Your “This Is Definitely The Night” NFL Football Open Thread

Sorry for the confusion: since the re-tooling of the site the people-powerful men and women, all of them-behind the scenes are still sorting through all the hamsters that operate the levers and cogs that make this place purr. It’s an arduous, hands-on process that involved a mass firing and then a re-interview process that’s taken quite some time. You can rest assured, a very insignificant number of gerbils have been molested to this point. [gives Balls the stinkeye] Moving on…

TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Raiders:

-Andy Reid is coming off the bye so you know what that means… Yup, steakhouses in K.C. have had to take several items off their menus.

-Where’s Waller? Since week 5 he hasn’t had more than 50 yds or 6 grabs. If you do the fantasy thing that position has been unadulterated garbage. I’ve set expectations down to about 6 or 7 points, myself.

-The Raiders pulled off the upset a few weeks ago by flushing Mahomes from the pocket but preventing him from using his wheels. That resulted in him averaging just over 4 seconds to release the ball as he wandered behind the line of scrimmage looking for his wr’s. I’m not sure that Las Vegas can do that twice in one season. Nobody seems to talk about it but Patty is a student that puts the time in the film room and no doubt will be able to come up with a solution.

-Another facet of the game that caught the Chiefs off their guard was Carr going long a few times. He completed 2 30+ yard tosses that day-he threw only one all year in 2019. (remember that year? We were all so young and brave…)

-The Raiders haven’t allowed an rb to get more than 75 yds rushing since week 3. That might allow you to fade K.C.’s muddled backfield if you’re so inclined.

Welcome to the thread that is the night one. Type away.

 

 

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Brick Meathook

I’m sure there is a perfectly rational explanation for this:

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Doktor Zymm

How do you feed your rats?

ballsofsteelandfury

If I remember correctly, there’s a temple in India where rats are worshipped. I’m assuming this was taken there.

Brick Meathook

That makes perfect sense.

Brick Meathook

I’m kidding. That makes no sense at all.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if that Davis guy with the weird haircut is watching this game at the bar TV at the local PF Changs.

Horatio Cornblower

Looking up occasionally while really trying to color the menu between the lines this time.

Redshirt

I demand that she takes that headdress and beads off right now!

Sharkbait

With that Wallerdown I’m beating Mrs. Sharkbait 124-84 this week. I may or may not be gloating a little bit.

Revenge from week 1

Brick Meathook

God Bless America:

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Redshirt

“STOP THE FENCE! STOP THE FENCE! STOP THE….” (pflop) “OWWWW!!!! I’m suing.”

  • Little Donnie Trump, 17
Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Mother Puncher

Al or Cris? Which one gave more to Ritterhouse’s bail fund?

Sharkbait

Cris.

Horatio Cornblower

C. That shitty kid from Silver Spoons.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My Pillow guy.

Horatio Cornblower

We would also have accepted that answer.

Rick Schroeder. Just remembered Silver Spoons kid’s name.

WCS

Seriously, fuck Mike Brown with a rusty pitchfork. You draft a potential superstar, and surround him with an offensive constructed of five of these:
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Even as a Yinzer, that was just awful. Really, sincerely sorry, Redshirt.

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
Doktor Zymm

Agreed that it’s awful, and hope dude is okay, but this is the fate of waaay too many first round QBs. Maybe since I have this week off I’ll actually take a look, but it seems like the success rate for 1st round rookie QBs who start is lower than for other rounds/positions

Horatio Cornblower

How Aikman survived his first year is beyond me. But yes, teams that find themselves in a position to draft talent like Burrows usually aren’t teams with good foundations. Bengals might, (depending on the severity of the injury), have been better off sitting Burrows no matter what for the season and then using high picks next season on O-line help.

Doktor Zymm

I think you’re 100% right. Granted, what happened to him is exceptionally bad (probably), but even if it’s not awful, look at people like Luck. He was reasonably successful, and might have been able to have a 10+ year career, but retired early because of injuries. Once the current crop retires, I don’t think we’ll see more QBs with careers into their late 30s unless they’re backups.

