is the third-winningest head coach in team history, with a record of 57-38-1 (.599), and has taken the Vikings to the postseason in three of the past six years (2015, 2017 and 2019).
Finally, NFL.com has a long-form piece on Marshawn Lynch’s return to Seattle late last season.
- It discusses the hurt feelings and the fence mending that took place to make it happen.
- Remember – “Start taking care of y’all mentals, y’all bodies and y’all chicken”.
- It’s surprisingly balanced, given that the league’s dot-com is usually a mouthpiece for whatever the league needs to be said.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- MLB Opening Day:
- New York Yankees at Washington Nationals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN4
- San Francisco Giants at Los Angeles Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN4
- Blue Jays Classics – 1993 World Series Game #6 – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
- “Touch ’em all, Joe…”
- NASCAR Cup Series:
- Kansas 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN
- The Kansas 400 from Kansas Speedway in Kansas City.
- Kansas 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN
- MLS is Back Tournament:
- Los Angeles Galaxy vs. Houston Dynamo – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN5
- Los Angeles FC vs. Portland Timbers – 10:30PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
I guess with the return of baseball I can retire my temporary use of “… entertainment?” as a header, since we are beginning a run where there will be at least two major league sports every night. But how can I ceremonially delete something so profound?
Thanks, big man.
2020: Opening Day game gets called due to ark on the field.
Well, remember the aardvark?
That’s not even good to the high as fuck.
Great restraint on their behalf to save the ants and termites.
I remember that game when Pedro Martinez threw Tommy Lasorda to the ground. It was hilarious!
Speaking of Comic Con
Is that Olivia Wilde?
Brie Larson
I lost all my Great White cards in a fire.
https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/rock/9417083/great-white-apology-concert-no-social-distancing
THAT is the fucking joke we are looking for, peoples!!
All my Warrant cards got seized by the Feds.
This pun brought Thunder.
She’s married? Damn it. I never win….
WAS married.
Yeah.
Now she’s dead.
He died first…. from lead poisoning. Come on PAL, get with the nostalgia.
WAS or (Not Was)?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO1smGnTpbY
Disney’s newest movie, which is about an ape that talks to some sort of dog in between doodling pictures of bugs demonstrating his desire for freedom, is “based on a true story” in that, yes, there are in fact animals called apes.
Damnit.
The Good: Live Sports!
The Bad: Fucking car and pickup truck commercials. I did not miss you one bit, fuckers.
Wait till the NFL comes back, just in time for Christmas car commercials!
Oooh, I can’t wait to catch up with that couple where the hot wife takes the black pick-up away from her husband!
There’s no better evidence that the insurance industry needs to be reined the fuck in if not just eliminated completely in favor of something else than weekends in the fall.
WSJ’s editorial board has announced that its operation will not give into the pressure of cancel culture. They also refuse to bend in the face of compassion, conscience, or humanity, as has long been their policy.
Did they ironically fire someone who complained about the policy?
I would’ve expected it to be unironic.
power moves only by the LA Teachers Union
Seems legit….
https://twitter.com/machineiv/status/1283453305943805952
Fuck yeah
They really need to change “Defund the Police” to something else. The GOP can twist that to scare voters.
We can’t let Trump get a 2nd term.
Possible alternatives: abolish, banish, prosecute, rend asunder
EDIT: I am amenable to “prosecute”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmZSkWBJwBU
Invincible? Like Mark Wahlberg?
No, like the Lassie show.
If Mark Wahlberg and a moose had been on those jets, the terrorists never would have won.
If the Wahlbergs were like Lassie then after the first few died and were replaced with lookalikes, maybe we’d get one that wasn’t a complete fucking asshole.
Pfft. They’re all from Mass. Worse, from Dorchester. They’d have to relocate geographically to Des Moines or someplace similar.
Don’t be a bitch; they got Lassies from different kennels.
“Trust us Moose, as far as we’re concerned, you don’t want to go down that well.”
-Multiple Lassies
Do you have any change?
“Not as much as I’d promised.”
-Obama
“We’ll change THAT.”
-D.T.
