Yay, it’s here! And now we have all sorts of tilts with playoff and/or draft position implications.
TO THE GAMES!
Texans/Bears:
Whar is Bears D? After not allowing qb’s to get even 20 fantasy points in week’s 1-11 they’ve given 25 to Rodgers and 26 to Stafford-this bodes well for Watson who is playing out of his mind right now. Keke shone last week in the absence of Cooks but the latter is back after solving his concussion issues.
Cowboys/Bengals:
If you’re looking to stream a qb for your playoff game you’re in a tough spot just like me and you could do worse that Dalton. Due to Cincy’s inability to generate any kind of pressure he should have all day back there to throw to his mighty triumvirate of wr’s. This is probably the most underwhelming ‘Revenge’ game you’ll likely ever eyeball.
Chiefs/Fins:
I’m kinda curious as to what Flores is going to do in this spot. Miami is top 5 in generating pressure and might have the league’s top pair of cb’s in Howard and Jones but Kelce and Hill are nearly unguardable. Stay away from the Chiefs backfield though, it’s a fat mess.
Cards/Giants:
While great strides have been made the Giants o-line is one of only two (Hi, Jets!) that allows pressure on more than 40% of dropbacks. Hopkins has struggled recently when shadowed by Ramsey and Gilmore and today he’ll get the same treatment from Bradberry who is making his own case for being a top 5 cb.
Vikes/Bucs:
Has Tampa fixed their secondary? They’ve given up 376/3 to Goff and 462/3 to Mahomes in weeks 11 and 12. If Dalvin can’t cook (sorry Russ) it could mean that Cousins gets beyond his usual 20 throws and that means good things for Jefferson and Thielen. Things is, Brady should have an easy time of it vs a Vikes D that is 25th in yards per attempt allowed.
Broncos/Panthers:
One imagines what te Fant could do with a consistent qb under center. Of Lock’s 14 games played he’s thrown for over 250 and had more than one score only twice. Robby Anderson hasn’t been talked about much but he’s one of only 6 wr’s that has a 27% or more target share.
Titans/Jags:
Henry needs to average 171 yards per game in order to join the folks in the 2,000 pantheon. Today he has the Jags and then it’s Lions, Packers and Texans. It’s doable. A.J. Brown gets all the press for his big days and his fumbling at the goal line/dropping open passes but Corey Davis should be a top 20 wr today. It’s a limited sample but nobody has a higher percentage of deep passes thrown than Giraffe’s 20%.
Join me in the funny papers, won’t you?
Corey Davis
why u got negative pts?
ugh not rocking
Honestly forgot the bears were playing this morning. I see some of them did too.
Correction: i clearly read that score wrong and am more confused than tebow at a drag brunch
Didn’t he circumcize folk in the Phillipines?
The Dolphins are beating the Chiefs?
I’m skeptical. The Dolphins are like my sexual technique — we may occasionally show flashes of competence, but we don’t last long and rarely deliver satisfaction.
Yeah, they won’t hold this lead past halftime.
We gots a NosRTDamous here.
Give me a spiteful Gordondown.
Did I say “stay away from the Chiefs backfield’? Tyreek leads in rushing with 32 yards.
Mahomes getting the Tom Brady treatment.
Giants sold out on a blitz resulting in a wide open receiver getting a TD. Huh. Must be “The New York Way”.
Going all in on a blitz is really more of a New Hamburg thing, if you really think about it.
The “Chicago Way” kotw remains one of my favorite things ever posted on this site.
The Vikings kicker was closer to hitting me than that FG.
What a throw by Murray.
C’mon, you can’t kick the ball out of a ball carrier’s hands can you?
THERE ARE NO FOOTS IN FOOTBALL
I bet you say the same thing about crying in some other sport.
[sheds a single tear] – Rex Ryan
Some team needs to hire him as HC, no current coaches are nearly as fun
Adam Gase is every bit as fun but in a completely different way.
Donks not WOO
wait, Mike Nugent is still alive??
