Your Sunny (Somewhere, Not Here) Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Gotdamn, this has been the dreariest autumn that recent memory can recall. My Completed Hikes percentage is down 45% and Adjusted Alcohol Intake is at an all-time high. Not good numbers.

TO THE GAMES!

Bucs/Raiders:

It probably has more to do with “I love it when a plan comes together ” but with Henri Ruggs Le Trois on the field the Raiders points per drive leaps from a pedestrian 1.86 to a sprinter 3.04. The Bucs should put all kinds of points on the board in this one but the Raiders should be able to match. This is an under-rated tilt.

Chiefs/Broncos:

Toques off to Drew Lock for doing just enough (despite 2 intercepts) vs the Pats to get the W. And the way he did it was by increasing his league-leading aDOT to 13.9. You’d think that number would belong to Mahomes or Herbert but there he is, stretching the field with the best of them, keeping opposing D’s guessing, off-balance and backpedaling. Nicely done-now clean up your short game.

Niners/Pats:

This is a great spot for Edelman given that slot receiver D is a problem for San Franny. When qb’s attack there they put up a sensational 120.4 passing grade and have the third best TD percentage at 10.3. As we’ve seen when Stidham and Hoyer have the floor, the Pats are a below average squadoo. It’s pretty much all on you, Cam.

Jags/Chargers:

Expect Minshew to play poorly today as he struggles when he doesn’t have a clean pocket. The Chargers don’t blitz often but Bosa and Co. don’t really need to as they get quick pressure 27% of the time with a regular 4 man rush. You can probablt get away with starting either Jackson or Kelley if need be given that the Jags incredible D of 2017 is a distant memory. Their run D has given up the 4th most fantasy points to rb’s.

Get going, goobers.

 

 

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Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN DREW!

ThePirateSloth

Also – howdy folks! It’s been a long time since I popped up here.
[clears throat]
HOW THA FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS?

Are we still doing that?

SonOfSpam

We’ll allow it.

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN SLOTH?

ThePirateSloth

Surviving.
Currently making my ridiculously good steak bites, because foosball and beer and I’m not doing a damned thing else

SonOfSpam

I will purchase some steak bites. Lemme call UberConcorde.

ThePirateSloth

The browned butter is the secret.

Gratliff

[Uproxx Cease-and-desist flies open]

Unsurprised

Hey there

Unsurprised

comment image

ThePirateSloth

I used to be a Bucs fan, not a huge fan, just always pulled for them stretching back to my childhood when I saw how terrible they were in the 80s.

Now that they are on “national” coverage every gotdamn week because the scheduling powers think 95% of NFL fans want to see Tom fucking Brady, I fucking hate the Bucs.

Gratliff

My least favorite memory of Tampa is the time they closed the Vet then blanked the Eagles at the opening of the new stadium. My most favorite memory is the 17 years of being a garbage franchise that followed.

ThePirateSloth

One of my favorite games ever, as I have a family history in Philly.

Gratliff

I don’t know if there’s any other NFL equivalent of winning it all in dominant fashion like that and completely imploding and blowing up the team. Marlins maybe if we’re including other pro sports.

ThePirateSloth

Not to mention how the Bucs and Tom cocksucking Brady is BROUGHT UP IN EVERY GOTDAMN OTHER GAME being played that same day.

Petronel

Sum Folk has all the points

Gratliff

You know what? Fuck you, Agholor.

Gratliff

That motherfucker couldn’t catch a cold last year

Recovery Whiskey

Cam looks like he’s running in sand

Gratliff

I feel like the next couple days would be a good time to slip into a week-long coma.

Fronkenshteen

Sooooo is Jerick McKinnon still employed by the SF 49ers?

Recovery Whiskey

Jeanine got double-teamed at the goal line

The Maestro

C’mon, Cam. Fuck. Read the goddamn secondary.

Petronel

Oh, that was hilarious

Unsurprised

Evergreen

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>i can’t believe i went to law school i’m so stupid</p>&mdash; I already voted (@InternetHippo) <a href=”https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/status/1319469328836689921?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 23, 2020</a></blockquote>

Last edited 3 years ago by Unsurprised
Gratliff

That certainly increases the likelihood that InternetHippo is an active member of DFO

Unsurprised

I wonder which one he could be.

?

