These games would ordinarily be Thursday-Friday, but they apparently needed an extra day to Lysol down Greater Indianapolis. I get it. Plus, I had too much work bullshit yesterday, so it all worked out fine. THANKS, Diamond Joe!
10S Virginia Tech (pick ’em) v. 7S Florida (12:15, CBS)
I want to say that maybe Butler upset the Gators in a distant-memory NCAAT, so maybe Hinkle Fieldhouse will be a jinx? The Forcibly Non-Gendered Turkex need all the help they can get. For the ACC was liquid ass, you see.
14S Colgate (+8.5) v. 3S Arkansas (12:45, truTV)
Near-Ivy League against the school that gave us a President called “Bubba.” Cultures, they can clash.
16MW Drexel (+22.5) v. 1MW Illinois (1:15, TBS)
You remember that really awful kids’ show Dragon Tales? I always pretended those kids were Satan worshippers, summoning daemons. Not enough daemons in any realm to help Drexel past the Illini, though.
11S Team Secular Big Love State (+4) v. 6S Guns Up!! (1:45, TNT)
America’s favoUrite “bunny boiling crazy” banner pic is back, baby! This should be a pretty good game, too.
15S Oral Doesn’t Count (+16) v. 2S tOSU (3:00, CBS)
That’s right, harlots. Suck your man dry and take no action in pursuit of your own pleasure. Or it’s down to hayellll yew goes.
16S Hartford (+25.5) v. 1S Bay-Bay (3:30, truTV)
Wait, the Whalers changed sports? And became a university?? Fuck, this is a weird ass timeline.
9MW Georgia Tech (+5.5) v. 8MW Loyola-Chi**** (4:00, TBS)
America’s FavoUrite Nun is still kicking it at 101. Will the Bees kill her ded? Do they REALLY want that on their conscience??
12MW Oregon State (+8.5) v. 5MW Tennessee (4:30, TNT)
Niiiiiiiccccccce Beaver!! won the Pac-12 torneo, and have that “we’re just happy to be here” vibe. But you know better than to bet on Rick Barnes in March…dontcha?? Too late to change your bracket now, fuckadoos.
Just because my bracket has been obliterated and I am rooting for pure unadulterated chaos, that does not mean I will be rooting for those Bible-humping hypocrites at Liberty University.
Sexy Friday starting early with all this Oral.
Oregano State tearing the Volunteers a new one.
“ACC is a shit league this year. I knew Loyola would win.”*
*I mean, except Sillycuse of course
Oh, I forgot to mention! I left Justice League playing while I went to bed I’m happy to report that I’m now 60% finished.
I need Sister Jeans and Badgers for a 5 game parlay. U*NC is going to fuck me as I am a part of DFO right?
If you asked me what my kink is right now, I’d respond, “Loyola, La, La, La, La, Loyola!”
If someone pointed a gun at you and told you if you could name who #5 on Georgia Tech is related to they would let you live, I think the best possible guess would be “Kevin Federline”.
Just told my wife that I am going to sit in my buddy’s back yard and get real drunk after dinner.
“Just stay there, I dont want to deal with you”
Not sure his missus does but mid 40s sleepover!
For those Canadia folks watching, say a prayer for Jack Armstrong-he’s the living embodiment of nascent liver failure. Wow…
This is one of those times I’m glad I’m married, because at least now I can cheer for my wife’s bracket.
Thanks to Ohio State, I got to practice writing the letter “X”. Six times!
What, did you lose a jug of really strong old-timey whiskey?
At least the Buckeyes football team made the national championship before shitting the bed.
“Too soon.” – Johnny Depp
“Meanwhile for Oral Roberts, ecstasy”. Good to hear from the TV.
Ohio State couldn’t get it to come at the end.
Oral has finished off Ohio State!
Do they spit or swallow?
Ohio State clearly choked.
OSU: “Do you have a cigarette?”
ORU: “Of course not! Did you even read my profile? Jesus!”
Pray for Redshirt!
Ohio State going down… No, wait, not just yet. God, they are such a tease!
Right now, Ohio State can’t score on a bachelorette party in Vegas.
Oral is making my neck hurt.
From turning my head to watch the game while I’m also working.
And because they just won’t finish.
Because they’re going to overtime.
Suck it up, buttercup.
Oral Roberts’ Max Abmas made the Summit League’s first team, joining-you guessed it-Tenzing Norgay.
Why did you post that joke on this weobsite?
Scotchy: Because it was there.
Ah ha. Heroball fails. This is a great game. Go Oral.
Five more minutes of Oral.
Thing I like about basketball: time out after 1st free throw.