Vrabel got too cute.
skateBOARD Dog
is ROCKING!!!!!
https://twitter.com/Ad_Inifinitum/status/1338007233704185856
As God is my witness, I thought that was a small pig.
Kind of amazing that skateboard dog consistently hangs eight.
“Agreed. The most I’ve ever been able to hang is four.” – Brett F.
Giuliani’s fave qb is Dalton because right now he’s 9 of 11.
Kyler, he die?
FREE STREVY!!!!!!!!
/the backup played for Winnipeg you see.
He’s back in there like a good little toy soldier.
By the way, Congratulations and Good Luck to the playoff teams in my Inferior Fantasy Football League For Dopes:
FL JerBear50
BBW 90 Day Beyoncé
Sex Nuts And Retard Strong
Litre’s Wine Drinkin SZN
Iguana Mart Burble Borble
The Herodotus Fantasy FC
Sex, Nuts and Retard strong always makes me laugh, and it is wrong.
So, who’s gonna fumble the ball this drive?
One silver lining to the pandemic, I’ve tried a lot of new kinds of Indian food in the past 9 months. Having kadhi pakoda, mixed veg, a paratha, and a glass of pinot noir for brunch today!
You see, this would cause me “toilet paper shortage” worries.
I’ve never had any issues with Indian food, and it’s one of the easiest way for me to get my veggies
I made Pho! It made me want to open a food truck.
You should call it “Pho the GREATER GOOD”
By law, all Pho restaurants must contain puns.
You’re not wrong.
https://imgix.ranker.com/user_node_img/50049/1000961934/original/1-photo-u3?fit=crop&fm=pjpg&q=60&w=650&dpr=2
That one gets bonus points for relying on the “authentic” pronounciation of “pho.” (“Fuh” rather than “Foe.”)
I love how the two games I have available in my area do not feature a single winning team.
I need to stop being poor and just get cable I guess.
Fuck cable. I do Red Zone through Sling, it’s the cheapest way to get it and you can cancel as soon as the season is over
Giants strategy on Cards run plays is “Tackle by Committee”.
Why is Mahomes not doing the Quaterbacking thing very well?
Brian Flores might actually be a genius Belicheat disciple??
Mr. Winkles gets to meet another kicker of placements…
I am now getting flashbacks to the early 90s Bengals.
7b27986286c55f5992d4f49ca704bc1c.jpg (600×315) (pinimg.com)
One positive from fantasy – I DID purchase Justin Jefferson at auction for $3, and can keep him at $4 next season.
I heartell there’s another bananas wr class coming in again. With so many O’s going to pro sets I think this’ll be the norm for a few years.
I have no idea the math that got me in them playoffs, and I have zero clue how the keepers work in that one.
We’ll have to do multiple Zoom thingys with Hippo over the summer. I’m a slow learner and his explanation reminded me of the physics class I passed by the skin of my balls.
or you guys could read the by-laws????
I’m not good at parsing Swahili.
I would like it in both official languages please.
Gahhhh
come on Ryan tannie & Corey Davis
DOOOO SOMETHING!!!!
Can’t believe Dallas defense is on waivers.
I luckily took them in 1 league.
Bengals Fumble III: The Search for Derp
yikes
butterfinger hands for that
chiefs reciever
Andy Reid’s discussion to feed the team fish and chips today is backfiring.
Nobody within 10 yards of Godwin, Dreamboat waaaayyyy off again.
What podcast is everybody listening to while they mute the announcers? This week’s behind the bastards about Roy cohn is pretty good.
They cover the dude who actually was behind the bastard?
I sat behind a bastard at the theatre once in the olden days
Robert Evans fucking rules, man.
Samaje Perine has quite the Talibeard!
Allen just called an audible and a Bengals receiver literally shrugged his shoulders at him
When did we resign Ochocinco?
But what if you COULD?
2003-04: Immediately.
2005-later: No way.
/was attempted “Under One Roof!” callback joke
“1st time 2 Bengals RB fumbled in same game since 11/27/94”
As God as my witness, I thought it would’ve been much sooner than that.
So many bad things have happened-I’m sure it’s difficult to keep track.
