It’s been tough to make predictions in this most unlikely of football adventures this year but here’s one I feel I can safely offer. The entire NFC East will lose this week, allowing the mighty New York Football Giants to maintain their stranglehold on the division lead. Easy Peasy.
TO THE GAMES!
Saints/Falcons:
Fantasy owners looking to Kamara to win them some games down the stretch have been ambushed by The Taysom Hill Factor. Three targets in two weeks? Adding insult to injury, he’s been out-snapped by Lat Murray 34 to 25. ATL has been enjoying a prolonged ‘dead cat bounce’ after the Quinn firing-their D has gone from surrendering 32 points per game all the way down to a much more respectable 20.
Lions/Bears:
Truth Biscuit gonna have himself a game? Over his last four vs Detroit he’s had 3 TD scores each time. The secret behind his success was the Lions not disguising their coverages at all. Since-fired Patricia used little to no motion pre-snap so Mitch was able to go to get the ball to his first read. It’s hard to imagine that the Lions would be able to change things up so quickly. Your sneaky play just might be Darnell Mooney who is playing off Jeff Odukah-the latter has given up the 3rd most yards receiving despite missing 2 games.
Browns/Titans:
Since the Titans acquired Desmond King they have been PFF’s highest-graded coverage unit. Their run D remains a work in progress though. They’ve allowed the 7th most fantasy points to rb’s and struggle when opposing O’s give them a taste of their own Derrick Henry medicine. “Oh, oh. That’s Nick Chubb’s music!”
Bengals/Fins:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, if Fitz is under center, start your Devante Adams.” He gets a silly 40% target share when the bearded Harvard is in there and there are far more shots downfield. Tua is a gametimer and Flores insists if he’s ready to go he’ll be in there. At 7-4 the Fins need to take care of business here because they have K.C, N.E., L.V. and the Bills the rest of the way.
Jags/Vikes:
Minny has the 25th ranked run D and is the only team to allow 100 yards to Zeke. That bodes well for rb Robinson because The Giraffe leaned on him plenty last week to the tune of 27 touches and a ridiculous 97% snap share.
Raiders/Jets:
The Jets trajectory is such that one can get a ‘Lawrence’ jersey in green and white on eBay. They do have the league’s 4th best run D but that’s because everyone passes on them. That said, Vegas will no doubt give rb Booker (Jacobs is injured) 20 touches because Gruden will always Gruden.
Colts/Texans:
Rook Taylor was finally tearing Indy’s RBBC asunder when he got Corona-ed. So does he immediately return as the main guy or are fantasy guys back to square one again? Many are lamenting the absence of Will Fuller but the Texans are more likely wishing that cb Bradley-Robey was on the field. Without him Houston has gifted 196/2 to Adams and 146/1 to Chark. Hear that, Michael Pittman owners?
Do you have a prediction? Let’s hear it.
Those Matt Nagy quotes are basically every cliched high school coach with no sense if perspective
Every NFL pregame show just offered him a contract after seeing your comment.
Welp, there goes my “Tyler Boyd won’t do shit without a decent QB” theory
Hey, we still have Tyler Boyd!
Lots of doinking in Chicago
Cody Parkey tributes
Learned about the QWERTY effect yesterday, freaky stuff
Do tell
Basically the random-ass keyboard layout that most of us use affects how we feel about different words, up to the point where people name their kids using more words that are typed primarily with the right hand.
https://www.wired.com/2012/03/qwerty-effect-language/
I’ve always had mixed feelings about the quick brown fox and things are finally falling into place.
Wasn’t the whole point of the qwerty keyboard to slow down typing to prevent typewriter jams? And this is why we have Kaylas and Kayleighs?
There’s no real agreement about the origin of qwerty, the one thing that’s certain is that all the letters of “typewriter” are in the top row, to make it easy for typewriter salespeople who couldn’t type but wanted to demo their unit
After all, there are lots of layouts that don’t jam
Holy shit, did i sleep late. What’d i miss?
Jets haven’t Jetsed yet, Raiders have Raidered
Bears bearing down for midterms?
In true Bears fashion, they’re leading with no output from T. Bikkie
As expected, Younghoe scores.
“For me, it was usually the other way around…” — Ghost of Jeffrey Epstein
Younghoe been mah savioUr the past few weeks…
The Raiders are really a very appropriate team for Vegas, they’re all about the bad beats
“Scoreless in Miami”
Game update or the result of my latest vacation to Florida?
Browns successful trickeration!
Yeah, Bengals? Quit trying to make the deep pass part of your gameplan. Its not gonna happen.
What percentage of spot challenges are successful? Like 0.001%?
Gonna need to program a “That’s My Raiders!” hotkey for today.
If you had told past-me that Saints-Falcons had the potential to be a defensive, low-scoring slog, I would have been kind of surprised
Weight loss update.
Net loss of 3 pounds this week. Overtell, lost 10 pounds in November. Not bad considering I really didn’t start a diet. Just ate half of what I would.
