Your Very First Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

It’s been tough to make predictions in this most unlikely of football adventures this year but here’s one I feel I can safely offer. The entire NFC East will lose this week, allowing the mighty New York Football Giants to maintain their stranglehold on the division lead. Easy Peasy.

TO THE GAMES!

Saints/Falcons:

Fantasy owners looking to Kamara to win them some games down the stretch have been ambushed by The Taysom Hill Factor. Three targets in two weeks? Adding insult to injury, he’s been out-snapped by Lat Murray 34 to 25. ATL has been enjoying a prolonged ‘dead cat bounce’ after the Quinn firing-their D has gone from surrendering 32 points per game all the way down to a much more respectable 20.

Lions/Bears:

Truth Biscuit gonna have himself a game? Over his last four vs Detroit he’s had 3 TD scores each time. The secret behind his success was the Lions not disguising their coverages at all. Since-fired Patricia used little to no motion pre-snap so Mitch was able to go to get the ball to his first read. It’s hard to imagine that the Lions would be able to change things up so quickly. Your sneaky play just might be Darnell Mooney who is playing off Jeff Odukah-the latter has given up the 3rd most yards receiving despite missing 2 games.

Browns/Titans:

Since the Titans acquired Desmond King they have been PFF’s highest-graded coverage unit. Their run D remains a work in progress though. They’ve allowed the 7th most fantasy points to rb’s and struggle when opposing O’s give them a taste of their own Derrick Henry medicine. “Oh, oh. That’s Nick Chubb’s music!”

Bengals/Fins:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if Fitz is under center, start your Devante Adams.” He gets a silly 40% target share when the bearded Harvard is in there and there are far more shots downfield. Tua is a gametimer and Flores insists if he’s ready to go he’ll be in there. At 7-4 the Fins need to take care of business here because they have K.C, N.E., L.V. and the Bills the rest of the way.

Jags/Vikes:

Minny has the 25th ranked run D and is the only team to allow 100 yards to Zeke. That bodes well for rb Robinson because The Giraffe leaned on him plenty last week to the tune of 27 touches and a ridiculous 97% snap share.

Raiders/Jets:

The Jets trajectory is such that one can get a ‘Lawrence’ jersey in green and white on eBay. They do have the league’s 4th best run D but that’s because everyone passes on them. That said, Vegas will no doubt give rb Booker (Jacobs is injured) 20 touches because Gruden will always Gruden.

Colts/Texans:

Rook Taylor was finally tearing Indy’s  RBBC asunder when he got Corona-ed. So does he immediately return as the main guy or are fantasy guys back to square one again? Many are lamenting the absence of Will Fuller but the Texans are more likely wishing that cb Bradley-Robey was on the field. Without him Houston has gifted 196/2 to Adams and 146/1 to Chark. Hear that, Michael Pittman owners?

Do you have a prediction? Let’s hear it.

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King Hippo

yep, Dingleberry. I liked THAT!

ArmedandHammered

Was first play i was able to see, hopefully the rest of the day will bring me as much joy.

rockingdog

really hoping cousins throws another 2 picks

go jags

Redshirt

Are we keeping track of all the worthy banners that we’ve missed because the last update put the site on Read-Only?

King Hippo

humble bragging your body count smh

Mother Puncher

I missed all this. What happened? Did WBS have the password or something?

Game Time Decision

WordPress update broke our ability to update it

Gumbygirl

Can’t you just make New Banner the first line of every post?

Game Time Decision

Stop coming up with such good ideas

But seriously, we should be doing somethin

Mother Puncher

At least with Boyd getting ejected we get a chance to see Aldi’s brand Edelman get a few 3 yard receptions.

litre_cola

Just caught myself getting tipsy.

Brain “If you didn’t want this why did you come to the bar???”

Doktor Zymm

Your brain has a solid point

King Hippo

of course Younghoe has some garish ink

LemonJello

Tramp stamp?

LemonJello

This Jaguars defense, I call a Duval county trailer park because they’re trying to fuck cousins but not having the success they expected

Redshirt

Cincinnati-Miami is threating to go Cincinnati-Pittsburgh Wild Cardish.

Mother Puncher

Fins and bungles getting a little teste

Redshirt

I’ll say this for Zac Taylor, he is completely over his head, but he has his players’ backs.