Dolphins did a good. Insurmountable lead!
Bengals have benched their 1st and 2nd string RBs. At this rate, they’ll be handing the ball off to their mascot Who Dey by the 4th Quarter.
I had no idea our mascot was named Who Dey. That is so stupid holy shit
Stripey McStripeface was taken.
Oh hey apparently my favorite mls team won the championship without me realizing. Anyway, back to getting emotionally invested in the fucking bengals and watching every game this season.
quick question:
Allen Robinson and Corey Davis are both WR 1’s this week, rite?
I think so.
Robinson for sure and Davis has come on strong. You have someone else you thinking about?
FULHAM DEFEATS LIVERPOOL, 1-1!!
If you asked me this morning if I would take a point. Absolutely I would.
Yes, I did drop the Miami D, why do you ask?
Talker guy mentioned that Flores was the DC for the Pats in ’18 when the Chiefs lost to them twice. Took Kelce and Hill out of the game for the 1st half.
Aldon Smith is going to skin a Bengal today.
That won’t even be the 3rd worst thing he’s done.
Is that a promise? Is he taking suggestions? Can it be a coach? Or someone in the front office? Maybe in the owner’s suite? Mike Brown? Please?
Jeebus, when did Aldon Smith get so goddamned fat?
I assume “upon signing his extension” is the obvs answer
Guaranteed money means guaranteed calories.
You gotta do a double fisted toast after you sign, one hand has a glass of champagne, the other a glass of melted butter garnished with a mini pizza
I thought that was a Chiefs thing, not Cowboys.
How did y’all come into your various Premier league fandoms?
Two words. Dennis Bergkamp.
Hippo made me do it.
DAMN SKIPPY!
/also, my Everton origin story is I got emergency drafted into coaching my kid’s Lesser Footy team (admitted I had coached little league baseball like 15 years previous, when my little brother played). In panic, I watched all the Premiership footy I could, so maybe would be able to fake understanding my jerb. Fell in love with Everton, because they were so similar to NC State (past glory, present…not, fandom equal parts passionate, paranoid, and BITTER AS FUCK).
The story behind me rooting for Arsenal is that Hippo bullied us into following the Premier League and picking a team, and at the time Arsenal had some sort of affiliation with the Yankees and was a good but not great team.
Now they’re not affiliated with the Yankees, (Man Shitty has taken that up, but I have my limits), and they’re borderline awful. Thanks Hippo!
What are Imaginary Friends FOAR, if not to share in one’s suffering?
I spent a bunch of time in Manchester back when Man U was the obnoxious international hotness, and so one of the three teams I’ve almost affiliated myself with is Man City. (The other two being Burnley and West Ham)
Man City is Ian Curtis’ side, making them easily the least offensive “big club”
Have you not seen me extolling the wondrousness of Kevin The Broom? He’s, like, totally awesome and everything! [blushes]
My buddy lived in West London when I lived in Scotland. Would take RyanAir down to visit for weekends and always partied in Fulham Hammersmith neighboUrhood. Went to a bunch of games. Great stadium, great neighboUrhood, good pubs, no violence, nice people.
That sounds fun as hell, except for the RyanAir part
RyanAir: We’ll You There In One Piece And You’ll Shut Up And Like It
or we won’t, and you’ll still shut up!
RyanAir: The first coin-op toilets in the air!
Right here!
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2016/08/08/picking-a-winner/
A friend of mine from London liked Arsenal, and I agreed that they had a cool name.
We’re at Peak Bungals, people! This is not a drill!
I’m rooting hard for Fulham here, but it is painfully apparent that Liverpool is just sooooooo much more talented than they are.
Fact.
Brady misses an easy TD seam route to Gronk. I am tumescent.
Diontae Spencer, former Ottawa REDBLACK, with the punt return TD!!!!!!
+1 no ofence!!
As someone whose skin colour is RedBlack, I am offended by this name1!1!!!,
Holy crap! AJ Green is still around?!
I really hope I don’t regret starting cooper over jacobs
NFL getting off to a fast start this week!