The problem is that the American attention span doesn’t allow for “defund the police doesn’t mean abolish it just means shifting funds in such a way that instead of giving the police money to maintain themselves as a paramilitary organization we give it to education, mental health, family services, and the like, allowing those groups to do the jobs that we otherwise dump on an overwhelmed and ill-trained police, while allowing the police to do what they do best, which is harass kids for underage drinking, writing speeding tickets, and otherwise scratching their balls until they collect and almost entirely undeserved pension at 45. Oh, and ‘defund’ also definitely means that their pensions are ebing swapped out for a 401K, like every other person in America.”
On the flip side, when you remodel your house you don’t say “destroy the house”. Destroying is technically what you are doing, but that’s so it can be rebuilt into something else.
Same here, you are reducing the funds, which is considered a form of defunding. However, defunding could mean “completely remove funds”, which Trump/GOP can use to support his scare tactics.
Remember, these idiots feel for Trump bullshit once before. They can do it again. Never underestimate stupidity.
I have absolutely no faith in the America electorate. If the economy has rebounded and Covid has been reined in by November I’m afraid Trump has a good chance of getting another four years despite spending the last four years showing that he’s completely unfit for office.
If the economy is still tits up and Covid has come around for a second wave the Trump will be out on his ample ass, despite Biden having spent the last 40 years demonstrating that he’s absolutely the wrong man for the job.
I could go on, but what’s the point? Biden’s a shit candidate but Trump’s a psychopathic racist. I’ll vote for Biden, hope Trump shits all over himself and the election enough to give the Dems the Senate so that Ginsburg can take a fucking hint and resign, then hope that Biden resigns for “health reasons” in his first term and whatever younger, female, African-America VP he has can get a running start at fixing shit before 2024.
Or I’ll just move to Norway; Dad’s been fucking around on Ancestry and it turns out we’re partially Norwegian.
Rosicrucians—some mind-over-matter guys, right? I called them to come over do a welding job, they never showed up.
“You’re getting worked up again, honey. Just, shhhh. [pats bed] Just lie down and try to go to sleep.”
-Captcha
My paternal grandparents were Irish born, I can get citizenship. And I might.
It’s noteworthy that there were some polls out there showing public support for “Defund” being over 30%, and by this point, most people have forgotten about the conversation outside of “Did Biden say defund? I don’t think he did. Boy, things sure are stupid.”
It’s so great that UC Berkeley gave this fucking war criminal tenure instead of a million kicks to the ballbag until he landed in the San Francisco Bay.
https://newrepublic.com/article/158589/john-yoo-twisted-path-trumpism
This Dodgers’ pitcher’s haircut is clearly a ginger’s homage to Oscar Gamble
and I am all about it!
HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU MISS THE FIRST PITCH OF THE SEASON, ESPN?!?!?!
“Oh, trust me, it’s pretty easy.”
Angel Hernandez
But, but, but, they’ve got 45 segments on NBA reopening news! Don’t you want you to know what the New Orleans Pelicans’ backups are planning on dealing with life the bubble?!
The same way the rest will: instagram thots and prostitutes
It wasn’t LeBron?
The best Mookie was Blaylock. Change my mind.
You are 1000% correct
You don’t follow instructions very well, balls.
“You don’t follow instructions very well, balls.”
Me, in between frantic apologies to another disappointed young woman.
The best Mookie was is and always will be Wilson.
Let’s see if I’m allowed back in tonight
Captcha likes me! it really likes me!
The rest of us remain undecided.
I thought Captcha was the name of his wife…
If only it were “undecided”
I thought there were rules about posting porn here
found a funny:
yeah, we r a non-traditional family. instead of naming our dog, we let him name us. I’m Woof, this is my husband Woof, & these r Woof & Woof
One of those damn kids should have been named Yip.
Bill & Ted Face the Music’s new trailer is out. The graphics are very good, but it still doesn’t explain how the end of Bogus Journey plays out. It does involve their kids, so it looks like it’ll be a bunch of callbacks with a father-daughter adventure thing. Hopefully it’ll be more like Excellent Adventure which was fun moving from one thing to the next instead of Bogus Journey which was dark and at times plodding. It’ll probably be one of those “Not Good…But It Meant Well” movies.
Either way, good for Keanu Reeves for doing this because he doesn’t have to do it, but it looks like he’s actually trying instead of phoning it in, even though his voice is too deep to play Ted. It would be like watching Will Smith play “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” Will Smith. Its too jarring and he’s moved on too far from the role.
