We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

• Copa América
• Euro 2020
• Concacaf Gold Cup
• Tokyo Olympic Games

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!

BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TODAY!

Today, we are starting the previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.

Copa América will be broadcast in English on Fox Sports (FS1 and FS2) in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and RDS has the French language rights in Canada. Here is a handy calendar for you to use to schedule your vacation days:

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Today’s team is:

Venezuela

Country Fun Facts

So I just found out that the Venezuelan flag added the coat of arms at the top left in 2006, when they also changed the date of Flag Day in Venezuela. The 8 stars stand for the 8 provinces of the country while the Coat of Arms shows a wild white horse running free representing freedom, wheat sheaves showing the country’s wealth, and weapons symbolizing its independence wars.

You may notice that the Venezuelan flag is very similar to the Colombian flag and to the Ecuadorian flag.

This is because the three countries once formed one large country called Gran Colombia.

As you can see, Venezuela is located at the far north of South America right around the equator with miles and miles of beaches and shoreline facing the Caribbean and the Atlantic. By all rights, this should be heaven on earth.

Unfortunately, the country has gone into the proverbial shitter thanks to one part over-reliance on oil exports to sustain GDP, one part your stereotypical Latin American corrupt leaders and wannabe dictators, one part US sanctions against those leaders that end up hitting the common people the worst, and one part worldwide apathy.

Honestly, no one outside of Venezuela gives a fuck about Venezuela.

That is all changing, of course, as more and more Venezuelans leave the country for other countries and the story of what is going on in Venezuela is publicized more and non-Venezuelans are galvanized into doing something to help.

Not so long ago, Venezuela was synonymous with beauty queens (They used to lead the world in Miss Universe winners until the US won in 2012. USA USA USA!), delicious food, and one of the best party bands in the world. I really hope they can get their shit together soon.

Team Schedule

Originally, the Copa América was going to feature 12 teams, the 10 CONMEBOL teams and 2 guests. COVID changed all that. Now, it will just be the ten teams split up into 2 groups. One will play in Argentina and contains all the countries on the southern end of the continent. The other was supposed to play in Colombia but there has been civil unrest and now CONMEBOL has said there will be no games in Colombia and that the games will probably all be played in Argentina. That group contains all the teams in the northern end of the continent.

Venezuela is in the northern group along with Colombia, Ecuador, Brasil, and Perú. Here is the Group Stage schedule, all times Pacific:

Monday, June 14, 2021 4 PM – Brasil v Venezuela at ????

Friday, June 18, 2021 4 PM – Colombia v Venezuela at ????

Monday, June 21, 2021 3 PM – Venezuela v Ecuador at ????

Monday, June 28, 2021 6 PM – Venezuela v Perú at ????

Team Preview / Top Players

Venezuela is the only CONMEBOL team to have never qualified for the World Cup. Considering that there are only 10 teams in a confederation that now gets 4 automatic places plus a playoff spot, that’s quite a feat.

Not a single player on the Copa América roster plays in the Venezuelan league. A lot of them play in Europe, some in other South American countries, and some in MLS.

I suppose that takes away the possibility of any players defecting Cuban-style as soon as they hit Colombian ground…

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] girls”

Balls, Have you ever been to this country?

I have not, but my parents have! Back when my dad was still working, he was sent to a project in Caracas and my mom went with him for a bit. They enjoyed the weather and the people and the food but they came back with one disappointing bit of news: The myth of the beautiful Venezuelan woman was false!

Apparently, those Miss Universe pageant girls were nowhere to be found.

Instead, it was just a bunch of normal-looking girls, nothing special.

Given that, I took Venezuela off my list of South American countries to visit. Considering all the shit that’s going on now, I don’t think I’ll ever go there.

Why you should root for this country

• You know what an arepa is and you appreciate a Venezuelan one.
• You like mythical hot Miss Universe types.
• You want the poor people suffering to have something happy in their lives for a change.

Why you should NOT root for this country

• You don’t want the assholes in charge of the country to take any kind of sporting success as a sign that they’re doing the right thing.
• You only root for teams that have a chance to actually win a game.
• You like baseball more, like the rest of Venezuela.

Pronóstico

The Petroleros start off the tourney with Brasil, so

The schedule doesn’t let up with the next game against Colombia. They then get a little breather / ray of hope at the end with Ecuador and then Perú.

I think the best chance they have to get points is against Perú as they will most likely already be qualified to the next round and will play backups.

In other words, they’re fucked more than their country has been for the last few years.