Your “Analogies Are Garbage Polemics” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The dismantling of the Coughlin-era Jags continues apace as they waived running back Leonard Fournette.
    • Because they couldn’t find any worthwhile trade offers.
    • There is also the matter of his union grievance against the team which would affect his status.
      • The Jags (i.e.- old man Coughlin) voided his remaining guaranteed money in 2018 due to a suspension for fighting with the Bills Shaq Lawson & failure to practice upon return.
        • If he wins the grievance, he gets $4.2 million from the Jaguars & is able to earn a full salary with his new team.
        • If he loses, the Jags not only save the money but get it back against the cap.
  • The Jags dealt with another problem on Sunday, as they traded disgruntled pass rusher Yannick Ngakoue to the Vikings for a 2021 second-round & conditional fifth-round pick.
    • To make the deal happen, Ngakoue agreed to a near-$6 million pay cut – from the $17.8 million the Jags were to pay him down to $12 million from the Vikings.
      • He also agreed to a codicil that would allow him to be franchise tagged by the Vikings after the season.
        • Something he railed against when the Jags did it to him
      • THAT’S how badly he wanted out of Duval.
    • The conditional pick could rise to a third- if the Vikings win the Super Bowl & Ngakoue is a first ballot Pro Bowl selection.
  • It just keeps getting better for Earl Thomas, as the Chargers announced they are taking a pass on him, in case anyone asked.
    • It only came up because Safety Derwin James is expected to possibly miss the season opener with a tweaked knee.
    • “[Y]ou guys are constantly telling me how stacked my secondary is, [so] why the hell would I be looking anywhere else?” head coach Anthony Lynn said.
YOU LOOK WHERE I TELL YOU!!!

Last night, there was some discussion about the insultingness of a leftist voting cartoon:

Now, I am one to pass judgement on such things, because America elected Trump, and as a non-American it is our responsibility to continually remind you of the mistake 48% of your brethren made but you all have to live with. Still, this comic is a weak attempt to talk about the divisiveness of the American Left, because it fails to incorporate the following stereotypes:

  • The raft was environmentally unsound because it was made out of petroleum products.
  • One of the people should have had a latex allergy.
  • Nobody identified as a vegan.
  • Judging by the haircuts, it appears they are four lesbians. That’s hardly representative of the boating public as a whole, let alone the American Left.

5/10 – did the bare minimum; could do better.

Plus, it’s shoddy plagiarism. The whole thing is just a poorly thought out version of “The Drowning Man” analogy.

Which, naturally, has been updated for the modern era as well.

What’s old is frustratingly new again. And, not particularly good.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Bruins vs. Lightning – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
      • Game 5 – Tampa leads 3-1
    • Stars vs. Avalanche – 9:45PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
      • Game 5 – Stars lead 3-1
  • NBA:
    • Heats vs. Bucks – 6:30PM | TNT / TSN
    • Rockets vs. Thunder – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Cardinals at Reds – 6:40PM | ESPN
    • Padres at Rockies – 9:40PM | ESPN
  • Tennis:
    • U.S. Open Tennis – 7:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Holy crap – we are ten days away from actual football. Possibly.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tough crowd.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

strange flex for a gender reveal party, but whatev’s

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Are you sure? They are n EGGS.

WCS

I’m starting to think our cat, Kosmo, is on his way out. He’s 15, chewed off a tumor on his shoulder, and now has problems walking up stairs.
Anyone tried CBD with their pets? I just want this jagoff to be as comfortable as possible.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry man. That sucks.

Gumbygirl

Get him some. Couldn’t hurt.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve heard it’s fine if they like it.

JerBear50

Due, try the cbd. My buddy was about to put his dog down. She was having seizures, pissing all over, and barely moved. He tried cbd as a last resort and the fucking dog is better than she was before, and she’s an old ass dog.

