Below follows Part 1 of our Roundtable, which doubles as morning Open Thread. Three commenters represent Murrika, and 3 for Canadia. No moose were injured in the compiling of this “thought.”
This is the 2021 DFO Fantasy Roundtable Fuckfest thread. I have to fill Sabado noche as well as morning, so let’s have some drunken, pill-addled thoughts. (edited)
First question FOAR the class (and don’t let me be the only fucker asking questions) – we all got our fingers burned by one player or another last season. Please name a player you are “once bitten twice shy” about, and which well you are foolishly sticking your dick in again.
Hippo is going to franchise Clyde Edwards-Helaire again. Damn it, I will just have a fatal Kubiak if I do NOT do so, and he does the full Marshall Faulk behind a better OL (and with a better understanding of pass protection schemes). However, I am absolutely, positively not taking The Ben. Not even for $1.
He got injured and the kHunt took over
And I let him go
Then he came back
But are you gonna do it again? If DAK! ain’t vaccinated, he’s definitely going to infect Zeke
I never take Cowboys or Iggles so I shied away from that car crash. The whole Chubb rock thing burned, howevah I plan to get hurt by Josh Jacobs and his platooning with the vulture Kenyon Drake. I hate the Drake.
For me, it was Lamar. The AUDACITY of that motherfucker to not have back-to-back MVP seasons. So rude. And yet I will be probably going after him once more.
That raises a thought (that I have never turned into effective strategery) – swing for the fences at QB because you can always find someone competent for $1/on waivers if he busts.
That has almost always been my option. I’ve had shite luck on many things except for QBs… though I did land Dalvin Cook last year which was an unexpected coup considering his performance last season for the dumbass idiot Vikes.
I stole Mahomes for $5 his first season. In my league you can keep players for twice their draft price, then double the next season. So kept him for $10, then $20 last year. I’ll do $40 this year. (we also get a fresh $200 on top of carryover budget)
Bet I will live to regret cutting Joe Burrow the last week of waivers. I took him for $1 last year, could have kept him for $2. Instead, I am more or less forced into two “good on paper but I sense a rogering” options. ThAndre Swift ($12 last year, keep for $15), Justin Jefferson ($3/$4). #2 receiving option on a side that prefers to hide its Dingleberry QB what could possibly go wrong.
I ran the numbers, after the carryover and fresh $200, I might keep 5 players. We only draft 10 slots so that might hurt my chances at getting into the dollar buffet at the end. Im hoping nobody drafts Akers and I can steal him for cheap and have him sit on IR all year
I’ve never done keepers and if there is a kind and just God, I never will. But I assume the 20-year league I’m in will move to it eventually just to add spice for their withered palates (edited)
We just started auction draft this year though, so maybe global warming will catch us first
I prefer auction when I know I have zero chance of winning the league. Just drive up bidding prices and fuck with everyone else.
We made it so money is tradable. So if you get fucked by week 4 you can just sell and stockpile cash for next season
A little extra work to make trades since Yahoo doesn’t have that ability. Commish adjusts budgets and scrub players have to go back of it’s just a cash deal
Ours are largely unwritten, the result of that year’s commisioner’s recall of vicious but inconclusive email (now Slack) debates
I’d like to point out that 2 years ago I had Tractorcito, Dalvin and McCaffrey and still lost. The end.
If I could give any advice it would be stay away from the Giants skill players. Some nuts are saying “A healthy Saquon is gonna catch 90 passes like he did in his rookie year!” Nope, not gonna happen, that ship has sailed.
Last year I wanted a piece of the Ravens backfield so bad and overbid for Dobbins and didn’t see any results until it was much too late. Same thing for Johnathan Taylor. I will go right back to that well but expect much better results. Like the fool that I am.
yeah, I very briefly considered making Saquon my 2nd “Super Franchise” keeper (for the uninitiated, that means greater of “Top 5 positional average” salary or 10% raise). Then, I was like, fuck it, I will pass or just keep the Tomsulas D/ST. YES, my roster is that sad.
Meh, salary, raises, not in my other non mathlete leagues!
Anywhoo my question is how does the clusterfuck at NO qb affect bitchin Kamara?
Anywhoo my question is how does the clusterfuck at NO qb affect bitchin Kamara?
Does Dakota Jeebus bounce back with a competent O line ?
Question 1: Kamara breaks down this year, independent of the qb situation. He’s had upward of 200 touches every year, even when splitting time. He’s been durable and mostly reliable. For a running back, that means he’s a dead man walking
Question 2: Wentz will be at the fringes of the upper third of qbs, but quietly. Like Jeff George with the Vikings.
You know he’s not Good, but he’s not the reason they’re losing
I think in PPR Kamara will be an ok play as many dump off passes from Mormon man or Crab Legs.Dakota Jesus will have a real good year just to fuck with Eagle fans as Jalen Hurts is NOT the answer.
