Your Very First Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

It’s been tough to make predictions in this most unlikely of football adventures this year but here’s one I feel I can safely offer. The entire NFC East will lose this week, allowing the mighty New York Football Giants to maintain their stranglehold on the division lead. Easy Peasy.

TO THE GAMES!

Saints/Falcons:

Fantasy owners looking to Kamara to win them some games down the stretch have been ambushed by The Taysom Hill Factor. Three targets in two weeks? Adding insult to injury, he’s been out-snapped by Lat Murray 34 to 25. ATL has been enjoying a prolonged ‘dead cat bounce’ after the Quinn firing-their D has gone from surrendering 32 points per game all the way down to a much more respectable 20.

Lions/Bears:

Truth Biscuit gonna have himself a game? Over his last four vs Detroit he’s had 3 TD scores each time. The secret behind his success was the Lions not disguising their coverages at all. Since-fired Patricia used little to no motion pre-snap so Mitch was able to go to get the ball to his first read. It’s hard to imagine that the Lions would be able to change things up so quickly. Your sneaky play just might be Darnell Mooney who is playing off Jeff Odukah-the latter has given up the 3rd most yards receiving despite missing 2 games.

Browns/Titans:

Since the Titans acquired Desmond King they have been PFF’s highest-graded coverage unit. Their run D remains a work in progress though. They’ve allowed the 7th most fantasy points to rb’s and struggle when opposing O’s give them a taste of their own Derrick Henry medicine. “Oh, oh. That’s Nick Chubb’s music!”

Bengals/Fins:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if Fitz is under center, start your Devante Adams.” He gets a silly 40% target share when the bearded Harvard is in there and there are far more shots downfield. Tua is a gametimer and Flores insists if he’s ready to go he’ll be in there. At 7-4 the Fins need to take care of business here because they have K.C, N.E., L.V. and the Bills the rest of the way.

Jags/Vikes:

Minny has the 25th ranked run D and is the only team to allow 100 yards to Zeke. That bodes well for rb Robinson because The Giraffe leaned on him plenty last week to the tune of 27 touches and a ridiculous 97% snap share.

Raiders/Jets:

The Jets trajectory is such that one can get a ‘Lawrence’ jersey in green and white on eBay. They do have the league’s 4th best run D but that’s because everyone passes on them. That said, Vegas will no doubt give rb Booker (Jacobs is injured) 20 touches because Gruden will always Gruden.

Colts/Texans:

Rook Taylor was finally tearing Indy’s  RBBC asunder when he got Corona-ed. So does he immediately return as the main guy or are fantasy guys back to square one again? Many are lamenting the absence of Will Fuller but the Texans are more likely wishing that cb Bradley-Robey was on the field. Without him Houston has gifted 196/2 to Adams and 146/1 to Chark. Hear that, Michael Pittman owners?

Do you have a prediction? Let’s hear it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Those Matt Nagy quotes are basically every cliched high school coach with no sense if perspective

Dunstan

Every NFL pregame show just offered him a contract after seeing your comment.

Doktor Zymm

Welp, there goes my “Tyler Boyd won’t do shit without a decent QB” theory

Redshirt

Hey, we still have Tyler Boyd!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lots of doinking in Chicago

Recovery Whiskey

Cody Parkey tributes

clint greasewood

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Doktor Zymm

Learned about the QWERTY effect yesterday, freaky stuff

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do tell

Doktor Zymm

Basically the random-ass keyboard layout that most of us use affects how we feel about different words, up to the point where people name their kids using more words that are typed primarily with the right hand.
https://www.wired.com/2012/03/qwerty-effect-language/

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wasn’t the whole point of the qwerty keyboard to slow down typing to prevent typewriter jams? And this is why we have Kaylas and Kayleighs?

Doktor Zymm

There’s no real agreement about the origin of qwerty, the one thing that’s certain is that all the letters of “typewriter” are in the top row, to make it easy for typewriter salespeople who couldn’t type but wanted to demo their unit

Doktor Zymm

After all, there are lots of layouts that don’t jam

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy shit, did i sleep late. What’d i miss?

Doktor Zymm

Jets haven’t Jetsed yet, Raiders have Raidered

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears bearing down for midterms?

Doktor Zymm

In true Bears fashion, they’re leading with no output from T. Bikkie

Dunstan

“For me, it was usually the other way around…” — Ghost of Jeffrey Epstein

King Hippo

Younghoe been mah savioUr the past few weeks…

Doktor Zymm

The Raiders are really a very appropriate team for Vegas, they’re all about the bad beats

Redshirt

“Scoreless in Miami”

Game update or the result of my latest vacation to Florida?

LemonJello

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Doktor Zymm

Browns successful trickeration!

Redshirt

Yeah, Bengals? Quit trying to make the deep pass part of your gameplan. Its not gonna happen.

Doktor Zymm

What percentage of spot challenges are successful? Like 0.001%?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gonna need to program a “That’s My Raiders!” hotkey for today.