And good for Alex Winter for doing this because per his IMDb page, it looks like he really needs a job.
And I guess good for Keanu for doing something like this to help out Alex. Kinda like when Townshend and Daltrey kept touring to float Entwistle’s lifestyle and lack of financial sense.
Are we ever going to say that we don’t want more Keanu Reeves?
Can I get his voice to be Alexa’s voice? Or that lady in my Lexus that always says “Pardon?”
YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY WHORE MOUTH!!1!1!
Will Smith could be Uncle Phil in the Fresh Prince reboot
Wifey’s in the mood, even said she’ll put on some goddess jewelry. The girls, however, remain a perpetual cockblock.
Kids are the worst. Herod needs a revisionist historian.
They’re never too young for a couple of shots of bourbon in their sippy cups.
I think my parents subscribed to the same newsletter.
So on MLB’s opening day we have:
1) Clayton Kershaw going on the IL and missing the opener
2) Faruci making a farcical first pitch only bested by 50 cent
3) Juan Soto testing positive for covid19 and out for at least a week
4) A rain delay to the first game
And there’s still another game! Take a bow Manfred!
Kershaw was fined $500 for that car commercial because per the manager, “IT NOT [his] [expletive] JOB TO PLAY DEFENSE!!!!”
Authorities mistakenly put out an Amber alert for Ben Shapiro not realizing he was a thirty-something scumfuck
I knew this detachable penis had a downside.
Ah; your Siamese twin brother Richard lives in Las Vegas!
I just keep wondering how he got it out of the store? Like prison contraband or just down the leg of his shorts. And if the latter, just how many dates he got walking down the street.
JNCOs are back, baby
Alex Trebek’s 80th birthday today, here he is looking super suave while vacationing in Jamaica back in the 1970s
photo of him back when he was working as a CBC radio presenter in 1970.
He’s got a Weekend at Bernie’s vibe here, but I’d still hit it.
“I musht be dreaming.”
If there are Ice Cream Trucks that go to subdivisions for the kids, why can’t there be a Beer Truck that does the same thing for adults?
Well, you have to order ahead like takeout, but just seeing their home delivery truck Pavlov’d me.
https://applejack.com/
Day 24 with no alcohol. I look forward to the arrival of the Beer Truck.
How are you feeling? Better?
I’ve definitely felt better the past couple weeks, yes, thank you for asking, Moose
Good!
Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to mess with you. Keep it up and enjoy a nice root beer float.
Not at all, Redshirt, I’m enjoying my beer and liquor vicariously through all you good people.
Jeez, you must be vicariously twelve sheets to the wind.
I dont think but you could ghghghssshhh HEY FUCK YOU I’m not as hngjkyhgz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
…and cue the lightning! That’s 2020!
Rain of fire, blood or frogs?
I think my copy was of an earlier printing. I like the one you posted better though.
And it still ties in with everything 2020, which was the intent.
Also: look at the difference in cover price.
“Something wicked this way comes” is also how I announce to my wife that our coitus is nearly complete.
She’s leaving me for a mute.
Lie! You can only get to “So….. “
Expanded playoff format seems…interesting ?
Dude nails the essence of shop-lifting, no question about it.
“Cleveland Indians to meet with Native Americans to talk about concerns with name.”
Anyone got a map or an atlas, because I can clear up their confusion in about a minute?
Hopefully the front office negotiators will have some gifts, like blankets or other trinkets to present to the tribes.
I have some reservations about how this is going to work.
Should work out well, especially if they hold the meeting in Montana.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Bighorn_Battlefield_National_Monument
Can we get A-hole’s mic cut off?
Why stop there?
It’s early in the season?
ESPN: “That’s his 10th strikeout, but he’s given up four runs and an homerun.”
Me: “Than maybe he should layoff the fastballs and try throwing some sliders and curveballs to substitute some of those strikeout and runs with putouts.”
That didn’t take long…
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EdoFIGWUcAoEahM?format=png&name=900×900
Nice.
LOL
Jesus Christ, Angel Hernandez is in midseason form, that strike 3 to Gardy was what, 8 inches outside?
Worst thing right now: Angel Hernandez’s horrid strike zone judgment or you using “Gardy”?