Horatio Cornblower

Especially with what they’re paid these days. You’d be out of your mind to take that kind of punishment beyond your first big contract.

Horatio Cornblower

Saw the replay. Doesn’t look good, but I did notice that the Team defender looked like he tried to hold Burrow up after his knee had bent in a really bad way, which was nice.

Doktor Zymm

There are notable exceptions, but I think most guys don’t intend that sort of thing and feel awful when it happens. Always good to see humanity though

rockingdog

bleh

Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
Redshirt

“AH! GOD, NO!” – Joe Burrow et al

rockingdog

“There are two powers in the world, the United States and the CIA.”

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Okay, kinda get this, but why does she burst into flame right before being submerged?

Game Time Decision

Shes made of potassium?

Brick Meathook

Vodka

Redshirt

Its a lake of Holy Water?

Game Time Decision

So Cleveland

Gumbygirl

She’s a little gassy.

Doktor Zymm

Woohoo! My mail order wine just arrived!

hippofant

Coupled with the previous picture comment, I really really though that said wife.

I’m still a little sus.

Doktor Zymm

Nah, I’m never getting married, although if I was gonna marry a chick it better be the sort with a dick

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve been a happy bachelor for most of my life, but as I enter my 60’s I realize my commitment to selfish enjoyability is going to come at a cost, which is getting old by myself. I’m still freaking out about this and don’t have an answer yet, but I would advise that if you can hook up with someone that you can tolerate, do everything you can to make that a thing. I am not looking forward to getting old alone, but I think that is what is going to happen to me.

Doktor Zymm

I feel ya. I’ve always enjoyed living alone, but it’s not been great during the pandemic. I always traveled to see friends, and while I know a lot of people in the area, it’s not beyond acquaintances. So my ‘social bubble’ has been pretty much just me. I think I’ve had actual physical human contact with maybe 2 people since March. In normal times, it’s not hard to find communities, not so much nowadays, but shouldn’t be permanent.

Game Time Decision

Didn’t you get some yesterday too?

Doktor Zymm

Was supposed to, never showed. that’s this order.

Horatio Cornblower

hey, -hic- judgy mcjudgerson, ease -hic- up there! -hic-

Game Time Decision

No judgement. Couldn’t remember who from yesterday said they was getting wine. May or May not have been due to my own inebriation

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Redshirt

That’s progress for you. In 1976, that was a joke. In 2020, that is a picture of a lovely woman and whoever questions it is wrong in several different ways.

Redshirt

/ found a funny (while watching Cincinnati burn online)

Son: “Mom, I’m going to a sleepover at Kate.”
Mom: “Okay son, but don’t forget to wear protection.”
Son: “Mom, I’m 14.”
Mom: “And I’m 28.”

Brocky

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Game Time Decision

I’d disappoint her sooooo quickly

clint greasewood

Horrible taste and No proof
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Redshirt

Its tastes like flop sweat and stale diet coke.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ll be sure to buy liquor from a teetotal.

Sharkbait

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litre_cola

Honestly 6 more Jacobspts and I can go to bed. I will smoke a bowl to make sure it happens.

Sharkbait

I work for a SaaS company. If they tested us, We’d have like 7 full time employees.

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Game Time Decision

Same. And when we did get tested they would warn us. Lol

There were still folks that failed the test

Game Time Decision

Also weed is now legal here, so makes it harder to say that you need the test

Viva La Tabula Raza

We (DoD) had an instruction come out saying that despite decriminalization by various states, we (govt employees) were still subject to screening and were forbidden to indulge no matter where we lived.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I work for the Dept of Defense and have never had a piss test. I think the last time I had one was when I worked for an environmental consultant about 25 years ago. We were mostly engaged in cleaning up Leaking Underground Storage tanks at Texaco and Exxon gas stations. Seemed a waste of time.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve had a pee test twice for initial employment, but nothing since then. Far less popular now that stuff is legal so many places, and with the severe shortage of people qualified for tech positions

litre_cola

If they tested all of the workers in my company we would lose 50% of our staff easy, but then again weed is legal here.