Doktor Zymm

If you had told past-me that Saints-Falcons had the potential to be a defensive, low-scoring slog, I would have been kind of surprised

Spur

Weight loss update.

Net loss of 3 pounds this week. Overtell, lost 10 pounds in November. Not bad considering I really didn’t start a diet. Just ate half of what I would.

Best thing I ate this week, two hardboiled eggs with ALL THE SALT.

Don T

Bullshit spot.
Kudos to CBS, for closing in on the ball to hide the chain length until the stick is set on the ground. Drama!
/kicks chair

LemonJello

It doesn’t seem wise to anger El Tractoricito.

Spur

Is it wrong am cheering for the Browns?

Don T

/flips bird, albeit amiably

Dunstan

Nah. I find the Browns to be almost adorable in their ineptitude. It’s like cheering for the Coyote to catch the Roadrunner: you know it’s not gonna happen, but you kinda wish it would.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, it’s Sam Darnold’s first touchdown pass since Week 3! It’s a very special Christmas episode of That’s My Raiders.

LemonJello

Make-A-Wish really short on requests this year.

Spur

Moring Folks

Dunstan

Making the first batch of Xmas sweets now: butterscotch chips, butter, peanut butter, mini marshmallows, and Rice Krispies. Later I’ll do the Rocky Road version, which swaps out butterscotch and peanut butter for peanuts, chocolate, and condensed milk. They’re both basically multiple forms of sugar and fat. I rationalize that if it’s ok if I give enough of them away, but will end up eating way too many over the coming weeks.

Dunstan

So, less than usual?

Spur

Rice Krispies would be like crack cocaine for me right now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why don’t any of you ship these baked goods around the group?

Dunstan

In my case, it’s because I’m way too lazy to deal with shipping boxes and labels and stamps or whatever.

Doktor Zymm

Lookit Torville Yancy Hilton go!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s My Raiders!

King Hippo

(tm)

TheRevanchist

Jets are winning?!

LemonJello

It would be the Jets-iest thing to do.

litre_cola

We are at my friends bar. Every single one of us is at different tables.

LemonJello

That’s just good planning.

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Doktor Zymm

Gotta take advantage of the setup to do solo trivia during half time

King Hippo

I almost ML bet the Jest

King Hippo

GIRAFFE MAKING THINGS HAPPEN WOO!!!!!!!

Gumbygirl

You reticulated your point very persuasively, sir!

King Hippo

I am starting Mooney in money league, mostly because it makes me think of Negrodamus

Redshirt

Its always a good sign with the WR is blocking the WR that is already blocking a defender.

Doktor Zymm

I got a free can of alcoholic cold-brew. Seems like the ideal time to crack that open

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All this talk about Mayfied is me fantasize about Teresa May acting “naughty”.

Don T

Feeling… CONCERNED, about Browns @ Tits. Worst case scenario, Chubb /Khunt gash, TEN’s D crowns Mayfield’s ass. Actual bad scenario that might happen: TEN D: 0 sacks, 1 knockdown, 2 hurries, 65 yards in DPI.
/alarm sounds
Oop, that’s the wine siren. Reporting for self-medication, ma’am.

King Hippo

#ThePauls due for some #HeavyRegression

Doktor Zymm

I mean…it’s still the Browns

Don T

TEN D is a great D-line + smoke, mirrors and tape. Office tape, not duct tape.

King Hippo

Y’all are the only crew I’ve seen make “bend, don’t break” work

Don T

Successful goal line / 4th down short yardage has carried from last year.

King Hippo

My cue to go piss is when the lone RedZone ad kicks in…

Fronkenshteen

Primal, baby.

Redshirt

A simple set of PVC pipes and a dirty water pump would work just as well.

King Hippo

True Hippo Story! If I am watching downstairs, I can easily watch the teevee through open loo door.

/still prefer to stay upstairs in my room

Doktor Zymm

It’s properly referred to as a chamber pot

Redshirt

Should I root for a win, draft position or a tie?

King Hippo

#3 overall should be that Oh-ray-GAWNE LT, he is supposed to be hot shit.

Redshirt

We need a new OL coach in a bad way. He’s the one that told our overmatched coach the OL was good enough to protect the franchise and now he’s in drydock.

King Hippo

always root for Most Glorious Draw, Comrade Magical Pony!

Fronkenshteen

The correct choice also makes a fine Christmas gift for dad.

Doktor Zymm

Draft position if you go with your head, tie if you go with your heart

Fronkenshteen

My son HATES when I air-drum along with the Red Zone pregame jazz.

King Hippo

oh, how can one NOT ROCK THE FUCK OUT??

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
Fronkenshteen

Weather Channel doesn’t fuck around with their light jazz either.

Redshirt

I’ve been turned off from the Weather Channel since they started showing shows at the expense of the Local Forecast on the 8s.

Fronkenshteen

Agreed. In the late 90s, I used to hang out with two stoner fly fishermen/avid golfers. We would get stoned and watch WC for HOURS while they would try to time the summer storms.

