Welcome back! Let’s get Week 2 off to a slambang start! [looks at teams playing] Eh, you know, gut reaction tells me this tilt should be buried among a heavy slate of games on a Sunday afternoon but there’s enough here to slake my football thirst.
TO THE GAME!
Bengals/Browns:
-I said last week that the Browns should score a bunch but they ran head-first into a high quality opponent in the Ravens and were dominated on both sides of the ball. I get it, but the game-watcher in me says, “there’s so much freakin talent on this team“. I mean, they’ll put it together. Or is the goose* of Freddie Kitchens waddling the hallways of their practice facility?
-This thorough ineptitude has led to speculation, some warranted, some not. Chucklefarts at ESPN have said that Baker might get benched. For Case Keenum? After two games? (if he doesn’t play well tonight) C’mon, that’s tantamount to giving up on the season, isn’t it? The rumour that might have some legitimacy is OBJ being shopped around. He’s not shy about shooting his mouth off/throwing bizarre tantrums and who knows what’s happening in the locker room?
-Three starters on the Browns O-line are banged up as well and two cb’s are done for. On the Cincy side, Geno Atkins and his backup are out tonight. There might be some early, sloppy play to start the game.
-Burrow was a respectable (given the circumstances) 23/36 and ran one in. I heard a nay-sayer cluck that he missed on all 5 of the deep balls he threw which is ‘not a good sign’. If memory serves, two of those balls went through the pinkies of John Brown, one being a sure td. It looks as though A.J. Green is all the way back so that’s nice-he and Boyd and Mixon should be able to do some damage.
-I guess Cleveland really needs this one, or their fans do, otherwise the refrains of ‘same old Browns’ will rain down on the heads of all that young talent. The Bengals? 0-2 is kinda expected right now so not a big deal. I’m cheering for chaos so GO CINCY!
Have at it in the comments.
*Kitchens tried to be a ghost and messed it up, as is his way.
Um Joe…you ain’t Lamar.
You gonna be a couple inches shorter if you keep taking power slams like that.
https://twitter.com/juandoval001/status/1305262866488991744
Holy shit.
interesting choice of footwear
Whelp brothers, and sisters, 99% sure the furlough is gonna go to a full on lay off.
It’s weird I was expecting it, but still bummed.
Anyway, getting blind drunk tomorrow night.
Shitty to hear dude. Please don’t get thrown in jail.
I’ll be drinking in my neighborhood, so it’s a safe place.
Besides, if you gonna get locked up, you wanna do prison, not jail.
Prison got programs, a library, and a yard. Jail fucking sucks.
Fingers crossed you’ll quickly find a new, awesome job.
That fucking sucks
I kind of feel used and abandoned, which is probably payback from my college days.
She should have bought the ‘extra medium’ jersey.
Pro ranked choice vote ad in MA
YES on 2!!
Ranked choice is the way, the truth, and the light.
It’s the way of the future! Hopefully we’re moving away from the 2 party system as a country
3 party plus fringe is pretty good too be honest.
be nice to make politicians have to build coalitions and actually TRY TO SOLVE PROBLEMS AGAIN.
at least my opponent has no #ThePauls in the lineup, and this means Burrow keeps throwing
That was solid, Browns doing a good!
Solid browns? Where?!
–OBJ
Oh please zoom in on OBJ pouting on the sideline because he didn’t get three passes that series to drop.
All nationally televised NFL games are streaming on yahoo.com if you change your mind.
That is a much better use of your time.
Fun fact: an abnormally large, and unexplained, percentage of first born children are left handed. WEERD.
NOT ME, right-handed like God and Jeebus ordained
There’s a reason that latin for “left” is sinistra.
I’m an only child, and while not fully ambidextrous I’m much better with my left hand than most right handed people are
I can do almost no “fine motor” lefty but I do have this awesome trick tennis shot where (if I can’t reach for a backhand) I flip the racquet into my left and stab at it.
It’s really de-motivating to the opponent when this goes in (about one time in three)
Nice! I tried playing tennis lefty a few times, it actually really helped my backhand since using my stronger arm as my off hand highlighted the role the second hand has in a two handed backhand. Can’t serve lefty at all though
I’m first/only. Left eye dominant, so I do all two-hand things like shooting pool, rifle, bow and arrow left handed. But everything else I do right handed. My mom is the oldest and is a lefty.
