Where were we? Okay, Dead Johnny, a WW2 vet (though he is only 24 years old or so) and hobo, wears a red bandana for ‘good luck’ and as a reminder of his dead war buddy. He’s headed to New Goshen, Indiana for a meetup. Let’s let another character in our story introduce himself now…
I don’t think it was even three days after I graduated from high school that my daddy told me, “Son, you’re going to serve your country.” and that was that. He marched me over to the recruitment office and three days later I was on a bus headed to camp. My unit didn’t see much heavy action as we got over there kinda late. We thought of ourselves as “The Cleanup Crew”. We’d run into pockets of krauts that had either broken off from the main force, or were trying to find their way home, or were just plain lost. It was usually between 5-25 guys and we, being a much larger unit, would eventually surround them and start picking them off. Whether they holed up in a bunch of bushes or at a farmhouse it didn’t matter much. Just like shooting squirrels as far as I was concerned. I caught hell a few times for not letting some of them surrender but what the hell were we over here for anyway? And really, it wasn’t that much hell-after all, Sarge sent me right back out there and I did end up with about 30 or 35 kills and quite a few souvenirs.
When I got back home I said all my helloes, caught up with some buddies and got bored real quick. So I had mom wash and iron my uniform and I put it on and I marched right down to the sheriff’s office and asked for a job. Sheriff looked at me and asked, “Why should I hire you, young fella?”. I replied, “Well, I served my country and now I think I can serve my community. I can take orders, I can handle myself and if things get rough I know how to handle myself.” He smiled and said, “Well son, looks like you got yourself a job.” I guess it didn’t hurt that my daddy and the sheriff were in the same hunting party and had known each other for more than 25 years. Two years as a deputy in New Goshen does fly by though…
…Sheriff called a meeting for the end of the day and I was surprised to see some squad cars from a coupla nearby towns like Tecumseh and Shepherdsville. Something had to be up-he hardly ever asked for help from them guys. “Now boys, I want to thank you all for coming. We’ve got some tramps gathering together outsidea town and they don’t belong here”. Sheriff hated anyone that didn’t live here, hated anyone passing through-he called them ‘interlopers’. He went on, “We’ll set up back here around 9 when the sun begins to set and if you happen to own a pair of shitkickers, you might want to wear them.” Shitkickers were steel-toed boots, it was plain what we were meant to do. As we got up he looked at me, “Deputy, you may also want to bring Betty along for the ride.” ‘Betty’ was a baton but not your everyday one, no sir. I had her custom-made at the sawmill by my uncle-it was longer and thicker than the usual and made from Black Ash. I once heard a fella deputy laugh and say that I was compensating for something and I told him, “I’ll ‘compensate’ the back of your skull if you talk like that again”. That shut him up quick-I had a bit of a temper and he’d already seen what Betty could do when some black folk insisted on eating at the diner here in town one time.
It was a windless night, birds were quiet but the voices of the hobos carried. We could see the fire they had made and went directly there. Most scattered but I caught one that happened to trip on a log. I kicked him in the chest and heard him wheeze. I got a look at him as he struggled to his feet, backing away with his hands up in front of him-I was surprised, he wasn’t much older than me but from what I could see he had lived a hard life already. I grabbed Betty and swung for his face and hit his forearm. I heard a bone crack and he wailed, turned and ran. I followed him for a short distance until he stopped at the edge of an embankment, there was a stream down below. “Mr, I didn’t do anything”, he said, holding his shattered forearm with his other hand. “That’s not really the point”, I replied. I swung and hit his shoulder as he ducked but when he raised his head again I Dimaggioed him right in the temple. He was out before his body started tumbling down towards the water. He ended up face down in the stream and that’s where I left him.
As I made my way back towards my Packard I could tell that everything was ‘in hand’-I happened to look down and spotted a bright red bandana in the grass. I picked it up and marveled at the odds that I had seen it at all on this mostly starless night. “Must mean something”, I thought to myself. This might just bring me a bit of luck. I tucked it into my back pocket.
TO THE GAME!
Packers/Saints:
Are we looking at ‘end times’ Brees? He seems to be headed downhill fast. On throws of a half yard or shorter (basically dumpoffs to Kamara) he is 12 of 27 so far this year. Some of that number will no doubt correct itself in the short term but one must wonder about his arm and its fitness for duty by wk. 12 or so.
Commence commenting!
