Your “Um… What?” Wednesday Afternoon’s Last Week’s Thursday Night Football Game Open Thread

Whilst many hot-takers are pouring shit all over the good (huh?) folks of Baltimore and their football team, Who could have seen this happening during a pandemic, really? I choose to admire the power that the Ravens have over the league. Not only have they embarrassed said league by forcing them to re-schedule this tilt three times, the Ravens have 1) caused another Thursday game to get canceled 2) created a Monday night doubleheader 3) sprung into being another Tuesday night game. All this while dragging the Steelers and their fans along in their powerful wake. Very nice flex, Baltimore Ravens.

TO THE GAME!

Ravens/Steelers:

-Ingram and Dobbins are out of Covid but not in uniform. That might have something to do with not having practiced for ten days and that was a smart thing for their team to do. Had either one gotten injured a hellfire of vitriol would have rained down on the team. (not that they aren’t accustomed to it by now)

-So it’s Gus The Bus-his nickname seems awfully familiar-Time today. His last two vs Pitt he’s done 217 yards and a TD. Who will be blocking for him? No one knows.

-Speaking of being bereft of knowledge, with Edwards, Ricard and Boyle all out for various reasons, I’ve not a clue as to who will pretend to play the tight end spot. The punter? The waterboy/girl? Will a coin be flipped?

-RG3 gets the nod and it doesn’t look as though it will be pretty but given how badly Lamar’s passing stats have regressed maybe a change will do the team a good. Though PFF’s passing matchups chart gives Marquise Brown -9% vs Joe Hayden, Dez Bryant is -21% vs Steve Nelson and Devin Duvernay is -infinity vs Cam Sutton.

-It’s Important to Share: Steelers wr’s Claypool, JuJu and Johnson all have between 559 and 535 yards receiving.

-Conner is out, Snell is in but likely won’t do that much damage. Pitt’s offensive DVOA when running the ball is ranked 29th in the league. Who’ll bet that this stat will bite them on the bum when they’re trying to run out the clock in a tight playoff game?

-No, it’s The Ben Pass Show. It’s mostly quick slants underneath and fades/back shoulder passes outside the numbers when they get single coverage. As a Giants goofball, I wonder what it would be like to have wr’s that can separate from defenders.

-Just heard that Pouncey is out for the game.

Welp, enjoy the spectacle of the NFL playing a game on a sunny (here) Wednesday afternoon.

 

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Gumbygirl

Yesssssss!

King Hippo

This really might be Yinz year, everything keeps breaking right

ArmedandHammered

Please don’t say breaking – RGIII

Gumbygirl

I’m hopeful, but I’ve seen some derp in my 60 years!

King Hippo

still time for sneak/pass/sneak (as needed)

King Hippo

Well, that’s a SUDDEN CHANGE

Redshirt

(sees RG3 run for 43-yards)
“He seems healthy after his knee blew up. Maybe Burrow will be okay.”

(see RG3 come up lame)
“Stand corrected. No hope still remains.”

Doktor Zymm

I would provide reassurance, but I somehow doubt the Bengals will avoid the shit that ultimately destroyed RG3, namely bringing him back too early and then proceeding to beat the shit out of him for a couple years for no apparent reason

Redshirt

Reports are that Burrow is already rehabbing like a beast even before surgery, so it looks like Burrow will come back early and the Bengals will be too chicken to tell their franchise to caddy for a few games next year.

Doktor Zymm

Goddamn repetitive history.

Gumbygirl

We got home from Loma Linda just in time for Collinsworth to piss me off. I was happy in the car with Kenny Albert on Sirius.

Doktor Zymm

It can be hard to synch up, but TV on mute + radio is nawt bad

Mother Puncher

You can also keep the TV on mute and listen to the new Cum Town episode

Gumbygirl

I’d have to drive through the front door and up the stairs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I got into a twitter argument with some redhat in Loma Linda and it gave me great pleasure to point out that home values were higher in the Crenshaw neighborhood of Los Angeles (home to both MLK and Obama boulevards) than they are there.

Col. Duke LaCross

Oh hell, he came up lame.