Doktor Zymm

Are players still ejected if they throw Hawaiian Punch? They really should be, it’s an awful bevvie.
comment image

blaxabbath

These Raiders, I call them ugly women because I have no interest in seeing them, hearing them, or giving a damn if a bunch of New Yorkers beat the snot out of them because, frankly, what’s in it for me?

clint greasewood

And now my opponent is losing points with the Tennessee defense.

Redshirt

Tyler Boyd was just ejected for being punched 15 yards out of bounds.

blaxabbath

This Raiders line, I call it the Mantuaka (whatever the town is on Making a Murderer) police department because they aren’t taking appropriate measures to protect an important Carr!

Redshirt

“Personal Foul, Cincinnati Bench, Questioning the Will of the Referees, 15 yard penalty, fourth down. An assistant coach of the commissioner’s choice will be drawn and quartered at halftime.”

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Mother Puncher

Two players ejected, only one player penalized. I hate to sound like a Pats fan, but the refs are out for us

Redshirt

(translated from Bostonian)

“There is no person that refutes this opinion.”

clint greasewood

Chubb hammering it in through a tight gap.

blaxabbath

“Has Adam Gase turned this franchise around?!”

– Meet The Press after that one sack

Dunstan

They warned me that if Biden was elected, Tennessee would be overrun by The Browns, and they were right!

Doktor Zymm

Alternate universe where we can still change it Banner!

Dunstan

It turns out, the real banner was the quotes we met along the way…

Brocky

Chicago TD!
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought gold didn’t breathe

Doktor Zymm

Lucky for her that’s pyrite at best

Dunstan

I dunno, it kind of looks like a giant dick and balls.

Doktor Zymm

It’s a lady and mosaic flooring, all in one!

Redshirt

This Cleveland-Tennessee game, I call it an actress’s first topless scene because those Tits are finally being exposed as fake.

blaxabbath

Regretting goi my Tanny over Marmalard today….

Mother Puncher

I won’t stand for this Halle Berry slander

Brocky

dontcha just hate when a pornstar has a great natural body and they get a bunch of plastic surgery and ruin it?

Dunstan

His second favorite is “Let’s Brunch.”

blaxabbath

Eat It

Gumbygirl

Hungry Like the Wolf.

Doktor Zymm

Now that all the buffets have been shut down, “China Grill” has moved down a few spots

Mother Puncher

“Moonpie Daydream”

Doktor Zymm

Aw, now I’m all nostalgic for 2009

Mother Puncher

I don’t know how to put it, but it’s upsetting that it took Burrow getting ground into paste for the Bengals to finally go, “alright, let’s figure out a good blocking scheme so we can protectBrandon Allen”

Redshirt

Some of it is also Allen not holding the ball too long, but yeah, this is a bit frustrating.

“We wrecked the BMV, so lets take care of the Ford Fiesta.

Don T

ThisSunday I call it Catherine the Great ‘cause I want Colts to get fucked

Dunstan

This Sunday I call it 9/11 because Jets crash and burn

Don T

1st half ain’t over and I ran out of game adjustments:
-switch wine to Coke Zero ✔️
-switch game for Red Zone ✔️
-scream ME CAGO EN LA HOSTIA ✔️

Dunstan

Judging from the promos, that CBS sitcom “The Neighborhood” has the fakest-looking yard since the Bradys.

Gumbygirl

Have you seen the Simpson’s yard? Looks like someone drew it with colored markers or something!

Doktor Zymm

Hmmm, replacing the grass in a yard with whiteboard flooring isn’t a bad idea

Redshirt

Nice try, BLEERGH, but that’s an incomplete pass.

Sharkbait

Hippo, whats a good parlay add to Gmen +10, Over 48.5 in Rammit/Quards, and
Mahomes over 2.5 passing TDs?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tuesday night football getting postponed?

King Hippo

Hippo Don’t Parlay!

litre_cola

Litre does. Add the Mahomes.

Doktor Zymm

I think I could probably hurdle a relatively short 2 year old.

LemonJello

Just go with the stiff arm, and get the yardage, Dok!