Breesus is soooooo cooked. He might be even worse than MRSA Dreamboat now.
oh SNAP. That is some funny shit. LIKE THAT DONKS DEPTH CHART AMIRITE
I want to get Jenkins a stuffed anamal in the shape of Lazard’s left arm
the non-TD review call just took an extra 40 seconds off the clock (goes back to at least 2:43 if Jones was in).
And just like that I lose by less than 1.5 points, all* because Green Bay cared more about a win than my fantasy football needs. Jerks.
*also my misplaced reliance on a Charger QB for anything other than reproducing.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I miss the lambeau leap…
I am registered to vote and I will crawl over broken glass marinated in Ebola blood to vote against Trump.
Early voting starts October 13 here in TX. I hope to be the first motherfucking liberal in line.
you are helping save Western Civilization. Bravo…
Good thinking, you wouldn’t want to play favorites and piss of one of your cats
Pretty sure at least one of my cats would vote GOP, based on the number of small and defenseless animals she gleefully murders.
I’m pretty sure the GOP would carry 80% of the cat vote
That’s a TD, but the NFL will rule forward progress dead or else New Orleans will rio…Oh, no fans? Nope, they’ll call it a TD and continue to piss off Sean Payton for sport.
Editor’s Note: It was not, in fact, a TD.
Technically, every comment you make is an Editor’s note
What you did, it’s there, and I see it.
BLEERGH FEASTS
HAND THE BALL TO JONES YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!
In reality my hometown is a failed industrial city in CT. Selling sqwallets would be a step up.
Can we make the Michaels-for-Tirico swap permanent?
I’m the King of the Free Play!!!
It’s been a while, how’s it going fellas?
Nice to see you back.
How the hell is Denver -2 for Thursday??
0-3 vs 0-3, what should the spread be?
True, but Denver can at least can look semi competent
Nobody intentionally grounds like Rogers.
Right??
T.Brady, Tampa Bay, FL
Went to get a beer. Why Packers have ball?
Per Horatio’s question below, YES I DID follow your advice and start Trubisky as my second QB over Wentz
Yeesh
Yeah. Fortunately my opponent sucks more ass than the Falcons’ secondary so I’m still going to pull off a W
*Unless TreQuan Smith scores a bunch here
If it makes you feel any better, I plugged in Herbert over Brees and Brady, since both of them have looked mediocre and Herbert had Carolina’s shitty D, and then managed to get a total of 50 points from 5, count them 5, players involved in the Dallas-Seattle shootout.
I am now losing by 4 points, and I deserve every bit of it.
no one listens to me when I tell them we’re very stupid people who shouldn’t be asked for advice
Your GM should be shot.
SUDDEN CHANGE!!!
I will +1 any and all MST3k gifs
I think I get that through Plex.
That is a horrendous spot.
Horrendous is in the eyes of the schadenfreude
Did Cris just talk about Dennis Allen’s breeding? Are we a couple of minutes away from a discussion of phrenology?
3 layers of spray tan, two layers of glitter, two layers of paint, about 6 layers of silicone, mix well, let lay overnight, and that’s how you get herpes.
The Superdome can not be held liable for any damages caused to aftermarket parts
Great run by Kamara, true, but whoever taught the Packers how to tackle needs to be fired.
Tackle? Eh, fuck it, A.A. Ron will bail us out.
Your kid is a burgeoning supervillain and I think you should encourage it.
Well, maybe this Kamara kid done earned a few MOAR touches.
THAT was a Bitchin’ Camara!!
Kamara just typed in the God mode cheat code.
“I am a lawyer and there’s a lot on my plate.”
No, dumbass. You’re a lawyer and there’s a lot on your paralegal’s plate. Do it right or don’t do it at all.
Well….. yep.
[wants to help out] – Andy Reid
If we’re gonna use ‘Time Has Come Today’ for a commerial we could at least get The Ramones some royalties.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2WYLSXJVpI
Well, their estates anyway.
Other side: “hope this finds you well”
Saints getting fucked on PI. Again.
I just learned we’re putting in a new exit on the Interstate bypass for the first time since it finished in the late 1970s.
Cincy’s streetcar is a failure because no one goes into the city because there is no quick functional mass transportation to connect the suburbs to the city and there is no highways connecting the suburbs because the rich people didn’t want to have the sound of traffic next to their mansions.
But we’re putting in another exit in the Interstate bypass to service the where they built a big life-sized ark to celebrate God while people froze and starved to death under the bridges and then built a Creation museum using the Bible as a literal source where humans and dinosaurs lived together and…
You know what, Cincinnati needs to be blown off of the map. We’re really screwed up and we’re just bringing everyone down!
