Monday Morning Mock Draft: Chapter The Fifth

One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday.  Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about.  Good times.

Well, it’s been long enough.  After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes.  The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real.  So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over.  You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting.  We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership.  That’s no fun.  So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.

Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.

Yours in the comments, first come, first served.  For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one.  That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.

This Week’s Category:  Hamburgers.  This week’s commissioner is here with some rules, before Maestro comes in and demands that we consider lasagna a hamburger.

(he will gladly pay you tomorrow for all the burgers he draft today)

We are going to define what a hamburger will be considered a form of ground meat, (seafood, so long as it is ground, counts but really, c’mon, you’re not drafting that), between two or more buns.  Beef is obviously good, pork, venison, elk, (just in case Joe Rogan wants to chime in), salmon, whatever, as long as it’s ground.  Second, it must be a burger that you have actually consumed at some point in your life.  We’re not interested in aspirational burgers, or bucket list burgers, or that time you got a boner watching an ad for a Carl’s Jr. burger.  If you haven’t eaten it, you can’t draft it.  It doesn’t have to be from a restaurant; if you made the best burger ever, go ahead and brag on that.  We want to hear it.

Toppings can be whatever you want, so long as said toppings are on top of ground meat and between two or more buns.

If you want to draft a vegetarian burger go ahead, I guess, but be prepared to be viciously mocked.

Those are all the rules I can think of at the moment, but be prepared for that to change as needed, or whenever I feel like it.

With the first pick, I will take the burger from Armsby Abbey in scenic Worcester, MA.  I can’t find a good picture of one, but it’s $18 and really good.  The secret is bone marrow.  I very much miss Armsby Abbey, which is temporarily closed due to Covid.  Fantastic beer menu and great food.  They could be a little precious, like when I asked for the poutine to go, for my daughter at home, and was told that the chef didn’t like to make food to go because it  wouldn’t be the same.  Well guess what?  The chef doesn’t have to eat it.  My daughter loves it, she isn’t here, and I would like an order of it to go, for which I will pay you the listed price.  We do not need to discuss this further.  Anyway, I got the poutine, and the burgers are delicious.

Yours in the comments.