Instant Hippo Thoughts – Not-So-Superb-Owl

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Jared Goff is liquid shit.  The Baby Buster moniker is now unfair to Mr. Bluth.

But the hidden villain here is Andy Reid.  How in the name of Sweet Jeebus Tittyfuck did he not beat those dickass P*ts?  They have NOTHING.  You had the NFL’s most valuable player, and somehow didn’t show up for three full quarters.

No credit to Dreamboat, only SOME credit to the P*ts defense.  Their punter was really good, though.  Don’t recall his name, but he gets my MVP vote.

Roger Goodell, national disgrace and faux SJW.  Eat shit and die, motherfucker.

I have nothing else to say.  You saw it, what the fuck is there to talk about?

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice Mailbag’s Eighth Delivery – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] first, brief reflections on the Superb Owl: it also sucked. As was covered by our not-so-hungry Hippo, Goff was abysmal, and Andy Reid deserves significant blame for failing […]

bk109
bk109

Sooooooo, anyone got an updated list on which DFOers should be put on a suicide watch? Also… heheheheheheheh… 6 Rings and we’re onto LIV

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo Hoo Super Bowl LIV!
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Belichick used the same sedative-in-a-hypodermic-ring trick against Mahomes and Goff that The Smoking Man used on the Soviet goalie before the Miracle on Ice game. Prove me wrong.

yeah right

It was just so fucking anti climactic after what was a fairly solid season. The Rams defense played incredible, the other team too I guess. Just not much fun to watch.

Pitchers and catchers in less than 2 weeks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed.

Is that the gay bar? No offence……

Cuntler

Because this game was so terrible, whoever beat the Patriots by the most during the season is the champ. Congratulations to your 2019 Super Bowl Champion Tennessee Titans!

Horatio Cornblower

In honor of last night’s Corn Syrup Wars ….

litre_cola

I won money, got drunk and had a night out of the house at a dive bar with some friends. Great success. except going out for a smoke in -40, that sucked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did the balls freeze?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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All that said; that’s good angry hate, brief too.

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

So at the risk of making you all think more about that abortion of a Superb Owl, I was yelling at the TV and 1000-yard stare McVay to run a fricking screen pass to take the pressure off Baby Buster and, you know, see if Gurley could run. Finally in the 4th quarter they run it and get 20+ yards for their longest gain of the night.

Question: How did this not happen more than once?

/Bonus question: Does this make me the next hot NFL coaching property now that McVay is so last year?

//Bonus question#2: After Romo being perfectly cromulent all season, was he just awful yesterday or simply unable to overcome the sorry excuse for offensive execution that masqueraded as a championship game?

litre_cola

1. McVay still got there and recycled coaches are trash. heh
2. Fuck Romo, his whinyness was excruciating yesterday.

ballsofsteelandfury

1) McVey got nervous and the moment was too much for him
2) Yes
3) I think Romo really was handicapped by not being able to say that the game sucked balls.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

/puts on serious hat

Bill Belichick is a genius in that he has no ego. If shit doesn’t work or he’s trailing late, he will change it up. Sean McVay seems wedded to this offense that if it works, great. If not, you get last night and the SNF game against Chicago earlier because he won’t make adjustments.

This is what happens when you hire a coach that’s exceedingly specialized in one side of the field, and let your opposite coordinator play de facto associate head coach. The Jets are doing this with Adam Gase and Gregg Williams now, does that mean Gase won’t have a fucking understanding of what the defense is running? Seems to be trending that way.

If you get forced into punting on your first 8 drives, are you that much of a genius or just stubborn as fuck?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Meh, I’ll keep watching and not buying NFL merch. Do you have your mock draft up yet?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That game was a giant waste of time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One thing that has helped (and the NFL officials have helped tremendously with this) is to think of the NFL as pro wrestling – it’s just a bunch of silly scripted entertainment. That way I care about the Patriots winning again about as much as I’d care about the Honky Tonk Man winning a championship via cheating.

