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Instant Hippo Thoughts – Not-So-Superb-Owl

King Hippo

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Jared Goff is liquid shit.  The Baby Buster moniker is now unfair to Mr. Bluth.

But the hidden villain here is Andy Reid.  How in the name of Sweet Jeebus Tittyfuck did he not beat those dickass P*ts?  They have NOTHING.  You had the NFL’s most valuable player, and somehow didn’t show up for three full quarters.

No credit to Dreamboat, only SOME credit to the P*ts defense.  Their punter was really good, though.  Don’t recall his name, but he gets my MVP vote.

Roger Goodell, national disgrace and faux SJW.  Eat shit and die, motherfucker.

I have nothing else to say.  You saw it, what the fuck is there to talk about?

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Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice Mailbag’s Eighth Delivery – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] first, brief reflections on the Superb Owl: it also sucked. As was covered by our not-so-hungry Hippo, Goff was abysmal, and Andy Reid deserves significant blame for failing […]

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bk109

Sooooooo, anyone got an updated list on which DFOers should be put on a suicide watch? Also… heheheheheheheh… 6 Rings and we’re onto LIV

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo Hoo Super Bowl LIV!
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Unsurprised

Belichick used the same sedative-in-a-hypodermic-ring trick against Mahomes and Goff that The Smoking Man used on the Soviet goalie before the Miracle on Ice game. Prove me wrong.

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yeah right

It was just so fucking anti climactic after what was a fairly solid season. The Rams defense played incredible, the other team too I guess. Just not much fun to watch.

Pitchers and catchers in less than 2 weeks.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed.

Is that the gay bar? No offence……

1
Cuntler

Because this game was so terrible, whoever beat the Patriots by the most during the season is the champ. Congratulations to your 2019 Super Bowl Champion Tennessee Titans!

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Horatio Cornblower

In honor of last night’s Corn Syrup Wars ….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPmHrqbUlf4

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litre_cola

I won money, got drunk and had a night out of the house at a dive bar with some friends. Great success. except going out for a smoke in -40, that sucked.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did the balls freeze?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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All that said; that’s good angry hate, brief too.

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King Hippo

no worries man, I am done pissing into the wind and wasting my time re-capping shit

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Downfield Matriculator

So at the risk of making you all think more about that abortion of a Superb Owl, I was yelling at the TV and 1000-yard stare McVay to run a fricking screen pass to take the pressure off Baby Buster and, you know, see if Gurley could run. Finally in the 4th quarter they run it and get 20+ yards for their longest gain of the night.

Question: How did this not happen more than once?

/Bonus question: Does this make me the next hot NFL coaching property now that McVay is so last year?

//Bonus question#2: After Romo being perfectly cromulent all season, was he just awful yesterday or simply unable to overcome the sorry excuse for offensive execution that masqueraded as a championship game?

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litre_cola

1. McVay still got there and recycled coaches are trash. heh
2. Fuck Romo, his whinyness was excruciating yesterday.

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ballsofsteelandfury

1) McVey got nervous and the moment was too much for him
2) Yes
3) I think Romo really was handicapped by not being able to say that the game sucked balls.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

/puts on serious hat

Bill Belichick is a genius in that he has no ego. If shit doesn’t work or he’s trailing late, he will change it up. Sean McVay seems wedded to this offense that if it works, great. If not, you get last night and the SNF game against Chicago earlier because he won’t make adjustments.

This is what happens when you hire a coach that’s exceedingly specialized in one side of the field, and let your opposite coordinator play de facto associate head coach. The Jets are doing this with Adam Gase and Gregg Williams now, does that mean Gase won’t have a fucking understanding of what the defense is running? Seems to be trending that way.

If you get forced into punting on your first 8 drives, are you that much of a genius or just stubborn as fuck?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Meh, I’ll keep watching and not buying NFL merch. Do you have your mock draft up yet?

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King Hippo

shit, I kept watching even JV NFL, which is even more fixed/corrupt. I can’t read every hour of the day. But I also sure as shit don’t see any motivation to produce any MOAR #Content. There is no point whatsoever.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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While you’re at it; what about cabbage?

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King Hippo

also, no Mock Draft, just hope against hope that Drew Lock isn’t as bad as I think he is (based on Mizzou games I have seen, because I am a sick enough fuck to have actually watched several of such games).

