Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

It’s very nearly the crunchiest of crunch times now. Can the Bills top off week 16 with a twisting of the knife into the Pats mid-section? I’m guessing pretty much everyone in the NFL-fans, assistants, owners, trainers, strength coaches, beer sellers, ushers, parking lot attendants, ticket-takers, dieticians, public relations types, technical staff, sideline referees, cheerleaders, general managers and a whole helluva lot of other folks are hoping to see it happen. I think.

Fallout:

-Well, league defenders don’t have Duane Haskins to intercept any more. As noted in Hippo’s column, he’s been kicked off the team so that he could spend more time with Desiree, Cinnamon, Destiny, Raven, Trinity, Roxie, Chardonnay, Coco and Capri and wonder, “Just how the hell did it all go wrong? Damn it!”

-Are you-like me-thinking that there should be more coaches charging up and down the sideline, screwing up their faces in agony, berating refs for inconsequential calls and tearing off headsets? Or maybe if just one dude could do all those things constantly? Well, according to rumors a certain Harbaugh is on a few interview lists.

-Speaking of trendy coaching names, Urban Meyer’s name has been bandied about and has been connected to the Lions, Falcons and Jags.

-Incredibly old elf Frank Gore has been shelved for next week having gained exactly 16,000 yards in his forty year career. It will be his third game missed in the last decade and one day (maybe next Friday?) he’ll be able to tell his grandkids that he played back in the day when you had to run uphill both ways.

-Get ready to be familiar with the name John Wolford-he’s half canine, half vehicle and all man. And also the guy that might be replacing Jared Goff next week. He’s not played a single down in the NFL-I guess I just figured out why these retread qb’s like McCoy and Daniels just keep sticking around.

TO THE GAME!

Bills/Pats:

-Buffalo has a bit of work to do-they’re 6-35 vs New England since [in Conan O’Brien Show voice] the year 2000.

-But one of those victories came this year as qb Allen got over the hump, kinda. In 5 games against the Pats he’s sporting an unsporty stat line of 57-113 (50.4%) with 3 TD’s and 6 INT’s. Contrast that to his numbers this year-a 68% completion rate and a 30-9 TD/INT ratio.

-Whomever Bills OC Daboll decides to give da ball (Singletary or Moss) they should have a smattering of success given that the Pats have given up career days to Akers and Ahmed in the last two weeks. In Buff’s earlier W they ran at a 5.9 ypc clip, had 3 TD’s and totaled 195 yards.

-Good luck to Cam tonight in his attempt to conjure something out of nothing.

-The Bills D didn’t start the year out very well which was a bit of a surprise but DC Leslie Fraser, who in his previous three years blitzed at a 23% rate, is now sending in the troops 36.6% of the time. In the last month they’ve given up 20+ points just once.

Have a ball. A coconut ball, preferably.

 

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Sharkbait

Hmm, I wonder how the game is going?

*Puts on MNF*

“Mrs. Sharkbait, you can put the baroque english people fucking show back on”

Doktor Zymm

Is there a new baroque english people fucking show out? Is it any good?

WCS

The Crown? The Windsors? Anything related to the Middle Ages?

Dunstan

I’m assuming he means Bridgeton, which I haven’t started yet but am curious about.

ballsofsteelandfury

Bri-curious?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I Am Curious, [with teeth of] Yellow.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching it right now!

Sharkbait

Bridgrerton on netflix. The best review I’ve seen said that the show is for people who like pride and prejudice, but with more stairway sex.

Doktor Zymm

I think I heard a review on the radio, sounded like it might be worth checking out

Game Time Decision

What else was there to do back then but fuck?

Recovery Whiskey

Certainly not bathe

Dunstan

Ironic because the show is set in Bath

Senor Weaselo

Why are you watching Messiah after Christmas? Unless it’s this of course.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9tAI8e351E

Spur

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hippofant

I love that I can lip-read her accent.

WCS

Ah, the white New England quarterback gets the bail-out flag.

Recovery Whiskey

I see putting in the white QB immediately results in roughing the passer call

Doktor Zymm

Snowblindness

Recovery Whiskey

Licky boom boom down

Redshirt

Is it too early and/or dark to make a Jared from Subway joke?

ballsofsteelandfury

I just made a Pistorius joke about an innocent kid that got a dream trip to Disneyland. What do you think?

clint greasewood

 new QB, same arm

Spur
The Maestro

I know nobody asked, but thought I’d let the world know anyway: I am not having a good time watching this game.

Recovery Whiskey

You might be in the minority here

Redshirt

Notre Dame is the “disrupters”? Did I miss a meeting where the definition of “disrupters” was changed “entitled bitches”?

Recovery Whiskey

Its similar to that magic where a Trumper is both entitled as well as a victim of PC culture

Doktor Zymm

Considering all the bad shit about Uber, I don’t think it’s too far out of line to call them the Uber of obnoxious college teams

Dunstan

He went to Jared!

Game Time Decision

Cam benched. Doh

ballsofsteelandfury

That kid will grow up to win an Olympic medal and stab his girlfriend to death.

Too dark?

clint greasewood
Spur

Inject that into my veins

Viva La Tabula Raza

Somebody’s mom is going to have to go to the battered women’s shelter tonight.

Spur
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m 28 points up in the 3rd place game and my opponent has Diggs and I’ve got Moss.

I’m nervous.

Spur

Anyone know her mailing address? comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
ballsofsteelandfury

Not the same boobies

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, they can ‘shop that stuff all day.

Recovery Whiskey

Does anyone have links to pats fans forums or tags for this, are they melting down or are they not even paying attention at this point

ballsofsteelandfury

PITCHAS AND CATCHAS!

