Yes, I know it’s Tuesday and Eventual Balls Thoughts usually posts on Mondays. Well, the 33 games in 20 days thing that the AFL is doing has made it so the AFL Beat publishes on odd days. Thus, today would not be an AFL-Beat day so I decided to publish today instead of yesterday.

Besides, Blax had a great Jalen post all ready to publish, so we ran his yesterday. I friggen LOVE those pieces! If only sports people actually spoke like that…

***

The Week in DFO

Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

***

found a funny:

[Airport terminal]

*waits at baggage claim area*

*an entire roast pig emerges on the carousel*

*I check the tag to make sure it’s mine*

rockindog

***

***

Sunday Gravy is my church.

monty this seems strange to me

Eating Asian wings is the closest to Christ any Evangelical will ever get.

blaxabbath

***

The National Anthem Live From Some Dude’s Bathroom

Gratliff

***

***

What do you think Snowden is up to nowadays?

Doktor Zymm

Looking at Tik Tok videos

Moose

***

***

Thanks to Balls posting that Lost in Translation clip below, I’ve been on a Roxy Music binge. And is Slave to Love better than anything Roxy Music did? Hard to say. Bryan Ferry was a chameleon musically and it’s tough to compare early RM with his solo “suave fuck” career. Either way, I kinda wanna dance wordlessly with a slim Euro girl, who will then leave without a word. Because I’m a bad dancer. But I will smoke a cigarette artfully on the balcony and have a second chance with a sloppy drunk Belgian chick. Does anyone know whether 80s Flemish chicks wore deodorant? Need this to be a proper flashback, even if it never happened.

SonOfSpam

***

Rangers Coach: “TIMEOUT! TIMEOUT! Okay boys, gather round. We suck, anybody got any ideas?”

Players: [look at each other]

Captain: “Play…better?”

Coach: “Atta boy! Okay guys, PLAY BETTER!”

Players: “Woo! You got it, coach!”

scotchnaut

Narrator’s Voice: “They did not play better.”

LemonJello

/post-game presser

Coach: [exasperated tone] “I told them to play better, and they agreed. But then they didn’t!?”

scotchnaut

***

Before I went on a date with my now GF. I was texting with her and on a separate text with my buddy from college. They both have a name that starts with JE… Well i was about to cook dinner and at the time I heard that letting your steak get up to room temperature was a good thing. So I received a txt saying”SO What are you doing” Thinking it was my buddy I responded:

“Letting my meat hangout while I take a walk”

she laughed i laughed and still together 7 yrs later

Duchess

***

I just accidently typed in a text to my mother that I was working on the BBW instead of BBQ. I am glad that one just sailed on over her head.

Litre_cola

Theoretically, the latter would also help with the former

Gratliff

Looks like we’ve found Andy Reid’s account.

herodotus450

***

So now a lot DFO’ers have these cool tags after their board names like ADMIN or EDITOR or AUTHOR. Feeling a little left out here. Can the rest of us have, like, PARTICIPANT or NOT CONVICTED or something like that?

Viva La Tabula Raza

We could call you all “hobo”, but then Scotchy’s going to need a leave of absence.

Beerguyrob

VAGRANT

SonOfSpam

HUMBLE AND HAS A BIG DICK

herodotus450

TOKEN CONSERVATIVE or VIRGIN

Redshirt

redundant

SonOfSpam

***

***

Who wants to be right?

BFC

***

***

I’m gonna have more used Fleshlights than the USC Young Republicans Club.

SonOfSpam

But all of theirs look like sphincters.

ArmedandHammered

A Tradition Like No Other…passed down from father to son.

LemonJello

“You wanna join our fraternity Chad?”

Chad holds up burlap sphincter Fleshlight

“Oh, Chad’s a legacy. Welcome, brother!”

Everyone slaps Chad on the ass, hard

SonOfSpam

Log Cabin republicans use a horse hair Fleshlight.

Moose

***

***

Posting from gfycat now that they default to video files is iffy. Iffycat, if you will.

Gratliff

“WHAT’S NEW IFFYCAT? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.”

– Tom Jones

scotchnaut

***

***

Allie/Bunny, Brandi’s tag partner in the Nightmare Sisters.

Is her finishing move “The Motorboat”?

LemonJello

No need to wake me up from that nightmare!

Dunstan

***

The 3.8” Grey Cup is what you get on a really cold evening in the Favre house

Unsurprised

It’s the Grey cup, so metric, so 3.8 cm

Game Time Decision

***

I have enjoyed watching golf without the crowds. No more screams of “Get in the hole!” or the other idiocy. Plus you can hear the players talking to their caddies and between themselves, adds a bit more fun to watching.

ArmedandHammered

“No more screams of “Get in the hole!””

Yeah, that’s why I quit going to sex clubs, too.

Dunstan

***

***

I’ll await Fronkenshteen’s response…

Viva La Tabula Raza

***

I got $400 and an appointment book says it can.

Horatio

***

Better that scotch is your friend than Scotchy is your hunter.

Beerguyrob

***

Saint Anthony had a huge cock.”

Moose

Please, Moose. You don’t have to call me Saint.

Redshirt

***

***

I’m good with the anise stuff; my “can’t deal with this” thing is blue cheese. Almost feels like an allergy.

“I’m also good with the anise stuff!”

-BallsOfSteel

SonOfSpam

***

Just got my daughter hooked on ‘Justified’ and now everything I’ve done as a parent is irrelevant, because I am a success.

Horatio

***

***

I may be just channeling the spirit of Seamus but I’m quite sure that a 20-something cashier at the beer store likes me.

scotchnaut

What’s his name?

herodotus450

Names? We don’t need no stinking names!

scotchnaut

We’ll call him Chad… Hung Chad.

Moose

***

Watermelon, red onion, lime juice. fresh mozzarella, and Tajin is a freaking delicious summer salad

Doktor Zymm

***

***

Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:

and, just because I like to watch the world burn, let’s make it two:

***

Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!