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Usually I reserve the ‘cheerleaders grazing keeps the field in good shape’ joke for Nebraska, but Mizzou works fine.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That game was a giant waste of time.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One thing that has helped (and the NFL officials have helped tremendously with this) is to think of the NFL as pro wrestling – it’s just a bunch of silly scripted entertainment. That way I care about the Patriots winning again about as much as I’d care about the Honky Tonk Man winning a championship via cheating.

This Super Bowl was the worst one ever, but not because the Patriots won. It’s because it was completely devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever, with the exception of the pleasant surprise of the Game of Thrones commercial.

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King Hippo

First, the WWF-ization of the NBA.

Next, JV NFL and college hoopsball.

Third, the actual NFL.

Baseball is on the precipice, and would be all-in if not for the fundamental nature of the sport making a 5 or 7 games series impossible to get “right” more than 80% of the time, even with it being stars v. scrubs.

Baseball is getting ready for some nice, extended labour strife, too.

Coming soon to a theatre near you – European “Super League” Lesser Footy, to kill whatever is left of the Premiership and La Liga.

People can dance all they want on the NFL grave (HAI Balls!), but it’s a symptom of a much broader disease, that is killing absolutely all joy in absolutely everything.

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Ian Scott McCormick

MLB will be fine when they just automate calling balls and strikes. I say this because Aaron Judge routinely has strikes called at his shins because umpires are too stupid to realize that he’s really tall and they have to adjust their typical strike zone.

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King Hippo

you say that because you are a Yankees fan, with the best farm system (ok, Top 5) and more payroll muscle than anyone. It’s like being a fan of Real Madrid or Barca, you know no matter what happens, YOUR side will be fine, and there will always be tomato cans lining up for their payday to play against you.

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Ian Scott McCormick

Nah. Not to sound like an obnoxious homer, but Aaron Judge actually is getting hosed right now.
https://www.12up.com/posts/6067586-stats-prove-aaron-judge-continues-to-get-screwed-by-umps-but-just-keeps-dominating
There are a bunch of other sites that will back this up. I didn’t want to flood you with this, but he is far and away the most egregious case of a player not getting the call.
And FWIW the Yankees don’t have a top 5 farm system anymore. They’ve graduated all their pieces (which is what you want out of a farm system), and their farm is pretty mediocre to bad at present.

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King Hippo

oh yes, there is still run of the mill incompetence. I’m not saying a freakishly tall dude like Judge doesn’t suffer from poor umpiring. But that’s a flesh wound impacting ALL, whereas the rotting disease impacting the lower and middle classes is similar to what is happening in larger society.

Nobody gets promoted in MLB but the Yankees and SAWX, and kind of the Small Bears (who are and have always been run by megabucks, just incompetently until recently). Laughably, the Small Bears get to play the role of “scrappy underdog” in this SuperTeam era.

Everybody else just checks in with their accountants, making sure that franchise value and teevee money keep escalating. Like this article says, prepare for the “post-fan” era of sportsball:

https://stlbullpen.com/2019/01/31/cardinals-fandom-free-agency-bryce-harper-manny-machado-los-angeles-rams-super-bowl/

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pro tip; watch your balls around a “scrappy underdog”….

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Ian Scott McCormick

Hate to keep harping on this, but it’s really not something that everybody is dealing with. Sure some umps have inconsistent strike zones, but the data backs up that he is getting screwed. Think less like getting the call and more like the NFL just agreeing that defenders can basically do whatever they feel like to Cam Newton. He’s baseball’s Cam Newton as far as officiating goes.
https://blogs.fangraphs.com/aaron-judge-is-hitting-better-with-an-even-worse-strike-zone/

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not to sound like an obnoxious homer…

followed by

….he is far and away the most egregious case of a player not getting the call.

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Horatio Cornblower

Judge just needs to kill and eat a couple of umpires and then the rest will start paying attention to his actual strike zone.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Next on a very special episode of Sunday Gravy…..”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Ratings for most sports are down…. including NASCAR, which given the demographic, I never thought was possible.

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King Hippo

when there’s no longer joy or REAL competitive drama…why not? And even if the NASCAR Yahoo can’t formulate a rational ‘splanation of what he is feeling – like some high-fallutin, fancy pants queer – doesn’t mean he doesn’t get it subconsciously.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s more due to changing viewing habits, more choices, and traditional choices being more expensive. Everything has a corporate soul now, not just sports.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I was joking about that being why so many calls were made that seemed to just drag out the AFC game, but holy fuck. That makes sense.