Redshirt

Tu casa, tu solo de batería.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’d better not suck this week, my fantasy season is riding on his arm.*

*not really, my fantasy team sucks.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Redshirt

I’m still getting a Bengals-vibe from that team. They’ll make the playoffs, but I’ll be surprised if its more than just a cameo appearance.

TheRevanchist

The ground game is carrying them. Most of their wins are against lousy teams. And, yes, Mayfield sucks.

Doktor Zymm

My Google timeline has been far less interesting since the pandemic started. Hoping to fix that in January when all the stupid holiday people will be safely tucked away in overflow ICUs and no longer free to roam about breathing on people.

Doktor Zymm

I really wish it would snow here, partially because I really want to go play in the snow, and partially because it would be super fun to watch California drivers sliding around the highways

LemonJello

Seems like this is a big Canadian holiday, almost like opening day of the based-balls?

Doktor Zymm

I picked up Truth Biscuit as an emergency option, but I think I’m gonna risk it and start Lamar…word is he’ll be activated off Covid list today or tomorrow

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, he was by far the best available, but the idea of starting a Bears QB, and not just a Bears QB but THAT Bears QB….just…icky

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

> 1) owns the Lions

No you’re thinking of Carole Baskins.

King Hippo

Good luck, I sense you will be knocking me out the playoffs today!

Doktor Zymm

I think we have the only true win-and-in matchup, although both of us could still be in if lots of other people *looks around shiftily* totally burn out

King Hippo

close to a true toss-up, we should get lots of RedZone time!

Doktor Zymm

I hope so, because the early matches we don’t have representation in do seem to be the less interesting ones!

How funny would it be if we tied? (Assuming we have ties in DFOball)

King Hippo

I think it happened once, even with the “2 decimal places” scoUring!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe when you activate Mitch in an emergency he’s referred to as “Ship’s Biscuit”.

bk109

Good evenin’ from “Nope, not watching the EPL, no sir-eee” (aka the tank barn). How’re ya all this fine arse day?

rockingdog

last fantasy football question:

Ben Roethlisberger (vs Wash) or Taysom Hill (vs ATL) at QB?

rockingdog

thats one ROCKIN dog
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bk109

One allegedly rockin’ dog (he was never convicted of nuttin’)

rockingdog

found a funny:

Actually, Frankincense is the name of the gift. Frankincense’s wiseman is the guy from the story.

Redshirt
rockingdog

and a good Moleman to u to!

King Hippo

case of the shits

blaxabbath

Should I be starting Algholar (LV)? My current line up is Lockett, Thielen, Adams (GB).

rockingdog

looks like your ROCKING with what ya got as your current lineup

blaxabbath

Such a good use of the RDog avatar.

Game Time Decision

I wouldn’t. Other 3 have moar upside

blaxabbath

I keep reading these “PHI won’t get shredded two weeks straight!” and thinking maybe let Adams sit…..but that’s pretty dumb when I see it typed.

rockingdog

Fantasy football question:

Should I play Julio Jones or Terry MCLaurin (vs PIT) as my flex?

I currently have Mike Thomas (vs ATL) and Allen Robinson (vs DET Lions) as my 2 WR’s.

yeah right

Got to go Julio.

blaxabbath

I conquer.

clint greasewood

In the same boat with Julio. Can’t afford I’m to leave the game after 2 offensive possessions again.

rockingdog

I did it.
Gonna fire up Julio Jones as my flex.
Feelin like a nervous dog this mornin

yeah right

My 3 bet parlay: Titans to win against Cleveland, Indy to cover 3.5 against Houston and Vikings- Jax to go over 51.

Let’s see what really happens!

rockingdog

thats ROCKING!!!!

blaxabbath

I’m ashamed to not sports book more here.

They’re just intimidating.

Redshirt

For me its just not worth the drive. Plus every time I do show up at the casino, there’s always a bunch of people in line behind me getting more offended by the second that I’m taking two minutes to make a bet.

Also, Blax, just think of sports betting as regular gambling. You’re doing it just to have fun, and if you win, so much the better.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

I see the first two, but I’m not certain about HornyJags going over 51.

herodotus450

Going for the all Hunter lineup today. Renfrow, Henry, couldn’t pick up Gatherer though smhd

LemonJello

What is Hunter Green’s status?

Redshirt

About two parts green, one parts red and blue each.

Shades of green – Wikipedia

Don T

Emphasis lessons from míster dos Santos are in order
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rockingdog

TUA TUA TUA TUA!

blaxabbath

What’s that do for my Myles Gaskin play?

blaxabbath

Carson (12s), Murray (NO), Moss (BUF)

With Gaskins, need two of the four.

Last edited 3 years ago by blaxabbath
blaxabbath

I feel like NO will find a way to feed Kamara and so I’m shy on Murray. I don’t need 30 from the RB slot, but a 8/35/0 line from Murray feels possible where Gaskins seems to be the inverse with guaranteed touches (though in a tua offense, not sure if that’s good or bad).

Carson is the rb1 in this group,

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