Last edited 4 years ago by JerBear50
Col. Duke LaCross

This documentary is off the fucking chain!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9TACAdTiCc

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

Unemployment office claims I will be paid this week. If it happens, then thousands of lives will be spared.

In other news, saw our douche of an art director in the grocery store today. I jammed a watermelon over his head, kicked his knee into shreds, and shoved two live lobsters down his pants.

Naw. Kidding. I avoided that pin dicked fucker like he was carrying the plague.

Fuck him. He doesn’t rank high enough to garner an audience with me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He probably is carrying the plague.

Gumbygirl

The vice president and the CFO of the company that moved Gumby and me to California from Montana and then fired him 2 months later themselves were fired a few days ago. Karma, bitches!

WCS

I haven’t seen something from Dallas get this obliterated since November 1963.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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In Dallas. (I know, joke doesn’t work for the pedantic)

Last edited 4 years ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’re watching Silence of the Lambs, I forgot about the semeny beginning

rockingdog

wooo
Padres up 5-0 against da rockies

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

FFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Are you calling it “Being arrested by the NKVD”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because you are done, you see.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Арест НКВД
Mr. Ayo

Good night Boston!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

LOL

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Tongue kissing?”

-Someone in the Pascagoula Perish

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

One good thing about this Boston goaltender is that all his juicy, meaty rebounds are certified Halak.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…..juicy, meaty…

TheRevanchist

Question for all of you: Brady as a backup in a 10 team league, or as a starter? He has Gronk. He has Evans. Godwin. I’m on the fence with his value.

rockingdog

starter

Mr. Ayo

I can’t imagine a worse fate than watching the NFL season and having to root for Brady to be successful.

TheRevanchist

I’ve never hated him. The only QBs I hate are Rivers and Mayfield. I’d love to kick either one of them in balls for the lulz.

Gumbygirl

I hate Rapey Ben, and he plays for my team.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also hated by me, slightly more than Trump loving, cheating Brady.

*Cheating hate is less than the hubris of ‘I ain’t care’ about his cheating.

Sharkbait

You get used to it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

This TB-BOS game I call it the Vietnam War because the number of Tampa sticks illegally broken by Boston could fill up a giant black granite wall in Washington DC

herodotus450

“Hello and thank you for calling the joke outrage hotline; your call is important to us and may be recorded for training or blackmail purposes. If the reason you are calling is because the joke is ‘too soon,’ press 1. If the reason you are calling is because the joke was too reliant on unnecessary historical references, press 2. If the reason you are calling is because the joke is not funny, press 3.”

herodotus450

(presses 2)
“Hello, thank you for pressing 2. Please hold while we provide a retort to reconcile your issue.”
(Sheb Woodley’s greatest hits start playing)
“Thank you for holding. Please stay on the line for your requested joke.”
Gah, who let Dennis Miller into the house again!?
(Click)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Perhaps the use of Agent Orange chemicals in the joke would have made for more lasting physical effects.

Last edited 4 years ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

found a funny:

me: oh, you must be mistaken

liam neeson’s wife: please, call me susan

rockingdog

um that Nuggets-Jazz series has been wild

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Crazy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Loony.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wacky.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Zany.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Kooky.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Madcap.

rockingdog

horray NFL football (hopefully)
got a rocking Fantasy football draft 2nite!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, it’s the Spitfire!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you meant the other show.

herodotus450

Not sure if the NHL crowd noise is pumped into the arena or just added to the broadcast audio, but either way it’s been pretty bland and boring and lame. Needs more “you suck, hosers!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was not expecting to see the Houston Rockets have five points in the first five minutes of the game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

I never make analogies because they make an “anal” out of “og” Dr. Dre and “i”… “es.”

Redshirt

Funny, true, related story:

I had a speech impediment as a kid, and I had to learn how to correctly pronounce words. As a result, some words I would pronounce slightly off: “author” become “Arthur”. “success” became “sex-ses”.