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Doktor Zymm

The officiating was pretty wildly inconsistent through most of the playoffs. I suspect this was on purpose, so they can justify stretching games to 4 hours with more reviews and therefore more commercial time. The NFL knows it’s managed by a corrupt group of robot elders and now they’re just milking it for all it’s worth before it totally falls apart.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This was the end result of my monkey paw wish for the Chiefs to lose the AFC Championship game. Sure, my wish came true, BUT AT WHAT COST???

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King Hippo

I do blame you a little. 😀

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Horatio Cornblower

“You saw it, what the fuck is there to talk about?”

Baseball.

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King Hippo

as we wait with baited breath to see WHO will win, Yankees or SAWX?

/corporate, pre-determined, asshole bullshit has taken over everything, not just the NFL

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Sharkbait

Hockey blog in the off season?

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ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wasn’t there Hawkee Taulk last year?

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Doktor Zymm

When are they gonna jazz it up?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Fuck you.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Okay, so now that the bullshit is over for another year, we have a great year of content ahead!!

We’ll have recurring posts like Request Line and Sunday Gravy. In addition, Señor Weaselo’s House of Pain will return along with the Battlebots Beat. Marty Mornhinweg’s Wacky Weapons is still going strong and will continue.

Sports-wise, there are a lot events coming up! We have AFLW and AFLX in February while March brings March Madness. No, not college basketball, our commentist banner bracket!
Baseball comes back in April and we’ll have expanded coverage this year. May brings the Champions League Final as well as the start of the Cricket World Cup and the NBA and NHL playoffs. We quickly move on to the Women’s World Cup of Soccer in June through July. August brings us the meat of the AFL schedule and September brings the AFL finals.

Oh, and the return of some boring sport called “football”.

And I haven’t even mentioned Temptation Island!!

Lots of good stuff coming!
– Peter North

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Ian Scott McCormick

Lots of Russian Movies to talk about

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King Hippo

Up your Rooskie game and read “And Quiet Flows the Don” in its original squiggly. 😀

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Don T

Pfft. A quiet Don is a DED Don.
Pfft I say!

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Doktor Zymm

I’m visiting Australia in April, going to try and get tickets for Richmond v Melbourne on the 24th 😀

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ballsofsteelandfury

Sweeeeet!

Boots on the Ground!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And the mailbag, get those questions/requests for advice in to [email protected]!

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Don T

Jared Goff’s performance yesterday is rated “bad Charlie Whitehurst start”. Fuck the Rams—defense and special teams players and coaches excepted.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is good delicious hate.

1
The Maestro

Oh, man. This hate is so wonderful. What a way to start the day. Also: SIX SUPER BOWLS WOOOOOOO

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Ian Scott McCormick

I know you’re a Pats fan, but everytime I see your avatar I think “Steelers fan”

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King Hippo

6 of one, half-dozen of the other

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nomonkeyfun

Never forget, this man beat you guys twice; TWICE.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Just for that, Eli should go into the Hall of Fame

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Horatio Cornblower

He will. Almost every QB who’s won a Super Bowl will go to the Hall of Fame, unless they’re a complete chucklefuck like Trent Dilfer.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jim Plunkett won TWO Super Bowls and he won’t be going into the Hall of Fame, because he did so with the Raiders and the NFL fucking hates the Raiders.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll never understand why people hate P*ts fans.

2
Fronkenshteen

Fuck the Rams for never coming clean about Gurley’s injury. Fuck the official who called the fake Roughing the Passer in KC. But infinitely more than them, fuck Dee Ford for being so stupid he lined up in the goddamn neutral zone on 3rd and 10 in the late 4th quarter of a conference championship game at home. Fucking worthless meathead.

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Horatio Cornblower

Dee Ford is the true villain of this season.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also his kid get bad grades at school on purpose.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So let the P*ts have even a better game plan? Or is it just gambling?

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Ian Scott McCormick

The worst part about dealing with Jared Goff taking forever to do anything, is that you keep honking your horn and lowering your high beams, but he just stares right at you like a fucking goober, just dying to raise your insurance rates.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I tried sending him texts….. didn’t work.

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Unsurprised

Moose is Brett Favre!?!?

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scotchnaut

This is the kind of hippo that is responsible for more human deaths in Africa than any other animal.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

Don’t steal his vicuprofin and you’ll be safe from this hippo.

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