Request Line: Weekend At Zuernie’s – Part 6 (Demographics)

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY

A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers continue – against all logic or reason – to remain hard at work in their office.  One – DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS – is looking over a spreadsheet on his laptop while a second – RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY – is working through a series of yoga poses.  A third person in the office is lounging on the couch, squinting at the finely printed instructions on a product he is holding.  

COLE BEASLEY: …yeah, but what if I’m strong as a horse.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [standing in Warrior One pose] I still don’t think it’s a good idea, Cole.

DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS: You like apple flavor, though, right?

COLE BEASLEY: I sure do. Heh heh, remember when that guy in that film said “How you like them apples?”

DTZM: Good Will Hunting?

COLE BEASLEY: That’s the one!  He sure told that Harvard boy what was what, didn’t he?

RTD: [transitions to Tree pose] He sure did, Cole.

COLE BEASLEY: What’s that feller’s name again?

DTZM: Matt Damon.

COLE BEASLEY: I heard he made a film about a guy from Oklahoma.

RTD: [enters High Lunge pose] Yes, it’s called Stillwater.

DTZM: I bet that guy wouldn’t be afraid to take a little Ivermectin.

RTD: Cut it out, man, that stuff is dangerous.  I hear people have all kinds of digestive problems when they take that stuff.

COLE BEASLEY: You mean, like tummyaches?

RTD: I mean like shitting their pants, Cole.

COLE BEASLEY: I’m surprised you haven’t shit your own pants doing that artsy-fartsy yoga business.  You look like a f–

RTD: [interrupting] I’m trying to get inside the mindset of our key demographics for the film.  Which includes people who think that rocks contain “healing energy” if they are pretty enough.

DTZM: We’re trying to make sure your film has broad appeal, Cole.  For example, who do you think your film is going to appeal to?

COLE BEASLEY: Men.

RTD: Yeah, but what kind of men?

COLE BEASLEY: Football fans. Patriots.

DTZM: Sure.  But there’s a lot of men out there who aren’t into football and we’d still love for them to pay to see the film.  We want their money too, don’t we?

COLE BEASLEY: Huh.

RTD: And then there’s women.

DTZM: And boys.

RTD: And girls.

DTZM: You’ll never get anywhere in Hollywood if you only make films that a small group of people want to see.  We want to attract all kinds of viewers.  So Rikki and I will keep working on that, while you go ahead and munch down a bit of that Ivermectin paste and…

RTD: Don’t eat the paste, Cole.

DTZM: …and maybe we’ll listen to a bit of music to get inspired.  [raises Apple Watch to his mouth] SIRI, PLAY A SONG ABOUT…US.

 

Today’s theme is: “demographics”.  What that means, specifically, is songs that include the words “man”, “woman”, “boy”, or “girl” in the title.  Plurals are fine, of course.  SonOfSpam correctly identified last week’s song as “Pressure” by Queen.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=’w3!Rd_5(!3nT1st’ and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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[…] the casting, hired a director, got the tagline written, and we’ve already pinned down the target audience. You can basically phone it in from […]

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

I’m a sack of broken eggs, I always have an unmade bed, don’t you?
https://youtu.be/4Zbnvh6I4k4

Gumbygirl

Is there anybody going to listen to my story?
https://youtu.be/-8l3ntDR_lI

TheRevanchist

I’m not going to post because it’s annoying, but the theme song to 2 And A Half Men or whatever that show was, which was as annoying as the show.

SonOfSpam

Not posting that is the right thing to do. Go get a goddamn snack.

SonOfSpam

With news that the Ghizzlane Maxwell trial is starting the week after Thanksgiving, here’s something relevant…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2LQMElLoLs

SonOfSpam

He did the music for Hard To Kill???

Dunstan

I will follow The Revanchist’s wise example above and refrain from posting Thanks Heaven For Little Girls, possibly the creepiest song of all time.

SonOfSpam

It’s acceptable to sing in a French accent. Kinda like Pepe Le Pew.

Dunstan

What about a Polish accent? Asking for a film director friend. No, not Woody, the other guy.

scotchnaut

Okay, seriously, last one. This is the best version of “The Boy In The Bubble” and it’s by that band that I was into way before they (never) got famous-The Blue Aeroplanes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ws3ryzcQPQ&ab_channel=TheBlueAeroplanes

SonOfSpam

(it’s what your dealer calls the benzos)

SonOfSpam

Probably will land with a thud.

scotchnaut

Last one because I have things to do.*

*not true

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvkfyYoLjho&ab_channel=karolciazorro

SonOfSpam

She sings, she destroys Terminators, she raises a bratty son, she’s a triple threat!

scotchnaut
scotchnaut

(Goth) Dude.

scotchnaut
SonOfSpam

Dude.

scotchnaut

Figured I’d just lean into it.

scotchnaut

Ok, I scrolled through and am surprised this hasn’t made a bow. (there are some tunes I can’t see because they won’t ‘load’ up here-anyone comes up here, I’ll get you loaded)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5FCcDEA6mY&ab_channel=NeilYoung-Topic

SonOfSpam

I just hope Neil Young will remember that a Southern Man don’t need him around anyhow.

Neil said he’s totally fine with that.

scotchnaut

It’s the ‘good’ kind of segregation that no one talks about.

scotchnaut

Obligatory Double Shot (I listened to the am radio music as a kid)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kbgjmmr5vw&ab_channel=centuryrox

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
scotchnaut
Dunstan