Best thing I ate this week, two hardboiled eggs with ALL THE SALT.
That’s great news!*
*have you found your net yet?
Okay, what was the worst thing you ate this week?
Bullshit spot.
Kudos to CBS, for closing in on the ball to hide the chain length until the stick is set on the ground. Drama!
/kicks chair
It doesn’t seem wise to anger El Tractoricito.
Is it wrong am cheering for the Browns?
/flips bird, albeit amiably
Nah. I find the Browns to be almost adorable in their ineptitude. It’s like cheering for the Coyote to catch the Roadrunner: you know it’s not gonna happen, but you kinda wish it would.
Aw, it’s Sam Darnold’s first touchdown pass since Week 3! It’s a very special Christmas episode of That’s My Raiders.
Make-A-Wish really short on requests this year.
Moring Folks
Making the first batch of Xmas sweets now: butterscotch chips, butter, peanut butter, mini marshmallows, and Rice Krispies. Later I’ll do the Rocky Road version, which swaps out butterscotch and peanut butter for peanuts, chocolate, and condensed milk. They’re both basically multiple forms of sugar and fat. I rationalize that if it’s ok if I give enough of them away, but will end up eating way too many over the coming weeks.
Andy Reid gained three pounds while I read your comment.
So, less than usual?
Rice Krispies would be like crack cocaine for me right now.
Why don’t any of you ship these baked goods around the group?
In my case, it’s because I’m way too lazy to deal with shipping boxes and labels and stamps or whatever.
Lookit Torville Yancy Hilton go!
That’s My Raiders!
(tm)
Jets are winning?!
It would be the Jets-iest thing to do.
We are at my friends bar. Every single one of us is at different tables.
That’s just good planning.
Gotta take advantage of the setup to do solo trivia during half time
I almost ML bet the Jest
Odds must have been absolutely lovely.
GIRAFFE MAKING THINGS HAPPEN WOO!!!!!!!
He’s the only qb in the league capable of ungulating down the field. #troof
You reticulated your point very persuasively, sir!
I am starting Mooney in money league, mostly because it makes me think of Negrodamus
Its always a good sign with the WR is blocking the WR that is already blocking a defender.
I got a free can of alcoholic cold-brew. Seems like the ideal time to crack that open
All this talk about Mayfied is me fantasize about Teresa May acting “naughty”.
Feeling… CONCERNED, about Browns @ Tits. Worst case scenario, Chubb /Khunt gash, TEN’s D crowns Mayfield’s ass. Actual bad scenario that might happen: TEN D: 0 sacks, 1 knockdown, 2 hurries, 65 yards in DPI.
/alarm sounds
Oop, that’s the wine siren. Reporting for self-medication, ma’am.
#ThePauls due for some #HeavyRegression
I mean…it’s still the Browns
TEN D is a great D-line + smoke, mirrors and tape. Office tape, not duct tape.
Y’all are the only crew I’ve seen make “bend, don’t break” work
Successful goal line / 4th down short yardage has carried from last year.
My cue to go piss is when the lone RedZone ad kicks in…
Primal, baby.
You don’t have a bucket beside your sofa? I mean, I don’t either but I thought you might.
A simple set of PVC pipes and a dirty water pump would work just as well.
I’ve never had my penis called a ‘dirty water pump’ before but it’s sorta apropos, now that I think about it.
True Hippo Story! If I am watching downstairs, I can easily watch the teevee through open loo door.
/still prefer to stay upstairs in my room
It’s properly referred to as a chamber pot
Should I root for a win, draft position or a tie?
Draft position. You need an offensive lineman in a bad way.
#3 overall should be that Oh-ray-GAWNE LT, he is supposed to be hot shit.
We need a new OL coach in a bad way. He’s the one that told our overmatched coach the OL was good enough to protect the franchise and now he’s in drydock.
always root for Most Glorious Draw, Comrade Magical Pony!
The correct choice also makes a fine Christmas gift for dad.
Draft position if you go with your head, tie if you go with your heart
My son HATES when I air-drum along with the Red Zone pregame jazz.
oh, how can one NOT ROCK THE FUCK OUT??
Weather Channel doesn’t fuck around with their light jazz either.
I’ve been turned off from the Weather Channel since they started showing shows at the expense of the Local Forecast on the 8s.
Agreed. In the late 90s, I used to hang out with two stoner fly fishermen/avid golfers. We would get stoned and watch WC for HOURS while they would try to time the summer storms.
Tu casa, tu solo de batería.
Are the Browns the quietest 8-3 team ever? All you hear about them is that Mayfield sucks.
He’d better not suck this week, my fantasy season is riding on his arm.*
*not really, my fantasy team sucks.
I’m still getting a Bengals-vibe from that team. They’ll make the playoffs, but I’ll be surprised if its more than just a cameo appearance.
The ground game is carrying them. Most of their wins are against lousy teams. And, yes, Mayfield sucks.
See, this is why I think they’ve got a great shot to win vs the Titans. And then they’ll be 9-3 and still no one will talk about them.