Gumbygirl

Who cares about a little toddler CTE, they’ll get over it if you give them a cookie.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, Canucks, what’s president’s choice? I like to know what kind of ads I’m ignoring.

litre_cola

Store brand from one of our grocery store chains.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But president of what? Don’t y’all have a premier? And a queen?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/prime minister, whatever

Doktor Zymm

I’m amazed that Amazon hasn’t picked up this branding opportunity, the Amazon Prime minister of Canadia!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah but they own the rainforest, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d buy it

Doktor Zymm

Wintery mix on the Soldier Field turf? Turf which is second only to Fedex field in its lumpy, spray-painted concrete-like qualities? FUN

LemonJello

Doesn’t a Chicago Wintry Mix consist of rock salt, broken glass and shell casings?

Gumbygirl

So… I have to watch the 0-11 Jest on Sunday when there are other games being played, but I don’t get to watch the 11-0 Steelers on Monday afternoon when there are no other games. That seems fair.

Dunstan

Wait, I thought Guiliani’s first name was Rudy

King Hippo

Dok had BOTH the Fins’ kicker and D/ST active. Would have been a 12-point play.

/big exhale

Doktor Zymm

Harrumph!

Doktor Zymm

That D/ST – kicker combo has been GOLD for me the last couple weeks

Doktor Zymm

If the Dolphins trick play had stood, would those be D/ST points in fantasy since punt unit?

King Hippo

YES, see above

Redshirt

Peak Bengals and Peak Dolphins on one play.

Doktor Zymm

That’s just disappointing

Spur

“roach clip” has to be the worst term

Gumbygirl

I’m leaning toward “moist towelette” for the ick factor. Try saying it out loud without gagging!

Doktor Zymm

“soggy jockstrap”

LemonJello

Second Trump Administration

Gumbygirl

Flagged for hate speech.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Mike Glennon”

Doktor Zymm

“Mike Glennon’s soggy jockstrap”

Gumbygirl

He could clean that up with a ….moist towelette!

Mr. Ayo

LOLfins

Gatoraids

Florida not real big on accurately reporting numbers

Last edited 3 years ago by Gatoraids
rockingdog

TRICKY TRICKY TRICKY

itss ROCKING!!!!

clint greasewood

really shot themselves in the foot fin.

Doktor Zymm

It’s very difficult for dolphins to shoot themselves in the dick, due to a handy genital pocketcomment image

Don T

24-7 Browns ahead. NOT surprising.
PFF can grab* my left nut.

* Caress apologetically

rockingdog

cats r scratchin those vikings

go guars

King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

Opening up the magnum of Toscana Rossi. This is a Good Idea.

litre_cola

Get into it Zymm!

Gumbygirl

Don’t they have something called the Genius Award?
I award you one!

King Hippo

/DonT emegencia carton of cigarettes FLIES OPEN

LemonJello

Release the booze!

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by LemonJello
King Hippo

Oh, I think that got loose on the first #ThePauls drive

litre_cola

Did AJ Brown get an owie????

clint greasewood

Looks like a twisted ankle.

Doktor Zymm

Just a cramp, or possibly a miniature explosive nanotech device implanted in his leg went off

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like always, Tits didn’t pay attention to the fat guy

King Hippo

BANNER!!!

Redshirt

Its wasn’t me who wrote down my banner in permanent marker!

King Hippo

2nd Touch of Downs touched down!

Spur

Strange on when money is involved these Mormons have a relation that its ok.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did someone tell Trubisky, “look, EVERYONE thinks you’re terrible and going to be a clipboard holder or worse the rest of your career. You have nothing to lose. There’s no pressure any more, just go do whatever” and now he’s mainly cromulent?

Recovery Whiskey

Lions defense may be involved here.

litre_cola

I did not see #thePauls pulling this off.

Last edited 3 years ago by litre_cola
Recovery Whiskey

The Factory wishes it to be known their closure, likely due to Covid-19 outbreak, is only temporary. They will be back to full-time production of Sadness as soon as possible, definitely in time for the playoffs.

Spur

Tricky Browns dump on Tits

LemonJello

Ah, the old “Cleveland Steamer”

litre_cola

I played in a slowpitch league many years ago where there was a team called that.

Dunstan

Worst. PornHub search term. Ever.

LemonJello

Even with the German contingent?