And…sadly, as I confidently said to a very understanding 7th grade Language Arts class, “analogies” became “anal-o-gee-eyes”, with an inflection on the “anal”.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m so proud…. snif.

Redshirt

Family dragged me downstairs to watch a documentary on the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry. That’s a nice reminder that a rivalry that’s been playing for 102 consecutive years is going to end because Trump was too shitty to tell people to wear a mask.

That’s the commercial that Biden should air in Ohio and Michigan. “Across the Field” and “The Victors” playing to shots of Ohio State-Michigan about to pickoff than the film and music suddenly stops with a “Daisy”-esque doomsday voiceover saying “Trump’s leadership in the COVID-19 Pandemic cost you The Game this year.”

I voted for Trump in 2016 and this China Virus isn’t Trump’s fault and its God’s will who lives or… we don’t get to kick Michigan’s ass this year?! Go Biden!

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Fargo s1 was really good, but more than anything, I loved Bob Oedenkirk playing a Mr. Show version of a dipshit sheriff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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It’s fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Do they offer that in grown-up size?

WCS

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Don T

The neighbors would pitch in fo sho’

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

Betty and Veronica kept fighting over Archie even after he turned to a life a crime? Dude must have a 10-inch personality.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s got money now, and since he’s moving into “white collar” crime now, he will never go to jail.

Don T

Oof. Shoe beats hair pull 100%. Poor Veronica.

Fronkenshteen

i just reactivated my stupid ESPN Fantasy League. I didn’t see an option to email the guys who played last year. Did anyone get an invite? I’m thinking they might’ve been sent automatically. The league name is Door Flies Open, and it’s the league with no mandatory TE slot, a linebacker slot, a short bench (4 + an IR), and a slot for the worst head coach you can find each week. No entry fee. Winner gets 100 skinoots $US. Draft’ll be Sunday 6 September @ 9:00 EST. Good luck!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Yes.I got the invite

Spur

Yes got an invite. If the season cancels early, highest point total wins?

Last edited 4 years ago by Spur
Spur

Also I see a protest game for week 2. NBA and NFL join for a work stoppage.

herodotus450

Now, time to spend more time coming up with a crappy team name than researching players and rosters and such.

Game Time Decision

Woooohooo my crazy league is back

Fronkenshteen

Cool! I’ll see how many people sign back up. Last year we had 14. And highest points sounds like a good way to pick a short-season winner, but I’m open to suggestions.

litre_cola

I just went on and it looks like it just autorenewed me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Autoscrewed.

Don T

Lefty memes done right
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Don T

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dodge Ram is getting radical.

Don T

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Todd Frazier is going to the Mets? Now I gotta start rooting for the Mets this year.

I’m already a Bengals fan by choice. Don’t I suffer enough?!

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Dear Rob:

? . Can you imagine social media without specious analogies?
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Redshirt

I thought that was a World Without Republicans.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“I’d like to buy the world an eight ball of Coke.”

TheRevanchist

Word on the street is that Brock Lesnar is out of the WWE and signing with AEW for about 10 million. His contract elapsed during negotiations.

Redshirt

BWHAHAHAHA! He will get booed out of the arena when they return to live crowds.

TheRevanchist

He’s always had Heyman as his voice, because he just isn’t that interesting. So him going away from WWE is going to be interesting on many levels.

Redshirt

He was good his first year, even on the mic (he wasn’t the best but he was underrated). After he botched that Shooting Star Press at WrestleMania 19 and nearly broke his neck, he wasn’t the same. He wasn’t hurt, but he saw he could’ve been and started looking for the door.

He only came back for a paycheck. When he cares and tries, he’s amazing. The other 95% of the time, he’s just going through the motions, doing the same moves over and over again and leaving.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Put the lid on the Cheeto Balls.

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Redshirt

Raft comic: …or another moral could be “Only those who want to help will help themselves and others. Only those who want to complain will complain.”