I’m gonna try and steer clear of the Saints outright this year. I don’t believe. Sean Payton is more accomplished at being a divorced guy than he is at being a head coach, from what I understand.And Wentz is gonna continue to be shit because he refuses to take criticism and feedback from anyone. He’ll have a bad year and figure out a way to blame everyone but himself for his failures… but especially THE LIBS, whose hatred for America and its freedom throw his seven-step dropbacks out of sync.
Funny thing is, apparently Magic Undies Guy doesn’t read “back in the flat” very well, and checks down to QB draw instead. Seems Rapey Jameis is the golden ticket for Bitchin’ Kamara.
What about the “planned rest” concept, given the 17-game schedule? I am skeptical we see much of it right out of the gate, but perhaps there is an efficiency to be played there? Or at least Grumblelord may get a new toy for fucking with fantasy enthusiasts.
Planned rest (outside the current meaningless-final-game scenarios) will not be a thing for two to four years, because it violates the Meathead Football Coach Gospel of that you play at 1000% all the time until your spleen falls out.
During those 2-4 years, we will see an increase in “overuse” injuries and injuries caused by compensating for another injury (knee issues caused by playing through ankle problems)
I also assume that rotator cuff injuries among qbs will increase, between more attempts per game and an additional full game
Belichick will never planned-rest a player, because he is old and desperate to show it wasn’t all Tom Terrific
Micheal Thomas is hurt. Stay away from the Aints.What are the 500s going to do with rubbytouchy when nothing is settled yet? No team in their right mind should trade any capital for him.
Houston is gonna Houston: fuck around until the situation is utterly untenable, then resolve it in an incredibly disadvantageous way
The fact that the Eagles are the main contenders is telling: they seem to be developing a similar culture
Plus, if your fanbase embraced post-prison Vick, you can probably bet they will accept Watson as long as he’s playing well
Or jump ship and get on the Bills Wagon
It’s gonna be crowded this year, and not just because we’re mostly tubby
Not gonna lie, I was pulling for the Bills in the playoffs. Even as a Pats fan. That fanbase is insane and those tailgates look fun as hell
They are a goddamned embarrassment, but mostly in a golden-retriever-crotchbombing-a-visitor sense. It comes from a mostly pure and simpleminded place
Canuck men haven’t won a medal yet. *sarcasm alert* Even though the swim team featured Brent Hayden, a dude that bronzed way back in 2012 (London) and was retired for seven years. At 37 years young, he’s the best on offer for the team. Multiple lifeguards were employed when he swam his heat.
You have to think fast running guy will medal.
He’s finally, finally regained his old form. When he’s on he can beat anyone in the world except for Bolt and the latter ain’t around anymore.
Commando is on. Arnie’s best movie by far.
The Running Man and ah will fight yew over it
Nope. it was 85, young litre loved Alyssa Milano and she was in it. Plus Arnie raids an Army Surplus store.
I’m gonna have to go Total Recall.
I challenge you to rolling pins at dawn!
3 boobed hooker. Nothin wrong with that!
Total Recall was epic.
If memory recalls, he didn’t have underwear on during the entirety of the shooting schedule.
“Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.”
I might have a case of Hot Taek-itis, but I thought Last Action Hero was pretty interesting. Not his best but not as bad as the critics would have you think.
It probably had the biggest budget. Strike “probably” and Jamie Lee Curtis was quite fit at the time.
I liked it.
You’re thinking of True Lies, I do believe.
You are correct sir!
Memory is a malleable and somewhat fickle thing at my age.
TAJ said something about my flatbread recipe and said “We should make that today.”
I pulled up my Sunday Gravy flatbread post and said “Knock yourself out.”
He’s made the sauce and the dough is rising.
At least I put the pizza stone in the oven. C’mon, I’m helping over here!
You be careful. Heat exhaustion can set in quickly when you overexert yourself.
I’m drinking tons of fluids to offset that.
So I live in Texas/Florida of Canadia. They are rolling back all testing, no isolation if you have the Rona, no masks anywhere etc. I just drove down the main drag here and there were 50 people protesting that the government is communist and the vaxx is a way for the leftists to control us. THE PROVINCIAL GOVERNMENT IS AS FAR RIGHT AS IT CAN BE WITHOUT HAVING HOMELESS CONCENTRATION CAMPS YOU FUCKHEADS.
I hate this province but can nae move to BC.
/rant done
Cannot wait for Ford to do the same here. NAWT
Seriously, I cannot believe this is the route Kenny took. WTAF.
I feel for ya man
A little too on the nose.
#DeltaForce FTW!!!
When you come in to Atlanta’s airport, there’s a building that says Fly Delta Jets. Uh, no thanks?
Fly Delta Jets
“We prefer American Airlines, thanks.”
-the majority of Saudi Arabians, circa September 2001
I just read an LA Times story about these railbike tours you can take through the northern CA redwood forest. They follow the route of an old logging train, called the Skunk Train ( which you can ride also) but are two person, engine assisted carts. Perfect for lazy fucks like me, who don’t want to pedal. It sounds and looks awesome, we’re definitely doing this someday. Google “Skunk Train”
That sounds excellent! I will have to check it out
Oh it is just up by Ft Bragg, not far from me at all 😁
There ya go!
