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Placeholder of Placeholder Threads – now with more half assery!

King Hippo

/

, ,

To recap yesterday – Everton Are Magic!

Two good matches on NBCSN – Wolves/Foxes now, City and the Shite next up.  Watch them both, not much else happening in sportsball today.

I only found out this week that Ron Perlstein wrote THREE MOAR books in the vein of Nixonland, all representing the rise of today’s radical right.  It’s important to better understand how we got to this precarious point.  Fuck a duck, these be long booky-books.  Just my type!

Here’s a great tune sung by another NC-native Evertonian.  UTMFT!!

 

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————Here was what I was hastily put together before Hippo beat me to it. – L_Cola

As the early riser here at DFO there are times where we need the content monster fed. This is one of those times and I have no Snaxx in the bag right now. So we can round table this I suppose. What is everyone eating today? This truly is my favoUrite gluttonous day, I am throwing my “diet” out the window and will eat everything in front of me.

I have 2 lamb racks marinating and made my own Texas style BBQ sauce and the chicken wings are swimming in it right now. Grilling will be difficult today as it is currently -30 degrees C. YOU HAVE TO EARN IT. We will also order Korean fried chicken because it has to be done.

Is there anything that you have every year and should share the recipe ala Yeah Right?

Not me, but you get the idea.

Pre game there is a biggie in England with Man City and Liverpool going head to head, kind of like docking but more skin involved. If Liverpool loses then the season is over and Man City will regain the title. The Reds have been playing down to their opposition all season long so this could be a good tilt if Jurgen gets the lads up for it. Man City is a machine and is steamrolling anyone in their wake. They rarely play down to their competition and I still cringe and hope to not get murdered when Mighty Whitey faces them.

About The London Jaguras. It is over dear reader, they will be sent back down and continue to be a yo-yo club under the misguided, often distracted Tony Khan. Seriously, stick to wrestling and get us a god damned Director of football the loyal fanbase has had enough of seeing you trying to be a knock off Vince McMahon. Your father has invested heavily in the club and your uselessness is ruining any progress that our swarthy manager makes.

Sharkbait still has squares available for the Super Bowl, all the instructions are here.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1GbXQPWWPgtCoG9VYzr6yd6vxb3K6patTfMcHUsN8IoY/edit#gid=0

Have a great day and what are you betting on? May Gamblor be with you!

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scotchnaut

Trying to summon Zymm?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given the album title, was thinking Elisha might turn up.

0
Horatio Cornblower

This is total bullshit. Blatant handball in the box and no call, VAR didn’t do shit.

https://twitter.com/Brink_Thinker/status/1358020992522723328

0
yeah right

TAJ bought 2 of the squares but there are still a few left.

2
Senor Weaselo

Last I counted 13 left after I got 2.

0
bk109

Or you can enjoy WW84 for the uhhh….

  • plot
  • characters
  • strong acting
  • compelling plot
  • visuals/great VFX
  • the goddamn rape that somehow got missed by everyone involved with the movie
  • the implication that WW was cool with Hitler (as she didn’t prevent WW2/Hitler)

In case the last one isn’t believable, ahem:
Diana Prince:  A hundred years ago I walked away from mankind, from a century of horrors. Man made a world where standing together is impossible.

… so it’d appear that she was fine with standing idly by while A LOT of shit happened between 1917ish and 2016’s Dawn Of Shitty Writing

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
2
bk109

By the way – a question for the DFOers with more smutological knowledge – is it me, or was there a porn star with that name?

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
1
Horatio Cornblower

I had to google it, and now I’m probably on a(nother) watch list, but yes, yes there is/was.

h
ttps://thelordofporn.com/pornstars/diana-prince

NSFW. As if ‘The Lord of Porn’ wasn’t enough of a hint.

1
bk109

Googling it was cheating damn it, if I wanted to be certain – I’d have googled for myself, lol. I just wanted to see if a DFOer knew offhand/cock/vag whether that was the case

Also, she definitely looks familiar.

Also, also – IAFDB is a thing, y’know 😀

1
Fronkenshteen

Broadway

12828822-2BAD-45B7-A9B6-6CBF54BDED39.jpeg
1
Horatio Cornblower

Judging from the look on her face, Ms. Welch still has no idea what vapor lock is.

2
Brick Meathook

she’s about to find out

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By “internet dad” do you mean DTZM or Big Daddy Balls?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s what I figured. The *real* internet dad (DTZM) is going to be terribly pissed when he gets back from buying cigarettes SHUT UP HE’S COMING BACK YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Tigres!

0
bk109

Or how about some goddamn fucking culture’N’class

Ahem,
Tyger Tyger, burning bright, 
In the forests of the night; 
What immortal hand or eye, 
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies. 
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain, 
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp, 
Dare its deadly terrors clasp! 