Drowning comic (my favorite religious joke by the way):
Religious Person goes to Heaven
Religious Person: “God. I believed in You. I prayed to You. Why didn’t You help me?!”
God: “I sent you a canoe, a speedboat, a rescue helicopter and my 5th Grade Science teacher. What in My Name are you doing here?!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

On the other one; there is the part of the party that will ride the raft to destruction because their fucking unicorn candidate lost (“was cheated!!”) out of a nomination. These people are such bitter assholes that because they didn’t get it exactly their way they will spite not vote/ vote for the commie/ green/ libertarian ballot waster, and completely betray the big picture and the country. The other thing is they tend to ignore local/ state/ regional elections which is why we have people teaching “intelligent” fucking design and the like in our schools. Another thing they do is refuse to accept the reality when someone gets into office and they are not able to get every single fucking progressive ideal on their shopping list passed without a single compromise, and will bitch about them being “rightwing!” when all they did was get as much accomplished as they could in context of the current political climate while they were in office. Republicans have these issues, but to a much lessor degree, I mean most of them are with D fucking Trump for shit’s sake. Fucking people.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That and the cartoon has nothing to do with the ‘god will save me’ ideas, totally different. I am surprised people can’t see that.

scotchnaut

As folks that make snarky comments, we truly don’t deserve the coaching stylings of Adam Gase. He advocated for Kalen “1.8 ypc” Ballage who then promptly failed his physical.

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/kalen-ballage-reportedly-fails-physical-reverts-to-dolphins-after-failed-trade-likely-to-be-released/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Holy crap – we are ten days away from actual football. Possibly.

And probably 30 or 40 days from the whole thing shutting down due to Rona.

scotchnaut

“The NFL will find a way to play the season.”

-the good folks at Coke, Nike, Anheuser-Busch, Procter and Gamble, the Armed Forces, Ford, McDonald’s, Geico, etc., etc.,

Game Time Decision

Tho Nike and FedEx did get the retracteds to change their name, so there is hope

-voice over guy: they won’t

ballsofsteelandfury

Quick programming note:

The Tour De France has started and is EXCELLENT working from home viewing. Coverage begins each morning on NBCSN at 7 AM Pacific.

scotchnaut

I wasn’t much into it until I chatted with someone who knew what was going on: strategizing and so forth… It’s really good stuff.

litre_cola

There is a doco on Canadian Netflix about a team through the year. Its great.

Game Time Decision

Whats the name? I don’t see anything like that

litre_cola

The Least Expected Day. Story of the Movistar team.

Game Time Decision

Thanks man

Game Time Decision

Love me some Tour. Not sure why

scotchnaut

“They’ve got legs-and they know how to use them?”

-ZZ Top

Dunstan

I haven’t watched it in years, but I hear that once you’ve learned how, you never forget.

ballsofsteelandfury

I just keep waiting for the announcement that the NFL season is cancelled because of COVID. I’m guessing that won’t happen until they start traveling. Training camp is like a bubble, so exposure is minimized.

I’m guessing a lot of guys have their favorite chicken wing places in different cities they want to visit…

litre_cola

Variety is the spice of life.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Plus, guys gotta get busy with the groupies.comment image?w=375&fit=max&auto=format%2Ccompress&cs=srgb&q=70&dpr=2

Gumbygirl

Classy babe. Her parents must be proud.

scotchnaut

“Uh, why is there a fresh notch on your bedpost?”

-Edelman

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“That’s not a notch……”

TheRevanchist

She’s marriage material on my rating scale. Which may be tainted. With various forms of VD.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“STD… The Racer’s Edge”comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

I fucking love that story. Wasn’t her BF a massive Jagr fan too?

WCS

Now they’re Eskimo brothers!

Don T

Where’s the “Get on my level, bitches!” burn? Man, WiFi is wasted on some folks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She has the wrong look on her face; obviously there was no hard pounding anal.

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