Fun Browns Fact: the orange color for the pants were selected as they help hide the staph infections.
True Thing That Means Nothing, Really-
I’m a firstborn child of a firstborn child of a firstborn of a firstborn child of a firstborn child.
I gotta check the family tree that my grandfather keeps to see how many generations of firstborns I go.
Now is the perfect time for OBJ to give up on a route and give up a pick six.
I have ML on the Burrowses tonight, can I cash in now?
I would have done, but my pretend moneys haven’t cleared yet. Sabado morn, though…
This is probably the only Orange Bowl we’re gonna get this year
BANNER THIS PLS
Our kicker was able to take three steps and kick. Progress.
3-0. Insurmountable lead.
I’m going to go drink in my garage and punch the drywall.
I wonder how much Subway had to pay Grumblelord to say that many words.
He was paid in Brazzers “MYLF” coupons.
I suspect it’s dubbed
Based on this series, I am no longer impressed by the Ravens performance last Sunday.
Apparently anyone can move the ball against the Browns.
Ah, Browns-Bengals. The “Herp meets Derp” Bowl.
The stoppable force meets the movable object
Let’s take a moment to appreciate those 6000 fans hoping their Browns.
If we made a #ThePauls t-shirt, how many would you buy??
Much like my online porn fetishes, I refuse to share my Browns fandom in public.
SEE FOLKS, this is how one PROPERLY SELF SHAMES.
He needs to keep on that read option. Walk into the end zone.
A stop on 3rd! A stop on 3rd!!!!
it’s NO FARE, your coach woulda punted
Righteous! Good on ya, OKC Bomber, Jr.
The Browns are better than a bye. They are going to make this kid look like a world beater.
A successful challenge. That is legit our Superbowl.
Let’s have another parade.
#FlagsFlyForever
a fight sure would be nifty
Refs in mid season form. Covid or not, it’s refreshing we still don’t know what a fucking catch is.
This is preseason week two right? This doesn’t count like last week?
CLE/CIN? I didn’t realize MACtion was back.
HAWT MACtion
tell your liver to MAN UP and stop its bitching smh
One foot, no knees. Can see how the ref was all confused there.
btw, this is the future of basketball because coaches are copycats. This dude (from my alma mater!) came up with a D that forces players to their left hand and then collapses on them. His name is Dave Smart and he retired with a 591-48 record. I’ve said it before-when I went there I think I would have survived the first round of cuts if I tried out. The program was that bad at the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6fjm4e5sUI&ab_channel=hoopvision68
This guy is going to cause a future we’re all ruled by cruel, left-handed overlords
That doesn’t seem so bad at all.
/is a lefty
One day we will have our righteous cleansing of the rightists.
I can’t believe I’m saying this but some of them are good people.
I like nipples. Does anyone else like nipples?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5ofIBw3uMM
Debating Laserface v. Burrow in fantasy. If only I could ask someboooodddday?
Can you really rely on Mud-Butt-Flows Rivers to deliver anything but a floater?
Go with the rook! Make tonight moar interessin.
SIGH. I am indeed leaning that way. Hey, I already have Beatie Mixon. Might as well wrap up my inevitable loss early.
You’re playing Burrow over Checkdown Charlie and you’re liking it big time.
Check the waiver wire.
He’s waivering already!
12-team League. Is where I got Laserface.
As told to Litre earlier, I have this week’s Rotowire’s #12 (Teddy Ballgame), 13 (Burrow), 14 (Laserface), and 16 (The Ben).
This can only possibly end poorly.
ouch
“ the Browns O-line are banged”
You fucking know it!
“Amateurs”
— Rex Grossman
It was 85 degrees yesterday. I just turned the heat on for the first time this season as we’re going into the 30’s tonight. Wonder if the planet is still under warranty.
This is fine.
Warranty voided by unauthorized modifications.
Didn’t realize John Deere acquired the Earth
Ask the farmers that aren’t allowed to work on their tractors about John Deere.