When the stars threw down their spears 
And water’d heaven with their tears: 
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger Tyger burning bright, 
In the forests of the night: 
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

1
Horatio Cornblower

There’s only one poem about tigers that matters, and it’s Nael’s.
comment image

4
Gumbygirl

Symmetry and eye do not rhyme. I will die on this hill, fuck Blake!

0
bk109

By the way, I’m rooting for the Chiefs in this one solely based on the concern I have for UTree (and the entire population of Pittsburgh) spontaneously combusting or having their heads asplode at the sight of AB getting a ring

4
Senor Weaselo

Well lizard people, it’s snowing in Queens again. Fortunately it’s not two feet.

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Don’t lizards have 4 feet?
Misses point completely

1
bk109

We covered this at the seminar – we don’t advertise that we’re the ancient alien space lizard astronauts…. What’s next – you reveal to the upgraded monkeys that we’re treating this planet as a goddamn MMO version of The Sims?!

4
Horatio Cornblower

“What’s next – you reveal to the upgraded monkeys that we’re treating this planet as a goddamn MMO version of The Sims?!”

OH JUST GIVE THEM THE ROOK, BK!!! JUST GIVE THEM THE ROOK!!!

2
Horatio Cornblower

/From this SNL classic

https://vimeo.com/68875087

0
scotchnaut

One of the very rare occasions when the other Belushi was funny.

0
bk109

One of the very very VERY rare someone would refer to that SNL lineup as “classic”

0
Horatio Cornblower

You’re both 1000% right. I think one of the reasons I remember this skit so clearly is that it’s pretty much the only one from that line-up that really cracked me up.

“Pawn to rook 4. PAWN TO ROOK 4!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

1
King Hippo

Rebecc-ur: We’ll hear from the CIty manager next.

Pep (turning toward the Kop): How my ass taste?

1
King Hippo

Lose 4-1 at home, and bitch “the result didn’t reflect the performance.” Yup, the manager’s personality has rubbed off on the Shite players.

1
scotchnaut

“Oh God! The sweet, sweet taste of…[looks at bottle] Beer!”

2
Senor Weaselo

Specifically this one?comment image

Last edited 5 years ago by Senor Weaselo
0
bk109

So, anyone else skipping the Superb Owl or I’m going to be the lone heathen here to do that?

2
King Hippo

#MeToo

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I won’t be watching.

1
Horatio Cornblower

So I guess Allison took Man City -2 today.

2
scotchnaut

He does what his neck tattoo tells him to do.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s say, hypothetically, you were in a playoffs fantasy football thing where once you’ve picked a player you can’t use them the rest of the playoffs, and it’s Superb Owl time and you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for running backs. If you couldn’t use Clyde Edwards-Helaile, which Chefs RB would you take? Bell? Williams since he got the rock against Buffalo? Thompson as a dark horse?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m leaning Williams thinking most others will pick Bell

0
scotchnaut

Safe bet is Williams, he’s had 13 carries each game in the playoffs.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Williams.

/Bell goes for 62 yards, 4 catches for another 34, and 2 TDs

Well, shit.

2
Fronkenshteen

Jesus. Imagine if DeBruyne was healthy, too.

2
King Hippo

False Nine Foden has been a brilliant bit of Pep business.

Allison “Touch of Darnold” Becker WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

And there’s another one!

1
King Hippo

oh, joyous day

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I think the goalie had money on City…

1
Horatio Cornblower

I just came in from walking the dog and saw the highlights and said the exact thing.

Those two clearing “kicks” were…yeesh.

2
King Hippo

STONES was not offside, and the ones who were didn’t impact the play. What crap.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what I thought too. At least they got this one.

1
Horatio Cornblower

That description of Ireland’s relationship with Britain was fantastic.

The rainbow coloUred dildo really tied the whole thing together.

2
bk109

Ducky tends to use the Dilbow as an easter egg (same as how Dave used to hide Sexy Rexy references in his earlier DrawPlay strips)

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I spotted 2 rainbow dildos.

That’s some funny shit!

1
Sharkbait

Also if for some reason I can’t fill the sheet, The pool will be divided amongst winners evenly.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You’re assuming there will be winners. I’m hoping empty squares win all the quarters.

4
Dunstan

If that happens, is the money burnt as an offering to BLEERGH?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, Gamblor.

2
Dunstan

Ah, of course.

0
Senor Weaselo

Are there still squares?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Yes

0
Sharkbait

Let the day drinking begin.

0
Fronkenshteen

Alright! Back in business, baby!

1
King Hippo

typical, attention-seeking Kopite behavioUr. Fireworks, Jeebus.