Horatio Cornblower

Ryan Shazier is looking good.

Doktor Zymm

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Recovery Whiskey

He’s like the son Tony never had

Horatio Cornblower

Just hate it when people leave low-hanging fruit around like that.

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Should we tell them that plane is upside down?

Sharkbait

Royal Australian Air Force?

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Scratch my belly”

Game Time Decision

That will buff right out

Mr. Ayo

Dramatic recreation of the latest [DFO] update

Recovery Whiskey

Gave him the State Farm rate on that one

Recovery Whiskey

Maxx Crosby looks like Brent Terhune

Viva La Tabula Raza

The actual LV defense is hanging out at Dick’s Last Resort at Excalibur, and the KC defense is eating BBQ in Missouri tonight. Apparently.

Horatio Cornblower

“Those sons-of-bitches better have leftovers”
-Andy Reid, laying rubber on the way out of the parking lot

Fronkenshteen

Kneed sexy points from Mahomes——>Kelce or mommy puncher. Grumble grumble.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know why people are postponing weddings when they can do a perfectly good, socially distanced, webcast, drive-thru wedding in Vegas.

hippofant

WEDDINGS AREN’T THAT FUN. EASILY 75% OF THEM SUCK. I’m fucking GLAD to have an excuse not to go to any weddings!

Doktor Zymm

If it’s a webcast, no one knows if you don’t show up!

Viva La Tabula Raza

or if you’re wearing pants, if you do attend.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guy I went to college with 35 years ago and has been my best friend over the years pressured me in to attending his third wedding (I’d also been best man at his second) in Vegas. I really didn’t want to go, and told him that as payback if I ever did get married I would have the ceremony held in Tierra del Fuego and he WOULD have to attend, as best man.

King Hippo

You shouldn’t even GET to invite folk to a 3rd wedding. Having a 2nd bite at the apple is bad enough.

Horatio Cornblower

A friend of mine’s ex is now on her 5th marriage. Upon hearing the news my daughter exclaimed “Wow, one more and she’s Thanos.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

I dated my haircut lady for a couple of years. She looked like Julie Christie. It took those couple of years for me to figure out that she had been married 5 times previously, and why.
However, 13 years on, she still cuts my hair.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

To be clear, the second marriage was a re-affirmation of the first wedding, which he did in Denmark (he was in the Army in Germany and she was a German National). Funny thing was the re-affirmation was 20 years after their initial elopement, but within 5 years he was divorcing her and hanging with the Filipina mechanical engineer he ended up marrying on that third marriage ceremony.
Christ, I feel like I live in Appalachia.

Doktor Zymm

First wedding, you give a present. Second wedding, you show up. Third wedding, expect a bribe.

King Hippo

I’d gladly still give someone a present, provided there is no implied social obligation to show up.

King Hippo

Hey, the Raiders’ punter is an NC State graduate!

Horatio Cornblower

If I manage to salvage this once-promising FF season it’s going to be because of Justin Herbert having continued success for the Chargers, and I’m not sure that’s a bargain I’m willing to make.

litre_cola

Figured I would try not to drink tonight. btl of wine and 3 beer late I am yelling at the tv for my fake football team.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That happens to me.
Every. Fucking. Night.
Not the yelling at the TV part, but the first part.

Doktor Zymm

If you’re gonna pick a night not to drink, Sunday is not it. I’ve found Monday and Tuesday are the best.

litre_cola

That is because I get the sads those days!

Sharkbait

Tuesday is easily the worst day of the week

King Hippo

Outside of FITBAW season, every day feels exactly the same now.