This Super Bowl was the worst one ever, but not because the Patriots won. It’s because it was completely devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever, with the exception of the pleasant surprise of the Game of Thrones commercial.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I was joking about that being why so many calls were made that seemed to just drag out the AFC game, but holy fuck. That makes sense.

Doktor Zymm

The officiating was pretty wildly inconsistent through most of the playoffs. I suspect this was on purpose, so they can justify stretching games to 4 hours with more reviews and therefore more commercial time. The NFL knows it’s managed by a corrupt group of robot elders and now they’re just milking it for all it’s worth before it totally falls apart.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This was the end result of my monkey paw wish for the Chiefs to lose the AFC Championship game. Sure, my wish came true, BUT AT WHAT COST???

Horatio Cornblower

“You saw it, what the fuck is there to talk about?”

Baseball.

Sharkbait

Hockey blog in the off season?

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wasn’t there Hawkee Taulk last year?

Doktor Zymm

When are they gonna jazz it up?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck you.

ballsofsteelandfury

Okay, so now that the bullshit is over for another year, we have a great year of content ahead!!

We’ll have recurring posts like Request Line and Sunday Gravy. In addition, Señor Weaselo’s House of Pain will return along with the Battlebots Beat. Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons is still going strong and will continue.

Sports-wise, there are a lot events coming up! We have AFLW and AFLX in February while March brings March Madness. No, not college basketball, our commentist banner bracket!
Baseball comes back in April and we’ll have expanded coverage this year. May brings the Champions League Final as well as the start of the Cricket World Cup and the NBA and NHL playoffs. We quickly move on to the Women’s World Cup of Soccer in June through July. August brings us the meat of the AFL schedule and September brings the AFL finals.

Oh, and the return of some boring sport called “football”.

And I haven’t even mentioned Temptation Island!!

Lots of good stuff coming!
– Peter North

Ian Scott McCormick

Lots of Russian Movies to talk about

Doktor Zymm

I’m visiting Australia in April, going to try and get tickets for Richmond v Melbourne on the 24th 😀

ballsofsteelandfury

Sweeeeet!

Boots on the Ground!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And the mailbag, get those questions/requests for advice in to dfosubmissions@gmail.com!

Don T

Jared Goff’s performance yesterday is rated “bad Charlie Whitehurst start”. Fuck the Rams—defense and special teams players and coaches excepted.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is good delicious hate.

The Maestro

Oh, man. This hate is so wonderful. What a way to start the day. Also: SIX SUPER BOWLS WOOOOOOO

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Ian Scott McCormick

I know you’re a Pats fan, but everytime I see your avatar I think “Steelers fan”

nomonkeyfun

Never forget, this man beat you guys twice; TWICE.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Just for that, Eli should go into the Hall of Fame

Horatio Cornblower

He will. Almost every QB who’s won a Super Bowl will go to the Hall of Fame, unless they’re a complete chucklefuck like Trent Dilfer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jim Plunkett won TWO Super Bowls and he won’t be going into the Hall of Fame, because he did so with the Raiders and the NFL fucking hates the Raiders.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll never understand why people hate P*ts fans.

Fronkenshteen

Fuck the Rams for never coming clean about Gurley’s injury. Fuck the official who called the fake Roughing the Passer in KC. But infinitely more than them, fuck Dee Ford for being so stupid he lined up in the goddamn neutral zone on 3rd and 10 in the late 4th quarter of a conference championship game at home. Fucking worthless meathead.

Horatio Cornblower

Dee Ford is the true villain of this season.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also his kid get bad grades at school on purpose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So let the P*ts have even a better game plan? Or is it just gambling?

Ian Scott McCormick

The worst part about dealing with Jared Goff taking forever to do anything, is that you keep honking your horn and lowering your high beams, but he just stares right at you like a fucking goober, just dying to raise your insurance rates.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I tried sending him texts….. didn’t work.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Moose is Brett Favre!?!?

scotchnaut

This is the kind of hippo that is responsible for more human deaths in Africa than any other animal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

Don’t steal his vicuprofin and you’ll be safe from this hippo.