0
Fronkenshteen

GODDAMMIT GÜNDOGAN

1
King Hippo

I bet on the Shite, but only because I want ’em jinxed.

0
Fronkenshteen

I bet Draw with Gündo and Firmino to score. That one hurt.

0
King Hippo

would have had it, if Fuckhead Firmino had taken the penno

0
bk109

No wae, you jinxed a team with your magical betting slips of mushness!?
NO WAE INDEED

0
Brick Meathook

I bought a box of Apple Jacks cereal this morning. Very rare purchase, once every ten years maybe, but I got ‘em today. Plus a big jug of whole milk.

2
herodotus450

“Wait a second, these don’t even taste like jacks!”
-B. Meathook, soon

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, neat, I make applejack a part of my balanced breakfast, too! It’s perfect for washing down some ‘Special K’.” – Britt Reid

Last edited 5 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
2
Brick Meathook

The best part is drinking the Apple Jacks flavored milk at the end.

comment image

1
yeah right

Wait, when did they add the food coloring?

/ hasn’t eaten Apple Jacks since the ’60’s
// seriously

1
Brick Meathook

I dunno. I only have them every ten years.

1
King Hippo

It will surprise none of y’all that I eat (and have always eaten, even as a child) my cereal bone dry.

0
Dunstan

Well, of course. The pills get all chalky in milk.

4
Gumbygirl

I’m not gonna lie, I love me some Jacks! And Cap’n Crunch too, but without the crunchberries. That’s a bridge too far!

0
King Hippo

penno to City WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

0
King Hippo

UPDATE – motherfucker

0
litre_cola

Wifey knew heartthrob would not be beaten.

0
King Hippo

Tell Mrs. Litre I just don’t get it. He looks like he might have…a Touch of Sam Darnold

1
rockingdog

found a funny:

me: ugh here comes hank, he won’t shut up about philosophy

hank: yo, what’s good

me: fuck off hank

3
Senor Weaselo

Hey Litre, where do you open said chicken from?

0
Doktor Zymm

Nevermind on the takeout, just hit up a bakery and I will be having 3 different types of meat pie with a cashew bun for dessert

4
yeah right

I’ll give the full rundown of today’s meal… in two weeks.

I am making onion dip and have a bag of Ruffles to start.

Oh yeah, I got my first snack box delivered on Friday. This is the Italian special.

1
scotchnaut

I’m still waiting on mine-I guess a sled dog hurt his paw or something.

2
Gumbygirl

I have brie, fig jam, crackers, and some other munchies. Let’s see…dolmades, crunchy hot chickpeas, and a small jar of caviar. I need to hardboil a few eggs for that.

0
Dunstan

You’re locked in a room with three people. One of them says “I’m a thought leader!” The second says “I’m a futurist!” The third says “I’m a contrarian!” You have a gun with just one bullet. What do you do?

Sure, you could try to get them to line up in a row and hope to kill all three with a single bullet, but good luck getting the “contrarian” to line up. My strategy would be: explain to the contrarian that conventional wisdom says that murder is wrong. He will then join you in beating the thought leader to death. The futurist will just stand there and smugly declare “I predicted this on my blog back in 2015,” until you’ve finished killing the thought leader and can then gang up on him. (He will die sputtering “called it!”) Then shoot the contrarian.

Yes, I’m having a weird morning.

4
Brick Meathook

I would kill all three with my Kung Fu skills. I would save the bullet for robbing a liquor store.

2
King Hippo

Very typical, chicken-shit Klopp. An immediate leg-breaker challenge on the most in-form opposing player.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

As I’m the only one watching the game and not just the commercials and halftime show here, we’re grilling some bone in chicken breasts, mashed or baked potatoes and some green beans. Its always grilling season, so I shovel the driveway and then shovel around the grill.

1
Don T

Ok, game’s at 7:30 PM Atlantic
/looks at clock
comment image

2
Dunstan

I just sent that to a friend of mine who has a weird obsession with real estate. He doesn’t flip houses or anything like that, but whenever he’s in town he’s constantly asking me, “so what would a house in this neighborhood cost?” No matter what neighborhood we’re in. I don’t even know what houses in my own neighborhood cost, other than “more than I can afford.”

1
Horatio Cornblower

I showed it to my real estate agent wife and she laughed her ass off.

Gonna miss that ass.