Doktor Zymm

I have a late horseback lesson on Tuesday, so there’s no possibility of drink until at least 8 pm. If I just take a quick shower and read in bed I’m not motivated enough to grab a drink. It’s a good system.

Sharkbait

Solid system right there.

Horatio Cornblower

I confine my drinking to the weekends and special occasions. The weekend is Fri-Sun.

Special occasions can be found Mon-Thurs.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just tried block editor and think my brain is broken.

King Hippo

it’s just THE BLURST

King Hippo

“It’s a sin” was a clever bumper music choice!

clint greasewood

NBC needs to show the real Vegas between commercials.
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King Hippo

where are all the stripper/courtesan fliers??

clint greasewood

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clint greasewood

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King Hippo

speaking of high-traffic carpet…

Viva La Tabula Raza

high-traffic carpet knee burns are the worst.

Horatio Cornblower

Dennis Hof. Just a total piece of shit.
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Viva La Tabula Raza

One time in LV, I was sitting in the front seat of a cab and three of my chums were in the back, heading to some casino. I jokingly wondered if there were any titty bars in Las Vegas, and the Cambodian cab driver nearly shattered my patella opening the glove box to give me those fliers and discount coupons and shit. I guess he got a cut if I actually went, which I did not.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, high traffic carpet and sadness, good stuff

Sharkbait

Vegas can be fun, for about 72 hours. Then you need to GTFO

Viva La Tabula Raza

The binging and bonging and beeping on the casino floor can drive you mad. And I tire of the hookers trying to hit me up for action when I’m trying to play video poker at the bar at 3 AM.
I can say with considerable confidence that I have seen the last of LV in my life, except when I have to change planes at McCarran when I travel to Sacramento to check out the U-2s at Beale.

Doktor Zymm

Vegas and Barcelona hold a special place in my heart as the two places I’ve ever been where guys are hassled more often than women

Viva La Tabula Raza

I can’t think of anything else that is common to both of the cities you mention. It’s like those cities are on different planets.
But if you go to the “right” part of town, you can get the sex worker harassment in just about any town on the planet.

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACT! I am sufficiently repellent to have NEVAR been hit up by a sex worker.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, never been to the Far East?

King Hippo

This is also true. I have spent 48 hrs in Vegas, though.

Doktor Zymm

It’s location dependent. From what I know of you, you were probably spending a decent amount of time in the poker room, which is a sterile area for that shit

Doktor Zymm

Funny story, back when the AC Trop had all it’s NL games in the annex area, I was playing 2/5 in the far corner, which had windows facing one of the lounge areas on one side. There was a bartop just under the window, and a young lady was sitting on the bartop, with her plumbers crack and the top of her bright pink thong with ‘slut’ in plastic gold letters strung along the waistband pressed up against the plexiglass right by my table. While I’m sure some of the old dudes at the table would’ve hit that, the conversation was uniformly humorous.

Horatio Cornblower

Funniest part of that story? That woman was Nancy Reagan.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Slut spelt backwards, after the A falls off, denotes a Tulsa fan.

King Hippo

This is also true. There and the sportsbook.

Sharkbait

Its funny you mention McCarran. I’ve been to Vegas 3 times, and I’ve never flown OUT of McCarran. I’ve flown out of Henderson, and driven to LA twice.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Southwest does not offer non-stop service from San Antonio to Henderson.

BugEyedBoo

They should show downtown Vegas, where it’s seedy enough that gambling feels like a sin.

Doktor Zymm

Not so much anymore, downtown has a surprisingly good live music scene and is no more seedy than the modern day LES. Four Queens is….nice, and so are a couple of the other spots. If you want to feel really bad about gambling, Indiana is still the spot to hit.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Last time I was there, the old Strip (think Golden Nugget etc) had been turned into some kind of pedestrian mall with live music and zip lines. Felt like I was back in Anaheim for a 21st century version of Disneyland Main Street USA.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, that’s a reasonable description, but there are actually some pretty solid small club venues tucked into the disneyfication, and it’s still not as bad as the new Strip

Sharkbait

Last time I Was in Vegas I went to a cool little speakeasy near old vegas with live piano music. I forget the name now and it’s going to bug the hell out of me

Sharkbait

SO, DFO CON 2021 Not in Vegas?