Oh yes, that’s very much what I was referencing. Still remember back in the late 90’s/early 2000’s when us nerds were screaming about how the implications of the DMCA could eventually lead to people not even being allowed to fix their own vehicles. We were all ignored as will happen, and lo and behold, here we are.
At least without fans, this can’t happen again:
“Ama-toors” (English accent)
If the Bengals second half o-line from Sunday shows up, Cincy wins in a shootout. If the Bengals first half o-line shows up, the Mistake by the Lake reigns supreme tonight.
Your 5 cent assessment of Burrow after all of one game?
Showed flashes of real potential but also showed that he’s a rookie quarterback making his first start with no preseason. Panicked for one drive in the fourth quarter but regrouped for the last Drive.
Unlike Dalton he’s not afraid to make tough throws.
I can’t help comparing him to Danny You Know Who. He’s accurate, smart, a student of the game, understands the importance of throwing the deep pass, willing/able to run when the pocket collapses… It’ll be interesting watching their respective career trajectories.
Wuerffel?
Gesundheit!
My cat (son Kruger) seems to like the “Lift Every Voice” song, so I guess he’s an Antifa Libtard Turrorist smgdh
I want to see the OBJ meltdown my sons and I were hoping to see during the Ravens game.
I mean, he may lose his shit…
There it is!
My opponent this week in the Freezer Vodka Garden Chilies Memorial Invitational League is GameTimeDecision. I’ve got a slight edge on him in projected points now because I just noticed that I wasn’t playing a defense.
I was so hungover/still drunk that I forgot to sub out Miles Sanders Sunday morning and Rev beat me by a small amount.
Throwing up in the backyard Sunday morning has been known to decrease one’s ability to strategize in fantasy football.
Yes but it was in the Rockies so the air was fresh, that and Mrs. Cola wasn’t there so it doesn’t count!
Booooooo
Where is Hippo? Football Manager is free on Epic Games and I need to know how to not Levy the virtual Spurs
Present!
How steep is the learning curve?
You catch on pretty fast. I got fired my first try (in Season One), took a lesser job (sucked there too)….then re-booted.
Buy younger players. Stay reasonably deep at both fullback slots (especially when in Europe). Don’t loan out as many people as your staff “recommends.”
Clear out your dressing room cunts.
Clean put my dressing room cunts huh?
What’s Portuguese for Pack your shit Jose?
It looks like they forgot to label that vertical line on the left with “Dwarf Fortress”
Free? Tell me more.
https://www.epicgames.com/store/en-US/free-games
I don’t know what it is with Michigan but it had the first case of a child under 12 dying of COVID, and now the first infant. Almost makes me wonder if there’s some slight mutation to it up here. Of course, the pressure to compel in-person school mounts by the day while things continue to reopen even though the numbers are getting worse. But hey. Big 10 football! (unending wanking motion) It’s not just how stupid things are, but also how consistent the stupidity is.
Must be something in the water.
The name of this slight mutation? The Schembechler Variant.
And you also have killer mosquitoes, as I read…
Equine encephalitis something or other that humans can catch from them. They’ve been spraying for them like crazy the last week or so. They also spotted dagger moth caterpillars a few miles from here. Send help.
There’s a couple of fruit flies at the bottom of my glass of scotch-guess it’s a ‘protein drink’ now.
I just mix up a big bowl of bleach and ammonia when I see a fly near my booze; works everytim!
I have eaten a lot of thc gummies for this game. I forgot that i took them the 1st time. This will be fun.
Earlier today, wifey took Lil’ WCS to preschool, and then went to run some errands. During my usual late morning/early afternoon poo break, I noticed Lil’er WCS suddenly went quiet. When I finished, I walked into the living room to see she got into can of Ovaltine. Chocolate powder EVERYWHERE.
Later, Lil’ WCS quite literally shit her pants, despite my continuous questions if she needed to go potty. I had to throw the underwear away.
And people ask why I drink so much.
Just hardest possible pass on this game. Gonna keep working through the last few months of NJPW in preparation for the G1 that starts on Saturday.
also thow da ball to AJ Green silly
found a funny:
oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog
I’m ready to watch the train wreck!