2
Don T

How da fuck ya doin’! I chose to ride this latest manic episode into Most Glorious Industriousness. No takeout today.
Did chili yesterday, and was ???1/2. Will achieve the 4+ star this afternoon, when reheated. I’ll make nachos with it, which will become chilaquiles during some beers.
And, will attempt yeah right’s Korean wings from 2016.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2016/04/10/sunday-gravy-with-yeah-right-korean-style-wings-will-change-your-life/

Oof, YR’s bench is deeper than the Dream Team’s. Not a Christian Laettner in the archive. Well, of to wash the car.
/opens fridge, blows ? at beer

6
ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

1
ballsofsteelandfury

You people are awake waaaaay too early for a weekend…

0
Doktor Zymm

I wake up at 5:30 on weekdays, 7 is sleeping in

1
Brick Meathook

I was up at 3:00, and out the door at 4:00, on a completely disastrous time-lapse run up the 110 to Pasadena. I hit heavy fog at the 105/110 “La La Land” flyover (it was like driving up into a cloud). The 110 all the way to Pasadena was almost completely empty. Unfortunately, my lens was now covered in water droplets and the footage looks like shit.

It’s pea soup fog everywhere now on the west side, and I mean thick.

2
Brick Meathook

https://vimeo.com/509479860

2
rockingdog

thats ROCKING

2
scotchnaut

That Pedophile Crossing right at the start is umm, uh, interesting…

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You should have waved hi as you passed by.

0
Doktor Zymm

Two wine tasting pre-Owl, one of which includes a cheese plate. Then takeout of some sort, thinking along the lines of a fancy burger or pizza, along with the various beer procured yesterday for the game itself. Will probably also stop at a 7-11 or similar to get miscellaneous junk food for dessert.

0
Doktor Zymm

Oh, and I have some leftover guac and chips from yesterday when I had guac and chips for dinner.

As a completely disengaged Man City fan, glad to hear they are kicking much arse

1
King Hippo

Bernard Gilkey and Pretend Man City say HAI from the 2083-84 season

4
Dunstan

I have so many leftovers to eat that the only new item I’m going to make today is some guacamole, and only because avocados were on sale.

1
rockingdog

thats SNACKING

0
King Hippo

This match is just like Fulham/West Ham yesterday, except no rain.

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

https://youtu.be/3qVPNONdF58

4
Fronkenshteen

Put a buck on a 4 team parlay: Barnes and Neves to score, Lester to win, and over 2.5.
It’s going…not well.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I’m seeing that the Charmslinger won the Walter Payton Man of the Year award, which is pretty fucked up because isn’t he an android?

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

He’s definitely not an iOS device.

6
Doktor Zymm

Failed defense department project, not good enough at murdering innocent people in other countries so sent into civilian life instead

0
JimU

Anything good on tv tonight?

1
litre_cola

I think CBS has an actioned pack night of edge of your seat comedy!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was thinking of doing a Rick & Morty marathon. Or Project Runway. Last night the contestant that got cut made a pretty spicy comment about the hostess wearing his dress to dinner with the Kushners.

1
scotchnaut

Prop Bets of Interest:

Bucs field goal as first score +425
Godwin scores first +1200
Gronk TD anytime +225 (really like this one-KC takes away outside wr’s and leaves tight ends exposed)
Travis Kelce MVP +1300
Brady 3 TD’s +125

3
montythisseemsstrangetome

I’m probably gonna eat wings. Have you guys ever had wings while watching football? There’s this thing that people do where they watch football and eat wings. You should try it. I’m glad to be opening your minds to to new concepts like eating wings and watching football. You’re welcome.

Also beer.

4
scotchnaut

I wish to subscribe to your blog-your ideas are interesting and titillating at the same time.

2
montythisseemsstrangetome

You called my bluff.

1
Doktor Zymm

There is a wings shortage right now!

1
scotchnaut

Coming off a two week break Mahomes is 7-0 and the team averages 35 points in those games.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but how well do Andy Reid’s teams do after weeks where one (or both) of his sons were arrested?

3
King Hippo

As to eatings, my mom is bringing over homemade spaghetti sauce today. So much shame eating, even with tri-coloUr rotini as the pasta.

1
litre_cola

I do not know how Sharkys link should work. Someone pls fix.

1
King Hippo

Litre – we should do a case story on why Draws are so interesting. Look at the spectrum of reaction – my joy, your rage, Fronk’s contentment.

Last edited 5 years ago by King Hippo
3
litre_cola

So many draws this year, it is driving me insane.

1
Fronkenshteen

Oh yeah. We got our doors blown off yesterday. Did not deserve that point.

1
litre_cola

We almost had 3 half assed threads for this morning. I just finished mine and was going to Karen Carpener it, and it appears via Slack that Scotchy was doing the same. Beat us to it Hippo. Huzzah.

2
King Hippo

It helps that I put so little thought into my writings.

1
litre_cola

I updated with my shit musings. Not about shit, about Tony Khan so pretty close.

3
King Hippo

There’s another series idea – Kirk Cousins Presents – Dingleberry of the Week!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The new least: dingleberry of the weak

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