From what the others are saying, this year is supposed to be one badass year for summer sports. There’s soccer stuff and such, but let’s let our standard introduction for this piece be the testimonial.
We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:
Copa América
Euro 2020
Concacaf Gold Cup
Tokyo Olympic Games
But, more importantly, we also have the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest every July, 4th, because we love that shit.
And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!
Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?
From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.
Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. I don’t have the handy schedule imbedded because I have no idea how to do it nor interest in figuring it out.
The team we are here to promote, praise, and poke fun at for having the worst waffles is Belgium!
What is a Belgium?
Belgium is a small country. How small is it? It’s so small that it doesn’t even have it’s own language, but chooses to use German, French, and Dutch as it’s languages. Most likely, this is in hopes that the other countries around it do not choose to invade this place. Seriously. It has a king, and some very weird system of government that is actually a multitude of governments that just choose to live peacefully. Pretty sure the national defense fund is just a bunch of sticks and rocks and white flags. The most they can hope for is that someone invades Luxembourg first, so they have time to get out before they are next.
Belgium isn’t actually that small. They have 11.5 million people. That’s a lot!
The cities are something to see when you visit. There is Bruges, with the Belfry that started construction in 1248 and ended 200 years later, Brussels, the capital of Belgium and the worst sprouts ever, Antwerp – a fashion-forward, art deco, medieval town, mostly known for the diamond cutting and dealing & Ghent… another town.
What about that soccer stuff?
Well, yes, they do love their soccer. It’s the only thing that Belgium-ish peoples can agree on. The team is called the Red Devils, and they are apparently not bad. In 2018, they were ranked first and finished 3rd in the World Cup that year. Based on my research (google search while drunk at 2 a.m.), this team has a good chance of winning and should be one of the most exciting teams to watch. They have this one middle fielder, Kevin De Bruyne (MF), who plays for Man City, and another dude named Romelu Lukaku who plays for Milan (though for how long, as they need to pay this man, but may be lacking the cash). Both are not household names in the US, but I assume they are in foreign places, as they are some of the best Belgium has to offer.
But how will they stack up against Man U?
Fuck if I know. I don’t watch soccer enough to explain anything to you. Ask someone who from cares!
Here is their schedule for the Euro:
Belgium-Russia 6/12 Noon PST
Denmark-Belgium 6/17 9am PST
Finland-Belgium 6/21 Noon PST
Reasons to root for Belgium?
Beautiful medieval towns
Not a terrorist organization
Most major markers around the country are in four languages (American being the 4th)
Beer
And Citizen Dick is really big in Belgium.
Reasons to root against Belgium
Suspiciously German/French/Dutch/Flemish thing going on
Still has a king
Brutal slave labor in the Congo during it’s occupation by Belgium (10 million dead)
Worse than US in gender equality
In Conclusion
This team ain’t bad. They will put up a good fight. But don’t bet on them. Save your money for a lap dance or an order of fries, maybe some Eggo waffles, which are the superior waffles.
Brussel sprouts bake in oil with salt and pepper are in my top 3 favourite veggies. Mmmmmm
The worst hotel I ever stayed in was in Brussels. There were cigarette burns on every surface, including the ceiling. I got a great picture of the crowd of people taking pictures of the mannekin pis, and they do a big carpet of flowers in the entire main square each spring. They also built on some amazing art deco buildings in Bukavu which only Belgians were allowed to live in while they were there.
I had an epic club night in Brussels one year in which I exited the club at the crack of dawn, discovered that no cabs wanted to take me to my hotel near the Grand Place because it was “too close”, and so I went wandering off into the streets of lower-class Brussels in a still-drunken state.
Somehow, I managed to stumble home without getting robbed just in time to grab my shit so I could take the morning train to The Netherlands.
Holiday hiking in Belgium:
Shit, I could go for a cold Belgian Trappist ale about now.
I have had great times in Belgium.
1. Bruges is beautiful and I could spend months there
2. Brussels is boring but beer
3. Antwerp is a city
4. The buckets of mussels and fries are amazing
5. Nice and flat for cycling.
Nice Citizen Dick pull. Loved that movie. Had a lot of Christian Conversations in the 90s to that one.
Huh huh. You said “dick pull”.
I prefer tracción del tractor tbh.
He had a lot of those in the Christian Conversations as well
Es un partido muy bien!
But how does The Revanchist feel about French fries actually being invented in Belgium??
Horny. But only because I haven’t had fries since breakfast. It’s almost lunchtime.
It sounds like the HBO folks are going to expand my house’s role in their project. This might be the last time I get to talk about it because once I sign the paperwork I will probably be under NDA.
Nice! Just make sure they don’t steal your…. agricultural products.
I’m not worried about that, but if they have access I’ll make sure to leave out a jar of older stuff with a note to take as much as you like but please don’t mess with the live plants.
Go the Belsh!
Speaking of hot dogs….we said last weekend we were going to have a poll to see how many of us had them this week? Remembah? Or was it just my febrile imagination? Anyway, I had mine last night. Bun length beef Hoffy’s, cooked on the cast iron skillet because it was fucking snowing and I wasn’t grilling! A schmear of Dijon, chopped white onions, baked beans with bacon chunks and spicy corn relish on those bad boys. I regret nothing.
My mom and dad eat hot dogs almost every day. My mom does it in her own style with a split bun toasted, a split dog, and her own condiment concoction.
Every day? Damn. I like hot dogs – probably more than the average person – but once a day is horrifying to me.
It’s a relatively new thing too. But hey, they like it, so…
Listen, I’m not going to tell anyone that they shouldn’t put as many meaty, cylindrical objects in their mouth as they want to. It’s just not my place.
I should have toasted the buns. Ok, I have one regret!
Toast them with butter and you’ve basically turned it into a discount lobster roll!
Since you had the cast iron skillet out, a little splash of butter and toast those things up proper would have been lovely.
Still dog free this week.
I had some this week! At least one but possibly as many as three depending on when I had them (might have missed the cutoff). All were chili dogs.
This is amazingly delicious, btw
The corn relish was a new product at Von’s, had a nice kick, great with sweet baked beans. Stonewall Kitchen, very good!
Looks good!
?v=1617037955
Ha, jinx!
…
That’s the perfect product if you want to throw something at a cop during a riot while making a clever historical reference.
Yo miró el baloncesto en español.
Yo veo el baloncesto?
Yo estoy viendo el baloncesto.
Si!
Good job! That’s a tricky one because there’s a subtle difference between “I watch” and “I’m watching”.
Thanks! I should have known better but I’ve been shit about practicing. Only one way to fix that, though!
That’s right! Watching the news and the weathergirls in Spanish!
I wish the ads were in Spanish, they really help. Everything is articulated clearly, usually the words are simple, and they’re repetitive.
Si, futbol as well. I really wish I would get the true SecsiMexi stream instead of the knock off US spanish one.
In Bruges was a great fucking film and I will have words with anyone that says otherwise.
HOWEVAH, my absolute favourite Brendon Gleeson film is I Went Down. The only problem is that it’s so hard to find. If you find it, I highly recommend a watch.
HOLY SHIT I FOUND IT!! It’s on Pluto TV for free! Y’all should get Pluto TV as they also have a 007 channel streaming all the old Bond movies for free.