Place: Approaching the second terrace of Purgatory. Hence the name of the chapter and all.

tWBS: So, what’s this place going to be? We already took on pride. How about prejudice?

Senor: *takes a sec before chuckling* That was really dumb.

tWBS: Hey, you laughed.

Senor: Because it was dumb! Anyway… I guess you could kinda be right? It’s envy, which I guess could be a cause of prejudice. I might be repeating myself but the way the sins are lined up correspond with love. Pride and envy, along with wrath, are due to a perverted love, which leads to harm of others. As such they’re lower terraces than that of deficient love or even excessive love.

tWBS: Excessive love? When has excessive love been a bad thing?

Senor: It’s us, dude. Do I need to rattle off a list?

tWBS: Oh shush.

Senor: Just sayin’. Anyway, you hear that?

Voices: “I’m Orestes!” “No, you wish you were Orestes!” “Hey, this guy doesn’t have any wine!”

Senor: Let’s just keep moving for now. Not sure why you’d want to be Orestes, but there you go.

tWBS: Orestes?

Senor: Tragic Greek figure, killed his mom’s lover, who killed his dad. Oh, and then Orestes killed his mom. There’s a bunch of different stories, a lot of killings. Keep going, and maybe you’ll find people trying to do a bit better at the virtue they should be learning, generosity, where they aren’t trying to be Orestes.

tWBS: Is that why… whatever the hell’s going on here?

Senor: You mean that these souls are blind, eyes sewn shut with wire, wearing these rags, leaning on each other for support? Yes. The envious, the jealous, or those who engage in schadenfreude, they all take pleasure in putting down others to make themselves feel better, so in the contractually obligated rules of contrapasso, they have to support each other. You only saw it in droves in Hell.

tWBS: Oh. Man, how did we all not get dragged into here?

Senor: What do you mean?

tWBS: We have a site-wide holiday when a team gets knocked out of the playoffs. We literally call it Patriots Schadenfreude Day. We have Hate Week and read up on a guy who posted “The Hater’s Guide to X.” We’re the Playa Haters’ Ball except we don’t wear nearly as flamboyant outfits. Considering we don’t wear pants.

Senor: Uhhhh… I’m gonna go for the circumstance of “good-natured ribbing.” Because our shenanigans are normally intended to be cheeky and fun, while others’ shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Which… makes them not really shenanigans at all. I mean, it’s not like we’ve wished injury, death, razing of lands, et cetera on anyone, right?

tWBS: Really?

Senor: …Barring extreme circumstances?

tWBS stares at him.

Senor: Hey, it’s not like we’ve wished injury or death on anyone. So in this one we’re off the hook. But your awareness will be noted at the gate of the next terrace, or something, when the angel comes.

tWBS: Or something? Oh Jesus! (He covers his eyes.)

Senor: Way to blaspheme on Purgatory but shit that’s bright!

They do manage to make it to the angel though.

Angel: Gentlemen, if you’d please mind thy tongues on this mountain. Even when approaching this stairway, far less steep than the others.

Senor: Yes, Angel of Generosity. (He elbows tWBS.)

tWBS: Yes, Angel of Generosity. Now can you take one of these Ps off my head?

The angel complies, covering tWBS with its wings. When the angel releases, tWBS now has five Ps remaining on his forehead.

tWBS: Y’know, it does feel a bit lighter.

Senor: Your steps?

tWBS: My… something, I don’t know. Oh great, more singing.

tWBS: Blessed are the…

Senor: Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

tWBS: How do you know this anyway? You play Jewish weddings, you don’t go to church…

Senor: And I’m shitty at languages! But hey, I had some time to kill on the way over so I read up on the chants and beatitudes. What kind of guide would I be if I didn’t know things about where I was going? Anyway, now that we’ve gone up these stairs to the third terrace…

But tWBS has a hand on the ground and the other to his forehead.

Senor: …Seamus?