So in the gmail app you can no longer view the full header of your emails. I fucking hate this trend towards removing useful functionality from apps, and this particular loss of functionality probably violates the European Privacy Directive since it hides personal data from the user. Hopefully that means it will come back, but I will not hold my breath because I enjoy consuming oxygen and need it to live
Now it’s “oxygen”? Goddamned CDC, always changing their guidance!
My omelette pan is really stepping up its efforts to burn me today.
There’s nothing worse than a cooking burn. Especially a steam burn. I would rather have a huge cut than a small burn. Owwwwie!
And sick burns are the worst!
This guy
I thought there was a parade going on, but looked out the window and it’s an Indian wedding!
This year is so weird, it really doesn’t feel like football is about to happen, but it is very welcome!
Dot or feather?
Dot
They have cooler music.
I believe those of the “feather” variety now prefer to be referred to as “Guardians”.
The MCU is out of control.
US Space Force folks are pissed off, too.
Hot taek incoming: Fantasy football ruins the pure joy of watching football. Comments?
oh, it CAN. But for me, once RedZone Channel took over my brain, it all balanced out.
I set my fantasy line up day of then don’t check results or even glance at my team until games are over Sunday night. I’m subconsciously aware if I’m watching a game with one of my fantasy players in it but it’s not overtaking my focus on the game itself.
Plus I DVR everything because I never need to see another commercial for the entirety of the rest of my life. Then if I did check my fantasy team it could spoil the score of the game I’m watching.
Sounds like the way to do it. You are very clever, not just another pretty face!
I love how my GAMBLOR site lists the “Tokyo Olympics” as if there’s another goddamned Olympics going on
Do you ever bet on the Special Olympics?
oh man, wonder what circle of hell that gets one into!
I bet it would be hard to “fix” an event to your advantage.
hold on a second, I’ve got a Spiderman figurine to “misplace”
Yeah, pulling a Tonya Harding on a quadriplegic is kinda pointless
Trying to draw a parallel to the Vietnam War and the antivax movement. You’ve got:
a). People who don’t really think COVID/communism is a big deal and that the cure (vaccines/war) is worse than the disease. These are your conscientious objectors.
b). People who believe that COVID/communism is a big deal, and have concerns (some genuine, some not) that vaccines might be dangerous. They claim they would like to get vaccinated (enlist) but latch onto bullshit reasons for why they can’t/won’t and demand that other people take the actual risk. These are your chickenhawks, and they are the scum of the earth.
Only Murrika could have another Vietnam over whether or not MEDICINE IS GOOD
A legitimate keeper concern is whether a motherfucker is vaccinated or not.
Last year for the first time ever my 2 keepers (Dalvin and B-Hop) were my 2 best performers.
If one of them is now opposed to getting vaccinated shouldn’t a fantasy owner be worried that they could miss games because of infection or protocol violations?
Goddamnit! Get vaccinated people! The fuck?!
Since Evan Silva’s weekly “Matchups” column costs $200/season now, sports betting has been legalized in Virginia, and there only being one decent/funny podcast to listen to anymore, I’ve lost a ton of interest in season-long fantasy. If I were to join a money league, though, my fatal error this year would be to go ALL FUCKING IN and gloriously, hilariously overshoot to get Najee Harris. Past rookie triumphs of mine include Kenbrell Harris in the third round and David Wilson with the #2 overall pick.
see, you need to do auction ball. Our league is $150 if interested. Litre can attest to how simple and straightforward the rules is.
When do you draft?
auction, LaboUr Day morning
Fronk you can take my spot in that one.
Thompkins. Kenbrell Thompkins.
So it seems like the media has gotten tired of the “lab leak” soccer ball. I wonder what will be next.
Aliens. Not the illegal kind, I mean Moon Goons.
Last year I drafted Elliot, Cooper, and Lamb, playing all of them each week on the theory that the Dallas D was so bad that the Cowboys would need at least 35 points a game to have any chance. And it worked great, with me in 1st or 2nd place and racking up points every week.
And then Dak got hurt and it did. not. work. at all.
I have to say, I was expecting something else due to the title of the post but I suppose Horatio already did that topic in the Mock Draft posts…
some of us don’t get off on offending JEEBUS smgdh
Well the Italian womyns vball team has some talent. Seems the Chinese ladies were built in a lab.
Hopefully not a lab in Wuhan, amirite?
No, you are looking up pics of hot, tall volleyball womyn.
Elena Pietrini is gorgeous
The Polish mixed 400 relay team are incredulous/astounded that they won the gold. I really do looove the Olympics from a competition standpoint.
Mixed?? Cecil Rhodes has left the chat.
These mixed relays are fun as hell and there needs to be more of them.
Brasil made me sweat my insanely hefty HAIL GAMBLOR in Olympic Lesser Footy. But a win be a win.