Thing I hate: the possession arrow. The hell’s wrong with a jump ball?
Ohio State has finally found its rhythm
Oral Roberts: [breathing heavily] “Don’t stop! Just like that. Uhhh…”
If your SATs aren’t good enough for Oral Roberts University, you may have to settle for Handjob Roberts Community College.
Damnit, I should have made that Robert Kraft Community College.
Offering a Certificate in Ball Deflation
University gives you orgasms approved by the Middle States Commission.
And if you fail there, it is off to Bra Stays On Boob Feel Diesel Mechanic School
Nice work, Powerade, encouraging people to handle every single bottle in the store in the middle of a global pandemic.
It’s great when autism causes a happy ending.
“No comment.” – DeShaun Watson’s lawyer, addressing the latest allegation
Wait, you’re telling me that The Retard Doctor visited a massage parlor? That show is so edgy!
The name Krautwig just rolls* off the tongue.
*stumbles and falls, cracks head open against edge of table, bleeds out
So in Hippos recap it will be Fellatio Roberts?
Ohio State sucking hard against the Jeebus Freaks — apparently the players have misinterpreted the coaching staff‘s pregame mantra that they should go out and”Best Oral”
Woohoo! I successfully flaked* on going out drinkin’.
/takes off pants
Aaaaaah yeeeeaaaaaah.
* Call. Flaking by text is cause for revenge.
Fuck Leeds. Enjoy your day.
And I turned the game off. FUCK Everything.
When you said “fuck leads” I thought you were a journalist trying to decide between doing some serious investigative work and once again interviewing a bunch of assholes in an Ohio diner.
THIS BAYLOR-HARTFORD GAME I CALL IT AL BUNDY BECAUSE THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF HELD BALLS.
Can we call Hartford ‘plucky’ before the Bears tear them down limb by limb?
/Fulham match starts
/slowly slinks into corner
Did you get snackies from Germany?
VAR!!!!!!!
Yes I did, got them today.
Super idea on your part-this jaded soul actually gets excited to see the box sitting by the door.
All Mrs. Cola after seeing my penchant for different grocery stores.
Hell, I’ll root for Hartford. I would’ve gone if they A) gave me more money or B) had open violin spots for their advanced chamber ensemble.
Probably lucky for you, I heard there’s a huge bullying issue in the woodwind program that is being swept under the rug.
Some dude on Hartford is wearing his lucky leotards.
Irish cream in my coffee. Don’t mind if I do
It’s scotch o’clock up here. Cheers!
It’s the Forty Creek Nanimo Cream one. Very good if you’re looking for something other than the usual Irish cream
I have some Guinness chilling in the fridge, and plan to eat pot pie later.
“Pot pie?” [ears perk up]
-Litre
Ha ain’t wrong.
Well, unless Utah State pulls a super Reggie Miller, I ain’t winning Buffett’s billions.
Did you say a million buffets? I need to call my agent. – A. Reid
[waves arms frantically] – Andy Reid’s cardiologist, signalling that I should not be pedantic and inform him that it’s actually “billions”
Actually Andy was hoping it was Brazzillions since their steak houses are always buffets where you don’t even have to get up, they bring the food to you!
“…and with fifteen minutes to play in the 1st period, Hartford only trails by one.” – once again, a trip down memory lane
Foul him harder, Mormon! I mean, zealot.
I like what I’m seeing of Oral Roberts U. Also hear they’ve got a hilarious Paleontology curriculum.
Oral Bobs are really givin it to the Browneyes.
Our espn pool is interesting. The DFO Illinois bias is showing, or perhaps EVERY ONE OF YOU IS GRITTY LIKE THE B1G!
KNEEL BEFORE YOUR NEW GOD!
I AM THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
Watching the Canadian feed and Jack Armstrong looks like a homeless guy.
He needs to go away forever.
YES, THIS
Jeebus. Just throw up the Scotchnaut Signal, whydontcha?
“…and the Raiders lead is back to fourteen!” – I might have heard this once or twice in August, but no other time that I can remember
While I was working you were making me nervous as I had money on the RR’s and you kept talking about the other Raiders.
I realize that I filled out an anti-Raiders bracket without thinking about it. Like, autopilot.
Since I turned this game on, the team I’m rooting for has gone from behind by 3 to behind by 14.
…is something I’m used to saying in October, not March.
“…and the Raiders’ season is over as they lose by seventeen.” – it’s like I’m back in the womb, honestly
It’s a bummer we won’t be seeing any more Furguson in this tournament.
I just did that. Damn you Spam.
Sourry
“…and with five minutes left, the Raiders are down by seven!” – it’s like a warm blanket on my couch at home