Gratliff

Hard to say. Self-loathing attorney seems to be our key demographic.

rockingdog

found a funny:

me: r u good at magic spells?

witch: m a g i c

me: [under breath] holy shit

Unsurprised

comment image

Petronel

Sorry, my second team, but yer gettin’ owned.

/not sorry

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I used to think the reason why the Raiders were always the team getting teabagged in highlights was because they sucked, but that’s only part of it. The other reason is that their white away uniforms are basically as close as you can get to having a blank white opponent, which is good if you want your highlights to emphasize one team in particular.

rockingdog

COME ON
Robinson needs to punch it in here…..

Petronel

bonnngggggg

Recovery Whiskey

“National Tight Ends Day” sponsored by Colon Guard

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Mr. Ayo

More like Drew Suck.

rockingdog

HA!

King Hippo

Well, that pick 6 ends any dreams of money team going 3-4. Merde.

Petronel

Our guy’s a fast learner. Covers Edelman for a quarter and a bit and now can catch like him.

Recovery Whiskey

Camception

King Hippo

This Donks squadron ain’t very good, but it IS quite likeable.

Recovery Whiskey

Calling Kyle Shanahan “still creative” is like saying Paris Hilton is “still STD free”

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Mother Puncher

Some slippery balls in Denver

Recovery Whiskey

Gronkdown

Petronel

Spike?

Recovery Whiskey

Nope

King Hippo

Do we all have our Chubb on now???

Porky Prime

ESPN says the Raiders game is on FOX. On FOX Albuquerque: The 2020 Toy Awards co-hosted by…DJ Khalid. Welp, ok, over to CBS.

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, it IS the gay Super Bowl.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, Tony Awards or Toy Awards? I’m confused. Either way, buttplugs will win something.

Viva La Tabula Raza

FOX only has a single header today and they showed y’all DAL-WAS early.
https://506sports.com/nfl.php?yr=2020&wk=7

King Hippo

Look, we have a GODDAMNED snow game, and RZ is showing every play of TB/LV

Don T

Narrator: “Garoppolo’s first incompletion is sn interception”.
WHEN DUD THE NFL BECOME THE “LOLA” Lyrics?!1?11

Last edited 3 years ago by Don T
Petronel

I guess it was to be expected from our Janeane – old habits die hard

King Hippo

#StillWithHER

Don T

DonksDown woo!

King Hippo

Horse Cock Lock WOO!!!

Petronel

Just woke up from a most excellent nap. LET’S GO (no, not you guys this time)

Last edited 3 years ago by Petronel
King Hippo

You and Mr. Nel have to hide the sharp objects today?

ballsofsteelandfury

NEL HOUSEHOLD SHOWDOWN!!

Petronel

bah bah bah BAH, buh buh, buh buh, badudududum

Petronel

Nah, he’s not watching this one. He’ll just have to hear his team lose from down the hallway 🙂

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok off to a brewery for an allegedly socially distanced reservation. Wish me luck.

King Hippo

Have funsies, soon to be #NuAIDS Eskimo brother!

tomsellecksmoustache

Football!! But snowflakes…. Does that make the players trans? I’ll check with the mega church pastor.

King Hippo

See, never have 2 worry about that with Non-Gendered Cowpersons smh

Mother Puncher

The bar near me won’t play any NFL games because they’re all filled with snowflakes (aka people that are slightly bothered by racism)

Gratliff

snowrumbledown

Redshirt

4.5 minutes in and Andy Reid is already eating his facemask.

King Hippo

His first name ain’t baby. It’s Jus-tin. Mr. Jackson if u nasty.

Mr. Ayo

I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!

I mean, snow games.

King Hippo

#TwoThings

rockingdog

Is Raiders RB Jacobs gonna have a good game?

TheRevanchist

I will tell you in a couple of hours.

King Hippo

Muy, muy bananacakes

Don T

/obligatory

946DD794-E92D-44C1-9629-2308BFB7A870.jpeg
Gratliff

oh falcons

Gratliff

The Todd Gurleydown Game

Mother Puncher

Another tie brewing in cinci

Redshirt

Cincinnati Defense begs to differ.

Gratliff

Best division in football imo

2020-10-25 16_00_13-2020 NFL Standings _ ESPN - Waterfox Current.png
herodotus450

Blurriness intentional.

Gratliff

Finally, wordpress’ terrible compression algorithm makes sense

Unsurprised

It makes sense when you know that you have to be drunk to want to even look at that division’s stats