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

When I get access to time travel, I will somehow manipulate the timeline so RG3 doesn’t end up crippled. I’ll also assassinate Snyder, even if not required for the mission.

Gumbygirl

Since you’ll be in Washington, I have a few more on my list!

Redshirt

I already got that penciled into my objectives when I work out the kinks to my Flux Compositor.

Doktor Zymm

We should coordinate to avoid replicating historical effort and work in more DFO requests

Redshirt

I’m establishing a castle armed with 32nd Century weaponry in 14th Century England after I rescue JFK, Lincoln, Marilyn Monroe and young Judy Garland from their wrong destines. Meet me then later and we’ll coordinate future plans.

Doktor Zymm

Deal

ArmedandHammered

Could you cause a football injury for Collinsworth where his vocal cords are ripped out during a game, keeping him from ever stepping foot in the booth?

Horatio Cornblower

Man, the timing on that comment…

Downfield Matriculator

He’ll be a hobo soon enough and you can just do what you do and keep them as a trophy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We have an icemaker and if you drop them in with the cubes it works like a charm. Until you forget about one, of course, at which point your wife informs you that you will be having beer-flavored ice for dinner.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

Where is Wakey, he can React Reasonably now?

Doktor Zymm

I feel like being the lone fan, standing in the yellow end zone of a Wednesday afternoon Covid Steelers game must be a metaphor for something, but I can’t think of anything depressing enough

Horatio Cornblower

Just told everyone that we were getting a delivery and I had to put them on mute while the dog barked.

Now I can sit back and listen to the dulcet tones of…

Cris Collinsworth!? What the fuck!?

Mutes TV, rejoins dying mediation.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m in the middle of a Zoom mediation right now, and it’s going nowhere.

I’m about to pull a Toobin and end it.

Doktor Zymm

Gotta 1-up Toobin, maybe improvise a cock ring from everyday kitchen items?

litre_cola

How many servings of spaghetti are you?

Mother Puncher

Just tuned in. Has that annoying woman been yelling into the microphone all game?

litre_cola

Collinsworth identifies as a man, and yes that shrill harpee has been squawking all game.

Doktor Zymm

Aw man, you beat my Collinsworth joke by 5 seconds

LemonJello

mostly quick slants underneath

Parcells and Kraft both perk up, but for different reasons

Doktor Zymm

I think it’s pretty elite that her skin didn’t fake melt off when the bottom half of that fake jersey was fake burned

King Hippo

You know what I like about these “celebrity” Christmas variety shows? Fucking nothing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, a Mercedes Benz parent wouldn’t allow their child to pick up some nasty abandoned stuffed animal off the ground that had probably previously been owned by some disgusting poor.

BugEyedBoo

My Honda parent wife wouldn’t let our kid pick that up either. That thing is creepy.

Doktor Zymm

Only the very, very poor, and the very, very rich (who got that way by being total tightasses) would allow it

King Hippo

I recall once reading about a billionaire who washed and hung out to dry his used ziploc bags.

Doktor Zymm

I believe it, those people are next level. People forget they exist because they act like it’s the depths of the Depression, but then they die and leave their billions to totally random shit and merit a small article in their local newspaper

King Hippo

Did Al get the #NuAIDS, or is Wednesday just reserved for the ponies?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sure, I can get that done by close of business on Wednesday.” – me to a client, before I knew this game was happening today

King Hippo

I am also on an insane deadline (after having fuckall to do the last 10 days), but fuck it, I just figure I’ll stay up until 4 and finish then.

Downfield Matriculator

I am hoping the “firewall maintenance” issue that booted me from logging into work continues for another couple hours!

Doktor Zymm

Did you specify which Wednesday? I hear there’s one next week too!

Fronkenshteen

Baby, you got a stew goin’.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Note to self: scan the Calvin and Hobbes strips that feature Calvinball and replace the dialogue with NFL-appropriate fare and call it COVIDball.

King Hippo

get on the Gus Bus
don’t need to discuss muuuuuch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sounds way better than the pus bus I’ve been riding.” – Lawrence Tynes

litre_cola

I completely forgot RGIII played for Cleveland.