Plus…this
Quite the response! He was a little depressed before, now this.
These assholes probably twirled the spaghetti around the forks instead of cutting the spaghetti and scooping it like your supposed to so you get the whole taste of the 3-, 4, 5-way and not just the spaghetti. And I know they didn’t pour hot sauce into the oyster crackers and eat them.
…AND WHO THE FUCK USES BIBS AT A SKYLINE?!
Mike is so close to calling Aaron Jones ‘one of the good ones’ right now.
I’m working on a new voting system, since ranked choice (instant runoff) is too easy to subvert. It’s called “ranked approval”. Tell me if this instruction would make sense to you as a voter:
Select the candidates that are acceptable to you, and rank them according to your preference (1 = favorite, 2 = 2nd favorite, etc.) If the candidate is not acceptable, leave their line blank.
Candidate A: _____
Candidate B: _____
Candidate C: _____
Candidate D: _____
but in this scenario, the “unacceptable” would have to code in the computer as a 4 or 5, yeah?
Just propaganda.
If you answer correctly, you will be transported to Colorado Springs to be indoctrinated in the USAF cult.
Have you done any projects there? I was in the chapel and in a small prayer room is B-52 St. Mary who apparently watches over B-52 missions worldwide.
I need to build a simulator to make sure the math works right, but what happens is in each runoff round, each ranking is worth (the number of candidates) points. So in a round with four candidates, a #1 rank is worth 4 points, #2 is worth 3 points, etc. A blank line is worth 0. The candidate with the least number of points in a round gets drop, and the process repeats in the next round.
Where’s Dok?
Crap, I think I accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan
/revision/latest/smart/width/200/height/200?cb=20121012090327
Ross Perot is all, like, WHAT THE FUCK!?!
My attention span is pretty shot. Did Bitchin’ Kamara get an owie, or why is Latavius getting 70% of the carries?
Because Sean Payton hates us
Kamara just caught a pass for decent yardage. Might have needed a breather.
Another Sandersdown would be nice.
I can get on board with this if it’s accompanied by a Luntz missed PAT
I’ll throw down my support if that missed PAT can be a block PAT returned for two points.
Yes to all of these
Two different styles of quartered backing.
Yeah, Good and Bad.
There’s three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Isn’t that just the wrong way?
But FASTER!
The girl in this Humira ad is clearly trying to kill her boyfriend. “Oh, you have ulcerative colitis? Well here’s a baked potato and 64 oz. of roast meat, fucker!!! Eat up!”
hey man, you work in insurance. YOU NOE TEH GAME
Oh she’s absolutely got a policy out on him that he doesn’t know about.
I thought you were a good witch
/Horatio reacts reasonably
//yells loud enough to wake up the cat, who was stoned to bejesus on catnip, and really doesn’t deserve this nonsense.
33 a MOTHERfucker!
This game is pretty interesting.
Excellent pass play.
NOW HAND THE FUCKING BALL OFF TO JONES 3-4 TIMES UNTIL YOU GET IN THE END ZONE!!!
/ff owners react reasonably
Just realized that I have Aaron Jones going against Will Luntz in this game, and I need Aaron to outscore Luntz by 8 the rest of the way. My interest in this game just rose to “Shit, I guess I have to watch this now.”
In humans, the second jaws come out when it gets personal.
yea Celtics ded
Miami heat vs LA Lakers
lebron gonna win another title
I don’t follow pro basketball, (too ethnic, if you know what I mean)(I mean that too many WASPS from Greenwich named ‘Simmons’ like it), but is this for real? I would be so happy to learn of another Boston team’s demise.
NBC: Packers-Saints Halftime gets a bright studio with windows and TV screens.
Universo: Los Empacadore-Los Santos Mideo Tiempo gets a dark studio two guys talking in front of a poster of three Toyotas.
I’m not sure if this is racist, but it feels like it should be. Unless three Japanese cars hold a special meaning over Spanish football fans, which it does, forgive my ignorance.
I’m not sure if this is racist, but I really love naked Asian selfies….shouldn’t they be of much higher quality??!??
Moose, if you’re really Bill Parcells you kind of have to tell us now.
A buddy is watching the Bears game on a delay and getting his text reactions is pretty damn funny
It would be hilarious if he was a Falcons fan.
Did you follow my advice and put Trubisky in as your 2nd QB? Because I would feel bad if you followed my advice and put Trubisky in as your 2nd QB.
Leave Buddy and his bears alone