I claim Dirt Giants fan privilege!
Clam Beach Giants.
That name is an insult to all the pop warner teams in D.C. that could beat the REDACTEDS
Pitchers can use a “League Sanctioned Wet Rag” on the mound, only question is, how did they know where I hide it?
Same baseball talking guy now says that the best pitchers are stubborn, arrogant assholes who give up a lot of home runs. Makes sense!
Seems legit.
Balls of Chaos are, as befits the St. Kilda Saints of the Marble League, in 10th place.
Team Momo making a comeback!
That was pretty amazing on that photo finish!
Oh, I thought he was talking porn.
Meanwhile, the Oceanics in another water event.
Baseball talking guy is not a fan of taking a knee… while catching, for some reason.
I thought ESPN fired Shilling into the sun
What could the sun have done to deserve that?
Pretty soon they’re gonna have to remove the “Washington” part of the name, too, because of George’s poor dental hygiene, and then “District of Columbia” will be changed because the concept of separating things into districts is considered discriminatory.
I’ve been unleashed at work.
FEAR ME!
More?
Hey! A special FUCK YOU to ESPN and all it’s shareholding scumfucks for making viewing the major league opener, at a time when they should be BEGGING for viewers, virtually IMPOSSIBLE to watch or listen to for SLING customers. Really solid work. Goodbye.
The worldwide leader in crap
. . . and all it’s shareholding scumfucks . . .
Which is everybody
Considering it’s Disney, yes.
God damn it really? I have Sling and I was just driving home to check in on opening day.
I might have to finally dump Sling. Still it’s not as bad as me forgetting to turn off auto renew for DAZN.
Isn’t Sling the one with the ads with Offernan and that lady from Will & Grace as the creepy wife swapping couple? Those ads always skeeved me out.
Yeah, I like them too.
Anyway, how was you Thursday?
Unfortunately, it was fried-chicken-less.
Well, my phone just became 5% Moose. Diversity!
/will have sent JFC to my cousin by next week
I remember being absolutely mortified watching this scene on the video for the first time, with my 60+ y.o. parents. Dad, not a big problem, he’s always been a crude fucker. But MOM? That was a bit embarrassing.
Oh, that’s how you keep your tris so toned Mom.
That’s surprising that stop motion dolls would get her that hot.
Now that you mention it, she did seem a bit agitated when I was a kid and she watched Thunderbirds over my shoulder.
“Washington…FUCK THEM! Comin’ to lose the motherfuckin’ game yeah!”
HA HA, fuck you, ya giant orange colostomy bag!
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/07/in-defiance-of-trump-every-player-took-a-knee-at-mlb-return/
Excellent.
Even Kurt Suzuki?
They just flip down the kickstand.
Just remember….
…this one time…
…Porky got it more or less correct.
On Tonight’s … entertainment?:?
I figured they would just go nameless for a stretch. Its funneh though that using the word “Team” instead of “Club” as a descriptor instantly makes the act more cheap and generic. But, it is Washington Football in a nutshell I guess.
Washington Football Team is still a better name than Houston Texans. Of course, the latter isn’t an actual team, so…
Houston Texans? Is that something you created on Madden? Quit being weird…
Google results vary, but there are apparently 22-30 cities named Washington around the USA. Maybe they’re trying to broaden their fanbase as well as satisfy popular opinion.
Tony Fauci, keeps it clean in the laboratory, but gets filthy on the mound.
–
“STEEEEEERIKE!!”
-NYY owned ump.
I wouldn’t say Angel Hernandez is a NYY-owned up, but I would say that he called it a strike. And probably did, considering he’s the ump behind the plate.
Still better than 50 cent
Meh, he’s almost 80. Plus, science geek.
Thieved this from someone’s twitter comment that was posted elsewhere on a website of dissent.
Dr. Fauci has devoted his every waking hour to preventing people from catching something, and he’s not about to break character for you assholes.
Well, Washington’s new name sort of makes sense. The previous one insulted all Native Americans by calling them all a racist slur. The new one insults all football players by implying they play for Washington.
I think it insults other players by implying Washington plays as a team. But I suppose “Washington Collection of Bad Draft Picks and Contracts” doesn’t look too good stenciled on a heather gray t-shirt.
I’d wear that shirt, tho