Sharkbait

I have a feeling we would ruin that town.

Horatio Cornblower

My stars! The glamour of it all!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Needz more people hurking up on sidewalks on the Strip.

Sharkbait

Went gin. G&T. Rye will be had in the second half

Doktor Zymm

Cheers!

King Hippo

Has either squadron even gotten to a 3rd down yet?

Doktor Zymm

now that you mention it….

BugEyedBoo

It’s like watching a BigXII game.

King Hippo

Know what I really hate? Fucking parades.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I had to march in parades in junior high when I was in the marching band. I fucking hated it and hate parades to this day.

King Hippo

See, now that Brady has left the P*ts, I could hang out with DIS GUY!

Viva La Tabula Raza

My dealer left me a voice mail asking if I was pulling for P*ts or pulling for Brady. Pretty stupid question to ask of a P*ts fan of 52 years. Every one in New England that can afford it ends up retiring to Florida.

Horatio Cornblower

I would love to retire to the Keys, but am fairly certain they’re going to be underwater by the time I can afford to retire, and quite possible well before that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My parents retired there and they lasted five years. Monroe County is more polarized than the USA.

Doktor Zymm

Agree, although they’re not quite as bad as organized runs. Organized runs are just parades with less style.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Long story, but I even managed to weasel out of the pass-in-review parade when my boot camp company graduated.

King Hippo

CEH looks awfully good tonight.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Horseshit PI call. Mahomes is going to be anointed as the new Brady.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Doktor Zymm

I hope not, Mahomes seems legit likable off the field

King Hippo

There were tons of weak-assed PI calls this week. It’s a league-wide problem, not Mahomes-specific.

Spur

I think am done. Dallas won and no work tomorrow. Gonna sleep in

Doktor Zymm

Yessss, ALL THE SLEEP

Viva La Tabula Raza

I can no longer sleep beyond 5 or 6 AM, even if I stay up till 2 AM. This really pisses me the fuck off.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
King Hippo

Same here, but with like 7:30 as the cutoff time. I can/do nap, though.

litre_cola

#napnation.
Also can only sleep til 7 am

King Hippo

A good nap is WAY better than sex/

litre_cola

Why not both?

Doktor Zymm

First one, then the other! Then the first one again!

litre_cola

Same wavelength Zymm.

King Hippo

Too expensive!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Starting to feel like a Friday night thread here….

Spur

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Spur

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pretty sure I saw this women’s prison movie on cinemax in 1997.

Spur

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Spur

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Spur

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hippofant

Getting strange hot Jeff Goldblum vibes off this one.

Don T

Short list of least viscous liquids:
2. Tap water
1. Plastic packet soy sauce

Doktor Zymm

1.5 Tap water with a small amount of dish soap mixed in

litre_cola

Evenin. 6 moar pts by Jacobs and I survive.

I did indeed use the emerg bowl on the balcony.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He can’t stop at 6, needs at least 3 more tuddies

Doktor Zymm

Excellent planning

King Hippo

Shit, they already done cancelled the Apple Cup?

Spur

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Spur

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Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

Gin or rye?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rye

King Hippo

Gin makes you sin!

/so, gin OBVS

Doktor Zymm

Straight or mixed? If mixed, what with?

Sharkbait

Rye would be straight, gin either a g&t or a gin grayhound

Doktor Zymm

ooh, that makes it harder, both sound solidly good

Mr. Ayo

Gin

Gumbygirl

Gin.

Recovery Whiskey

Rye. But bourbon or single malt whiskey instead