Doktor Zymm

Mercifully, so has he

Doktor Zymm

Shanny fucked him up first, but chubby Gruden cemented the damage

Last edited 3 years ago by Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

oh, how I do miss having Fatty Gruden around to body shame…

Recovery Whiskey

Have to admire RG3’s willingness to have his tendons ripped again

Downfield Matriculator

What a clusterf^%k this game is so far

Last edited 3 years ago by Downfield Matriculator
litre_cola

THEY HAD SO MUCH TIME TO NOT PRACTISE!

Doktor Zymm

On Wednesday afternoon football, ANYTHING GOES

LemonJello

“That’s a day ending in -y at the Reid household!”
-Andy, combing crumbs from his mustache

Doktor Zymm

I think she’s farting?

King Hippo

Those eyes, man. She’s pill-friendly fo sho.

King Hippo

/knows Dok is not a man

Doktor Zymm

Any word is unisex when used as an interjection, which that basically is

King Hippo

Kids these days (at least my daughters) say bruh all the time, as we did “man” or “dude”

Doktor Zymm

“Dude” is a silly word and I use it frequently

litre_cola

Yeah she has had some Percs.

King Hippo

probably a crush, crush, snort, snort kind of gal

King Hippo

Are we retail-hoarding survivalist supplies for the Clubhouse??

rockingdog
Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
WCS

HAIL SHA’NKLOR

WCS

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Fronkenshteen

Game. Blouses.

King Hippo

That missed extra point could be yuuuuuugggge, Ratbirds could still draw with three safeties!

King Hippo

oh FUCK OFF RG3/Yinzers

Doktor Zymm

This is a damn fine crab cake. I eat it in tribute to RG3’s remaining joints

Unsurprised

Fuck. I still have four hours to go at work.

Col. Duke LaCross

Five here. But I’m tending bar and have had one customer today, so fitbaw it is.

Unsurprised

Nice.

I could watch the game, but that’s not why I’m here. So I can’t contribute.

Fronkenshteen

THROW IT IN THE END ZONE YOU BIG DUMMY

Mr. Ayo

HARF HARF HARF! OK!

WCS

Well, he did.

King Hippo

ultimately, still better than taking the sack. Not quite on par with throwing the ball away.

Fronkenshteen

.

A9BE566A-0227-411F-8A09-4A6C9F9B78F5.gif
WCS

My bad, coach.

King Hippo

oh shit, I have to fade YUUUUUUGE games by Yinzer D/ST and Tucker. Don’t enjoy that combo platter.

litre_cola

I have one where I am down 2 pts, I have THE Ben and he has Tucker. Normally I would think I am fine. These times ain’t normal.

King Hippo

my blood pressure is well up now.

Doktor Zymm

I guess if the NFL is gonna do a random midday game it’s good that it’s on no-meeting Wednesday. Let the weekday day-drinking begin! Also, I’m gonna eat a crab cake.

King Hippo

Wouldn’t it be fun to have all NFL fixtures in separate time slots, and the specific day and time assigned by random number generator?

Doktor Zymm

And even the teams don’t find out until the week before?
I’m down, although I should up my savings since I wasn’t actually planning on slacking off until I got fired until I was financially able to retire

King Hippo

YAAAAASSSSSS!

JimU

I think the NFL has played on every day of the week except for Friday and Saturday this year and we’ll see games played on those days in week 16!*

*Coronavirus Pending

Game Time Decision

there would have been Saturday games back in January….

JimU

They probably should sit out a couple of months and then do March Madness. Nobody wants to watch regular season B1G basketball.

Recovery Whiskey

Day drinking on a wednesday. OK NFL if you insist

JimU

Does this mean I have to make Thanksgiving dinner again?

King Hippo

Viva el entropy!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’s used to mop up duty only
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litre_cola

If you look closely you can see Don T throwing a slider.

Doktor Zymm

Shit, I’m almost out of paper towels! Between these and the beans people are throwing good shit this year.

King Hippo

Target had actual Bounty select-a-size available yesterday morning. I was quite verklempt.

Doktor Zymm

I might have to start using dish towels like a goddamn cave person

King Hippo

I know, don’t like the return of “feels like a galdurn plebian” stage of our Plague Year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck this game. Diontae Johnson needs to stay out of the end zone.

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