My Google timeline has been far less interesting since the pandemic started. Hoping to fix that in January when all the stupid holiday people will be safely tucked away in overflow ICUs and no longer free to roam about breathing on people.
Ah, the first snowmobile ad of the season. Time to take the snow shovels out of the garage.
I really wish it would snow here, partially because I really want to go play in the snow, and partially because it would be super fun to watch California drivers sliding around the highways
Seems like this is a big Canadian holiday, almost like opening day of the based-balls?
I picked up Truth Biscuit as an emergency option, but I think I’m gonna risk it and start Lamar…word is he’ll be activated off Covid list today or tomorrow
I’m playing him in one league because he 1) owns the Lions, and 2) I’m out of the playoffs*
*go figure
Yeah, he was by far the best available, but the idea of starting a Bears QB, and not just a Bears QB but THAT Bears QB….just…icky
> 1) owns the Lions
No you’re thinking of Carole Baskins.
Good luck, I sense you will be knocking me out the playoffs today!
I think we have the only true win-and-in matchup, although both of us could still be in if lots of other people *looks around shiftily* totally burn out
close to a true toss-up, we should get lots of RedZone time!
I hope so, because the early matches we don’t have representation in do seem to be the less interesting ones!
How funny would it be if we tied? (Assuming we have ties in DFOball)
I think it happened once, even with the “2 decimal places” scoUring!
I believe when you activate Mitch in an emergency he’s referred to as “Ship’s Biscuit”.
Good evenin’ from “Nope, not watching the EPL, no sir-eee” (aka the tank barn). How’re ya all this fine arse day?
last fantasy football question:
Ben Roethlisberger (vs Wash) or Taysom Hill (vs ATL) at QB?
BEN HAVE NO RUN GAME. BEN PASS AND PASS AND PASS UNTIL ARM FALL OFF.
thats one ROCKIN dog
I picked up Hill in 2 leagues but just don’t have the ballsack to play him. Going to go with Goff in one of those leagues. [insert “pray for Mojo” gif here]
One allegedly rockin’ dog (he was never convicted of nuttin’)
found a funny:
Actually, Frankincense is the name of the gift. Frankincense’s wiseman is the guy from the story.
Moleman in the morning – YouTube
and a good Moleman to u to!
Just read that CE-L is active and might play tonight. Had the flu?
case of the shits
Should I be starting Algholar (LV)? My current line up is Lockett, Thielen, Adams (GB).
looks like your ROCKING with what ya got as your current lineup
Such a good use of the RDog avatar.
I wouldn’t. Other 3 have moar upside
Lockett is gonna feast on Darnay Holmes and Adams gets all the looks. Thielen is a strong play as well. Don’t overthink it.
I keep reading these “PHI won’t get shredded two weeks straight!” and thinking maybe let Adams sit…..but that’s pretty dumb when I see it typed.
Just an inkling but the players must be frustrated seeing the coaching staff trot out Wentz game in and game out no matter how shitty he’s playing. Why not give Hurts a package of plays and see what happens?
Fantasy football question:
Should I play Julio Jones or Terry MCLaurin (vs PIT) as my flex?
I currently have Mike Thomas (vs ATL) and Allen Robinson (vs DET Lions) as my 2 WR’s.
Got to go Julio.
I conquer.
In the same boat with Julio. Can’t afford I’m to leave the game after 2 offensive possessions again.
I did it.
Gonna fire up Julio Jones as my flex.
Feelin like a nervous dog this mornin
My 3 bet parlay: Titans to win against Cleveland, Indy to cover 3.5 against Houston and Vikings- Jax to go over 51.
Let’s see what really happens!
thats ROCKING!!!!
I’m ashamed to not sports book more here.
They’re just intimidating.
For me its just not worth the drive. Plus every time I do show up at the casino, there’s always a bunch of people in line behind me getting more offended by the second that I’m taking two minutes to make a bet.
Also, Blax, just think of sports betting as regular gambling. You’re doing it just to have fun, and if you win, so much the better.
I see the first two, but I’m not certain about HornyJags going over 51.
Going for the all Hunter lineup today. Renfrow, Henry, couldn’t pick up Gatherer though smhd
What is Hunter Green’s status?
About two parts green, one parts red and blue each.
Shades of green – Wikipedia
Emphasis lessons from míster dos Santos are in order
Looks like Tua is going to be activated.
TUA TUA TUA TUA!
What’s that do for my Myles Gaskin play?
Who else do you have?
Carson (12s), Murray (NO), Moss (BUF)
With Gaskins, need two of the four.
I think you’re good with him-he’s getting all kinds of touches. I just can’t figure what’s going on with Murray/Kamara. Doesn’t make much sense and you’d think it would get corrected at some point.
I feel like NO will find a way to feed Kamara and so I’m shy on Murray. I don’t need 30 from the RB slot, but a 8/35/0 line from Murray feels possible where Gaskins seems to be the inverse with guaranteed touches (though in a tua offense, not sure if that’s good or bad).
Carson is the rb1 in this group,