WCS

WE AHH CUHSERED LIKE NO OTHERAH! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Doktor Zymm

That would be an interesting Halloween haunted house twist, where instead of ghosts and such it’s just a grumpy old dude in a disheveled hoodie embarrassing you repeatedly

Dunstan

“grumble grumble call me in 20 years Daphne grumble grumble”

Recovery Whiskey

We all are Buffalo tonight

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, not all of us, but I have been expecting this season for over a decade so I’m not sitting here rending my garments.

Recovery Whiskey

Sorry man. Polish those trophies

Redshirt
Spur

Rub it in Buffalo bros….wait is that not PC? Sounds like something I shouldn’t type

Gumbygirl

I’m thinking Allen and Diggs could be one of those Dynastic Duo’s.

clint greasewood

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WCS

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Game Time Decision

Diggsdown. Need 2 more points from him to win

litre_cola

Job well done.

Spur
Game Time Decision

Love Belicheck smashing the phone on the failed challenge

Redshirt

If that’s not a Quotable, then what are we even doing here?

Game Time Decision

Exactly

Senor Weaselo

“But he didn’t destroy the phone with a bat!” -David Ortiz

Spur

She’s so cute. Why cant she be cloned and sold to Tejano bachelors
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Brocky

Can we get a round of applause for the fantasy gods this year? they really out did themselves playing the long con to screw me over

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
Fronkenshteen

Ahh, the 80s.

1DE6146C-FCAB-4A24-981E-C3A18FD8451A.jpeg
Dunstan

The Fall Guy had Markie Post, Heather Thomas, and one of the greatest theme songs ever.

Spur

Can Buffalo drop 50 on Pats? It’s not like there much else to do in Buffalo in late December

Redshirt

SPOILERS

BBC America is showing their annual Doctor Who marathon leading up to the new season, and to see how the Producers and Writers are going to continue to destroy both the treasured Doctor Who canon and poor Jodie Whitaker’s tenure as The Doctor. Personally, I think she’s pretty good as The Doctor, but she’s cursed to have people Last Jedi-ing Doctor Who.

I missed the 10th Doctor episode “Midnight” which I feel explains how good people could’ve voted for Trump (to quote Agent K: “ A person is smartPeople are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.), but I’ve found that the 12th Doctor episode “Heaven Sent” accurately describes how it felt living in the Trump presidency:

You wake up feeling alone and angry, and find yourself in your own personal Hell, being stalked by a demonic creature and the day ends with you in extreme pain crawling to your bed begging for death’s sweet release, only to wake up and repeat it all over again.

Now, Trump’s presidency would’ve only lasted 1,461 days and not the 1,643,625,000,000 days that Twelve endured, but if you think about it, didn’t the past four years kind of feel like four and half billion years?

Spur

All I know about Surgeon Limey Phonebooth
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Dunstan

I think you mean Inspector Spacetime.

Senor Weaselo

That’s what I’ve heard, for all the cursing Moffat out things have gotten weird.

Game Time Decision

I’ve always wanted to watch the series but being 12+ seasons behind is a little daunting to try to get through. Even in a pandemic and lockdown

Redshirt

Really you only need to watch a few each season. That and TV Tropes to understand the details. There’s probably a website to get better options

All I’ve even seen of the 1st Season with the 9th Doctor is the first, last and the one with the Dalek (three hours). That’s all you need to know AND get a nice appreciation for Eccleston’s take on the character.

Recovery Whiskey

Idk, havent paid attention to Dr Who since Matt Smith. Tennant was incredible too of course.

Spur
SonOfSpam

His moves in the video are really something.

Gumbygirl

A forever favorite for me.

Recovery Whiskey

Fifty thousand watts and a big accoustic tower

Doktor Zymm

Pretty sure my stream lag issues are due to Chrome’s insane memory usage. I should have stopped using it a while ago, but eh, lazy. Firefox instead I guess. Or Opera?

Game Time Decision

FF

hippofant

Not Opera. Now a Chromium-based browser owned by a Chinese equity firm.

Doktor Zymm

Damn, I should start paying attention to this stuff again

SonOfSpam

Compuserve.

Recovery Whiskey

Looks like the Hox are moving on from Snacks.

Brocky

well litre i hope diggs balls out from now on because if i lose this matchup by .12 points I’m gonna fucking shoot up strip club in grand theft auto

litre_cola

I need 4 more catches and 16 yards.

Senor Weaselo

“I gotta go there next!” -Dwayne H., Washington, DC

JimU

Cam is 5/10 for 34 yards passing. I don’t think he has a functioning arm anymore.

litre_cola

It is really sad to watch it deteriorate before our eyes.

Spur

Pats getting embarrassed? Yes, please!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdo-ZiHqbls&ab

Spur

Fun Fact, this is considered the 1st Disco Song.

Recovery Whiskey

In the UK.

Laughs in TSOP, the O’Jays, Carl Douglas, and a few others.

The Trammps Disco Inferno was the first in my Disco History book. Idk though all these can claim some glory

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Spur

Disco Inferno came out in 76. Rock your Baby was 74.

Can someone alive when Disco was king rule on this?

Spur

Evening Folks

Recovery Whiskey

Hey man how bout them Boys

Spur

It’s lining up to happen.

Redshirt

This game is basically the football version of this:

Martin’s revenge – YouTube

clint greasewood

I’m finally starting to understand how Patriots fans have felt for the past twenty years and it’s god damn amazing.

SonOfSpam

Uh oh. He’s becoming a racist asshole.

ballsofsteelandfury

Where’s Brockydamus?

Brocky

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WCS

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Brocky

….is this at me or the Patriots?

Brocky

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litre_cola

DIGGGGGGS DOWN!!!!!

SonOfSpam

James Woods’ last good movie. Or maybe just last movie.